Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 11:55:26 GMT -5
I’m coming to terms with this. We spend a ton on liquor and have for 20 years. We both realize we need to stop. We’re both able to refrain from alcohol all work week then drink a handle on the weekend (1.5L). It’s obvious that it’s not a social thing. We drink when it’s just us watching Dateline. We’ve given it up for Lent before with no problem. It’s just something that creeps back into our lives. Our tolerance was through the roof over the holidays. Have you experienced this? What are some steps we can take?
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HoneyBBQ
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Post by HoneyBBQ on Jan 9, 2020 12:14:53 GMT -5
Hmmm. Baby steps. Can you switch to beer or wine? I find that makes me a lot fuller and I can't drink as much as opposed to hard alcohol, which I stay away from.
Can you limit yourself to a 1.5L a month? Draw lines on the bottle or something? Or limit to one drink a day?
Or are you more interested in complete abstention?
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Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 12:17:11 GMT -5
I’m not interested in stopping 100%. I just want to stop abusing it. Health and money wise it’s the stupidest thing we do. We are poisoning ourselves.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2020 12:26:12 GMT -5
Well, if you're really alcoholics you need to stop 100%, but I think you're using the term rather loosely.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 9, 2020 12:41:13 GMT -5
Well, if you're really alcoholics you need to stop 100%, but I think you're using the term rather loosely. I remember someone saying the only difference between an alcoholic and a drunk was meetings. My mother was an after 5 and weekend drunk. Yep, I know that sounds harsh but it is what it is!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2020 12:56:09 GMT -5
I guess it's because I'm from an area where a lot of people drink a lot. I don't remember ever being at my parents without there being wine at the table with every meal and my dad has a beer in his hands. But, I also wasn't thinking hard liquor when she said they drank 1.5L a weekend either. That is a lot.
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Bluerobin
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Post by Bluerobin on Jan 9, 2020 13:04:17 GMT -5
First, don't stop at the liquor store. Then find an alternative drink (something you like without alcohol).
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2020 13:08:22 GMT -5
I’m coming to terms with this. We spend a ton on liquor and have for 20 years. We both realize we need to stop. We’re both able to refrain from alcohol all work week then drink a handle on the weekend (1.5L). It’s obvious that it’s not a social thing. We drink when it’s just us watching Dateline. We’ve given it up for Lent before with no problem. It’s just something that creeps back into our lives. Our tolerance was through the roof over the holidays. Have you experienced this? What are some steps we can take? Have you tried switching to pot on the weekends? It's far less damaging.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Jan 9, 2020 13:18:36 GMT -5
Mrs. Dinero, we were in a similar situation at our house with the hard stuff. Without going into too much detail, DH and I both switched to wine recently. There was no intense conversation, no major announcements, we just both switched on our own. I've been drinking what we've had on hand, and he bought a nice boxed red earlier this week. For example, last night, instead of several cocktails, I had a nice glass of homemade red given to me by a client. Other nights I made myself a tall glass of club soda on ice, and over the weekend I sipped on ice water all day.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 9, 2020 13:25:14 GMT -5
Mrs. Dinero - have you noticed any family or friends slowly backing away from you especially during the weekend? I ask because those family and friends may have noticed you and your spouse do abuse alcohol on weekends and they might not want to be around you.
My dad was an alcoholic. My mother enjoyed her booze too. We as children and then as adults noticed it. When my older brother had his own children he would not allow his kids to ride in an automobile with their grandfather.
I stopped drinking thirty years ago. I enjoyed the booze too. The last time I had an alcoholic beverage was a non-event. I went out for pizza with friends and had a beer with my pizza. Just one beer. But I finally said that's enough. And I quit. I maybe think about what it would be like to have a beer with pizza maybe once a year. But that's about how often I think of alcoholic beverages.
Back in the early 90s, I finally confronted my dad (in front of my mother) that his drinking was affecting his family and if he did not immediately stop, he would no longer be seeing me. And I meant it. As far as I know, my parents did not have any alcoholic beverages for the rest of their lives. As none of their kids lived in the same state as them we cannot be 100% sure they didn't drink in private but at least they never drank around us when we visited them.
So I asked you if you have noticed if family and friends may be backing away from you. If you and your husband know you have a drinking problem be it seven days a week or just on weekends, chances are your family and friends have noticed it too. That may be reason enough to stop drinking all together.
I wish you well.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 9, 2020 14:11:21 GMT -5
I've found that I drink beer and wine in the evenings because it's not caffeinated. If I keep the house stocked with non alcoholic, non caffeinated beverages; I have options and if I'm drinking booze, it's because I want booze. And there's something in my brain about having a 3rd beer (or more) as knowing that I'm crossing the line into drinking too much in one night.
