Are you assertive with restaurants?

[cktc]

I wonder how common fake celiac actually is. I've met a couple people who have it, but I have met many more people who think it's a fake disease. It kinda reminds me of the idea that people choose to be gay because it's trendy or make up being raped. Most people don't want extra attention from adversity. It seems the skeptics are the bigger problem than people crying wolf.

[sheilaincali]

Sept 20, 2019 11:38:17 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

First step is to get the antibody (IgA) blood test. If it’s positive then most likely you have Celiac or another autoimmune disorder. Biopsy confirms it.

DD was diagnosed at 18 months. She’s a senior in HS now. She’s thriving. It sucks for her having to tell new friends/teammates because there are so many fad diets out there. No one wants to be different (especially not as a kid/teen).

I really feel for the gluten sensitive crew because it’s not something that will slowly kill you but it will make you sick.

I do not have Celiacs- I have used that phrase before at a restaurant because that's one that they recognize and take seriously. I've had dozens of tests done, blood, stool, biopsies, seen specialists, etc. I have "Non celiac specific gluten sensitivity". According to my GI I could continue to undergo batteries of tests (which they'll happily do because I have REALLY good insurance) or I can just maintain a completely gluten free lifestyle. If you want to put a specific title on it by process of elimination I have IBS and gluten is a huge trigger food for me. Even trace amounts will cause problems. Trust me- I had a plain burger once that they fried on the same grill as they did the patty melt made before my burger and I had cramping and diarrhea for 2 days and ended up at urgent care. The waitress forgot to tell the kitchen about my gluten issues.

When I say I'm completely gluten free I mean that we don't have any food in our house with gluten in it. We had to throw out every spice or seasoning that had wheat, rye or barley in them. We bought all new pots, pans, toaster, etc. The Hubs only has gluten when he is away from me and/or eating out at restaurants. I bring my own food to family functions (although my parents are getting better about reading ingredients). If the Hubs and I are taking a day trip somewhere I pack and lunch and snacks so we don't run the risk of me getting sick.  Being 90 miles away from home and having to find a bathroom every 15 or 20 minutes SUCKS big time.  

[sheilaincali]

Sept 20, 2019 11:45:17 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

Family members with Celiac are in the group that slight contamination don’t cause them grief. We use 1 toaster. I know we should have separate one. She also eats fries out of restaurants that don’t have a designated one. She’ll eat her hamburger after taking off bun it they accidentally forget. She seems to be thriving but there are potential risks we can’t see (infertility, cancer, osteoporosis...)

Yeah, that's not me at all. Even trace amounts cause problems for me.

If we go to a burger restaurant: I have to ask if the burger is soaked in anything prior to being cooked (they love to soak it in beer in the Midwest). I have to ask if the fries are fried in their own fryer or in a common fryer (I can only eat fries at maybe 1 place out of 10 that I ask at). I have to ask for them to not put on any of the random sauces that they like because they never know if the BBQ sauce has gluten in it or not. If I get a salad I have to ask for it with no dressing and I use my own dressing that I bring with me. If a place has mashed potatoes I have to ask if they are mashed on site or if they come pre-packaged to the restaurant. I have to ask at Mexican Restaurants if they "fry" their tortilla chips because they like to do that to fake people in to thinking they are "authentic" and not from a bag.

It's a horribly annoying thing to have to deal with. I very rarely eat out anymore. And when I do I stick to the half a dozen places I know I can safely eat at and I stick to foods that I have been able to successfully eat without having problems.

At the end of the day it borders on depressing. I'll never be able to eat at a restaurant without asking a dozen questions. I'll never be able to just run through a drive thru when I'm in a hurry. I don't get to have birthday cake (unless I buy one from the special bakery in town) I can't have a donut at work on Donut Fridays.  I can't grab a candy bar out of the candy jar on the front counter unless I know the ingredients. I'll never be able to have a piece of licorice again unless I pay a small fortune to buy it in tiny quantities from the specialty grocery stores like Whole Foods.

