zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 6, 2019 13:40:33 GMT -5
My backyard neighbors are gay. Funny enough they were talking about having children and it came out that the “wife” of the family is getting eggs from his sister, then he said he would be using his sperm Our entire crowd went dead silent and the “husband “ of the couple asked me what happened. I said G just said he was impregnating his sisters eggs. The husband said NO No No, and chattered quickly in French to his partner who started saying NO No No as well. Whew. The husband will impregnate the “wife’s “ sister’s eggs so the baby will be genetically related to them both. I don’t know if they’re hiring a surrogate or if the sister will carry and no one asked. A surrogate is easily 50k. WTF? WTF about what? The 50k for a surrogate? That’s the going rate.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 6, 2019 14:42:43 GMT -5
WTF about what? The 50k for a surrogate? That’s the going rate. 50K ?? Dang. Wish I'd kept my parts instead of doing that hysterectomy thing. I know it's work doing the surrogate role, but that $$ would have added to my retirement fund nicely.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 6, 2019 14:56:31 GMT -5
I have a lot of gay friends and family members. I have yet to hear of anyone referred to as the wife, but whatever....
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 6, 2019 14:58:13 GMT -5
Same. I have always heard both husbands refer to each other as the husband and both wives referred to as the wife.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 6, 2019 15:09:02 GMT -5
That is what I have always heard. This would go back to the 80's.
Of course, there could be exceptions.
My very out cousins call each other husband. Sadly, they can't yet be called dad.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 6, 2019 22:34:01 GMT -5
I like Ellen's line best. Asking lesbians which one is the husband is like asking chop sticks which one is the spoon.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Dec 6, 2019 23:55:01 GMT -5
WTF about what? The 50k for a surrogate? That’s the going rate. AYFKM? the air quotes around husband and wife.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 7, 2019 7:13:52 GMT -5
Well, that’s what they call each other so what do I know or care? The quotes were so you’d know which one I was referring to. Good grief, way to focus on the non point.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 7, 2019 7:18:36 GMT -5
WTF about what? The 50k for a surrogate? That’s the going rate. 50K ?? Dang. Wish I'd kept my parts instead of doing that hysterectomy thing. I know it's work doing the surrogate role, but that $$ would have added to my retirement fund nicely. I would become a low income renter before I would carry another baby.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 7, 2019 7:22:08 GMT -5
50K ?? Dang. Wish I'd kept my parts instead of doing that hysterectomy thing. I know it's work doing the surrogate role, but that $$ would have added to my retirement fund nicely. I would become a low income renter before I would carry another baby. I had hard awful pregnancies. No way could I do it. But for some, they just breeze though it. The one surrogate I heard about did it so she could stay home with her kids while they were young. She was the 50k a year one and that price was a 90’s price.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 7, 2019 7:31:40 GMT -5
I would become a low income renter before I would carry another baby. I had hard awful pregnancies. No way could I do it. But for some, they just breeze though it. The one surrogate I heard about did it so she could stay home with her kids while they were young. She was the 50k a year one and that price was a 90’s price. My pregnancy was super easy and I felt like a million bucks when pg. But would never do it again. Just glad there are those out there that will do it for the money!!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Dec 7, 2019 16:34:15 GMT -5
50K ?? Dang. Wish I'd kept my parts instead of doing that hysterectomy thing. I know it's work doing the surrogate role, but that $$ would have added to my retirement fund nicely. I would become a low income renter before I would carry another baby. I never had kids, which is why I was looking at the $$$$$, rather than the and and when people look at you and ask "Hey, you aren't, um, pregnant, are you?" And your response being "Why no, bless your heart. I just enjoy wearing maternity clothes and socking away this bowling ball in my gut for storage purposes." Bless all of you who did it. You mom types (and dad types, too) are far better people than I could ever be.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 20:47:46 GMT -5
I would become a low income renter before I would carry another baby. I had hard awful pregnancies. No way could I do it. But for some, they just breeze though it. The one surrogate I heard about did it so she could stay home with her kids while they were young. She was the 50k a year one and that price was a 90’s price. In hindsight I wish I would have done it. I had super easy pregnancies.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Dec 7, 2019 20:52:21 GMT -5
My 2 were really bad and I had hard deliveries. They say bigger boned women have it easier, that is a lie, I'm here to tell you that. I would never have done it again.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Dec 8, 2019 9:45:46 GMT -5
I really wanted to do egg donation when I was young but dh just couldn't stop vocalizing his concerns about it and I wasn't who I am now to tell him to stuff it.
