I am in deep, what do I do??

[Poppet]

Wis Beth,

Two words: Not Ready

[midjd]

She didn't delete her account, that's something... hope she comes back.

[mizbear]

momindebt- I hope you see this post.
My mom divorced when I was 14 after 16 years of marriage to an abusive husband. She lost everything. She had to give up her business, found out she owed tens of thousands in dollars of back taxes on the business because my father had taken the money, had no vehicle, had debts, and had to uproot my brother and I from a school we had transferred to that we were comfortable and doing well in and send us back to a school that I, at least was not comfortable in.
We moved in with my maternal grandparents, my mother had to file bankruptcy, her first car after we moved home was my aunt's 79 or 1980 Chevette 5 door- which she bought from my uncle for a $1- he had bought it for a $1- then she sold it to my cousin for $1 when she turned 16 (I was already moved out). She started out doing volunteer work because no one would hire her since she had to be off for court and court-ordered therapy appts. That volunteer work turned into a part-time state job, which turned into a contractual state job, which turned into a merit position- then she got promoted. She got her tax stuff paid up. It has not been easy for her. She is now retired due to health- but she got out of a bad situation and you can too.
When I divorced 7/8 years ago (I obviously don't miss him enough to keep track ), I was deep in debt. I had a house, a truck- that I loved, medical bills, credit card bills I had run up during a manic episode, credit card bills my ex ran up in my name- and then his girlfriend ran up another 1300 in charges in my name to the utility company. I had perfect credit when I bought that house. Could walk on any car lot and pick what I wanted. No more. Had the finance company come and get the truck, declared bankruptcy. The doctor put me out of work. I had a nervous breakdown. Now I am getting ready to finish my Medical Transcription and Editing Degree and start my own business. You can get out of this.
Again it's not easy. No one here is going to judge you- there is some tough love sometimes though.

[reeneejune]

momindebt - I hope you're still lurking around. I know that sometimes budget suggestions can sound harsh, especially when you're accustomed to a certain lifestyle. What no one mentioned before that's all important to the advice given on these boards is this: no one else is in your shoes. We can look at the numbers you posted and give you ideas of areas where you can cut. Sometimes we'll look at it and say it's just not going to work. But the thing is, none of us is judging you for where you are in your own life. Because we've each been in a financial position that embarrassed us before, and we all know how hard it is to reach out for help and advice. All of us giving you ideas don't have all of the details. Not because you've withheld information but because we don't live in your shoes.

An example: many have said that your grocery budget is too high and that should be a major cut for you. But there are lots of reasons that your grocery bill might be high that can't be addressed here. Maybe you or your child have special dietary needs. Perhaps you have a strict religious diet. Perhaps you have a deep commitment to local/organic foods. Perhaps you just haven't had time yet to adjust your budget numbers to just you and the child. All of those things are ok. Can you still save money on your food budget? Probably, but you're the only one who can answer that question and make that decision.

I can fully understand your desire to avoid bankruptcy at all costs. I myself have struggled back from a debt that many would have told me to file bankruptcy on. I went from making $600 per month (plus room and utilities provided by one of the families I worked for) to making about $2,000 a month now in the last two years. My first year with WIR I was homeless, for all intents and purposes (housing was provided through my jobs for the first 8 months, conditional on continued employment, then I couch surfed with family for 4 months while I got settled into my current job).

The thing that I most hope you'll take away from this is that while rock bottom is not a pretty place, it is possible to claw your way out under your own power. The WIR can be a great support system and an even better bullsh*t detector, if you let them. There are several sub groups with their own personalities, you just have to find the one that works best for you. For me, racing my debt wasn't the best place for me to be. I found my "home" here with the ladies in the controlled/no spend thread (who still haven't kicked me out even though I can rarely manage to keep track for a whole month). Maybe you'll find your support with the grocery hounds, or the savers, or the parents, or the racers.

I won't wish you luck, because luck has nothing to do with it. I won't wish you riches, because money doesn't solve the real problems. I wish you calmness in the eye of the storm, and the perseverance it takes to make a plan and act.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I won't wish you luck, because luck has nothing to do with it. I won't wish you riches, because money doesn't solve the real problems. I wish you calmness in the eye of the storm, and the perseverance it takes to make a plan and act.

I really like that. karma in 27 minutes when I regenerate.

[nasagreen]

I commend everyone who posted here because your comments were insightful, helpful, and full of care. Thanks everyone!

[jdnstl]

I won't wish you luck, because luck has nothing to do with it. I won't wish you riches, because money doesn't solve the real problems. I wish you calmness in the eye of the storm, and the perseverance it takes to make a plan and act.

i really like this too. i'll give you karma too when i regenerate.