HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Dec 30, 2010 9:29:21 GMT -5
I have one of those in my life... it's my mom. Now, most people say, "Oh, moms, they love to spoil their kids... just accept it." It's not really like that. My mom is really addicted to shopping and uses my sibling and I as an excuse to go shopping and buy us lots of stuff. We are not starving college students - we are both well over the age of 30 and both have 95%+ bracket household incomes. We are NOT in need of anything.
For example, for Xmas I got not 1 pair of socks, but *16*. I got 9 cookbooks. I already have more cookbooks than I could already possibly use, and I actually didn't need any socks. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I was the last person opening Xmas presents BY FAR because of just the sheer quantity of junk I got. Very little of it is stuff I could actually want or use.
I can imagine most people will say - "what is the big deal?" But the problem is the time and energy it takes to manage the stuff I get. So now that I have 16 new pair of socks, I have to clean out my sock drawer. I have to find room for 9 more cookbooks. I have to drive to the goodwill to off stuff I can't use. I honestly don't want all this crap in my house! I feel like a hoarder!
Most of the stuff she gives me I just throw in the basement until she forgets that she gave it to me and then I take it to good will. But sometimes she asks about certain items for years when she comes to visit... Sadly, she rarely attaches receipts to the items. My brother took back a bag of stuff he got for Xmas and got over $250! And this was just the stuff with receipts. It's so out of control.
We've asked her to stop, but it just doesn't work. How do you play hardball with a crazy, shopping addicted personality?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 30, 2010 9:48:46 GMT -5
My MIL does this for my 2 kids. It drives me nuts. When you figure out what to do, please let me know.
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Epiphany
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Post by Epiphany on Dec 30, 2010 10:25:06 GMT -5
my MIL does this to us at christmas. Luckily she stopped giving us random stuff through most the rest of the year. She's addicted to dollar general and buys a lot of those "as seen on tv" things at walgreens. After saying she was going to cut back this christmas we got the usual 5 foot tall stocking stuffed with stuff like that. I would say 3/4 of it is going straight to goodwill. DH said he told her this will be the last year she does that. I told her she could do much normal sized smaller stockings if she still wants us to open stuff. It's awkward, inconvenient, and a waste. I would rather have one nice item like a sweater for 50 dollars instead of 20 items of junk. Addiction is right...
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Dec 30, 2010 10:28:24 GMT -5
We never went for high volume, but mom sat us down several years ago and told us her house was full. She only wants gifts that are consumable, like food she can eat and throw out the wrappers, tea, candles that can be burned and discarded, etc. So she pretty much ends up with things that she uses and discards and she doesn't have to put things in her house that she didn't pick out herself. If your mom likes to bake maybe you can switch her to baking consumables for you. We just got a huge basket full of different sweetbreads and cookies, which will be gone in no time.
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quotequeen
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Post by quotequeen on Dec 30, 2010 10:56:28 GMT -5
We never went for high volume, but mom sat us down several years ago and told us her house was full. She only wants gifts that are consumable, like food she can eat and throw out the wrappers, tea, candles that can be burned and discarded, etc. So she pretty much ends up with things that she uses and discards and she doesn't have to put things in her house that she didn't pick out herself. If your mom likes to bake maybe you can switch her to baking consumables for you. We just got a huge basket full of different sweetbreads and cookies, which will be gone in no time. This isn't necessarily better. My mom likes to send me home with food, but it's not that easy for me to eat an entire box of Clementines by myself before they go bad, or to eat half a cake by myself, without forcing myself to do it. My mom buys little cheap things so people have more stuff to open. She's gotten a bit better about it though. Sometimes it's actually useful. |
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Post by moneywhisperer on Dec 30, 2010 21:28:39 GMT -5
Maybe you can suggest she "adopt" a foster child for Christmas as her gift to you. They would surely enjoy 16 pairs of socks & a bunch of clothes. The foster kids families usually supply a list of specific clothing/toys the child could use.
Or you could ask her to donate basic needs items to the YWCA as a gift to you (sox, underware, soaps, toothpaste, shampoos, diapers)
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Post by stillontheroad on Dec 31, 2010 9:42:59 GMT -5
Not really. My in-laws are generous to a fault but they're also pretty good at buying us stuff we want, if they're going to give gifts, so I can't complain.
The one thing that does drive my wife crazy isn't that they buy us stuff, but that when we go out to dinner with them they insist on paying more than is probably fair. I don't sweat it too much because we always offer to pay and it's clear that they're serious; plus, that's just the way they are. They always try to do the same thing for their friends (who are roughly the same age/financial position as them). We've taken them out for some nice dinners in return and chip in our portion of the bill at least some of the time, so I figure we probably pay at least 75% of what we actually owe if you average it all out. I'd be perfectly happy paying 100%, but I'm not going to argue over it.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 31, 2010 15:20:38 GMT -5
How committed are you to getting this to stop? If you are willing to go all out, you might have to start bringing stuff back to her. Its not about being ungrateful as you said. You have tried being polite about it, but you are dealing with more and it is pushing boundaries.
At least you are getting tax writeoffs for it, and giving it to someone who needs it more.
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LlamaLlamaDuck
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Post by LlamaLlamaDuck on Dec 31, 2010 18:08:05 GMT -5
I read the thread heading as, "Does anyone know you buy too much stuff?"
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LlamaLlamaDuck
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Post by LlamaLlamaDuck on Dec 31, 2010 18:12:47 GMT -5
[
What form did your request take? Were you firm and uncompromising or were you diplomatic and somewhat squishy?
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motherto2
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Post by motherto2 on Jan 1, 2011 0:44:59 GMT -5
One of my best friends is going through this right now with her MIL. She was very seriously injured in a car accident a few years ago (totally not her fault). She received a good settlement finally, but now is giving it all over to QVC. Sad thing is that her kids keep telling her to stop and that the money was set up to take care of her and her medical needs as she ages. She just shrugs, says that she know's they'll take care of her if she needs it, and buys some more stuff. Sad thing is, none of the kids is financially in a place to be able to take care of her, and sadly shouldn't have to because she has plenty of money to take care of herself if she would just stop buying stuff that isn't necessary or wanted.
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