TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jun 9, 2019 7:12:52 GMT -5
After feeling he has been taking advantage off. Originally post was on reddit and became popular over the net: archive.is/iB5nRBasically: - man been with girlfriend for 10 years (girlfriend has not worked since then). - man take on role of father figure to child - dead beat father come and and out of her life, not paying child support or anything. - man buys child a car and pay 40k for college. - child about to get married now; man happy to pay 40-50k towards wedding for 250 guests. - daughter and mother do not invite man 20 guests (sent announcement but no invite). - invite does not feature man as host or anything part of the family. - then daughter ask her “real dad” to walk her down the aisle. He loses it, say thank you and no thank you. Cancel his payment for everything, and ask mother and daughter to move out. What is your take?
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Jun 9, 2019 7:30:04 GMT -5
I never know how "real" these stories are. Why was he paying for all those things when he wasn't married to the girl's mother? Did he ever convey any of his feelings and wants for the wedding to the girlfriend or bride while they made the plans. Surely if he'd said the condition of me paying is x, y, and z then they would have complied. And if not these sound like selfish people he is better off without. However, standing up and announcing all of this the way he did in a moment of rage at the rehearsal dinner is equally ridiculous. So sounds like a bunch of people suited for each other - some real housewives kind of crap.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2019 8:17:29 GMT -5
He's $40 - $50 grand to the good minus any deposits he had to make for the venues maybe. According to phil script at 11% over 20 yrs - well you get the picture.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2019 9:32:59 GMT -5
Why did he support them for ten years? It is obvious that they didn't care about him, and he doesn't seem to care about them.
He embarrassed his girlfriend and her daughter as publicly as possible, both at the dinner and afterwards on the internet. He could have accomplished the same thing after the dinner was over, telling them that he was through being their sugar daddy and to move out in the morning. As he said, he never agreed to pay for the wedding; they just assumed it.
But the way he did it is, to me, is as bad as what they did.
Money isn't the same thing as caring.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jun 9, 2019 9:51:16 GMT -5
With something this egregious I tend to think it was a creative writing exercise. Seems to check off all the boxes for some of the subreddits where all the women haters hang out. You got the good guy being taken advantage of by the ungrateful women, the lazy woman that quit her job years ago to live off of him, and then the chad that gets all the benefits without doing any of the work.
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crazycat
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Post by crazycat on Jun 9, 2019 13:01:43 GMT -5
Here’s my wedding story - my mom had been married about 4 years to a man ( wont even call him my step dad ) , he was an abusive , arrogant ass . I didn’t have any kind of relationship with him . He was invited to wedding along with my mom . It was never any mystery to who would walk me down the aisle - my big brother , as we had lost my father when I was 14 . Well , on the day of my wedding , my mom shows up and says , “Charles “ isn’t coming because he’s so upset that he wouldn’t be walking me down the aisle and demanded my mom stay home as well . My mom told him , no way in Hell . The guy was just crazy for lack of a better term . Never had it ever come up that anyone other than my big brother would do the honors .
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2019 13:46:50 GMT -5
I am actually closer to both my stepparents than I am either of my biological parents. When I got married, to avoid hurt feelings, I walked down the aisle myself. I didn't really want to be "given away" anyhow.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 9, 2019 14:00:37 GMT -5
So apparently a few years back the catholic church redid the wedding mass. They now suggest both parents walk with you. Their reasoning is both parents present you to the altar for all of the other sacraments.
There was no way in hell my mother who had nothing to do with raising me past five was walking me down the aisle with my father. I would have went alone. They caved as it was only strongly recommended.