Would be different as I would have donated on an anonymous basis but obviously there is no such thing as anonymity with the DNA kits now. I still don't think I'd have a problem with it though and wish I'd done it.
I know 2 women who were surrogates. 1 did it twice for different couples. The other I'm closer with and I know post Pardum was tough on her. I don't know what the financial comp was but she hasn't volunteered to do it again. I think friends and coworkers made it worse asking about the baby for weeks as if she was as surrogate mom too. The baby was great when they left the hospital and that's all she could say.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 8, 2019 15:09:41 GMT -5
Those women have my deepest respect
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 19:52:03 GMT -5
We have a number of same-sex couple friends and, sadly, only one couple has a child and it's not theirs together. Perhaps one factor is that many of them didn't find their soulmate until later in life. Another element in the parent equation is the same as opposite-sex couples; one parent's career usually goes on hiatus for a period and which parent will that be? I often look at our friends and, seeing the incredible love and respect between them, wish they had been parents so they could share their values with a future generation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 19:52:50 GMT -5
Wow. We sure did go OT on this one! From family feuds to surrogate mothers? FWIW, there ain't enough $$ in the world to pay me to ever be preggers again after my three. I was the most miserable and sick mother-to-be on the face of the earth. Pre-eclampsia was called toxemia in those days. Had it with all three. With the first one I was attacked by a case of shingles about a week before he was born.
Deliveries? No problem. First one in the hospital five days because nobody could figure out that I had shingles. I kept trying to tell them for a week before baby was born. They finally decided that it was shingles after he arrived. Imagine. Not a doc and never played one on TV, but the docs didn't know from shingles. Home with the second and third one same day.
Oh...son is gay. Married. They are husbands.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Dec 8, 2019 21:58:39 GMT -5
I find that having no close family and making an effort to form friendships with people not prone to drama and unnecessary twisting of knickers reduces the likelihood of experiencing stress during holidays. Making friends with many dogs also helps reduce stress. Most dogs tend to be stress-free (Except Chihuahuas. With some exceptions, Chihuahuas seem to be little stress muffins.) Spending time with a nice doggy, playing fetch, rubbing its tummy, giving it a treat, is generally enough to make me forget whatever is bothering me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2019 22:04:31 GMT -5
DD has a dog that I'm dog sitting for a week. She's half beagle, half basset and has the worst traits of each breed, but we love her in spite of it. She's already missing her people, poor pup.
I have Maggiecat, the special needs kitty, born without a tail so can't jump, has a hard time even climbing, waddles rather than walks but we're best pals, and I love her to pieces. Nothing like a kitty purring in my lap to make everything better.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 9, 2019 6:48:58 GMT -5
We have a number of same-sex couple friends and, sadly, only one couple has a child and it's not theirs together. Perhaps one factor is that many of them didn't find their soulmate until later in life. Another element in the parent equation is the same as opposite-sex couples; one parent's career usually goes on hiatus for a period and which parent will that be? I often look at our friends and, seeing the incredible love and respect between them, wish they had been parents so they could share their values with a future generation. These guys are very young. I imagine but don’t know for sure, one will stay home or they’ll take turns. The one is in Hawaii on a business trip. Omg. To give that life up for a child floors me. But they’d make super parents. The one guy is a lot nicer than the other but the other is cute and French.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2019 18:06:53 GMT -5
We have a number of same-sex couple friends and, sadly, only one couple has a child and it's not theirs together. Perhaps one factor is that many of them didn't find their soulmate until later in life. Another element in the parent equation is the same as opposite-sex couples; one parent's career usually goes on hiatus for a period and which parent will that be? I often look at our friends and, seeing the incredible love and respect between them, wish they had been parents so they could share their values with a future generation. These guys are very young. I imagine but don’t know for sure, one will stay home or they’ll take turns. The one is in Hawaii on a business trip. Omg. To give that life up for a child floors me. But they’d make super parents. The one guy is a lot nicer than the other but the other is cute and French. Yes, one of the learning experiences of having same-sex couple friends is that often, just like one's hetero couple friends, you like one much more than the other. Saints and a-holes seem to attract one another across the spectrum.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 9, 2019 18:29:32 GMT -5
These guys are very young. I imagine but don’t know for sure, one will stay home or they’ll take turns. The one is in Hawaii on a business trip. Omg. To give that life up for a child floors me. But they’d make super parents. The one guy is a lot nicer than the other but the other is cute and French. Yes, one of the learning experiences of having same-sex couple friends is that often, just like one's hetero couple friends, you like one much more than the other. Saints and a-holes seem to attract one another across the spectrum. Yes!!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2019 18:41:39 GMT -5
My SIL is the saint My DS? Um...he can be a real a-hole. He's my son, and I love him to pieces but he's one of those people who can be counted on to send food back to the kitchen in a restaurant, make snide comments to check out clerks (as if they make the rules or set the prices), that kind of stuff.