Groceries for 2 people cost us a fortune because GF = Expensive in every aspect. 

[Mrs. Dinero]

Dang Sheila. I’m sorry to hear that. I really feel for you. It must be very rough at times. Glad you have figured out what to avoid. Thinking of you.

[hoops902]

Sept 20, 2019 12:42:28 GMT -5 cktc said:

I wonder how common fake celiac actually is. I've met a couple people who have it, but I have met many more people who think it's a fake disease. It kinda reminds me of the idea that people choose to be gay because it's trendy or make up being raped. Most people don't want extra attention from adversity. It seems the skeptics are the bigger problem than people crying wolf.

I don't know about "fake"...but I think there's probably a lot of "self diagnosed" celiacs out there.  Most people, if they eat too many carbs, are going to feel kind of crappy.  As celiacs/gluten issues become more highlighted, I think there's a lot of folks who just say "oh, that's what I have".  I don't think there are a lot of people actively pretending to have it knowing they don't, but I think as with anything that becomes more socially prominent, lots of people will self-diagnose and are fully convinced that they have it when they don't.

[chiver78]

IME, there are far too many people willing to claim an allergy for a food they just don't like. that is what she is referring to. 

[Deleted]

I never complain, I've worked in a restaurant, I know a lot of people that have worked in a restaurant, there is a very high chance your food will be messed with.

If a restaurant screws up my food enough I will quit going there.

Watch the movie "Waiting" with Ryan Reynolds, all about the restaurant culture and complaining, and very true.

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 20, 2019 13:37:06 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

IME, there are far too many people willing to claim an allergy for a food they just don't like. that is what she is referring to. 

I can’t imagine being allergic to shellfish. But you seem to handle it just fine being where, like here, it is the in every restaurant! I’ll make up for it for you  

[hoops902]

Sept 20, 2019 13:37:06 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

IME, there are far too many people willing to claim an allergy for a food they just don't like. that is what she is referring to. 

Personally (just my opinion) I think a lot of people who say they're "allergic to gluten" probably aren't doing it because they simply don't like it (because everyone likes gluten, it's delicious).  I think they're doing it because they've convinced themselves it's bad for them, and that they ARE allergic to it (not deadly allergic, just allergic) because if you have too much, it does make you feel crappy (pun intended?).  

Just a quick google of "do I have gluten intolerance" gives some symptoms.  Some of those are simply things I would expect from someone eating a heavy meal which is what carb-loaded meals often are (abdominal pain/discomfort, feeling tired) and some that I think are just super prevalent in society as a whole today (depression, anxiety, diarrhea (how much caffeine does the average person consume now?), brain fog).  It's essentially become "feel bad?  It's probably the gluten"...and you can probably find some justification somewhere to support that whatever ails you, gluten is contributing to it.  That's what happens anytime a new "issue" becomes more socially prevalent.  

I would liken it to a lot of "PTSD" claims lately.  Ever had anything bad happen to you in your life?  You probably have PTSD over it.  It becomes so widely used that the severity of it seems diminished.  It's almost gone from "wow you have PTSD, that must mean nightmares, an inability to basically function" to "you have PTSD?  Sorry you're sad".  

The more something moves to the forefront socially, the more people self-diagnose themselves, the lesser the impact for people who actually suffer from it (the upside is what we've seen with gluten, there are more options...but at the cost that people don't really take the claims as seriously).  I would say it's similar with PTSD, it's less stigmatized now, but at the expense of people taking claims less seriously.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Sept 20, 2019 11:22:48 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Sept 20, 2019 11:03:22 GMT -5 sheilaincali said:

I'm aware that Gluten Free is a current fade and that everyone and their mother is on keto. That's why I am very upfront with them and tell them I have celiacs and that it's an allergy not a preference. A lot of places have a allergy menu and break out the options that are gluten free, dairy free, nut free, etc.

