stillmovingforward
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Hanging on by a thread
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Post by stillmovingforward on Dec 1, 2019 19:27:16 GMT -5
Missrigby- your DD could be my DD2. And I don't ever want myself or my other kids to do everything necessary to 'make up' to her when she is at fault. It just makes her worse. We ignore her and move on. I'm going she learns better but at this age, I doubt it. And yes, she was offered counseling many times as a child. And refused.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2019 19:53:07 GMT -5
stillmovingforward, I quit tiptoeing around her and just carry on. If I slip up and happen to mention DS's name, tough noogies. Funny thing, one of my (many) sisters is like that, too. Maybe it runs in the family? LOL She unfriends one or some or all of the rest of us on FB with regularity, cools off, and by and by sends a friend request again. Oy. We call her Sisrupter, a variation on Disrupter I gotta tell y'all this story. Sisrupter was divorcing her second husband, and when it was time to go to court, she sweet-talked one of our brothers into going with her to provide moral support. The judge asked the usual questions, is everybody on board and in agreement, etc., and then pronounced that their joint assets would be divided, anything they couldn't agree on would be sold and the money split 50/50 between them. Sisrupter declared "I'll have it all, or I'll have nothing!" Judge said "So ordered. Divorce granted." It was the last case on the docket that day, bailiff said "All rise." Judge departed for his chambers. And Sisrupter stood there with her mouth full of teeth, unable to speak. I'm grateful that at least DD isn't quite on that plane.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Dec 1, 2019 20:06:56 GMT -5
Gosh, guys. I had no idea anybody even gave a rat's rear. How kind of you to make me feel like one of the family! I thought I remembered that there was a way to block a poster, but wasn't it in the square where our avatars show? Can we still do that? If we can, tell me how, because I even went to the How To section on the home page and didn't find anything. Please keep in mind that I am somewhat challenged in the technical world, so the instructions should probably start out "Face the screen. With left hand..." Another thing. Not to worry. I'm not going anywhere until I, as a mortician would say, assume room temperature. If you’re using a computer/web browser I think you click on the name of the person you want to block. On the next screen there should be a gear icon towards the top right of the screen with a drop down arrow. Click on the arrow then choose ignore/block. If you’re on an iPad it is similar. Click on their name, then on the next screen there’s some dots in the upper right corner to click on and choose ignore.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2019 20:16:43 GMT -5
Got it. I think
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 1, 2019 20:54:57 GMT -5
Sisrupter declared "I'll have it all, or I'll have nothing!"oops ......... has she decided she went to far? Sorry for laughing but I think it's a hoot.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 1, 2019 21:02:19 GMT -5
Gosh, guys. I had no idea anybody even gave a rat's rear. How kind of you to make me feel like one of the family! I thought I remembered that there was a way to block a poster, but wasn't it in the square where our avatars show? Can we still do that? If we can, tell me how, because I even went to the How To section on the home page and didn't find anything. Please keep in mind that I am somewhat challenged in the technical world, so the instructions should probably start out "Face the screen. With left hand..." Another thing. Not to worry. I'm not going anywhere until I, as a mortician would say, assume room temperature. Click on the member's name. It will bring you to their profile. Over on the right, there is a gear icon, with a dropdown box. Click on the dropdown, and then click "block".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2019 21:15:47 GMT -5
Sisrupter declared "I'll have it all, or I'll have nothing!"oops ......... has she decided she went to far? Sorry for laughing but I think it's a hoot. It was funny. We all laughed about it and really thought that she'd had her comeuppance at last and would have learned a lesson. We were wrong. They did each get to keep what they had before they married. He could have kept everything else, but he was (and still is) a nice guy and let her choose stuff that meant something to her. She still thinks it wasn't "fair." It was about 30 years and two or three husbands ago. She's since been married either two or three more times, but to the same husband. I dunno, does that count as one or multiples? AFAIK, they are still married from the last trip to get a license and visit the JP. At the moment, she has unfriended me so I'll have to wait for her next friend request unless I ask one of the other brothers or sisters. They all live up there in the same place but probably don't know for sure, either. I will say this for her--she doesn't ever lean on her kids to unfriend us when she does. She keeps them out of The Sibling Squabbles.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 2, 2019 9:13:14 GMT -5
Catching up...procrastinating is really what I'm doing. I get that sometimes the build up is the worst thing we can do to ourselves.
And, I also think removing ourselves from the situation is OK, too, if needed..or put ourselves in situations where we can better control when we've hit our limit and our boundaries.