Also, my BIL is just out of the hospital after a 19 day stay that started when his liver decided it was done dealing with liquor. There was a coma. There were seizures. There were cameras because he was on suicide watch once he came out of the coma. But his liver is pretty much done. He's going to have to have his stomach pumped monthly, for the rest of his life, to help get the toxins out of his body since his liver can no longer do that.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 9, 2020 14:16:52 GMT -5
Mrs. Dinero - have you noticed any family or friends slowly backing away from you especially during the weekend? I ask because those family and friends may have noticed you and your spouse do abuse alcohol on weekends and they might not want to be around you. My dad was an alcoholic. My mother enjoyed her booze too. We as children and then as adults noticed it. When my older brother had his own children he would not allow his kids to ride in an automobile with their grandfather. I stopped drinking thirty years ago. I enjoyed the booze too. The last time I had an alcoholic beverage was a non-event. I went out for pizza with friends and had a beer with my pizza. Just one beer. But I finally said that's enough. And I quit. I maybe think about what it would be like to have a beer with pizza maybe once a year. But that's about how often I think of alcoholic beverages. Back in the early 90s, I finally confronted my dad (in front of my mother) that his drinking was affecting his family and if he did not immediately stop, he would no longer be seeing me. And I meant it. As far as I know, my parents did not have any alcoholic beverages for the rest of their lives. As none of their kids lived in the same state as them we cannot be 100% sure they didn't drink in private but at least they never drank around us when we visited them. So I asked you if you have noticed if family and friends may be backing away from you. If you and your husband know you have a drinking problem be it seven days a week or just on weekends, chances are your family and friends have noticed it too. That may be reason enough to stop drinking all together. I wish you well. Good post. My mother asked me why I would let my then 4 yr old spend a week with his dad’s parents but always said no when she asked. I finally told her I didn’t trust her to stay sober when she had him! She quit. And I was fortunate enough to have someone who I trusted completely to verify she was not drinking. We didn’t live in same city/state. I also wish you well.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2020 14:23:05 GMT -5
I've found that I drink beer and wine in the evenings because it's not caffeinated. If I keep the house stocked with non alcoholic, non caffeinated beverages; I have options and if I'm drinking booze, it's because I want booze. And there's something in my brain about having a 3rd beer (or more) as knowing that I'm crossing the line into drinking too much in one night.
Also, my BIL is just out of the hospital after a 19 day stay that started when his liver decided it was done dealing with liquor. There was a coma. There were seizures. There were cameras because he was on suicide watch once he came out of the coma. But his liver is pretty much done. He's going to have to have his stomach pumped monthly, for the rest of his life, to help get the toxins out of his body since his liver can no longer do that.
It may not be caffeinated, but it does act as a stimulant, which can prevent a restful sleep. Alcohol Likely to Keep You Awake, Not Help You Sleep Study shows that alcohol before bedtime is not a good sleep aid. www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/sleep-newzzz/201302/alcohol-likely-keep-you-awake-not-help-you-sleep
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2020 14:36:38 GMT -5
I would just stop buying it. Stop having it in the house period. At least the hard liquor. Maybe buy a bottle of wine for the weekend instead. It there are potato chips or ice cream in our house I just gorge on them, so I never buy them and they're a non-issue.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Jan 9, 2020 14:37:15 GMT -5
If you want to reduce but not stop weekend drinking, just buy booze once a week and only 0.5l each time. Once it is gone, it is gone and you stop drinking alcohol for the weekend. My guess is that if you do that you will start to spread the amount out over time.
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Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 14:41:12 GMT -5
Thank you for all for the responses. Like MN said it’s pretty common in our area to drink heavily. Our friends are heavy drinkers themselves. No one has voiced concern. We are concerned. We can’t continue to drink like this. Something will give eventually. I don’t want to be in hospital like the bil mentioned above.
1.5L /2 of us/2 nights =375ml or 12.7oz / 3oz = 4 doubles per night. Yikes! We have some left every weekend but not much.
Weed isn’t legal in our state. Isn’t that the same thing though? I mean just using substances to relax rather than finding better ways to cope? I don’t know. Thought I would have grown up by now. Disappointed in myself. Woe is me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2020 14:47:02 GMT -5
My tolerance was also through the roof over the holidays, thank you ugly sweater pub crawl.
