The Joneses!

[Deleted]

Have you guys seen the movie :"The Joneses"?

Do you think the every day person spending is motivated by showing off or keeping with the Joneses?

I've heard thru my wife how evertime Mrs Obama and more rencently Princess Katherine wear something that is carried by a national brand (TJ Crew or something) it is guaranteed to be sold out within days afterwards.

But in this movie they are showing that it is not about being a stars, but the right family put in the right location can affect sales. The desire to keep up with your neighbor or be better than your neighbor till your drive yourself to brankrupcty (went as for as suicide in the movie when one the people found themselves up to the eyesball in debt).

Does it start since we are kids when you want the same toy because your best friend has it? The latest game/outfit because all the other kids at school has it?

Or is it personnality? My younger half brother is like my step brother, highly impressionable and always complain on how it's unfair if he doesn't get something while his friend/cousin has it.

While my half sister is more like my mom and me and couldn't care less about what her friends/cousins have. At 8, my mom is having the same problem with her that she had with me (and currently my wife is also complaining about): we never need/want anything for birthdays/holidays, etc. (This also was an argument between my mom and I because I feel like my sister is being handed the short end of the stick like I was when growing up just because we don't want/everything. Ex: my brother 9 got a PS3 for Christmas and PSP for his birthday last feb compared to a bratz doll that is still unopened last christmas since my mom could not figure out what to get her, and birthday party this month since again that is all she could think off to do for her since my sister did not want anything, but I'll admit she did enjoy her party.)

And no, I am not saying is bad, we all spend and it keeps the economy running. I am wondering if you were to go buy a pair of running shoes, would you spend more on it because x has the same compared to what you likes or could live with?

Is someone else taste/material possessions affecting your spending or the average person?

[SVT]

Watching the movie now. Just started.

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

I haven't even heard of the movie.

[cronewitch]

I think it is more not really planning and assuming you can afford what your siblings or coworkers or whoever have. If everyone you know buys new cars and eats out often you never stop to think if that should be in your budget.

You might not know what they earn or if they have debt and even if you make identical money they might not be saving for retirement because they didn't plan or they have pensions or expect inheritances.

Another thing is people might think you are cheap if you don't spend like they do. My brother and his wife spend like they have unlimited money. I am a bargain hunter and do without things so I can save. But they can afford it, he is retired and she has two days left to work and mom gives them 1,500 a month for room and board and they have 3 pensions between the two of them and own a business. It makes it feel wrong if I go to their house and eat with them and don't spend the same feeding them. I am smart enough not to spend what other people do but I will still buy them nice gifts when I want to. I am a single supporting a house and taking care of me where they are a couple and they probably have more than twice my income. Also she only budgets to age 90 where I budget to 110. She just bought an annuity what will run out at 90 says she doesn't care if she is broke in old age.

[swamp]

::I am wondering if you were to go buy a pair of running shoes, would you spend more on it because x has the same compared to what you likes or could live with?::

I probably cared when I was 13. Now, not so much. I get what works for me.

[Deleted]

I think competitiveness is a fundamental part of humanity.

[midjd]

I haven't seen the movie, either.

My mom did have kind of the same issue yours does with you and your sister... my brother always wanted the expensive Nikes, whatever video game system had just been released, nice clothes, the works. But my mom felt she had to make things "fair", so if he got something, my sister and I would also get something - even though there was nothing we really wanted, and my mom couldn't afford what she was buying my brother - let alone that x 3.

So now she's 53 with no retirement savings, my brother is 21 with $80K in SL debt (for a bachelor's), and my sister and I are probably going to be asked to help support them at some point...

[midjd]

I do admit to sometimes wondering how others can afford things... not really from a competition standpoint, just curiosity.

[Deleted]

I think sometimes seeing other people spend money on something makes it seem more acceptable. Not competition but just letting yourself do it. For example my playgroup is setting up a camping trip on the coast. I decided to rent a cabin at the campground because of DH's health issues, which costs a lot more than a tent site. Once I rented one everyone else who is coming did the same thing. I don't think they were trying to keep up with the Joneses, I just think they were embarrassed to get a cabin instead of a tent until someone else did it first.

[swamp]

Jun 20, 2011 8:45:17 GMT -5 midjd said:

I do admit to sometimes wondering how others can afford things... not really from a competition standpoint, just curiosity.

Me too.