DH walked with his parents, I walked with my father.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Jun 9, 2019 15:00:02 GMT -5
After feeling he has been taking advantage off. Originally post was on reddit and became popular over the net: archive.is/iB5nRBasically: - man been with girlfriend for 10 years (girlfriend has not worked since then). - man take on role of father figure to child - dead beat father come and and out of her life, not paying child support or anything. - man buys child a car and pay 40k for college. - child about to get married now; man happy to pay 40-50k towards wedding for 250 guests. - daughter and mother do not invite man 20 guests (sent announcement but no invite). - invite does not feature man as host or anything part of the family. - then daughter ask her “real dad” to walk her down the aisle. He loses it, say thank you and no thank you. Cancel his payment for everything, and ask mother and daughter to move out. What is your take? he sounds like a real drama king. It's fine to reevaluate your relationship to people and to end relationships, but to make a big public display like that toast is really over the top. He may have had the high-ground as it were, but he totally gave that away with this public display at a dinner which included a lot of people (the future groom and family) that did not need to hear this or be involved in this. He lashed out and tried to hurt and embarrass the GF and daughter. He could have privately talked with gf and the daughter and told them how hurt he was and asked what is going on? what is my place in this family? it is not what I thought it was and listened to what they had to say and then make a quiet statement to them that he no longer felt comfortable with the situation and would not be financially supporting the wedding given this new information. Then also - break up with the GF privately. That is a private matter. The fact that he lashed out like that in public may provide a large clue as to why the daughter is not seeing him as her real father and the biodad as secondary. Also - what relationship the daughter had with the 20 people he wanted invited is an important consideration. It is problematic when someone is paying for a lot of the wedding costs, but that doesn't give them to right to invite people that the couple really doesn't want there. There may have some reasons there that this guy is not telling - or may even be not aware of.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Jun 9, 2019 15:01:35 GMT -5
With something this egregious I tend to think it was a creative writing exercise. Seems to check off all the boxes for some of the subreddits where all the women haters hang out. You got the good guy being taken advantage of by the ungrateful women, the lazy woman that quit her job years ago to live off of him, and then the chad that gets all the benefits without doing any of the work. oooo! insightful!
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 9, 2019 17:46:08 GMT -5
So apparently a few years back the catholic church redid the wedding mass. They now suggest both parents walk with you. Their reasoning is both parents present you to the altar for all of the other sacraments. There was no way in hell my mother who had nothing to do with raising me past five was walking me down the aisle with my father. I would have went alone. They caved as it was only strongly recommended. DH walked with his parents, I walked with my father. Except (in most cases), for Extreme Unction, the former name of the sacrament of anointing of the sick, especially when administered to the dying.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 9, 2019 17:56:28 GMT -5
This is no different than the bride who, at her wedding, instead of her vows, read the texts between her almost-groom and the woman he was cheating with (she found out the night before the wedding).
I say kudos to these people. I wouldn’t do it because I’m a very private person but I totally get why people would want to out the assholes that hurt them.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2019 18:26:30 GMT -5
I am actually closer to both my stepparents than I am either of my biological parents. When I got married, to avoid hurt feelings, I walked down the aisle myself. I didn't really want to be "given away" anyhow. My first marriage was performed by the mayor of a small town in NJ, so no debate about anyone walking me down the aisle. My second time, DH was 65 and I was 50 and we had a full Book of Common Prayer Service in the church where we'd met. Not only that- it was the 1928 BCP, which is not the most recent, because we liked the archaic language. (It did NOT have "obey" in the vows, though.) I decided to have Dad walk me down the aisle. At my age, the old model of Dad handing over control to the new husband was irrelevant. I was grateful Dad was still alive and able to see that day. When the question came, "Who gives this woman?", he answered, "Her mother and I do". I considered it more a sign of the blessing of the family.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2019 19:04:48 GMT -5
Why isn't the groom given away?