My parents are still married. They however have gone through periods of not talking to each other. It was really noticeable after I left for college. And I'm not talking about a day or two. I'm talking about months. One of the worst times is when I got married...I got married in early Fall. My parents hadn't really been talking to each other for a good portion of my engagement. Thankfully, they did get it together for the wedding..and my MOH was able to deal with my mom and let me have my day. However, shortly after my wedding, they started not talking again...I spent Thanksgiving with my ILs, and then the weekend after I came home to spend some one-on-one time with my family. Well, my parents were not talking to each other. I was also unware that I was not allowed to tell my Dad where Mom and I were planning to go. So, she yelled at me for that, and then mom gave me the primer for what I was/was not allowed to talk to dad about.
Of course, still being the happy newly wed, I wanted to show my parents the proofs of my wedding pictures. My mom was pretty insistent that I needed to do it twice...showing mom the pictures in one room of the house, and then finding Dad and running through the pictures again at a separate time, in a separate room of the house. I was like..hell no. I'm doing this once. You snooze, you lose. Sure enough, they could at least be polite enough to each other for 45 minutes to look at my wedding proofs and decide if there were ones they really liked. So, besides the drama of "guess the state of your parent's marriage" I also got the drama of "we want nothing to do with your husband or his side of the family." My mom was legitimately taken aback that I wanted to split Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with DH, who was my fiance by that point. It was the second Christmas we were engaged, and 8+ months away from our marriage.
She was also EXTREMELY offended that MIL invited my parents and me to their family's Mother's day celebration. My silly MIL thought, well, the families live 15 minutes apart, and it's just gira and her parents. Instead of making the kids split the day, why not just have everyone together. I was married at that point. I didn't stop hearing how rude MIL was about daring to invite my parents to mother's day for a good year or two. Because, you know, my mom is the only woman that was supposed to matter in my life. And married couples don't need to do things, as a couple.
So. The feuding with my family stopped when I said it did.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Dec 2, 2019 9:18:57 GMT -5
I think either a seal broke or hell froze over because there was no feuding this year. My brother and I were even able to operate a business together over the weekend without killing each other/burning the place down.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 2, 2019 9:37:20 GMT -5
My family is soooooooooooooooo fucking boring.
I just found out that my dad hates his BIL (his sister's husband), and everyone is in their 80's. That's how well they hid it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2019 9:56:30 GMT -5
swamp, they're all in their 80s and this is the first you've heard of it? As un-fun as my family can be, I'll keep 'em. At least they're entertaining, especially our Sisrupter. I probably come off on the screen and disliking my DD. I really do love her and appreciate all she and DSIL do for me. She can be rigid and unyielding, but she's still my baby girl. And DSIL is a prince. The g'kids are at an age where they're between being old kids and young adults; immaturity is what's to be expected, Most of the time. I think. I can't even say "when I was that age..." because those were way different times. NomoreDramaQ1015, kudos! Are we to understand that the place is still standing?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 2, 2019 9:57:58 GMT -5
swamp , they're all in their 80s and this is the first you've heard of it? As un-fun as my family can be, I'll keep 'em. At least they're entertaining, especially our Sisrupter. I probably come off on the screen and disliking my DD. I really do love her and appreciate all she and DSIL do for me. She can be rigid and unyielding, but she's still my baby girl. And DSIL is a prince. The g'kids are at an age where they're between being old kids and young adults; immaturity is what's to be expected, Most of the time. I think. I can't even say "when I was that age..." because those were way different times. NomoreDramaQ1015 , kudos! Are we to understand that the place is still standing? No, the first I heard of it was a few years ago. Some of them were in their late 70's.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 2, 2019 10:10:56 GMT -5
I'm probably the drama in my family. My family and I just come at the world so differently. I can keep my cool for awhile, but sometimes they hit a nerve and I turn left and unglue.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 2, 2019 10:16:25 GMT -5
My family is like Swamp's - we're pretty boring when all is said and done. My older sister hosted my parents and single brother. My older brother was with his ILs. My younger sister was with her ILs. My parents swung by to visit us on Thursday night and left with some dessert leftovers. My single brother bailed on us, he was people'd out. No one was offended. No one started anything. The worst thing I can say about this Thanksgiving was I put too much onion in the stuffing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2019 10:35:31 GMT -5
My family is like Swamp's - we're pretty boring when all is said and done. My older sister hosted my parents and single brother. My older brother was with his ILs. My younger sister was with her ILs. My parents swung by to visit us on Thursday night and left with some dessert leftovers. My single brother bailed on us, he was people'd out. No one was offended. No one started anything. The worst thing I can say about this Thanksgiving was I put too much onion in the stuffing. OMG! Not too much onion? That's probably not as serious as too much sage. By next Thanksgiving, maybe it won't be remembered.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 2, 2019 13:41:59 GMT -5