To be truly gluten free they have to prepare my food in a separate area of the kitchen or on a separate place on the grill. Some places have a whole cleaning protocol they follow for allergies. I always apologize and ask politely for them to inform the chef/cook. It's a double edged sword- I hate that people pretend to be gluten sensitive when really they are doing a keto diet but the more people asking for gluten free options the more options I have available to me.

It's also probably an issue that most people with celiacs aren't really allergic to gluten (I suppose you could both have celiacs and a wheat allergy or something).  But the whole "separate prep areas" and all that goes with it is not a celiacs thing for the majority of people with celiacs.  

There's a big difference between "this food is gluten free" and "we prepare this food and keep it distinct from anything that might cause any type of reaction for people with allergies".  It's not much different than someone who labels and item "vegan"...it doesn't mean they made it in a different kitchen where no eggs have ever been cooked before.  It means "this food doesn't include animals or animal products".  

YOUR idea of "truly gluten free" is preparing it in a separate area of the kitchen or on a separate place on the grill.  Just like MY idea of "vegan" might be "has never touched a cooking utensil that has ever been in contact with meat or byproducts".  Neither of these is likely what a restaurant means when describing a dish.

I'm not sure what you're ACTUALLY saying to them, but I wouldn't mention celiacs.  If you want to get the highest level of "purity", I'd stick with "allergy" and then reiterate what it is you're actually, specifically, allergic to.  Part of the issue is probably that gluten allergy is not the same as celiacs which is not the same as wheat allergy, etc.  "Celiacs" probably conjures up all the people they may know with celiacs, who don't need anything remotely as "non gluten" as what you're wanting/expecting.

Lol you care way too much about what other people want to order.

[jeffreymo]

If it’s a steak that is severely undercooked I’ll send it back. Other than that no complaints.

I will stop going to restaurants that aren’t up to snuff.

I also avoid going to restaurants with chronic complainers or folks who mix and match menu items or sometimes even order off the menu. I swear for some of them it’s like a power trip and they get a rush from bossing the server around.

[chiver78]

Sept 20, 2019 13:44:55 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Sept 20, 2019 13:37:06 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

IME, there are far too many people willing to claim an allergy for a food they just don't like. that is what she is referring to. 

I can’t imagine being allergic to shellfish. But you seem to handle it just fine being where, like here, it is the in every restaurant! I’ll make up for it for you  

please do! I can honestly say that I don't know what I'm missing, because I hated all of that when I was a kid. by the time the allergy popped up as an adult (from cross-contamination, ironically enough), whatever. 

[hoops902]

Sept 20, 2019 14:18:46 GMT -5 Rukh O'Rorke said:

Sept 20, 2019 11:22:48 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

It's also probably an issue that most people with celiacs aren't really allergic to gluten (I suppose you could both have celiacs and a wheat allergy or something).  But the whole "separate prep areas" and all that goes with it is not a celiacs thing for the majority of people with celiacs.  

There's a big difference between "this food is gluten free" and "we prepare this food and keep it distinct from anything that might cause any type of reaction for people with allergies".  It's not much different than someone who labels and item "vegan"...it doesn't mean they made it in a different kitchen where no eggs have ever been cooked before.  It means "this food doesn't include animals or animal products".  

YOUR idea of "truly gluten free" is preparing it in a separate area of the kitchen or on a separate place on the grill.  Just like MY idea of "vegan" might be "has never touched a cooking utensil that has ever been in contact with meat or byproducts".  Neither of these is likely what a restaurant means when describing a dish.

I'm not sure what you're ACTUALLY saying to them, but I wouldn't mention celiacs.  If you want to get the highest level of "purity", I'd stick with "allergy" and then reiterate what it is you're actually, specifically, allergic to.  Part of the issue is probably that gluten allergy is not the same as celiacs which is not the same as wheat allergy, etc.  "Celiacs" probably conjures up all the people they may know with celiacs, who don't need anything remotely as "non gluten" as what you're wanting/expecting.

Lol you care way too much about what other people want to order.

