tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 3, 2022 9:50:10 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 3, 2022 9:55:30 GMT -5
Did you know before they had Monkey bars..... Monkeys would just drink at home
My dog kept chasing people on a bike... It got so bad, I had to take his bike away
I farted in my wallet Now I have gas money
What happens when you run out of manure on a farm? You have to make doo
A man died when a pile of books fell on him. He had only his shelf to blame
I said to my wife while in the bedroom "Your underwear is too tight and revealing" She said "Wear your own then"
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said, "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair."
Husband: What do you want for Christmas Wife: A divorce Husband: I wasn't planning on spending that much
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 3, 2022 12:11:22 GMT -5
Did you know before they had Monkey bars..... Monkeys would just drink at home My dog kept chasing people on a bike... It got so bad, I had to take his bike away I farted in my wallet Now I have gas money What happens when you run out of manure on a farm? You have to make doo A man died when a pile of books fell on him. He had only his shelf to blame I said to my wife while in the bedroom "Your underwear is too tight and revealing" She said "Wear your own then" I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said, "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair." Husband: What do you want for Christmas Wife: A divorce Husband: I wasn't planning on spending that much Good ones all in a row!!
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 3, 2022 21:50:44 GMT -5
Did you know before they had Monkey bars..... Monkeys would just drink at home My dog kept chasing people on a bike... It got so bad, I had to take his bike away I farted in my wallet Now I have gas money What happens when you run out of manure on a farm? You have to make doo A man died when a pile of books fell on him. He had only his shelf to blame I said to my wife while in the bedroom "Your underwear is too tight and revealing" She said "Wear your own then" I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said, "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair." Husband: What do you want for Christmas Wife: A divorce Husband: I wasn't planning on spending that much Good ones all in a row!! Agreed! 🤣🤣🤣
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 6, 2022 16:58:36 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 7, 2022 0:31:00 GMT -5
Things that make you go Hmmm...
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 7, 2022 18:36:51 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 9, 2022 17:46:58 GMT -5
It's an oldie but still funny to me!!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 11, 2022 16:37:36 GMT -5
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl, both box seats.
He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St Christopher’s Church, in Baldwin at 3pm. Her name is Ashley, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too.....
She'll be the one in the white dress.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 14, 2022 21:23:51 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 16, 2022 18:57:30 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 16, 2022 21:32:22 GMT -5
Me.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 16, 2022 21:39:34 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 18, 2022 16:17:41 GMT -5
^ Reminds me of this one
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 18, 2022 16:35:14 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 18, 2022 18:29:16 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 19, 2022 10:34:31 GMT -5
Farmer Boudreaux’s cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gate and said, “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The Cajun cat thought for a minute and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”
God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Pearly Gate with the same offer that He made to Farmer Boudreaux’s cat.
The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to ever run again.”
God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the little Cajun cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
Boudreaux’s cat replied, “Oh, it is WONDERFUL! I have never ever been so happy! The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!”
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jan 19, 2022 16:53:46 GMT -5
Farmer Boudreaux’s cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gate and said, “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” The Cajun cat thought for a minute and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Pearly Gate with the same offer that He made to Farmer Boudreaux’s cat. The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to ever run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the little Cajun cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?” Boudreaux’s cat replied, “Oh, it is WONDERFUL! I have never ever been so happy! The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!” This made me laugh!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 19, 2022 18:25:50 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 20, 2022 13:37:27 GMT -5
Rats are just like people.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 20, 2022 13:40:09 GMT -5
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 20, 2022 13:43:24 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 30, 2022 4:39:34 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 30, 2022 4:40:36 GMT -5
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gambler
Well-Known Member
"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Jan 30, 2022 11:46:51 GMT -5
God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back
God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth. Religion poof All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America. He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift. Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.
Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so many people just ignored me standing there.
Man: don’t worry about it! That’s just what good people do.
After a few minutes driving the man leans over,
Man: Hey, I have this sandwich here, ya want some?
Jesus: wow, thank you sir, that’s so kind of you! I’d love some.
A few more minutes pass and the man leans over again,
Man: Hey I have a few beers in the cooler back there, want one?
Amazed by the man’s kindness Jesus replies,
Jesus: wow sure! I’d love one. Thank you again.
After a few more miles down the road the man looks around suspiciously and says,
Man: hey…I uh, have a little joint here. Want to take a few puffs with me?
Jesus pauses for a second and replies,
Jesus: ya know what, why not!
So the man and Jesus drive down the road smoking the fattest joint listening to music and having a good time. Finally, Jesus speaks up,
Jesus: okay listen! I can’t keep quiet any longer! You have been so kind, so nice, I want to tell you…I’m Jesus! God sent me down here to help the people and you’ve just been so kind. What can I do to repay you? Anything!
The man looks at Jesus with a grin on his face and says, “Good shit, huh?”
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NoNamePerson
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Jokes
Jan 30, 2022 12:15:33 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 30, 2022 12:15:33 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 31, 2022 13:49:41 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 31, 2022 13:50:34 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 31, 2022 13:51:29 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 31, 2022 19:15:51 GMT -5
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