Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Feb 20, 2019 16:05:50 GMT -5
Hello, A question for you all. Do you mind when other people tell your kids what to do. I am not talking about big things, although I would guess that we would define big things in different ways. What started this conversation with DH is we had some friends over, YDD was eating a chocolate chip granola bar on the couch for dessert and left the wrapper on the couch. One of our guest reminder her to throw it away. This bugged DH. It isn't that DH and I wouldn't have reminded her, we were just cleaning the kitchen from dinner at the time, and the guest saw it first. This apparently bugged DH or I (I don't want to say who is on what side right now) and lead to the conversation this morning that it annoys one of us when anyone else tells the girls what to do. That others should not tell our girls what to do. The other one sees this not as a big deal. Thoughts and ideas? Edit to add- I say not big things because we are in agreement that on big things it is up to us and no one else to tell our daughters what to do. Hmmm...I definitely think it depends on tone and situation. I probably wouldn't have been upset with the wrapper on the couch thing. Here are some other examples. We were sitting in the yard with MIL, DH, SIL, and a few cousins. DD#2 was reading a book. I asked DD to do something. She did not jump up immediately. MIL chastised her for not getting up immediately. I was annoyed in my head and calmly said, "Oh, she's finishing the paragraph." Now, DD may not have heard me because she was engrossed. She may have been finishing the paragraph or the chapter. I was going to give her another minute before I asked her if she heard me. DD#2 is not a child who moves quickly. Ever. This has been a life-long challenge, and there are times when we demand that she move more quickly. I didn't appreciate MIL telling her that, but MIL is cranky in general. If she'd elongated the response or if she'd gotten nasty about it, I'd have been in her face.
However, I've told every school secretary and teacher that my children have been with that if my children are not using manners, I want them corrected. If my child doesn't say please or thank you or phrases something incorrectly, I want the trusted adults in their life to help with that guidance. Now, I don't another adult belittling or yelling at my kid, but I do think nicely correcting my kid's manners in the school setting is appropriate.
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financialpeace
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Post by financialpeace on Feb 20, 2019 18:01:02 GMT -5
Has anyone dealt with diastasis recti? I'm considering Mutu system, Tupler, or physical therapy. Would love some unbiased experience. I definitely had it after the twins were born. I got mutu a couple years ago (so a couple years post pregnancy). I never completed the full program, but I've done it off and on since I got it. The longest I was consistent with it was a few weeks, but there was definite improvement during that time. I was going to restart it last month as part of my new years exercise goals, but when I did the finger test, I don't seem to have diastasis recti anymore. Not sure if I did enough randomly with the program or if it naturally healed itself over time. The mutu exercises were easy and not too time-consuming, so I really liked that aspect of it. I'm just not great at sticking with any sort of exercise program.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2019 19:32:23 GMT -5
Hmmm.... I wouldn't have liked random people trying to tell my children what to do, but family, I never thought twice about it. It's never occurred to me that some people might have an issue with it. The only young children we have in our family at the moment are my grandchildren though, and I tell them what to do all the time lol.
What I don't do is treat them like servants. I have a family member that has done children like that my whole life, including me when I was a child. Bring me this, take that over there, do this, do that. It use to drive me nuts when I was a child and I swore I wouldn't do that to any child when I grew up. Another promise I made to myself was that I would be polite to children, like I am to adults. I didn't like it when people seemed to think it was ok to be rude to me for no reason, just because I was a child. It's funny, the odd things that stick with you from childhood.
My BF's niece is 4 or 5yo, I don't tell her what to do, and I wouldn't unless it was something for her own safety or something like that.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 20, 2019 20:12:18 GMT -5
Re other people telling my kids what to do, it very much depends on my relationship to that person. Their house, my house, whatever. If you bug me, it's gonna bug me that you do this. If you don't bug me then it's fine.