[Deleted]

If you aren't keeping up with the Joneses, you are the Joneses

[msgumby]

I do often wonder how people can afford things (but also out of curiosity). I get a bit jealous when I see some of the amazing houses some of my husband's coworkers bought (much more pricey than what we bought). But I have to remember that if we prioritized differently, we could have bought more expensive things. We just wouldn't be able to save for retirement to the max, afford to have me take unpaid leave for a bit of time after our kid is born, save for kids college, etc... I never really envy the cars, tvs, toys, etc... because I either don't want it or we bought some version of it on sale. But we were at his coworkers house and his kitchen was huge, with an island and a pantry, and I was envious of that. I also don't know how much debt these people have, or how underwater their house is - and I just have to remind myself that we have made our choices and will be better off in the long run.

A thought on gifts - if the other kid doesn't want much in toys, maybe to make the spending fair have a gift of a savings bond or a contribution to a college fund. That's probably something a kid like that would really appreciate a few years down the line.

[BeenThere...DoneThat...]

...there's a tenth commandment because of just this sort of thing...

[luckyme]

Jun 20, 2011 1:30:40 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Do you think the every day person spending is motivated by showing off or keeping with the Joneses?

Well, I think for many it is a matter of "more is better".

And I would say most of the posters here believe that way.

When I posted about a friend whose DH wanted her to go back to work FT, and she didn't want to work any more hours while they have 3 kids still at home, most everyone here felt she was being selfish.

They actually live a really nice life, so the extra income was all about all the more "stuff" he could buy; the more is always better mentality.

[sheilaincali]

I have seen the movie and though some of it seemed a little far fetched ($ wise for the area I live in) I can see people in our city acting like that. When the main female character was out walking in her new jogging suit and the next day a bunch of ladies were wearing the same thing. That's how my town is.

If you have never been to the Midwest it can be an experience. Where I live it can be very cookie cutter. I don't go to the mall to shop but the movie theater is there. All around you is a sea of clones. Same hair, same outfits, same purses, etc.

[dancinmama]

Just remember that a lot of those people who you think are the Joneses are no better off and, in many cases, are worse off than you are.

I took a class in college where a segment of the curriculum focused on how Madison Avenue attempts to get you to part with your money by appealing to some emotion or insecurity within the human psyche to encourage people to buy the product being advertised. When I got into the real world and got a job, I never forgot that class. I tried to fine tune my consumer radar to avoid buying "stuff" based on emotions and became a value shopper.

[Deleted]

I don't want to get something because someone else has it, but sometimes someone else has something I like and I want to get my own.

[dancinmama]

There is a guy that lives in our court who thinks he's Mr. Jones and aspires for everyone to envy his lifestyle. I could tell within 15 minutes after meeting the guy and listening to him that he would not be anyone that we would form any kind of social relationship with as his lifestyle was just too rich for our blood: 3 luxury cars in the garage, a boat, a cabin in Lake Tahoe; hired help - a decorator, a gardener, a cleaning lady, a pool man, and a pet assistant. He would not be caught dead going to the end of the driveway to pick up his newspaper in off the rack clothes and their leisure time required a fat wallet.

When the economy was booming he used to conduct business calls (very loudly) from his cell phone on his driveway. I guess he wanted us all to know how important he was. He is a commercial door salesman (private business that employs 3 people) and probably made great money in the economic hay day, but our DS found out from his DS that things are slowly unraveling for them. Apparently Mr. Jones spent A LOT of money on appearances and not so much on building a financial safety net and now is in danger of losing everything.

So just remember, many times the Joneses are just a facade.

[dancinmama]

Jun 20, 2011 12:19:03 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

I don't want to get something because someone else has it, but sometimes someone else has something I like and I want to get my own.

I know what you mean. Sometimes someone else has something and you think, wow, that would be convenient or make life easier or more enjoyable or fun or whatever. Since I am a value shopper, I am not one to just run out and buy whatever. Many times in the process of researching the item and/or looking for the best price, I'll decide that I really don't want/need the item after all. If that hasn't happened by the time I finish my research AND I find the item for a great price, I'll go ahead and get it. Sometimes I just add it to my December shopping list since many, many things are deeply discounted around Christmas.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2011 12:19:03 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

I don't want to get something because someone else has it, but sometimes someone else has something I like and I want to get my own.

So it is not keeping up with the Jones if you actually like the stuff you are buying?

[midjd]

I've found the foreclosure listings in my hometown to be pretty eye-opening. I went to school with a girl whose dad was a cardiac surgeon... she got a Porsche Carerra for her 16th birthday, trips to Hawaii every year, designer clothes, etc. Her parents' house was sold at sheriff's sale about a month ago. There are at least 3 or 4 families who were thought to be among the wealthiest in town and have recently either declared bankruptcy or entered foreclosure.

My mom's boss (who is a WCP-esque real estate tycoon and used to pal around with aforementioned Jones') has said that they've lost several of them as friends... apparently they're embarrassed at their financial state and avoiding contact with the "old crowd". I suspect at least part of their financial troubles were the result of trying to keep up appearances as things were falling apart. Kind of sad.

