gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jul 2, 2019 10:12:11 GMT -5
I just got it over with an had my mother not like me. That way, I was prepared to have nothing in common with my MIL. It all works out. Wait... what? I hope you're joking but if not that's incredibly sad. Sorry that was your experience.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 2, 2019 14:28:01 GMT -5
I just got it over with an had my mother not like me. That way, I was prepared to have nothing in common with my MIL. It all works out. Wait... what? I hope you're joking but if not that's incredibly sad. Sorry that was your experience. Kinda joking. My poor Mom has a very pessimistic view of the world and I was a difficult child. I cycled through friends pretty regularly, so the idea that I wore my Mom out isn't outlandish. The cycle was only intensified by her negativity and just our general differences. I still carry a little of it today, but alas, everyone's got problems.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 2, 2019 20:38:02 GMT -5
We're going to have dinner tonight with DS#2 and the fiancee we haven't seen since Christmas. Should be interesting. I'll be super nice and non-judgmental. (Yeah, we all know how likely the non-judgmental part is to happen. )
I do logically understand the perspective of "it's okay to not like someone". It's just frustrating when you don't think you've done anything to deserve the person not liking you or that you don't think you've done anything at all to indicate that you don't like the other person.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jul 5, 2019 13:28:25 GMT -5
We're going to have dinner tonight with DS#2 and the fiancee we haven't seen since Christmas. Should be interesting. I'll be super nice and non-judgmental. (Yeah, we all know how likely the non-judgmental part is to happen. )
I do logically understand the perspective of "it's okay to not like someone". It's just frustrating when you don't think you've done anything to deserve the person not liking you or that you don't think you've done anything at all to indicate that you don't like the other person. People can be weird. Some of them can be extremely quick to take offense for extremely stupid reasons.
My younger sister once took offense and refused to talk to me because I didn't pick up my phone right away when she called. (I wasn't near my phone, I was out moving rocks in the yard. When I saw she'd called a few hours later, I called her back, but by then she'd convinced herself that I was deliberately snubbing her, and she refused to talk to me).
I would guess the amount of time she could stand to talk to me over the past 30 years is about equal to the amount of time she's sulking and refusing to talk to me. I count myself lucky, though, because she has relatives and inlaws she hasn't talked to for years, due to some ridiculous comment or other. My poor BIL has a hard life. My other sister and I just shrug it off - she's a delicate snowflake, and when she's refusing to talk to me, I enjoy the peace and quiet. Eventually, she always gets tired of sulking and starts talking to me again, until the next time.....
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jul 5, 2019 14:02:05 GMT -5
We're going to have dinner tonight with DS#2 and the fiancee we haven't seen since Christmas. Should be interesting. I'll be super nice and non-judgmental. (Yeah, we all know how likely the non-judgmental part is to happen. )
I do logically understand the perspective of "it's okay to not like someone". It's just frustrating when you don't think you've done anything to deserve the person not liking you or that you don't think you've done anything at all to indicate that you don't like the other person. Most people can't fake liking someone they just don't like. Notice she didn't say "you're family is mean to me". If the warmth isn't there it is really really hard to fake it. See if you can find things you can like about her and focus on that.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 5, 2019 14:43:15 GMT -5
DN1's wife will tell you the warmth of actually liking someone can not be faked.
My sister says over and over that she never said anything to indicate she didn't like her. It's in the body language and the tone of voice.
Sister gets mad at me and I see her roll her eyes or look to my niece as they confirm to each other that I'm crazy. I'm sure nephew's wife saw that happening, too.
My sister would tell you that she never said or did anything to her DIL or to me. We both think she did and it's in her behavior.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Jul 6, 2019 11:21:04 GMT -5
My late MIL had some underhanded things she would do to me. She even told my H. she didn't want me in her house. He laid is out that we would both leave. I would tell her how much I enjoyed her letters. How happy I was to be at her home. How happy to be part of this family. Her favorite niece did this, also.
She tried hiding one of her doll treasurers in my luggage so she could claim I stole it. I told H. she was in my bag. He retrieved the doll and put it under the bed. When she called accusing me, H. told her to look under the bed.
This same thing she did to my H's younger brother's (T) GF. The accusations were venomous. T. and his GF had held yard sales for her for years. Selling her junk. Giving her the money. She was a pack rat. He bought her groceries. Pre-GF, paid rent when he could have lived elsewhere. Gave them his cars when he could have traded for a newer one. T. did not speak to his mother for years after that. Even at his Dad's funeral he wouldn't back down. I am estranged from my older brother, who was an alcoholic liability. It cost me a lot of money and a lawyer to get my share or part of my share from my late Dad's trust that he kept from me for years.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jul 6, 2019 12:22:25 GMT -5
Wow, I just moved, made it all easier.
Of course periodically hubs hears the venom of how its all my fault she is in assisted living. It sure was part of my fault but hubs was the one that knew she had to go. I'm not worried about it, it bothered me for awhile but I have so much on my plate that's just one more responsibility. Even with her issues you can choose to be happy or not. Her sister sometimes blames me too but she is very happy there. I cannot imagine what would have happened to these ladies trying to stay in their homes. The neighbors would have forced something to be done. In fact they did initially call hubs and tell him he had to do something with them. The old ladies still think the neighbors would take care of them. I think this is the saddest ways for people to have to live out the end of their lives.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 6, 2019 15:13:30 GMT -5
If your MIL is so hateful to you, why do you treat your DIL the same way?
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Jul 6, 2019 15:56:18 GMT -5
We're going to have dinner tonight with DS#2 and the fiancee we haven't seen since Christmas. Should be interesting. I'll be super nice and non-judgmental. (Yeah, we all know how likely the non-judgmental part is to happen. )
I do logically understand the perspective of "it's okay to not like someone". It's just frustrating when you don't think you've done anything to deserve the person not liking you or that you don't think you've done anything at all to indicate that you don't like the other person. How was dinner with DS2 and his fiancé?
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