The only exception is if ive essentially placed them in loco parentis, i.e., I've gone to the bathroom or something and there's another adult around. Then that adult can tell the kids to stand on one leg and bark as far as I'm concerned, because I've entrusted them with everyone's wellbeing.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Feb 20, 2019 20:52:01 GMT -5
Re other people telling my kids what to do, it very much depends on my relationship to that person. Their house, my house, whatever. If you bug me, it's gonna bug me that you do this. If you don't bug me then it's fine. The only exception is if ive essentially placed them in loco parentis, i.e., I've gone to the bathroom or something and there's another adult around. Then that adult can tell the kids to stand on one leg and bark as far as I'm concerned, because I've entrusted them with everyone's wellbeing. I’m disappointed that DD is in bed, because I desperately want to tell her to stand on one leg and bark. Tomorrow...
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 20, 2019 21:50:43 GMT -5
Re other people telling my kids what to do, it very much depends on my relationship to that person. Their house, my house, whatever. If you bug me, it's gonna bug me that you do this. If you don't bug me then it's fine. The only exception is if ive essentially placed them in loco parentis, i.e., I've gone to the bathroom or something and there's another adult around. Then that adult can tell the kids to stand on one leg and bark as far as I'm concerned, because I've entrusted them with everyone's wellbeing. I’m disappointed that DD is in bed, because I desperately want to tell her to stand on one leg and bark. Tomorrow... Shamelessly stolen from Coming to America, compliments of Pants.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Feb 21, 2019 5:37:32 GMT -5
LOL to Pants and Chapeau!
I just asked Gizmo, the wonder pup, to stand on two legs and bark - he looked at me funny, laid down, curled up in a ball and then barked once - does that count?
ROFLMWBO!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 22, 2019 10:10:29 GMT -5
I’m disappointed that DD is in bed, because I desperately want to tell her to stand on one leg and bark. Tomorrow... Shamelessly stolen from Coming to America, compliments of Pants. "whatever you like...."
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 22, 2019 16:17:13 GMT -5
Hello, A question for you all. Do you mind when other people tell your kids what to do. I am not talking about big things, although I would guess that we would define big things in different ways. What started this conversation with DH is we had some friends over, YDD was eating a chocolate chip granola bar on the couch for dessert and left the wrapper on the couch. One of our guest reminder her to throw it away. This bugged DH. It isn't that DH and I wouldn't have reminded her, we were just cleaning the kitchen from dinner at the time, and the guest saw it first. This apparently bugged DH or I (I don't want to say who is on what side right now) and lead to the conversation this morning that it annoys one of us when anyone else tells the girls what to do. That others should not tell our girls what to do. The other one sees this not as a big deal. Thoughts and ideas? Edit to add- I say not big things because we are in agreement that on big things it is up to us and no one else to tell our daughters what to do. Hmmm...I definitely think it depends on tone and situation. I probably wouldn't have been upset with the wrapper on the couch thing. Here are some other examples. We were sitting in the yard with MIL, DH, SIL, and a few cousins. DD#2 was reading a book. I asked DD to do something. She did not jump up immediately. MIL chastised her for not getting up immediately. I was annoyed in my head and calmly said, "Oh, she's finishing the paragraph." Now, DD may not have heard me because she was engrossed. She may have been finishing the paragraph or the chapter. I was going to give her another minute before I asked her if she heard me. DD#2 is not a child who moves quickly. Ever. This has been a life-long challenge, and there are times when we demand that she move more quickly. I didn't appreciate MIL telling her that, but MIL is cranky in general. If she'd elongated the response or if she'd gotten nasty about it, I'd have been in her face.
However, I've told every school secretary and teacher that my children have been with that if my children are not using manners, I want them corrected. If my child doesn't say please or thank you or phrases something incorrectly, I want the trusted adults in their life to help with that guidance. Now, I don't another adult belittling or yelling at my kid, but I do think nicely correcting my kid's manners in the school setting is appropriate. OT but when I am reading anything at all you have to physically touch me or yell my name to get my attention. I can read with tv, radio and people talking at the same time and I don't hear a thing. Now not sure this is going to make you feel better but I was like this as a child too and it hasn't changed.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 22, 2019 17:06:31 GMT -5
Not sure if it is a sign we should be more affectionate towards each other around my daughter or she is picking on vibes that we are more affectionate towards her than we are each other... either way.
