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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 21, 2019 12:16:21 GMT -5
Yesterday, I got a call from my dad's wife. She wants to put the house up for sale this summer.
When dad died, the house was put into me and my sibling's and her name. She is due 1/4 of the proceeds. Dad assumed that she would live there her entire life, but she has decided that the house is too much for her. It isn't that big, but the property is large and between mowing in the spring and summer and winter snow it is just too much. The washer and dryer are downstairs and she has difficulty doing stairs.
So I call my siblings. We really didn't take much out of the house when dad died.....mainly because all of us flew and getting the stuff back was impossible on a plane. So with the house going up for sale, we now need to act. There isn't much I want out of it, a bowl and set of candlesticks, a painting and dad's collection of tapes and his reel to reel. So we are going to have to find time in an already packed summer to fly across the country and drive back. July is out for us, we are going to be gone half of it and the half we are not gone is already overly booked. Add to this that my sister cannot go until September because she has a product release in August. We cannot go late in Sept as we still have to go over the mountains and travel can start getting sketchy at the end of Sept up here. My sister wants my parent's bedroom set, my dad's slides and the dishes. So the thought was that we fly out there one way, pick up a one way truck rental. Drop her off in MN with her crap, downsize to an SUV (which should be sufficient for what I want) and drive back to WA. My brother has a van, so he should not have any problems getting his stuff south to OH.
Other than the emotions of dismantling the rest of dad's life, I am concerned as to where she is going to live. Dad left her a decent amount of money, and she really did some stupid stuff with it. That's water under the bridge. she has 3 kids that still live in town, so she does have a place to stay (one of her daughters has moved to IL). She is entitled to 1/4 the proceeds, as I am......but I have pretty much already decided that I am going to contribute my 1/4 to be split between my sister and brother as I don't need it as much as they do. The amount should be somewhere around $40K. I'm not sure if I will give it to them directly, or hold it in an account and dole it out to them as necessary since neither of them make great financial decisions. I hate the idea of being a gatekeeper, but I know that they'd both piss it away and still need help.
I hate this.....is there anything I am missing? Should I split it between my dad's wife too?
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 21, 2019 12:36:36 GMT -5
How about holding onto your share, and distributing it if/as needed? Your step-mom may need help at some point. IIRC, her children are irresponsible leeches.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Jun 21, 2019 12:51:05 GMT -5
I'd be more inclined to help your stepmother as your siblings are still working. From everything you've said, she's a very kind woman who lovingly cared for your Dad.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 21, 2019 13:22:44 GMT -5
I'd be more inclined to help your stepmother as your siblings are still working. From everything you've said, she's a very kind woman who lovingly cared for your Dad. My stepmother received the bulk of my dad's estate (about 3x the price of the house, she would have been set for the rest of her life had she used it carefully....however she used it liberally to help her kids out). The house is all me and my siblings received. Of my siblings, my sister was recently divorced and had been out of the workforce for over 20 years. Her ex used their retirement as a piggybank, so my sister is scrambling right now, as she is looking at retirement in around 12 years. My brother is putting 3 kids through college and recently got laid off.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 21, 2019 13:37:24 GMT -5
In that case, I'd stick it somewhere safe and wait a few years until their next money crisis. If your sister and brother are both getting $40K, that should help with their immediate financial issues.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 21, 2019 14:04:07 GMT -5
In that case, I'd stick it somewhere safe and wait a few years until their next money crisis. If your sister and brother are both getting $40K, that should help with their immediate financial issues. All 3 of them will have some reserves for a while hopefully.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 21, 2019 14:19:55 GMT -5
Yeah, keep it yourself for now, don't let them know it's available, and if you want to help them, pay bills directly for them, don't just hand over cash.
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Jun 21, 2019 14:23:03 GMT -5
I took my mom's money when she died and placed in trust fund for her great grand kids they will get it when they turn 30. Unless I decide else wise. My sibling can not handle money so I thought the kids should get something from her
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Jun 21, 2019 14:42:41 GMT -5
Look into shipping costs and compare them very carefully with the cost of one way truck rental.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 21, 2019 14:51:03 GMT -5
Look into shipping costs and compare them very carefully with the cost of one way truck rental. This. My mom insisted I take my upright piano (mine because I was the only kid who took lessons with it) and contacted a moving company who only charged about $180 bucks to take it from Ohio to GA. This was about 15 years ago.