My family is like Swamp's - we're pretty boring when all is said and done. My older sister hosted my parents and single brother. My older brother was with his ILs. My younger sister was with her ILs. My parents swung by to visit us on Thursday night and left with some dessert leftovers. My single brother bailed on us, he was people'd out. No one was offended. No one started anything. The worst thing I can say about this Thanksgiving was I put too much onion in the stuffing. OMG! Not too much onion? That's probably not as serious as too much sage. By next Thanksgiving, maybe it won't be remembered. I'm hoping I remember so I don't do it again!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Dec 2, 2019 15:59:31 GMT -5
My sister has never liked onions in her food. Mom would try to remember to make a separate batch for her, but she did not always remember.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2019 16:38:50 GMT -5
My family no longer has hard and fast rules for the holidays. For several years, my Aunt and Uncle hosted Thanksgiving and both their families came. These last couple of years though, one of his family members hosted and aunt and uncle had dinner with them. There was no complaining in our family as far as I know. Christmas has been different these last few years too. They’ve been going to Florida with their daughters for a week for Christmas. I’ve always been invited, but haven’t been able to go because getting time off of work in December requires an Act of God. Or Congress. Somebody with a lot more power than I have. I didn’t cook Thanksgiving dinner this year because I had to work. Well, honestly, it was really because I don’t know how to cook Thanksgiving dinner. But I did have to work too. Last year, my Mom helped me cook and we had dinner at my house. Me, her, DBF and my grandbabies, no extended family. DD fixed her a plate on her way to work. I think I will cook my own Christmas dinner (my Mom will have to help/teach me/just cook for me if I get on her nerves bad enough) and stay home all day on Christmas. My family won’t care, but I don’t think staying home will go over well with DBF’s family. I do know that he’d like for us to start our own holiday traditions, and I’d like that too, so I’ll let him sort that out with his family.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2019 6:58:19 GMT -5
I see that Her Royal Omnipotence, Cruella De Vil, finally deleted her unwelcome and pompous post, so I, in the spirit of fairness, deleted my response to her. Unfortunately, it took a minute to remember that hers was embedded in my response so deleted that just now, too.
It's not like she wasn't forewarned; leaving it there as long as she did was her own choice. I did succeed in blocking her yesterday, and thanks to those of you who gave me the how-to instructions.
As you were...
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Dec 3, 2019 7:37:53 GMT -5
OMG! Not too much onion? That's probably not as serious as too much sage. By next Thanksgiving, maybe it won't be remembered. I'm hoping I remember so I don't do it again! My husband fixes the dressing, it is our Thanksgiving tradition. It is his grandmothers cornbread dressing recipe. Although it is not a written down recipe. I like that he helps by making it, but there is always drama involved. He also makes way too much so I am always trying to cut down on the amount, especially this year we only had 3 people. This year there was too much butter and/or egg, and it was my fault because I told him to make less. I told him he should write down at least an approximate recipe that would help him make smaller batches, but that is not going to happen. At least the drama is confined to the dressing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2019 7:48:05 GMT -5
alabamagal, reminds me of a new bride who liked a pie so much that she asked for the recipe but was going to use a 10" pie plate that was also deeper than an 8" one so asked how she could make more. Since it was a pie that was sort of flat anyway, the giver suggested she just double the recipe. So she did. Not just the filling. The crust, too.
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sesfw
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Today is the first day of the rest of my life
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Post by sesfw on Dec 3, 2019 10:03:22 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 3, 2019 10:29:30 GMT -5
I'm hoping I remember so I don't do it again! My husband fixes the dressing, it is our Thanksgiving tradition. It is his grandmothers cornbread dressing recipe. Although it is not a written down recipe. I like that he helps by making it, but there is always drama involved. He also makes way too much so I am always trying to cut down on the amount, especially this year we only had 3 people. This year there was too much butter and/or egg, and it was my fault because I told him to make less. I told him he should write down at least an approximate recipe that would help him make smaller batches, but that is not going to happen. At least the drama is confined to the dressing. Are you married to my husband? If we have 5 people for dinner, he wants to have enough food for 12. We ordered food for his parent's anniversary. They invited 48 people, 38 said they would come. He ordered food for 50...just in case. Just in case what? 20 extra people walk in and start eating. I don't even think we got through half the food.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2019 12:51:22 GMT -5
I'm a dodo. It didn't occur to me that She Whom I Will Not Name didn't delete her post, but that I just couldn't see it because I blocked her. Sigh. I've asked the mods to "suggest" that she delete it but don't know if that will happen.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Dec 3, 2019 14:57:38 GMT -5
DH managed not to talk politics with his DS. So Thanksgiving was almost peaceful, except for my SIL telling DH that she didn't like watching professional basketball on TV. She said she wasn't racist, but she didn't see many white faces on the court, and she didn't like that.