This is not the first time that it happens like this morning. We greet each other (DD and I )usually with: - a fist bump - followed by a high five - then a hug/kiss.
So this morning when I saw this morning I kissed her in the forehead and kissed her toes /feet and said stinky feet (also part of our ritual) and went to the closer to get a shirt.
She called me over and gave me a first bump but then asked me to fist bump her mom, high five then asked me to high five her mom, hug/kiss and asked me to hug kiss her mom.
And this is not the first time and she has done it to her mom too... she will kiss me goodnight or goodbye and say “mama kiss dada” and go grab her mom so her mom can come over and kiss me too and she will stand here and wait/watch till it is done.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 22, 2019 17:17:36 GMT -5
No strep. Just a virus, so I've only spread regular kid germs across town. Just kidding. It is strep. I made him go to school the last couple days too.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 22, 2019 18:08:01 GMT -5
No strep. Just a virus, so I've only spread regular kid germs across town. Just kidding. It is strep. I made him go to school the last couple days too. You’re not the only mom who has done that. I did that the last time DD had strep (right before Christmas last year). I took her the morning before and the rapid test was negative while they still sent out the other test. That test came back positive and I got the call the next day in the afternoon. My mom picked up DD really early to lessen the chance of spreading to the kids in daycare.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 22, 2019 21:36:45 GMT -5
Hmmm...I definitely think it depends on tone and situation. I probably wouldn't have been upset with the wrapper on the couch thing. Here are some other examples. We were sitting in the yard with MIL, DH, SIL, and a few cousins. DD#2 was reading a book. I asked DD to do something. She did not jump up immediately. MIL chastised her for not getting up immediately. I was annoyed in my head and calmly said, "Oh, she's finishing the paragraph." Now, DD may not have heard me because she was engrossed. She may have been finishing the paragraph or the chapter. I was going to give her another minute before I asked her if she heard me. DD#2 is not a child who moves quickly. Ever. This has been a life-long challenge, and there are times when we demand that she move more quickly. I didn't appreciate MIL telling her that, but MIL is cranky in general. If she'd elongated the response or if she'd gotten nasty about it, I'd have been in her face.
However, I've told every school secretary and teacher that my children have been with that if my children are not using manners, I want them corrected. If my child doesn't say please or thank you or phrases something incorrectly, I want the trusted adults in their life to help with that guidance. Now, I don't another adult belittling or yelling at my kid, but I do think nicely correcting my kid's manners in the school setting is appropriate. OT but when I am reading anything at all you have to physically touch me or yell my name to get my attention. I can read with tv, radio and people talking at the same time and I don't hear a thing. Now not sure this is going to make you feel better but I was like this as a child too and it hasn't changed. Nothing gets thru if I'm engrossed in a book. You have to wave your hand in my face which will get my attention because you're blocking the page and pissing me off. 😝
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Feb 23, 2019 9:51:54 GMT -5
We are more affectionate toward the kids than each other, but the kids never ask that we hug or kiss each other. On the contrary, they hate it and try to squeeze in between us! Hahaha - they want all the attention for themselves!
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 23, 2019 10:22:33 GMT -5
I need to go to the store. Besides that I just got tickets for the 1:00 showing of How to Train your Dragon. DH is going with, so I may just do shopping after that. I would like to get ice cream with the girls too. We will see how long DH and ODD can hang with a town trip.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Feb 23, 2019 10:27:20 GMT -5
I am a pretty affectionate person, with people I am close to, besides that I don't even like handshakes. Pretty much if I invite you in my house, I will hug you but other then that I will wave from afar.