How do I care at all what people want to order?  I pointed out how restaurant wording on menus doesn't likely line up with the very strict requirements and internal thoughts on what someone thinks they mean (or should mean).  And then I pointed out that I think a better strategy would be to focus on a buzzword restaurants are trained in (allergy), rather than "celiacs" which typically doesn't carry the same weight because it's not really an allergy and exposure typically not as severe.

[Chocolate Lover]

I got assertive the other day. We had a long wait, which our server had warned us about. Seems a large parties order got in ahead of ours (2 people) so ok, fine. What it looked like was that the kitchen put ours out and it sat there until the large party got their food because it was lukewarm at best. Mine was lasagna, and the cheese on top and around the edges had congealed back up it was so cold. DH's was also lukewarm. They offered to make it again but I said no, and all we paid for was drinks and the appetizer. We did package up the leftovers for the bottomless teenage boy at home. (He didn't even eat half of the stuff either.)

Most of the time things aren't that bad and if it's a small thing I'll let it slide. When most of the food is cold though, I can do that at home by eating leftovers. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Depends. Mistakes happen and most aren't worth getting into a snit about. If they forget something it depends on how busy they are and what was forgotten I am not going to chase them down over something minor.    I also pipe up about the check from time to time, there have been instances when we got the wrong bill.

DH would give himself food poisoning before he says something.  He actually did that once by eating a steak that was clearly frozen in the middle and appeared to have been microwaved to room temperature.  We never went back to that place. 
 

If something's wrong be polite about it no need to call a server names or reduce them to tears (seen it happen).   There is being assertive and being an asshole, it's pretty easy to tell who is being what.

[chiver78]

Sept 20, 2019 13:47:31 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Sept 20, 2019 13:37:06 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

IME, there are far too many people willing to claim an allergy for a food they just don't like. that is what she is referring to. 

Personally (just my opinion) I think a lot of people who say they're "allergic to gluten" probably aren't doing it because they simply don't like it (because everyone likes gluten, it's delicious).  I think they're doing it because they've convinced themselves it's bad for them, and that they ARE allergic to it (not deadly allergic, just allergic) because if you have too much, it does make you feel crappy (pun intended?).  

Just a quick google of "do I have gluten intolerance" gives some symptoms.  Some of those are simply things I would expect from someone eating a heavy meal which is what carb-loaded meals often are (abdominal pain/discomfort, feeling tired) and some that I think are just super prevalent in society as a whole today (depression, anxiety, diarrhea (how much caffeine does the average person consume now?), brain fog).  It's essentially become "feel bad?  It's probably the gluten"...and you can probably find some justification somewhere to support that whatever ails you, gluten is contributing to it.  That's what happens anytime a new "issue" becomes more socially prevalent.  

I would liken it to a lot of "PTSD" claims lately.  Ever had anything bad happen to you in your life?  You probably have PTSD over it.  It becomes so widely used that the severity of it seems diminished.  It's almost gone from "wow you have PTSD, that must mean nightmares, an inability to basically function" to "you have PTSD?  Sorry you're sad".  

The more something moves to the forefront socially, the more people self-diagnose themselves, the lesser the impact for people who actually suffer from it (the upside is what we've seen with gluten, there are more options...but at the cost that people don't really take the claims as=
seriously).  I would say it's similar with PTSD, it's less stigmatized now, but at the expense of people taking claims less seriously.

gluten isn't typically what gets used for the fake allergies, from what I have seen. I'm talking about people that claim an allergy when they know there's nothing wrong, not people that think they have an intolerance. I have actually been out with coworkers, who after listening to me ask my questions, would offer up that they were allergic to onions, for instance. after the server walked away, they leaned over to tell me in confidence   that because they saw the care the server was taking to ensure that I was okay, that their sandwich wouldn't have those nasty onions. AYFKM? the server is making sure I don't die. you can pick the damn onions off your sandwich. and no, I never went out to lunch with those coworkers again. that's a special kind of asshole, IM(not so)HO. 