Or look into a POD - your sister could load her stuff into one POD and they'll come pick it up and deliver it to her house. Cheaper than renting a U-Haul. Your stuff you could probably pack and ship at the UPS store.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 21, 2019 14:55:32 GMT -5
I don't know how much furniture your step mom wants to take with her, but it is possible to sell a home with furniture. Check with the realtor and see if it would help or hurt the sale value. My grandma did that with her home when she went into assisted living, she was convinced she earned more money for her house selling it furnished (not sure if she did nor not) but it did solve the hassle of having to sell all the stuff.
If step mom doesn't want it, and if it's not high dollar antiques that you could sell for extra money, Salvation Army will come pick it up.
Sounds like you and your siblings at least have agreed on who wants what. I've seen these kinds of things get crazy nasty over stupid stuff like Aunt Rose's BBQ grill or the second best set of china.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 21, 2019 15:03:30 GMT -5
Look into shipping costs and compare them very carefully with the cost of one way truck rental. This. My mom insisted I take my upright piano (mine because I was the only kid who took lessons with it) and contacted a moving company who only charged about $180 bucks to take it from Ohio to GA. This was about 15 years ago.
Or look into a POD - your sister could load her stuff into one POD and they'll come pick it up and deliver it to her house. Cheaper than renting a U-Haul. Your stuff you could probably pack and ship at the UPS store.
PODs seem to be best locally, but I found when I looked into using PODs a few years ago when I needed to move my stuff from KY to WA that this was the most expensive way to go. It isn't the rental, but the distance you want to move it. I'm not going to ship my stuff. It is irreplaceable to me, and not financially.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Jun 21, 2019 16:06:51 GMT -5
I wouldn't worry about sharing with stepmom. Just be decent about stuff and the process and then be relieved it's finished.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 21, 2019 16:58:28 GMT -5
I was wondering why you would have to drive across the country with a bowl and some candlesticks.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 21, 2019 17:04:10 GMT -5
I was wondering why you would have to drive across the country with a bowl and some candlesticks. There are some other things too. A reel to reel, about 3 cases of music. Another 2-3 cases of slides that were taken over my parent’s 37 year marriage. A painting, some other stuff. What I want out of the house probably amounts to a pretty full SUV.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 21, 2019 18:04:50 GMT -5
I have all of my mom's slides and movies, along with her movie and slide projectors. I had a very full car load just with those.
I would not dream of shipping those.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Jun 21, 2019 19:59:31 GMT -5
I lived on the West coast when my last parent died in the Midwest. At least 3 trips to go thru everything. I shipped one van and several suitcases home. My sisters lived nearby and both of them filled their garages. I was actually glad it was so far, because it made me limit choices to things that were really important. We had a couple of garage sales, took the best clothes to consignment and then some company came and dealt with everything left over. Now that I am downsizing myself, some of the stuff I thought was important or sentimental 10 years ago is going out.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jun 25, 2019 8:04:43 GMT -5
I lived on the West coast when my last parent died in the Midwest. At least 3 trips to go thru everything. I shipped one van and several suitcases home. My sisters lived nearby and both of them filled their garages. I was actually glad it was so far, because it made me limit choices to things that were really important. We had a couple of garage sales, took the best clothes to consignment and then some company came and dealt with everything left over. Now that I am downsizing myself, some of the stuff I thought was important or sentimental 10 years ago is going out.It's a timing thing - sometimes the time just isn't right to purge stuff. Now it is.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 25, 2019 8:06:53 GMT -5
Timing definitely matters. I've gone through my clothes and stuff several times in the last year. I keep finding stuff to get rid of. I figure as long as I keep making progress that's what matters.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 25, 2019 8:30:55 GMT -5
When I started purging, if it was going to be hard to get rid of it, I kept it. On the 2nd pass, probably 2/3 of the stuff went. I'm sure if I do a 3rd pass, more will go.