[dancinmama]

Jun 20, 2011 12:47:55 GMT -5 ArchietheDragon said:

Jun 20, 2011 12:19:03 GMT -5 @justaposter said:

So it is not keeping up with the Jones if you actually like the stuff you are buying?

How many times have you (generic) spent money because someone close to you was and later felt that what you spent wasn't really worth the money to you? It could be going out to a pricier restaurant than you might normally choose, but don't want to admit that to the other person. It could be an item that you try on when shopping with a girlfriend who tells you how cute it looks on you and that you should definitely get it. It could be the latest and greatest golf club or fishing gear or whatever that your buddy has picked up. People get sucked into spending money all the time because of what someone else close to them has done.

Anytime you allow someone else to influence the way that you spend money that you really can't afford to spend or would not spend otherwise, whether it be a $5 latte or a more expensive purchase, a little bit of that KUWJes creeps in.

[dancinmama]

Jun 20, 2011 13:01:17 GMT -5 midjd said:

I've found the foreclosure listings in my hometown to be pretty eye-opening. I went to school with a girl whose dad was a cardiac surgeon... she got a Porsche Carerra for her 16th birthday, trips to Hawaii every year, designer clothes, etc. Her parents' house was sold at sheriff's sale about a month ago. There are at least 3 or 4 families who were thought to be among the wealthiest in town and have recently either declared bankruptcy or entered foreclosure.

midwestern: Very sad situation and I don't think it's very uncommon in these economic times. Keep in mind, however, that some people WERE extremely wealthy (on paper) until the recession raped the money that they had in investments. Also "friends" often network when it comes to investing. It could be that these families who were the wealthiest in town were all invested in the same thing that went south in the recession.

[zibazinski]

I have moved to an area that it seems the Jones's are alive and well and I do not fit in. In the south, nobody cared it seemed and I grew up feeling that way. No one cared what I wore, what I drove, or where I shopped, ate, vacationed. It seems they all do here and I don't fit in. Not sure I want to but then wonder how DF feels? Does he care or is he so wrapped up in himself that he doesn't even notice?

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"carried by a national brand (TJ Crew or something)":::...

This unintentionally funny comment made me chuckle. It definitely illustrates the difference between those who care about appearances, and those who are unconcerned.

[swamp]

Jun 20, 2011 15:07:50 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"carried by a national brand (TJ Crew or something)":::...

This unintentionally funny comment made me chuckle. It definitely illustrates the difference between those who care about appearances, and those who are unconcerned.

I saw that, lol.

However, I bet he knows exactly who Kate Spade is.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2011 15:09:46 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jun 20, 2011 15:07:50 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

...:::"carried by a national brand (TJ Crew or something)":::...

This unintentionally funny comment made me chuckle. It definitely illustrates the difference between those who care about appearances, and those who are unconcerned.

I saw that, lol.

However, I bet he knows exactly who Kate Spade is.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2011 11:57:12 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Same hair, same outfits, same purses, etc.

Sounds like a lot of the people in my cousin age group (18-21) lol!

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2011 15:33:35 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Jun 20, 2011 11:57:12 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

Same hair, same outfits, same purses, etc.

Sounds like a lot of the people in my cousin age group (18-21) lol!

Are you telling me there are 1-21 year olds out there that want to conform? Now I have heard it all.

[sil]

I have been feeling a bit more pressure from The Jones' lately. When we lived in a condo, we didnt have people over too often because parking is kind of a pain and we didn't have a backyard.

Now we live in a small single family home. We bought a decent 42" TV, and we have living/dining seating for 6 adults, and a small backyard. We do not have a big kitchen that you can hang out in, or a great room, nor do we have a pool, spa or BBQ pit. In short, our home is pretty basic.

We hosted Thanksgiving this year (we were able to seat another 6 people in the living area. So I didnt offer to host Christmas, but some of the relatives were discussing it and agreed my SIL should host because her home has so much room.

We wanted to have friends over to watch a fight, but no one could make it. But everyone went to a different house a few weeks later for another event. DS told me that it was because his friend has a bigger TV/better entertainment system.

And we were going to have people over for Memorial Day, but another friend asked if he could host instead (it was his birthday weekend) We decided that his home was a better idea because he has a pool and BBQ pit.

It's not like our friends and family look down on us or refuse to come over, but they certainly prefer going to homes with more space and more stuff. I know when our kids are a bit older, they will feel the same way. I dont want to spoil them, but I'd also prefer they spend equal time with their friends at our home so I can know the kids they hang out with.