Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 31, 2022 21:58:41 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Feb 1, 2022 10:18:49 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 1, 2022 10:18:49 GMT -5
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.
The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task.
After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.
"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!
With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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ken a.k.a OMK
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Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Feb 1, 2022 10:23:31 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 1, 2022 11:28:55 GMT -5
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk." The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. A good amount of this joke was the basis for either a Twilight Zone, Outer Limits or other short story program. Found it. It was the Twilight Zone. The Howling Man
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 1, 2022 14:08:35 GMT -5
You have a good memory Tennesseer. I just did a search and found Twilight Zone on Tv. Set DVR for that episode and the one with Robert Redford! See what you did. Shame on you!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 3, 2022 16:26:09 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Feb 4, 2022 16:01:05 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 4, 2022 16:01:05 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 7, 2022 17:44:56 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Feb 8, 2022 0:24:38 GMT -5
That certainly says something! 😊
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 8, 2022 20:44:21 GMT -5
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Opti
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Feb 9, 2022 21:29:55 GMT -5
Post by Opti on Feb 9, 2022 21:29:55 GMT -5
My coworker thinks he’s funny, but he’s mostly just offensive. I don’t know how he hasn’t been fired up to this incident, as it isn’t even the most offensive interaction. A member of our upper management (originally from Austria) comes to our store. [Coworker] corners him in the break room. Coworker: “Hey, I heard you talking earlier. You’re German, right?” Manager: “Actually—” Coworker: “You have, like, hookers and s***, right? Titties in the windows?” He grabs his own chest and mimics being pressed against a window. Coworker: “Like Amsterdam.” *In a bad Rastafarian accent* “The ganja, Mon!” Manager: *Standing up* “We haven’t been introduced.” Coworker: “Oh, right on. I’m [Coworker]. You’re [Manager], right?” Manager: “Well, [Coworker], I hope you’ve enjoyed your time at [Company].” [Manager] walked away. [Coworker] stood there for a moment, waffling between confused and entertained. Two days later, his job was available. notalwaysright.com/
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 22, 2022 12:59:46 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Feb 22, 2022 18:27:05 GMT -5
Gross! Just the thought. EW!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Feb 25, 2022 1:50:26 GMT -5
TWO IRISH WOMEN IN A BAR
Two women were sitting next to each other in a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland ....' The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!' The first one says, 'So am I! And whereabouts in Ireland are ya from?' The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.' The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?' The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town..' The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?' The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course..' The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?'The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.' The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!' About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.' Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?' Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are pissed again'.
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Tennesseer
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Feb 25, 2022 11:09:54 GMT -5
Post by Tennesseer on Feb 25, 2022 11:09:54 GMT -5
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Feb 25, 2022 17:57:36 GMT -5
A clearly inebriated woman
Stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.
He made no attempt to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”
The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.”
The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, Sweetie, what are you doing then?”
He paused a moment, then told her…”Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, ‘Vair in DA hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride?”
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 2, 2022 10:01:39 GMT -5
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by.
The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and.... wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...
'Look Paddy.....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!'
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 4, 2022 1:40:18 GMT -5
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a bend approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the bend, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and.... wasn't drunk. Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other... 'Look Paddy.....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!' I totally did not see that coming! BWAHAHA 🤣
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 4, 2022 19:46:02 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 8, 2022 20:59:16 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 8, 2022 21:01:09 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 10, 2022 20:27:43 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Mar 10, 2022 20:43:53 GMT -5
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 10, 2022 20:43:53 GMT -5
Ha Ha 😁
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Mar 10, 2022 20:53:54 GMT -5
That had to smart.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 11, 2022 19:10:39 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Mar 12, 2022 4:00:47 GMT -5
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 12, 2022 4:00:47 GMT -5
Aren't they all wearing the same thing, which is not new, at all? I suppose they don't have to wear different, or new fashions, to participate in a show... 🤭
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 12, 2022 11:53:21 GMT -5
Aren't they all wearing the same thing, which is not new, at all? I suppose they don't have to wear different, or new fashions, to participate in a show... 🤭 This year's colors.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Mar 12, 2022 17:40:43 GMT -5
Aren't they all wearing the same thing, which is not new, at all? I suppose they don't have to wear different, or new fashions, to participate in a show... 🤭 This year's colors. Hahaha! Good answer! 🤣
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 13, 2022 11:15:24 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 14, 2022 10:21:34 GMT -5
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