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jun 9, 2019 20:15:08 GMT -5
Why isn't the groom given away? It's a holdover from a time (not as long ago as one would want it to be) when a woman was considered chattel, little more than property with no right to an independent life outside the control of her father or husband. Certain segments of society have never relinquished that particular view of the status of women and are actively working to reimpose it on the rest of us.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2019 20:22:05 GMT -5
Why isn't the groom given away? It's a holdover from a time (not as long ago as one would want it to be) when a woman was considered chattel, little more than property with no right to an independent life outside the control of her father or husband. Certain segments of society have never relinquished that particular view of the status of women and are actively working to reimpose it on the rest of us. Just like when the person performing the ceremony used/still says I pronounce you man and wife! Lately I've actually heard "Husband and wife" but it took forever to change those simple words.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 9, 2019 20:53:50 GMT -5
Why isn't the groom given away? It's a holdover from a time (not as long ago as one would want it to be) when a woman was considered chattel, little more than property with no right to an independent life outside the control of her father or husband. Certain segments of society have never relinquished that particular view of the status of women and are actively working to reimpose it on the rest of us. In today’s world, no woman has to be given away. Lots of women just like the tradition. No one cares about the groom but everyone is excited to see the bride in her beautiful gown.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 9, 2019 20:54:41 GMT -5
It's a holdover from a time (not as long ago as one would want it to be) when a woman was considered chattel, little more than property with no right to an independent life outside the control of her father or husband. Certain segments of society have never relinquished that particular view of the status of women and are actively working to reimpose it on the rest of us. Just like when the person performing the ceremony used/still says I pronounce you man and wife! Lately I've actually heard "Husband and wife" but it took forever to change those simple words. I was married 25 years ago and “husband and wife” was used. As was “love, honor and cherish”, in place of “obey”.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2019 21:04:20 GMT -5
Just like when the person performing the ceremony used/still says I pronounce you man and wife! Lately I've actually heard "Husband and wife" but it took forever to change those simple words. I was married 25 years ago and “husband and wife” was used. As was “love, honor and cherish”, in place of “obey”. I have a few years back on you Also don't go to a lot of wedding lately so just noticed it in the last 10 yrs or so. But in 64 it was man and wife!! I actually ran across my "marriage vows book" two years ago when cleaning out a box that just gets moved from place to place and hasn't been opened in forever. I cracked up when I read it. No way would I say those word today. Whoa, no way would I remarry so there's that too.
ETA: I failed the "obey" part of my vows
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 9, 2019 21:05:57 GMT -5
I was married 25 years ago and “husband and wife” was used. As was “love, honor and cherish”, in place of “obey”. I have a few years back on you Also don't go to a lot of wedding lately so just noticed it in the last 10 yrs or so. But in 64 it was man and wife!! I actually ran across my "marriage vows book" two years ago when cleaning out a box that just gets moved from place to place and hasn't been opened in forever. I cracked up when I read it. No way would I say those word today. Whoa, no way would I remarry so there's that too. Lol! I made sure obey was not in my vows. I am not a feminist but even I wasn’t cool with that!
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2019 21:15:56 GMT -5
I have a few years back on you Also don't go to a lot of wedding lately so just noticed it in the last 10 yrs or so. But in 64 it was man and wife!! I actually ran across my "marriage vows book" two years ago when cleaning out a box that just gets moved from place to place and hasn't been opened in forever. I cracked up when I read it. No way would I say those word today. Whoa, no way would I remarry so there's that too. Lol! I made sure obey was not in my vows. I am not a feminist but even I wasn’t cool with that! I think I mumbled it just to cover my bases!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 9, 2019 21:18:12 GMT -5
Lol! I made sure obey was not in my vows. I am not a feminist but even I wasn’t cool with that! I think I mumbled it just to cover my bases! It was also a different time my parents got married in 66. My mom never would have questioned it
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 9, 2019 21:46:37 GMT -5
I was married 25 years ago and “husband and wife” was used. As was “love, honor and cherish”, in place of “obey”. I have a few years back on you Also don't go to a lot of wedding lately so just noticed it in the last 10 yrs or so. But in 64 it was man and wife!! I actually ran across my "marriage vows book" two years ago when cleaning out a box that just gets moved from place to place and hasn't been opened in forever. I cracked up when I read it. No way would I say those word today. Whoa, no way would I remarry so there's that too.
ETA: I failed the "obey" part of my vows
An older friend of mine was once a nun in the late '50s. She lasted all of 30 days. According to her, she had no problem with the vow of poverty. She had now problem with the vow of chastity. But she immediately ran into a problem with the vow of obedience. She has had that obedience problem ever since. Funny lady.
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justme
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Post by justme on Jun 9, 2019 22:29:01 GMT -5
I have a few years back on you Also don't go to a lot of wedding lately so just noticed it in the last 10 yrs or so. But in 64 it was man and wife!! I actually ran across my "marriage vows book" two years ago when cleaning out a box that just gets moved from place to place and hasn't been opened in forever. I cracked up when I read it. No way would I say those word today. Whoa, no way would I remarry so there's that too.