I don't disagree with the overabundance of self-diagnosis, but that kind of falls in line with Dr Google for basically every health problem known to man. 

[dannylion]

Sept 20, 2019 11:53:32 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

“I cannot do cilantro at all - makes me want to barf but it is usually shown on menu as in "with cilantro" so I avoid that.” Did you know this is part of your DNA? There’s such a thing is cilantro aversion. People with the aversion think it’s tastes like soap. So interesting.

This is because it does taste like soap.  There is no "thinks" about it.  It is not a matter of "opinion."

It. Tastes. Like. Soap.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 20, 2019 14:43:39 GMT -5 dannylion said:

Sept 20, 2019 11:53:32 GMT -5 Mrs. Dinero said:

“I cannot do cilantro at all - makes me want to barf but it is usually shown on menu as in "with cilantro" so I avoid that.” Did you know this is part of your DNA? There’s such a thing is cilantro aversion. People with the aversion think it’s tastes like soap. So interesting.

This is because it does taste like soap.  There is no "thinks" about it.  It is not a matter of "opinion."

It. Tastes. Like. Soap.  

[chiver78]

I'll take all of yours, then. I use it anywhere and everywhere it makes sense.

[hoops902]

Sept 20, 2019 14:37:33 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 20, 2019 13:47:31 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Personally (just my opinion) I think a lot of people who say they're "allergic to gluten" probably aren't doing it because they simply don't like it (because everyone likes gluten, it's delicious).  I think they're doing it because they've convinced themselves it's bad for them, and that they ARE allergic to it (not deadly allergic, just allergic) because if you have too much, it does make you feel crappy (pun intended?).  

Just a quick google of "do I have gluten intolerance" gives some symptoms.  Some of those are simply things I would expect from someone eating a heavy meal which is what carb-loaded meals often are (abdominal pain/discomfort, feeling tired) and some that I think are just super prevalent in society as a whole today (depression, anxiety, diarrhea (how much caffeine does the average person consume now?), brain fog).  It's essentially become "feel bad?  It's probably the gluten"...and you can probably find some justification somewhere to support that whatever ails you, gluten is contributing to it.  That's what happens anytime a new "issue" becomes more socially prevalent.  

I would liken it to a lot of "PTSD" claims lately.  Ever had anything bad happen to you in your life?  You probably have PTSD over it.  It becomes so widely used that the severity of it seems diminished.  It's almost gone from "wow you have PTSD, that must mean nightmares, an inability to basically function" to "you have PTSD?  Sorry you're sad".  

The more something moves to the forefront socially, the more people self-diagnose themselves, the lesser the impact for people who actually suffer from it (the upside is what we've seen with gluten, there are more options...but at the cost that people don't really take the claims as=
seriously).  I would say it's similar with PTSD, it's less stigmatized now, but at the expense of people taking claims less seriously.

gluten isn't typically what gets used for the fake allergies, from what I have seen. I'm talking about people that claim an allergy when they know there's nothing wrong, not people that think they have an intolerance. I have actually been out with coworkers, who after listening to me ask my questions, would offer up that they were allergic to onions, for instance. after the server walked away, they leaned over to tell me in confidence   that because they saw the care the server was taking to ensure that I was okay, that their sandwich wouldn't have those nasty onions. AYFKM? the server is making sure I don't die. you can pick the damn onions off your sandwich. and no, I never went out to lunch with those coworkers again. that's a special kind of asshole, IM(not so)HO. 

I don't disagree with the overabundance of self-diagnosis, but that kind of falls in line with Dr Google for basically every health problem known to man. 

I agree with your point, I guess I rarely see people just making up allergies they know they don't have.  I see a LOT of people saying lately that they're "allergic to gluten"...who in my mind seem to genuinely believe it.  

I was really trying to speak specifically to "gluten" as the topic, because I think it has exploded lately and therefore people take it less seriously.  I do think the term "allergy" is faked enough that the authenticity of the claims become more questioned which isn't a good thing for people who actually have allergies...but I'm not sure it's gotten to the point I see with gluten where it's basically just an assumption now when people say it that it's simply not true.

