The mother of all budgets

[Bob Ross]

Net income: 10k

Expenses:
-Booze: 5k
-Hookers: 5k
-Down-by-the-river-van-livin': negligable.

So how am I doing?

[Deleted]

Poorly. I'm not seeing a healthcare line from the aftereffects of the booze and the hookers.

[Opti]

OK, do you hire out to parents to straighten up their kids? (Think Saturday Night Live)

[Bob Ross]

May 5, 2011 15:39:49 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

Poorly. I'm not seeing a healthcare line from the aftereffects of the booze and the hookers.

The booze and hookers make health care (and retirement funds) unnecessary.

Current plan is to dissolve into a pool of goo by age 40.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I think you need to cut 10% out of the budget to be put into a hooker and booze rainy day fund. After all, you wouldn't want to give up either in between jobs or something would you?

[stats45]

If you invested only 20% of your booze and hookers into a tax-advantaged account, you could have over 3.6 million boozed-up hookers at 67.

[Sum Dum Gai]

He won't live til 67 to enjoy them, so what's the point?

[Bob Ross]

May 5, 2011 15:45:11 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I think you need to cut 10% out of the budget to be put into a hooker and booze rainy day fund. After all, you wouldn't want to give up either in between jobs or something would you?

Sounds like a plan, but I'm thinking I'd rather get a really bitchin' disco ball for my van.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You need to move the van, you can't afford riverfront property on that salary. Think of how much more you could spend on booze and hookers if you lived underneath the bridge?

[Deleted]

But really you are being foolish - WCP would tell you that you need to open your own strip club, that way you could have an independent stream of income that provided for your needs.

[Sum Dum Gai]

Sounds like a plan, but I'm thinking I'd rather get a really bitchin' disco ball for my van.

Oh... I assumed you'd already have one. Slacker.

[Bob Ross]

May 5, 2011 15:49:57 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You need to move the van, you can't afford riverfront property on that salary. Think of how much more you could spend on booze and hookers if you lived underneath the bridge?

The van doesn't move ATM. Maybe I could hook up a team of hookers, fueled by booze, and get them to move it?

[stats45]

Life expectancy for everyone is increasing. If people have to put '105' in their retirement calculators, executive drifters should at least count on living into their 60's. Maybe I'd start withdrawing at 59 1/2...

[Deleted]

I'm also not seeing a line for cigars.

[Sum Dum Gai]

If people have to put '105' in their retirement calculators, executive drifters should at least count on living into their 60's.

Not if they're drinking 5k worth of booze a month.

[Bob Ross]

May 5, 2011 15:50:22 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

WCP would tell you that you need to open your own strip club, that way you could have an independent stream of income that provided for your needs.

I don't have enough ties to organized crime in order to accomplish that.

May 5, 2011 15:52:35 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I'm also not seeing a line for cigars.

That's cuz smoking is bad for your health.

[stats45]

But what's the point of being on YM Dark if you aren't so risk-averse that it borders on paranoia?

[AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP]

You are either not having enough sex, or you're using the wrong kind of hookers. I'd up that by $1,000 a day.

[Sum Dum Gai]

But what's the point of being on YM Dark if you aren't so risk-averse that it borders on paranoia?

Touche!

[dianartemis]

May 5, 2011 15:37:49 GMT -5 Bob Ross said:

Net income: 10k

Expenses:
-Booze: 5k
-Hookers: 5k
-Down-by-the-river-van-livin': negligable.

So how am I doing?

You forgot the little blue pill. That much booze, you'll need the help.

[Deleted]

You forgot the little blue pill. That much booze, you'll need the help.

With all the things missing from this budget he must be spending more than he earns. The only solution is cheaper booze and women since he refuses to network to get the criminal connections he needs to open his own strip joint.

[Sum Dum Gai]

The only solution is cheaper booze and women since he refuses to network to get the criminal connections he needs to open his own strip joint.

I don't mean to mean, but we're talking about women who are willing to sleep with Bob in his van down by the river. A van that doesn't even have a freaking disco ball. I'm not sure you can get any cheaper than that. Just sayin.

[Bob Ross]

May 5, 2011 16:04:38 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

I don't mean to mean, but we're talking about women who are willing to sleep with Bob in his van down by the river. A van that doesn't even have a freaking disco ball. I'm not sure you can get any cheaper than that. Just sayin.

In my defense, it does have an 8 track with Asia's Greatest Hits, and Yosemite Sam mud flaps. Never underestimate the power of the mud flaps.

[debtheaven]

After reading all this I'm hesitating whether to advise starting a small retirement fund just in case you make it to 45, or telling you to save on the r*ubbers since you probably won't even make it to 40.

Hmmm ... decisions, decisions!

ETA: An eight-track?! Sheesh man, where is your savings so you can at least invest (yes, invest!) in a ghetto-blaster?!

[jarhead1976]

Bob just 20% less on booze gets you an extra hooker.

[dianartemis]

May 5, 2011 16:28:15 GMT -5 @jarhead1976 said:

Bob just 20% less on booze gets you an extra hooker.

And saves you $$ on the little blue pills. You'll be able to get another hooker.

[Sum Dum Gai]

or telling you to save on the r*ubbers since you probably won't even make it to 40.

Oh man, good catch. Bob, please tell me you aren't bare backing these bit... ladies!

[Bob Ross]

May 5, 2011 16:44:47 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

or telling you to save on the r*ubbers since you probably won't even make it to 40.

Oh man, good catch. Bob, please tell me you aren't bare backing these bit... ladies!

I'll have you know I wash my rubber (note: singular) better than any ziplock baggie, so nya!

[Sum Dum Gai]

Whew, you sacred me there for a minute. It looks good to me, other than the rainy day fund. Keep on keeping on brother.

[Apple]

No line for blow? I thought you always had to do hookers and blow. Is the blow grouped in with the amount for hookers since they're inseparable?