ETA: I failed the "obey" part of my vows
An older friend of mine was once a nun in the late '50s. She lasted all of 30 days. According to her, she had no problem with the vow of poverty. She had now problem with the vow of chastity. But she immediately ran into a problem with the vow of obedience. She has had that obedience problem ever since. Funny lady. People need others to obey to follow them only when their ideas are something no sane person would follow. If you have sane, and good, ideas then no one needs to be forced to obey you.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Jun 10, 2019 7:14:55 GMT -5
I'm wondering if this is true - and if it is true, I'm wondering if the step dad (step boyfriend?) is loaded and in the habit of gifting large amounts of money to GF and her daughter. Maybe this is the case of a much older, wealthy guy letting his younger, hot GF move into his house with her daughter, and both GF and daughter came to expect the largesse? And I am kind of curious if he considered himself the daughter's 'dad' why he didn't bother to marry his GF in ten years. Was he even interested in forming a family unit, or was he content being the sugar daddy?
Really, though, the extravagant wedding was his fault. When your kid (or step kid) is getting married, one of the first conversations you have should be around how much money each parent (and step parent) is willing to give to the celebration. If step dad had made it clear from the start that the bank of stepdad was officially closed, and step daughter and her BF needed to plan the kind of wedding they could afford on their own, there wouldn't have been the need for all the drama at the rehearsal dinner. He shouldn't have sat back, steaming with resentment, while all the over the top wedding planning was going on and then blown up at the dinner, turning it into a public spectacle.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 10, 2019 7:34:31 GMT -5
I'm wondering if this is true - and if it is true, I'm wondering if the step dad (step boyfriend?) is loaded and in the habit of gifting large amounts of money to GF and her daughter. Maybe this is the case of a much older, wealthy guy letting his younger, hot GF move into his house with her daughter, and both GF and daughter came to expect the largesse? And I am kind of curious if he considered himself the daughter's 'dad' why he didn't bother to marry his GF in ten years. Was he even interested in forming a family unit, or was he content being the sugar daddy?
Really, though, the extravagant wedding was his fault. When your kid (or step kid) is getting married, one of the first conversations you have should be around how much money each parent (and step parent) is willing to give to the celebration. If step dad had made it clear from the start that the bank of stepdad was officially closed, and step daughter and her BF needed to plan the kind of wedding they could afford on their own, there wouldn't have been the need for all the drama at the rehearsal dinner. He shouldn't have sat back, steaming with resentment, while all the over the top wedding planning was going on and then blown up at the dinner, turning it into a public spectacle.
Not everyone believes you have to be married to be a family. I was married very young and truly believe in marriage. But I'm not so sure I want to get married again. Not because I don't believe in marriage but because of the financial implications if my marriage were to fail. Unlike the first time I married, I now have significant assets that I would have to defend. I'm just not sure I'm ready to take on that risk. My BF and I co-habitate but marriage definitely scares me.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 10, 2019 7:46:09 GMT -5
I'm wondering if this is true - and if it is true, I'm wondering if the step dad (step boyfriend?) is loaded and in the habit of gifting large amounts of money to GF and her daughter. Maybe this is the case of a much older, wealthy guy letting his younger, hot GF move into his house with her daughter, and both GF and daughter came to expect the largesse? And I am kind of curious if he considered himself the daughter's 'dad' why he didn't bother to marry his GF in ten years. Was he even interested in forming a family unit, or was he content being the sugar daddy?
Really, though, the extravagant wedding was his fault. When your kid (or step kid) is getting married, one of the first conversations you have should be around how much money each parent (and step parent) is willing to give to the celebration. If step dad had made it clear from the start that the bank of stepdad was officially closed, and step daughter and her BF needed to plan the kind of wedding they could afford on their own, there wouldn't have been the need for all the drama at the rehearsal dinner. He shouldn't have sat back, steaming with resentment, while all the over the top wedding planning was going on and then blown up at the dinner, turning it into a public spectacle.
