I want to help my cousin.

[Ava]

I have always kept finances separate from family and friends.

I made the huge mistake of lending money to a friend years ago and I lost both the money and the friend.

One of my cousins is going through a really tough spot right now. She lives in the old country, is over 50 and has been able to find a part time job only. She lives with her boyfriend, and they were sort of ok until he had an accident while riding his motorcycle for work.
I don't know how they are surviving now because he's been unable to work for a few weeks now, with no end in sight.
She has never asked me or anyone in the family for financial help.

I was thinking of sending her $100 as a surprise gift. It's not a small amount to me, but I know in her current circumstances it would make a big difference for her.
She's a sweetheart, we spend a lot of time together when I'm there on vacation, and I really like her and consider her a friend.
She's also a spender. She's debt averse so no credit cards, etc. But she has always spent as much as she made and has no savings. She and her boyfriend like to go out to eat, buy brand clothes, etc. I know all of that is out of her reach at the moment.
But I don't want to send the money and then feel resentful of her choices. I also don't want to create any expectations going forward. It would be strictly a one-time thing because I know things are really bad right now. Knowing her, I don't think she'll expect more money from me in the future.
Another consideration is that I don't want to embarrass her or make her feel bad.
What do you think?

[mollyanna58]

I think you should follow your first impulse and send her the money, and then forget about it completely. 

[Happy prose]

Can you send it to someone else close to her and ask them to get a gift card for a food store?

[NastyWoman]

If it were me I would either just let it go or send her the money with a note that says "just because...

love Ava" and then forget all about it. It would be up to your cousin to put he money to good use. If she uses it prudently great, if not just think of the pleasure it will give her -> that is a great gift in and of itself.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

as long as it is a gift without expectation of repayment, should work out ok.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Last year, I wanted to gift my sister some money for her to spend on HER, not her kids. However, you cannot dictate how someone uses your gift but you can choose an appropriate gift. In my case, I chose a gift card to a store that my sister likes but her kids abhor. It was my way of control, to a certain extent.

[seriousthistime]

If you send her $100, I'd send a card saying, "Sorry you are going through this tough time.  I want to help, but I don't have a lot to spare.  I hope it will bring you some comfort. Sending love and hugs, Ava CPA."

Others here might have a more tactful but clear way of expressing it's a one-time gift, you're not in a position to make anyone a loan, and this is the extent of the help you can give.

[Tennesseer]

Send your cousin the money with a note stating "Merry Christmas".  

[Ava]

May 27, 2019 16:01:04 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

If you send her $100, I'd send a card saying, "Sorry you are going through this tough time.  I want to help, but I don't have a lot to spare.  I hope it will bring you some comfort. Sending love and hugs, Ava CPA."

Others here might have a more tactful but clear way of expressing it's a one-time gift, you're not in a position to make anyone a loan, and this is the extent of the help you can give.

I went to Walmart and send the money through MoneyGram. Then I sent her a phone message saying something similar to what you wrote.

It's a one-time gift, no expectation of repayment at all, but it's absolutely one-time.
I think she understood pretty well.

And for the record, she overspends but only after she pays all the bills. She doesn't leave bills unpaid to go the hairdresser or buy a latte. She had a very good job a few years ago, and spent every penny she made. That's why there are no savings.
Given her current financial condition, I know she'll put the money towards rent, grocery, electricity bill or something of that nature.