Pretty much when someone feels the need to tell you they aren't racist, they are being racist, I've found.
DH said the coaches would probably play purple and pink players, if they were good, and my SIL said that she was certain there were good white players, but the black players got all the spots on the team because the coaches are prejudiced against whites.
This is the same SIL who told me I shouldn't let my kid go with our church on a mission trip to Mexico because there are 'plenty of poor people in our (white) neighborhood to help.' (No, I don't think anyone in your neighborhood lives in a garbage without running water or a toilet).
Well, it's not the holidays if you don't have the crazy uncle or the racist SIL present to make everyone else roll their eyes, I guess.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2019 15:02:54 GMT -5
I don’t know. When DD was in PA school they wanted these kids to spend 2k going to Haiti and helping them. I told her go to Appalachia and help them first. I’m a fan of cleaning the log out of your own eye before helping someone else with a speck. Or the inner city free clinic. We have a lot of people that need help right here. Put on your own life vest before you help another.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Dec 3, 2019 16:48:54 GMT -5
I don’t know. When DD was in PA school they wanted these kids to spend 2k going to Haiti and helping them. I told her go to Appalachia and help them first. I’m a fan of cleaning the log out of your own eye before helping someone else with a speck. Or the inner city free clinic. We have a lot of people that need help right here. Put on your own life vest before you help another. Comparing a poor person living in a Mexican landfill, without potable water and toilets, collecting recycling out of the rotting food and rats living there to even the poorest person in my SIL's neighborhood is like claiming a splinter requires just as much care and attention as an amputated finger.
Sure you should donate to your local charities and help out your immediate neighbors, but that doesn't mean you can't also try to help more distant humans struggling with even greater issues. And believe me, seeing someone digging through a smelly rotten trash pile to find anything recyclable leaves a much deeper impression on a first world teen than visiting a trailer park in the Appalachians.
Teens think everyone lives like they do - at least I did, as a teen. It's good for American teens to realize just how fortunate they are, compared to most of the rest of the world.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 3, 2019 16:55:08 GMT -5
There are plenty of people here without running water and using outhouses. They get nothing. They also don’t live in trailer parks or manufactured homes. Have you seen their homes? I have. This country has poured a lot of money into Haiti with zero results. It might be the same in this country but trying would be nice.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2019 10:31:34 GMT -5
I went to the credit union this morning to do my Christmas "shopping." Would you believe that they have a special ATM machine inside that allows withdrawing however much $$ you want? I was told to just enter how much I wanted, that I could get $10K if it suited me (and if I had it in my account, of course). Dang! I didn't know such a thing existed. It even let me select the denominations.
So that was my shopping. I don't care if cash is crass. So far, nobody has turned it down or not wanted it. Come to think of it, they probably all figure it's what they're getting.
My brothers and sisters and I haven't exchanged gifts in many years, ever since we started sprouting kids, but one brother has a birthday thisclose to Christmas, and his birthday gifts are combination birthday/Christmas gifts. I always try to send him something specifically for his birthday. This year it falls just before RCM Day (Rocking Chair Money, i.e. SS). He's one of those retirees whose entire income is from SS, so I think I'm going to be un-creative and send him $$ (even if cash is crass). It will tide him over until his SS is deposited a day early this month, on the 24th.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Dec 4, 2019 10:54:19 GMT -5
DH managed not to talk politics with his DS. So Thanksgiving was almost peaceful, except for my SIL telling DH that she didn't like watching professional basketball on TV. She said she wasn't racist, but she didn't see many white faces on the court, and she didn't like that.
Pretty much when someone feels the need to tell you they aren't racist, they are being racist, I've found.
DH said the coaches would probably play purple and pink players, if they were good, and my SIL said that she was certain there were good white players, but the black players got all the spots on the team because the coaches are prejudiced against whites.
This is the same SIL who told me I shouldn't let my kid go with our church on a mission trip to Mexico because there are 'plenty of poor people in our (white) neighborhood to help.' (No, I don't think anyone in your neighborhood lives in a garbage without running water or a toilet).
Well, it's not the holidays if you don't have the crazy uncle or the racist SIL present to make everyone else roll their eyes, I guess.
Huh? I don't really like to watch pro basketball, but I don't care what color the people are. I don't understand why it even matters,.
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