Not everyone believes you have to be married to be a family. I was married very young and truly believe in marriage. But I'm not so sure I want to get married again. Not because I don't believe in marriage but because of the financial implications if my marriage were to fail. Unlike the first time I married, I now have significant assets that I would have to defend. I'm just not sure I'm ready to take on that risk. My BF and I co-habitate but marriage definitely scares me. AMEN and My last long term "live in" relationship basically ended over time because the "M" word kept coming up. I believe in marriage and a lot of my best friends are from my married days and I love seeing happy couples, but just not for me. 18 yrs married and 37 divorced - do the math LOL but no regrets as my marriage gave me the son that I have and my EX is a good person. I think I wasn't meant to be married.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jun 10, 2019 7:56:16 GMT -5
The part that really made me stop and say "huh? is this guy all there (or is this totally fake)?" was this:
"Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need,"
Who actually talks like that? Who says they think of themselves as "the godfather" of the family?
::This is no different than the bride who, at her wedding, instead of her vows, read the texts between her almost-groom and the woman he was cheating with (she found out the night before the wedding).
I say kudos to these people. I wouldn’t do it because I’m a very private person but I totally get why people would want to out the assholes that hurt them.::
I definitely don't say "kudos" to those people. I don't particularly care about doing that kind of stuff in public, but I do care that someone is selfish enough to waste their guests' time by inviting them to one thing only to turn it into the spectacle of their own selfish revenge. You want to go off on someone in public, great. You want to waste my time by inviting me to an event, and then turn it into something else because you're all pissy about something...just do it on your own time and don't waste mine. Especially with so much internet access today, if you want to "out" someone do it online rather than waste a ton of people's time so that you can feel like you put on some show.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 10, 2019 8:06:02 GMT -5
The part that really made me stop and say "huh? is this guy all there (or is this totally fake)?" was this:
"Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need,"
Who actually talks like that? Who says they think of themselves as "the godfather" of the family? ::This is no different than the bride who, at her wedding, instead of her vows, read the texts between her almost-groom and the woman he was cheating with (she found out the night before the wedding). I say kudos to these people. I wouldn’t do it because I’m a very private person but I totally get why people would want to out the assholes that hurt them.:: I definitely don't say "kudos" to those people. I don't particularly care about doing that kind of stuff in public, but I do care that someone is selfish enough to waste their guests' time by inviting them to one thing only to turn it into the spectacle of their own selfish revenge. You want to go off on someone in public, great. You want to waste my time by inviting me to an event, and then turn it into something else because you're all pissy about something...just do it on your own time and don't waste mine. Especially with so much internet access today, if you want to "out" someone do it online rather than waste a ton of people's time so that you can feel like you put on some show. Ok, I now have to admit that I didn't read the link because I have a thing about opening links on message boards so probably should not have even posted on this link. But reading the bolded I'm thinking yeah who talks like that. But then jaded person I am I'm buying into the fake story for attention and money paid for "clicks" to link ??
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jun 10, 2019 8:07:03 GMT -5
The part that really made me stop and say "huh? is this guy all there (or is this totally fake)?" was this:
"Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need,"
Who actually talks like that? Who says they think of themselves as "the godfather" of the family? ::This is no different than the bride who, at her wedding, instead of her vows, read the texts between her almost-groom and the woman he was cheating with (she found out the night before the wedding). I say kudos to these people. I wouldn’t do it because I’m a very private person but I totally get why people would want to out the assholes that hurt them.:: I definitely don't say "kudos" to those people. I don't particularly care about doing that kind of stuff in public, but I do care that someone is selfish enough to waste their guests' time by inviting them to one thing only to turn it into the spectacle of their own selfish revenge. You want to go off on someone in public, great. You want to waste my time by inviting me to an event, and then turn it into something else because you're all pissy about something...just do it on your own time and don't waste mine. Especially with so much internet access today, if you want to "out" someone do it online rather than waste a ton of people's time so that you can feel like you put on some show. Ok, I now have to admit that I didn't read the link because I have a thing about opening links on message boards so probably should not have even posted on this link. But reading the bolded I'm thinking yeah who talks like that. But then jaded person I am I'm buying into the fake story for attention and money paid for "clicks" to link ?? I didn't click the link either, that was in someone else's quote from the article.
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