Being a nice person is not the same as being kind.

[Tennesseer]

Nov 20, 2023 8:58:34 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Nov 20, 2023 8:27:11 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

toomuchreality - It never dawned on me to consider my safety.  Subconsciously, I might have.  But with all that traffic around us two, a sane person would probably not strike out at someone who was trying to help him.

That’s the problem. Sane? Might well not be sane

In my case, the guy was slow to move. He was easy to read. He was homeless and in need of a job and employment. In his condition, he would never have either.

[giramomma]

So, I tried to do something kind, and the person wasn't even nice.

On a yarn group I belong to, I noticed someone gave up being the organizer of a group that collects single hand made socks and gives them to folks that only need one sock.

So, I talked to DH and I reached out saying that I would be happy to take over. Can I please have like 30 minutes to talk about it.

I mean. In normal activities, when there's a hand off in leadership, there's some discussion.

The previous organizer decided because I don't post much on the online yarn group, that she would have to invest too much time to "teach" me, and therefore rejected my offer.

I know how to use the stinkin' group. I just don't post much without a purpose because I'm just not that kind of person. I communicate when I need to, what I need to. Not everyone needs to know or cares that I had pancakes for breakfast but ran out of syrup.

So. I tried to do something kind. I even was nice when I reached out.

Making snap judgements about someone you've never talked to (based on internet history) is not nice.

It also means that they were not kind about organizing the group or even nice. A kind person would have been interested in working with me for 30 minutes so their legacy could go on. Only a selfish person says "I can't trust you will do it 100% like I did, so if I can't do it, no one can." And fwiw, this person posted asking for a new moderator replacement.

[Tennesseer]

Nov 20, 2023 9:20:03 GMT -5 giramomma said:

So, I tried to do something kind, and the person wasn't even nice.

On a yarn group I belong to, I noticed someone gave up being the organizer of a group that collects single hand made socks and gives them to folks that only need one sock.

So, I talked to DH and I reached out saying that I would be happy to take over. Can I please have like 30 minutes to talk about it.

I mean. In normal activities, when there's a hand off in leadership, there's some discussion.

The previous organizer decided because I don't post much on the online yarn group, that she would have to invest too much time to "teach" me, and therefore rejected my offer.

I know how to use the stinkin' group. I just don't post much without a purpose because I'm just not that kind of person. I communicate when I need to, what I need to. Not everyone needs to know or cares that I had pancakes for breakfast but ran out of syrup.

So. I tried to do something kind. I even was nice when I reached out.

Making snap judgements about someone you've never talked to (based on internet history) is not nice.

It also means that they were not kind about organizing the group or even nice. A kind person would have been interested in working with me for 30 minutes so their legacy could go on. Only a selfish person says "I can't trust you will do it 100% like I did, so if I can't do it, no one can." And fwiw, this person posted asking for a new moderator replacement.

True.

Maybe start a competing group?

[nidena]

Nov 20, 2023 9:20:03 GMT -5 giramomma said:

So, I tried to do something kind, and the person wasn't even nice.

On a yarn group I belong to, I noticed someone gave up being the organizer of a group that collects single hand made socks and gives them to folks that only need one sock.

So, I talked to DH and I reached out saying that I would be happy to take over. Can I please have like 30 minutes to talk about it.

I mean. In normal activities, when there's a hand off in leadership, there's some discussion.

The previous organizer decided because I don't post much on the online yarn group, that she would have to invest too much time to "teach" me, and therefore rejected my offer.

I know how to use the stinkin' group. I just don't post much without a purpose because I'm just not that kind of person. I communicate when I need to, what I need to. Not everyone needs to know or cares that I had pancakes for breakfast but ran out of syrup.

So. I tried to do something kind. I even was nice when I reached out.

Making snap judgements about someone you've never talked to (based on internet history) is not nice.

It also means that they were not kind about organizing the group or even nice. A kind person would have been interested in working with me for 30 minutes so their legacy could go on. Only a selfish person says "I can't trust you will do it 100% like I did, so if I can't do it, no one can." And fwiw, this person posted asking for a new moderator replacement.

I used to admin a location-specific yard sale group.  When I handed over the reins, I left the group because I didn't want to see it being run differently than when I was the lead admin.  Mainly because I hate "clutter" within these kinds of groups and I always make a point to clean up old posts.  I think I'm the only person who does that within a group that is run by admins.  Most just let the pics and posts accumulate into the abyss.
Maybe they're like that, too?  In any case, it seems silly to ask for assistance and then tell you "no" if you've been part of the group for a bit.  I currently admin a group that has more than 6000 members.  Less than 5% are actually active in the group.  Most just lurk.  But I know many are paying attention because their "first posts" adhere to the posting rules and their comments, when they happen, mimic the tone and style of others so...

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 15, 2023 11:59:35 GMT -5 daisylu said:

There is huge difference between the two. I believe that I am kind, but I am not nice. Others may think differently. To me "nice" is fake and expects something in return.

I will admit that I am "kind" until someone gives a reason to not be.

I've been contemplating this for a few days. (I love to debate words--their detonation and connotation.) 

I want to add the word polite to this discussion. 

For me, 
polite=having manners, behaving within the societal norms
nice=showing a "happy face", using a pleasant tone
kind=actively demonstrating concern and trying to help someone

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 15, 2023 11:37:35 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

This thread reminds me of the time my brother had to explain to his young son what the difference between people being "friendly" and a true "friend".

The son had been burned by people who were "friendly", when he thought they were his "friends".

oh, yes, another good example!
nice = friendly

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 16, 2023 10:54:37 GMT -5 Tiny said:

The thing about "nice" is that being polite often entails being "nice". It's part of our social contract with each other. Being nice can be neutral. Which might be what the situation calls for.

I don't think I differentiate those words in that way. 
To me, polite is neutral. 
Nice is above polite but not necessarily as involved as kind. 

[Bonny]

Nov 20, 2023 8:27:11 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

toomuchreality - It never dawned on me to consider my safety.  Subconsciously, I might have.  But with all that traffic around us two, a sane person would probably not strike out at someone who was trying to help him.

And this is where I'll play the girl card. Early on most girls have to learn about personal safety around strangers especially men. It's not fair but a practical reality.

You were very kind Tennesseer. I probably would have done something more akin to toomuchreality.

[TheOtherMe]

The man I was speaking of was a Bosnian refugee.  He says he does this as a way to pay back the people who helped him when he arrived here with very little.  

He is a very successful photographer now.  

[Spellbound454]

Nice is a pretty vague word ...... It doesn't mean anything, other than something is marginally pleasing.

I always say to the kids when they are attempting to evaluate things ..... don't write "its nice".......... be specific.

What exactly is it that you are finding pleasant?

Being kind is a different thing altogether.

I have often admired people who breeze through life being kind and expecting nothing in return.
Sometimes they don't even know they are doing it, its the way they have been raised.