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Ava
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Post by Ava on Dec 10, 2019 5:31:28 GMT -5
My family is drama free.
I am so grateful for that. I mostly receive love and support from them. Not to say sometimes you get a well intentioned old uncle giving unrequested advice on how to live your life. My mother had 9 siblings, but in the last few years 3 of them passed away. The remaining siblings get along, although one of them is married to a bitter a-hole determined to pit one against the other. For the most part he gets ignored but he's managed to cause some rifts among the siblings.
We cousins have created a WhatsApp group so we can keep in touch. When I travel back home I organize a get together for all of us. Not everyone can attend, but the majority do. It's really great.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 10, 2019 9:01:43 GMT -5
Well, that’s what they call each other so what do I know or care? The quotes were so you’d know which one I was referring to. Good grief, way to focus on the non point. So when your husband was alive we should have been referring to you as the "wife" and him as the "husband" so people would know who we were referring to? Does that really seem normal?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 10, 2019 9:24:41 GMT -5
I find that having no close family and making an effort to form friendships with people not prone to drama and unnecessary twisting of knickers reduces the likelihood of experiencing stress during holidays. Making friends with many dogs also helps reduce stress. Most dogs tend to be stress-free (Except Chihuahuas. With some exceptions, Chihuahuas seem to be little stress muffins.) Spending time with a nice doggy, playing fetch, rubbing its tummy, giving it a treat, is generally enough to make me forget whatever is bothering me. Dogs make everything better.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 10:10:41 GMT -5
Well, that’s what they call each other so what do I know or care? The quotes were so you’d know which one I was referring to. Good grief, way to focus on the non point. So when your husband was alive we should have been referring to you as the "wife" and him as the "husband" so people would know who we were referring to? Does that really seem normal? That's not really the same though. She wasn't talking TO them, she was talking to us about them. If you were telling us about something your neighbors did, it would be perfectly normal to refer to "the husband" and "the wife". If Zib had said "the husband" to describe both in her story it would have been quite confusing. I guess to be PC should could have said, "Husband 1" and "Husband 2", but if they call themselves husband and wife, maybe that's what they prefer?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Dec 10, 2019 10:29:20 GMT -5
So when your husband was alive we should have been referring to you as the "wife" and him as the "husband" so people would know who we were referring to? Does that really seem normal? That's not really the same though. She wasn't talking TO them, she was talking to us about them. If you were telling us about something your neighbors did, it would be perfectly normal to refer to "the husband" and "the wife". If Zib had said "the husband" to describe both in her story it would have been quite confusing. I guess to be PC should could have said, "Husband 1" and "Husband 2", but if they call themselves husband and wife, maybe that's what they prefer?
Why not just call them husband and wife was what chiver was pointing out. Why "husband" and "wife".
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Dec 10, 2019 10:40:05 GMT -5
That's not really the same though. She wasn't talking TO them, she was talking to us about them. If you were telling us about something your neighbors did, it would be perfectly normal to refer to "the husband" and "the wife". If Zib had said "the husband" to describe both in her story it would have been quite confusing. I guess to be PC should could have said, "Husband 1" and "Husband 2", but if they call themselves husband and wife, maybe that's what they prefer?
Why not just call them husband and wife was what chiver was pointing out. Why "husband" and "wife". well, no. I think it is incredibly offensive to call one member of a same sex male couple "wife". he is a husband. but I also dont misgender trans folks, so I must be a snowflake that gets offended by everything. 🤷♀️
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