When I want to cut back I don’t have any around the house and stay out of bars. I almost never have liquor at my house. For 2020 I’m limiting it to sporting events and if a friend invites me out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2020 14:47:19 GMT -5
1.5L /2 of us/2 nights =375ml or 12.7oz / 3oz = 4 doubles per night. Yikes! We have some left every weekend but not much. Isn't there 50 ounces in 1.5L?
eta: Never mind. See you were breaking it down by night, not weekend.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 9, 2020 14:47:34 GMT -5
The first thing to figure out is "Are you actually an alcoholic?" or is DH? If one/both of you are addicts, as opposed to simply developing some bad habits (it sounds more like a bad habit than actual addiction from what you've said), then lots of these suggestions won't work. It also means you won't likely just be able to cut back a little and have a "normal" relationship with alcohol. Addicts, for example, won't simply buy less booze and then stretch the lower amount out over a longer period of time...they'll drink like normal and run out early and then go buy more. Or you'll cut back, but quickly end up right back where you started.
If it's not addiction, and simply a bad habit you've developed, then you can employ a lot of the suggestions here such as not having it in the house as much, replacing a bad habit with a less-bad or positive habit, etc.
This SOUNDS a lot more like "I eat a bag of chips every weekend, how can I stop doing that?" than "I'm addicted to chips and cannot actually stop myself". The best way to get rid of that kind of habit is to take away that decision at the time of consumption by making the decision earlier (i.e. don't buy the chips to begin with, buy a smaller bag, etc). If you can't stop yourself from buying the chips to begin with, or can't stop yourself from going out and buying more, you've probably got more of an addiction problem than a habit problem.
ETA: When you're trying to figure out the addiction piece, you sound more like binge drinkers than just the run-of-the-mill alcoholics most people think about. Might be helpful to look at it through that lens.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 9, 2020 14:48:51 GMT -5
Thank you for all for the responses. Like MN said it’s pretty common in our area to drink heavily. Our friends are heavy drinkers themselves. No one has voiced concern. We are concerned. We can’t continue to drink like this. Something will give eventually. I don’t want to be in hospital like the bil mentioned above. 1.5L /2 of us/2 nights =375ml or 12.7oz / 3oz = 4 doubles per night. Yikes! We have some left every weekend but not much. Weed isn’t legal in our state. Isn’t that the same thing though? I mean just using substances to relax rather than finding better ways to cope? I don’t know. Thought I would have grown up by now. Disappointed in myself. Woe is me. In terms of using a substance to relax, yes, it's basically the same thing. Weed isn't going to eat your liver though.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 9, 2020 14:53:18 GMT -5
Not for nothing, but people that don't have a drinking problem just drink less. They don't have to make a big plan for it.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2020 14:57:57 GMT -5
Weed isn’t legal in our state. Isn’t that the same thing though? I mean just using substances to relax rather than finding better ways to cope? I don’t know. Thought I would have grown up by now. Disappointed in myself. Woe is me.
Not really. You can't overdose on weed, but you can on alcohol. Weed isn't physically addictive, but alcohol is. Weed also acts as an analgesic, an antiemetic, prevents seizures, relieves depression and combats PTSD.
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Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 15:00:18 GMT -5
That is a good point Later. I actually don’t know what we are but we definitely abuse it.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2020 15:01:59 GMT -5
1.5L /2 of us/2 nights =375ml or 12.7oz / 3oz = 4 doubles per night. Yikes! We have some left every weekend but not much.
Holy crap! That's a LOT of booze. 8 drinks a night is way overdoing it.
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, drinking is considered to be in the moderate or low-risk range for women at no more than three drinks in any one day and no more than seven drinks per week. For men, it is no more than four drinks a day and no more than 14 drinks per week. -Mayo Clinic
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Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 15:04:24 GMT -5
Yes, I’m aware women should only have 1 drink a day and you can’t stockpile them.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 9, 2020 15:05:28 GMT -5
Not for nothing, but people that don't have a drinking problem just drink less. They don't have to make a big plan for it. I think it's obviously they have a drinking problem, just a bit unclear what the problem is.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 9, 2020 15:06:05 GMT -5
You're clearly heavy binge drinkers. It's not good for you. I used to be a binge drinker, (Scotch, neat, water back) but stopped because it was making me sick. I have very little tolerance for alcohol now. If I had 4 doubles, I'd be vomiting/comatose.
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Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 15:08:16 GMT -5
I probably have closer to 3 doubles over 6 hours. Regardless it’s bad.
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Mrs. Dinero
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Post by Mrs. Dinero on Jan 9, 2020 15:09:23 GMT -5
It’s 20+ years in the making. Our tolerance is insane.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 9, 2020 15:09:26 GMT -5
www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/alcohol-abuse-self-test#1Try looking at this, take it separately, answer honestly and then come back together to discuss your results. It's similar to what my DH what handed when he went in to get opiate addiction counseling. It can help give you insight because if you're either an alcoholic or on your way to becoming one the answer as to what to do regarding drinking is going to be very different than someone who has a "healthy" relationship with it and simply wants to cut back on consumption.
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