[chiver78]

I think we are on the same page, the breakdown seemed to be the complete bullshit "allergies" vs. Dr Google. we're good. 

[hoops902]

Sept 20, 2019 14:51:24 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I think we are on the same page, the breakdown seemed to be the complete bullshit "allergies" vs. Dr Google. we're good. 

So which makes you more annoyed?

1.  People who clearly fake an allergy they don't know they have, which is super selfish but probably doesn't have a far-reaching societal impact (i.e. faking an onion allergy)

2.  People who just decide they have the "disease of the day", and probably think they have it, but do cause more societal harm (IMO) because the entire thing stops being taken seriously on a wide scale?

I'm guessing you're more annoyed by #1 because they're doing it knowingly for selfish reasons.  Though I think if the "disease of the day" was something I had, I might be more annoyed by #2 because their ignorance has a direct impact on my potential health.

[NastyWoman]

Sept 20, 2019 14:48:52 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'll take all of yours, then. I use it anywhere and everywhere it makes sense.

let's share ok. I don't want to  about it

[chiver78]

ha. I suppose it depends on the winds that day. #1 is a class of asshole that I just don't entertain. but I'm with you on all the Dr Googles out there, providing more ammunition to the skeptics. that doesn't help any of us with legitimate life-threatening allergies. 

hopefully she doesn't mind, but I'd love to hear GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl 's take on this, having raised two young men with way more serious allergies than mine. 

[weltschmerz]

Sept 20, 2019 14:45:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 20, 2019 14:43:39 GMT -5 dannylion said:

This is because it does taste like soap.  There is no "thinks" about it.  It is not a matter of "opinion."

It. Tastes. Like. Soap.  

Does not. It tastes wonderful.

[weltschmerz]

Are you assertive with restaurants?

I can be REALLY assertive in restaurants. That being said, I haven't needed to be for many years. The last time was when I ordered steak bleu and it came to me medium. Twice. That was inexcusable.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 20, 2019 12:42:28 GMT -5 cktc said:

I wonder how common fake celiac actually is. I've met a couple people who have it, but I have met many more people who think it's a fake disease. It kinda reminds me of the idea that people choose to be gay because it's trendy or make up being raped. Most people don't want extra attention from adversity. It seems the skeptics are the bigger problem than people crying wolf.

I have a friend who cannot have gluten.  She gets a tremendous GI upset and needs to find a bathroom within 15 minutes of eating gluten.  She did an elimination diet, and getting rid of gluten took care of 80% of her issues.  Getting rid of eggs got rid of an additional 15%.  The extra 5% of the problems she figures are contamination (and usually frying french fries along with crusted chicken many times is the culprit)  However, she does not test positive for ANY of the tests available for gluten sensitivity.  

So while she has not 'officially' been diagnosed with celiac, getting rid of the gluten makes her life far less miserable.  She does not say she has celiac, she says she just cannot have gluten.  It is not an anaphalactic reaction like an allergy, but her gut's response to it is not unlike a celiac's (possibly without the ongoing destruction of celiac).

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 20, 2019 15:22:50 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Sept 20, 2019 14:45:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Does not. It tastes wonderful.

For certain people, it does.  TD does not like cilantro, to him it tastes like bitter soap.  So when I cook I choose alternative herbs to replace it with.  Usually parsley.  

[weltschmerz]

I have a friend who says she cannot have gluten. She gives servers a very hard time. Then I'll go to her house and she's having a bagel and chasing it with a beer.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 20, 2019 16:34:49 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I have a friend who says she cannot have gluten. She gives servers a very hard time. Then I'll go to her house and she's having a bagel and chasing it with a beer.

So why do you have a liar as a friend?  Why don't you call her out for it?  All her actions do is hurt those who DO have gluten sensitivities and do have to be extraordinarily careful when they eat out.