Dating Thread (Probably mostly the disasters)

[justme]

Not sure how many singles there are on here, but figured I'd start a thread just for this instead of randomly putting it the what are you doing thread or somewhere else. Maybe you guys will enjoy it. Mostly somewhere to share the stupid shit I get that makes me laugh. Figure I'd share the wealth.   And also get stories to commiserate with.


I'll start it off!!!


Idiot: If I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seeds?
Me: I hate watermelon
Idiot: Ok, would you spit or swallow me?
Me: Not a cannibal
Idiot: Fair enough


I was kinda sad he didn't continue it on. It was entertaining my friend and I.

[gs11rmb]

Ummmm.... he sounds just charming 

[justme]

And probably thought he was clever too. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I had 57 years of being single.  I could write a book on the stupid stuff I dealt with, but this was pretty good.

I am hearing stories second hand from my sister.  It’s a jungle out there!

[Deleted]

Ummm... no stories like your opener!

I've been doing pretty well.  Got on Match.com last summer and had dates with 4 guys, all of whom were consistent with their profiles, no chemistry on one or both sides with the first 3.  Still dating the 4th- our first in-person meeting was mid-October.  He's about an hour away, which seems to work for both of us and at 66, I've got a guy who really knows how to...umm...ring my chimes!  We also have long, interesting conversations over meals- both of us are interested in what's going on in the world.  He's far more liberal than I am but that's what keeps it interesting.  Not sure what I want for the long run, but very happy with things now.

There are plenty of fakes out there ("I'm 34 but I'm European and age doesn't matter", guys who immediately wanted to connect outside of Match because "my paid membership is expiring", a few FB invites from nice-looking guys with no other friends who just out up their profile).  So far I seem to have avoided them.  I posted pics in my profile of my travels because I wanted to attract guys with similar interests but they also scream "This woman has $$$".  I don't want to be a nurse or a purse.
 

[justme]

I've debated giving Match or eHarmony another go. When I was late 20s it was the same shit or worse than I got from the free apps. 

I have one guy I met for drinks 2 weeks ago (which he's lucky that even happened - he said he'd meet up with my group at a bar in 20 minutes and over an hour later we left and then he texts he's there. Supposedly was on the phone with his cousin that caused him to be late.). Currently on schedule to have dinner tomorrow, but it dawned on me yesterday that his convos was dinner at his place...which isn't happening so I need to mention that to him. Part of me is expecting it to not go over well. 

[happyhoix]

I've been married so long I've forgotten what it's like to date.

However, I lived vicariously through my office mate who was trying several different dating sites. She went out with one guy who had a small sailboat. They get out on the lake, she has to pee, and he offers her a bucket. She goes down into the hold to squat over the bucket semi-privately, and catches him taking a picture of her peeing, which she thought was funny.   I told her that sounds like something a pervert would do, then post on the internet on some pervy pee site. She insisted he was 'just being funny.'  (this was their first date).

Same guy tried hard to convince her to sell her house and cash out all her stuff to help him buy a larger sailing boat that they would sail around the world in a year, living off her money and credit cards. (She knew nothing about sailing, was in her mid forties, and had a lot of equity in her house - he was about her age but broke except for his small sail boat and an old car).  His argument was that they had the rest of their lives to work and pay back their savings/credit cards, but wouldn't always be able physically to sail around the world. Fortunately, she turned him down, but she did consider it for a while.

[justme]

Mar 7, 2019 12:33:59 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

I've been married so long I've forgotten what it's like to date.

However, I lived vicariously through my office mate who was trying several different dating sites. She went out with one guy who had a small sailboat. They get out on the lake, she has to pee, and he offers her a bucket. She goes down into the hold to squat over the bucket semi-privately, and catches him taking a picture of her peeing, which she thought was funny.   I told her that sounds like something a pervert would do, then post on the internet on some pervy pee site. She insisted he was 'just being funny.'  (this was their first date).

Same guy tried hard to convince her to sell her house and cash out all her stuff to help him buy a larger sailing boat that they would sail around the world in a year, living off her money and credit cards. (She knew nothing about sailing, was in her mid forties, and had a lot of equity in her house - he was about her age but broke except for his small sail boat and an old car).  His argument was that they had the rest of their lives to work and pay back their savings/credit cards, but wouldn't always be able physically to sail around the world. Fortunately, she turned him down, but she did consider it for a while.

 His phone would be in the lake!

[Chocolate Lover]

Mar 7, 2019 12:37:53 GMT -5 justme said:

Mar 7, 2019 12:33:59 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

I've been married so long I've forgotten what it's like to date.

