tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Aug 17, 2019 6:00:52 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Aug 17, 2019 6:02:08 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Aug 17, 2019 10:12:16 GMT -5
Something for a lazy Saturday.. Find the Penguin!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 17, 2019 12:16:51 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 19, 2019 5:54:19 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Aug 19, 2019 7:32:56 GMT -5
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Aug 19, 2019 12:46:43 GMT -5
Penguins? I don't see no stinkin' penguins!
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tigerpause
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Jokes
Aug 19, 2019 19:05:28 GMT -5
Post by tigerpause on Aug 19, 2019 19:05:28 GMT -5
Penguins? I don't see no stinkin' penguins! LOL Well I was told they're all toucans but there is a penguin in there
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 20, 2019 6:11:00 GMT -5
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Aug 20, 2019 11:01:30 GMT -5
Penguins? I don't see no stinkin' penguins! LOL Well I was told they're all toucans but there is a penguin in there Well, now I had to tweak on the picture a bit more, since I was being a smart ass in my post above, LOL. I guess I'm used to toucans having colored beaks? I really thought they were all penguins in the picture above. I especially like the two leaning on each other in the lower-left quadrant...
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Aug 22, 2019 9:55:42 GMT -5
A husband and wife were driving through
Louisiana.
As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
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tigerpause
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Aug 27, 2019 16:50:11 GMT -5
Post by tigerpause on Aug 27, 2019 16:50:11 GMT -5
Find the puppy. It's easier than the penguin
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Iggy aka IG
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Aug 27, 2019 17:02:01 GMT -5
Post by Iggy aka IG on Aug 27, 2019 17:02:01 GMT -5
Found it!!
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NoNamePerson
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Aug 27, 2019 17:04:41 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Aug 27, 2019 17:04:41 GMT -5
Found it!! Did it look like a penguin! Sorry my evil twin stopped by this afternoon. She Iggy though!
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Aug 27, 2019 17:06:43 GMT -5
Found it!! Did it look like a penguin! Sorry my evil twin stopped by this afternoon. She Iggy though! NO! However, I am tweaking on the "toucan" picture above again so I can find that damn thing....
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 27, 2019 17:55:03 GMT -5
An older friend of mine entered the religious life right after high school. She knew she would have no problem with the vows of poverty and chastity. But within thirty days of living convent life she discovered there was going to be a really big problem with the vow of obedience. She flew out the door and back to the secular life. A firebrand ever since.
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Aug 29, 2019 11:55:49 GMT -5
Wedding shoes
Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder".
Charles yelled back: "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See! I told you with a face like that, she had to be a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen...,
"That's my boy! He served in the Navy: once a Rear Admiral, always a Rear Admiral!"...!!!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Aug 29, 2019 23:13:03 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 1, 2019 16:52:19 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Sept 1, 2019 22:17:03 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 3, 2019 6:57:02 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 5, 2019 17:30:04 GMT -5
Shootin' Chickens
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow!
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo,
"DEFROST THE CHICKEN"
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Sept 6, 2019 13:39:46 GMT -5
Fast bike
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10 speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.
He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn't gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car.
The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going to fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them.
Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.
A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.
He then relayed, "and your not going to believe this, but there's guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass".
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NoNamePerson
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Sept 6, 2019 14:16:26 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Sept 6, 2019 14:16:26 GMT -5
gambler that joke brings to mind the Beep Beep song
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Sept 7, 2019 10:12:00 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Sept 7, 2019 10:17:08 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Sept 7, 2019 10:19:30 GMT -5
Post by tigerpause on Sept 7, 2019 10:19:30 GMT -5
Did it look like a penguin! Sorry my evil twin stopped by this afternoon. She Iggy though! NO! However, I am tweaking on the "toucan" picture above again so I can find that damn thing.... Halfway down, right side
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Sept 7, 2019 10:34:15 GMT -5
Alabama Traffic Stop
Seems a Alabama man makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a policeman. Guy hands the lawman his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.
"Okay, Mr. Smith," the policeman says, "I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?"
"Yes, I am."
"Well then, better tell me what you got."
Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."
"Okay," the officer says. "Anything else?"
"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR-15 and a shotgun. That's about it."
"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?"
"Nope."
"Well then, what are you afraid of....?"
"Not one damn thing!"
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mroped
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Post by mroped on Sept 7, 2019 16:43:17 GMT -5
A scientist studying human longevity genes goes to a rabbi asking for help. His explanation is that after so many years of research he’s got nowhere close to finding a solution for eternal life. Now, in disappointment, he is willing to accept maybe some faith in the Creator in the hopes that there is a solution to his quest. The rabbi listens to him and the he replies shortly : Get married! The scientist confused now is asking : Is that the solution? If I get married will I live forever? No! the rabbi replies. But your wish to live forever will disappear if you get married!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 8, 2019 15:51:09 GMT -5
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