It is timing and me realizing most of my Beatles collection has no meaning to anyone except me and is not valuable monetarily.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2019 9:48:43 GMT -5
Timing definitely matters. I've gone through my clothes and stuff several times in the last year. I keep finding stuff to get rid of. I figure as long as I keep making progress that's what matters. When I am in the mood, I can get rid of a crazy amount of stuff. I also learned that if I get hung up on one item, where I know I should toss it, but just can't, I give it to my husband and say "toss this for me". He usually does. He is very sentimental, but mostly about his own stuff. LOL. He does the same with me. He told me to throw away a book behind his back, turned around to leave the room, so I threw it in the trash, but he saw me do it, and was mad. It was a Dennis the Menace cookbook. So, he is under a lot of pressure to not make a big deal about it.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jun 25, 2019 10:04:08 GMT -5
He told me to throw away a book behind his back, turned around to leave the room, so I threw it in the trash, but he saw me do it, and was mad. It was a Dennis the Menace cookbook. So, he is under a lot of pressure to not make a big deal about it. Was there ketchup in every single recipe?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jun 25, 2019 10:31:23 GMT -5
He told me to throw away a book behind his back, turned around to leave the room, so I threw it in the trash, but he saw me do it, and was mad. It was a Dennis the Menace cookbook. So, he is under a lot of pressure to not make a big deal about it. Was there ketchup in every single recipe? Lol. Don't know. The book wasn't opened a single time in the 24 years we have lived together.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Jun 25, 2019 10:33:41 GMT -5
It was a Dennis the Menace cookbook.
I have a donation box in my sewing room and I'm very slowly purging some of DHs clothes. He is a clothes horse and the only time he has room on his side of closet is when I haven't ironed in several weeks. I won't let him use any of my half, and I have room to spare.
That would have been a cute book to look at, and then go into 'the box'.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Jun 25, 2019 17:33:15 GMT -5
The Walk of the Penguin Mich my heart sank when I saw this because I thought it was bad news about your hips. So relieved that it wasn't!!! Frankly, I'd keep whatever money you get. If you don't need it, then just save (or invest) it. That gives you the option to help your brother or sister later IF you want to.
Personally I wouldn't feel the need to help your stepmom out, since she got much more and chose to help her leechy/adult kids out instead of being smart with that money.
From what you have said, your sister is a bottomless pit, so IMO there's no point in gifting her that money. I don't remember much about your brother.
For all those reasons, I'd just keep the money, and help your family IF you want to, LATER. You may also opt to help your nieces/nephews with college costs (instead of their parents). Remember, it's YOUR money. Even if you don't "need" it and are generous enough to spread the joy, it should be on YOUR terms, not theirs. Even if you choose to gift it, it should be for something YOU value.
But I'd also do something meaningful with at least part of it ... either something intangible you can look back at, or something tangible you can look at, and know it was a last gift from your Dad.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jun 25, 2019 21:12:14 GMT -5
The thing about helping people who make bad financial decisions is that it doesn't really help, just more money gets wasted and before you can blink they are back in dire financial straits. What I have noticed about my "broke" friends is that that is just how they operate. While I consider myself broke when I have spent my budgeted allowance, they don't consider themselves broke until they are past their credit limit. But once they are there they scrounge around until they get what I consider the bare minimum covered and their life goes on. That seems to be what they consider their base line.
All that to say I wouldn't give any of your money to any of them. It won't really help. Maybe give the kids gifts or something, like cronewitch does with her nieces and nephews.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 25, 2019 21:12:28 GMT -5
I got a call from my stepmom yesterday. They have a realtor, and she has plans to move in with one of her leeches children. They are pricing the house for about $30k more than Zillow has it, but I don’t think we will get it.
I got a bit pissed when she started talking about how much we were going to benefit from the money she put into the house. The only thing she did that was not basic maintenance on the house was she ripped out my dad’s rose garden and put in a cement patio. I think it detracts from the house, not enhances it.
Told her we we will all be out in Sept. .
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on Jun 25, 2019 22:45:11 GMT -5
What if the house sells before September?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jun 25, 2019 23:14:37 GMT -5
What if the house sells before September? It won’t go on the market before then. I believe she needs our signatures in order to sell it.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 25, 2019 23:15:30 GMT -5
Since it sounds like the proceeds from the sale are just icing on the cake to you, I'd take the smile and nod approach (but you know phone version). Less drama and the few thousand more you may or may not get isn't a big deal to you.
With her improvement talks I'd just be like "well it benefits us all *change topic*".
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