I wouldn't worry about it Carl.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 24, 2019 20:07:05 GMT -5
I was talking to another parent today (he is around my age - 36); his youngest daughter is about my daughter’s age (how we became friends) and his oldest is in 6th grade (he has 3 girls).
Anyway we were discussing activities for our daughters; he was also planning to sign up his youngest for gymnastics but like us by the time his wife got to it they were already booked. I told him it was the same for us, we are on a wait list for 1 and I plan on taking July 8th off to sign up my daughter for ballet and putting a deposit down for the whole year to not lose my spot...
For some reason or another I mention how I don’t mind as a parent keeping her busy at least I don’t have to worry about boys... he busted out laughing. He said you wish; and he told me how last week a little boy called his oldest daughter phone at 11 PM (they take her phone away at 7:30 PM).
And that was not it; the little boy had the nerve to ask him who he was and why he was answering his own daughter phone. Remember this girl is in 6th grade...
I am NOT and I tell you I AM NOT ready for no little boys to be calling my daughters phone or my house phone at 11 PM in 6th grade.
Why you calling? What do you need? It is a school night, aren’t you past your bedtime? Who are your parents? Matter of fact can I talk to your parents? All questions I would be asking...
6th grade? You better chill son!
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 25, 2019 9:51:46 GMT -5
I’m heading to NYC today for an overnight, and sad to be leaving my sweet girl, who I think I has croup. Or if not that, a serious cold with a big cough going on. And also, DH is crazy busy at work, so fingers crossed she doesn’t run a fever and have to stay home as it’s all him (normally, we split days so someone gets the morning and the other the afternoon, based on who has what going on).
Vent ahead - PDQ this part.
The flip side is if he does have to stay home with her, maybe it’ll be the impetus he needs to finally speak up at work. We work for the same company in similar roles, though I’m a team leader as well as a PM/engineer/QC person, and he doesn’t have the team leader component. He doesn’t have enough designers/junior engineers for his projects, and the ones he does have are slow and not always up-to-speed on what they should know. To the point that DH has gone in and worked past midnight after the kids are in bed (a couple of times until 2 or 4am) at least weekly since about the turn of the year because his designers aren’t getting their stuff done. He’s not going in to QC or PM - he’s actually designing for them, and none of them are putting in the extra time. DH has told his person who is at my level for his time, but that guy doesn’t care as long as it doesn’t impact him directly. And DH isn’t enough or a squeaky wheel to impact that guy. I’ve encouraged DH to reach out to the two owners on his team (shareholders are the level above me, and each team has at least one owner overseeing the team) and explain his concerns and frustrations, but DH is the type of person who thinks they should just notice that he’s overworked and understaffed. Not going to happen, honey - there are 50-ish people on your team, so speak up. His direct boss maybe has 10 people he is directly overseeing, but he’s a douche and self-centered, so that’s also not going to happen. Normally, I try not to interfere/offer much advice to DH unless asked, but it’s starting to carry over into home life with him being short and grumpy with the kids and me, especially after he’s worked a late night and not gotten enough sleep.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Feb 25, 2019 10:22:12 GMT -5
There’s a new person at work that’s pregnant. She’s been there since the end of January. She’s due in July. I was supposed to be due in early July. Life isn’t fair!
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Feb 25, 2019 10:22:44 GMT -5
I was talking to another parent today (he is around my age - 36); his youngest daughter is about my daughter’s age (how we became friends) and his oldest is in 6th grade (he has 3 girls). Anyway we were discussing activities for our daughters; he was also planning to sign up his youngest for gymnastics but like us by the time his wife got to it they were already booked. I told him it was the same for us, we are on a wait list for 1 and I plan on taking July 8th off to sign up my daughter for ballet and putting a deposit down for the whole year to not lose my spot... For some reason or another I mention how I don’t mind as a parent keeping her busy at least I don’t have to worry about boys... he busted out laughing. He said you wish; and he told me how last week a little boy called his oldest daughter phone at 11 PM (they take her phone away at 7:30 PM). And that was not it; the little boy had the nerve to ask him who he was and why he was answering his own daughter phone. Remember this girl is in 6th grade... I am NOT and I tell you I AM NOT ready for no little boys to be calling my daughters phone or my house phone at 11 PM in 6th grade. Why you calling? What do you need? It is a school night, aren’t you past your bedtime? Who are your parents? Matter of fact can I talk to your parents? All questions I would be asking... 6th grade? You better chill son! My thoughts on the call, either girl had no interest so didn't bother to warn him not to call after a certain time, or she's been sneaking her phone after parents go to bed.
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Feb 25, 2019 10:23:28 GMT -5
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Feb 25, 2019 10:29:01 GMT -5
Hugs, taz.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Feb 25, 2019 11:07:24 GMT -5
I was talking to another parent today (he is around my age - 36); his youngest daughter is about my daughter’s age (how we became friends) and his oldest is in 6th grade (he has 3 girls). Anyway we were discussing activities for our daughters; he was also planning to sign up his youngest for gymnastics but like us by the time his wife got to it they were already booked. I told him it was the same for us, we are on a wait list for 1 and I plan on taking July 8th off to sign up my daughter for ballet and putting a deposit down for the whole year to not lose my spot... For some reason or another I mention how I don’t mind as a parent keeping her busy at least I don’t have to worry about boys... he busted out laughing. He said you wish; and he told me how last week a little boy called his oldest daughter phone at 11 PM (they take her phone away at 7:30 PM). And that was not it; the little boy had the nerve to ask him who he was and why he was answering his own daughter phone. Remember this girl is in 6th grade... I am NOT and I tell you I AM NOT ready for no little boys to be calling my daughters phone or my house phone at 11 PM in 6th grade. Why you calling? What do you need? It is a school night, aren’t you past your bedtime? Who are your parents? Matter of fact can I talk to your parents? All questions I would be asking... 6th grade? You better chill son! My thoughts on the call, either girl had no interest so didn't bother to warn him not to call after a certain time, or she's been sneaking her phone after parents go to bed. She is in 6th grade, she is 12... she is not old enough to be interest in ANYTHING.... And don’t know 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 25, 2019 11:12:57 GMT -5
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Feb 25, 2019 11:57:31 GMT -5
Hugs Taz.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 25, 2019 12:08:24 GMT -5
Oh Taz. I'm so sorry. Massive hugs and back rubs for you.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Feb 25, 2019 12:20:29 GMT -5
My thoughts on the call, either girl had no interest so didn't bother to warn him not to call after a certain time, or she's been sneaking her phone after parents go to bed. She is in 6th grade, she is 12... she is not old enough to be interest in ANYTHING.... And don’t know 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️ Erm... Ok. You keep on with that.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 25, 2019 12:29:08 GMT -5
My thoughts on the call, either girl had no interest so didn't bother to warn him not to call after a certain time, or she's been sneaking her phone after parents go to bed. She is in 6th grade, she is 12... she is not old enough to be interest in ANYTHING.... And don’t know 🤷🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️ Sweetie, you are in for a rude awakening.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 25, 2019 12:36:39 GMT -5
I was interested in boys at 12 and this was in the dark ages. We didn't have our own phones, so we didn't have that problem. We had some "couples" when I was that age in my class. This would have been before you were born, Carl, in the early 1960's. Maybe kids age 12 are no longer interested in the opposite sex or have raging hormones.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 25, 2019 13:20:51 GMT -5
I was interested in boys at 12 and this was in the dark ages. We didn't have our own phones, so we didn't have that problem. We had some "couples" when I was that age in my class. This would have been before you were born, Carl, in the early 1960's. Maybe kids age 12 are no longer interested in the opposite sex or have raging hormones. yeah, and they don't send nude selfies and dick pics.
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