However, I lived vicariously through my office mate who was trying several different dating sites. She went out with one guy who had a small sailboat. They get out on the lake, she has to pee, and he offers her a bucket. She goes down into the hold to squat over the bucket semi-privately, and catches him taking a picture of her peeing, which she thought was funny.   I told her that sounds like something a pervert would do, then post on the internet on some pervy pee site. She insisted he was 'just being funny.'  (this was their first date).

Same guy tried hard to convince her to sell her house and cash out all her stuff to help him buy a larger sailing boat that they would sail around the world in a year, living off her money and credit cards. (She knew nothing about sailing, was in her mid forties, and had a lot of equity in her house - he was about her age but broke except for his small sail boat and an old car).  His argument was that they had the rest of their lives to work and pay back their savings/credit cards, but wouldn't always be able physically to sail around the world. Fortunately, she turned him down, but she did consider it for a while.

 His phone would be in the lake!

So would he!! 

[Blonde Granny]

I've been a widow now for 3.5 years.  I tried Zoosk, Our Time and Match.....either I am far to picky or just looking for a reason to complain...but really guys your underarm hair is not sexy!  Neither is your blinged up Ram pickup.  And if you don't know how to remove your baseball hat or open a car door, you are not for me.

I've thrown in the towel at finding someone and am fairly resigned to being alone from now on.

[giramomma]

Mar 7, 2019 12:50:06 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

I've been a widow now for 3.5 years.  I tried Zoosk, Our Time and Match.....either I am far to picky or just looking for a reason to complain...but really guys your underarm hair is not sexy!  Neither is your blinged up Ram pickup.  And if you don't know how to remove your baseball hat or open a car door, you are not for me.

I've thrown in the towel at finding someone and am fairly resigned to living alone from now on.

If DH and I split up, I can't imagine ever finding someone new again.

[Anne_in_VA]

When XH and I split upI dated for a while butgave up because of all thecrappy guys out there who just wanted a hookup.  No thanks.  I met DH through a friend and we’ve been together for 12 years now.  I did try a couple of dating sites, but that was excruciating.  Mostly losers!

[chiver78]

oh man....there's not enough time left in this flight to tell all the horror stories.      I did keep in touch for awhile with one guy that was cool, but we just didn't click like partners. friends, sure. he actually crossed my mind the other day for some reason. wonder where he is now. 

I actually signed up for Match when I first bought my house. I wanted to meet guys that might not already know my roommate. that was a disaster, I had to bail on a coffee date the day of with this one guy. he went from chill golden retriever dad to psycho crazypants that accused me of being his ex and stalking him.    hard pass on that, I blocked him faster than you can say boo. fast forward to about a year ago. a gf from NJ was up for a long weekend, she talked me into signing on to Bumble and built my profile for me. also a train wreck, and wasn't at all surprised to see the golden dad pop up in there as well. swipe left! that app got deleted, too. 

now, I'm navigating an early LDR, so I don't foresee myself needing any of the apps for some time.     but, I'll totally come in here and read all of your horror stories as well! 

[HoneyBBQ]

Mar 7, 2019 10:55:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Not sure how many singles there are on here, but figured I'd start a thread just for this instead of randomly putting it the what are you doing thread or somewhere else. Maybe you guys will enjoy it. Mostly somewhere to share the stupid shit I get that makes me laugh. Figure I'd share the wealth.   And also get stories to commiserate with.


I'll start it off!!!


Idiot: If I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seeds?
Me: I hate watermelon
Idiot: Ok, would you spit or swallow me?
Me: Not a cannibal
Idiot: Fair enough


I was kinda sad he didn't continue it on. It was entertaining my friend and I.

That sounds like a conversation I'd have with a 12 year old boy.
WTF.
If my spouse dies, I'm going to become celibate.

[Pants]

Mar 7, 2019 10:55:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Not sure how many singles there are on here, but figured I'd start a thread just for this instead of randomly putting it the what are you doing thread or somewhere else. Maybe you guys will enjoy it. Mostly somewhere to share the stupid shit I get that makes me laugh. Figure I'd share the wealth.   And also get stories to commiserate with.


I'll start it off!!!


Idiot: If I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seeds?
Me: I hate watermelon
Idiot: Ok, would you spit or swallow me?
Me: Not a cannibal
Idiot: Fair enough


I was kinda sad he didn't continue it on. It was entertaining my friend and I.

Eww. 

I would probably go with "I have a knife, I'd use that to dig the seeds out." 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mar 7, 2019 13:16:05 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

oh man....there's not enough time left in this flight to tell all the horror stories.      I did keep in touch for awhile with one guy that was cool, but we just didn't click like partners. friends, sure. he actually crossed my mind the other day for some reason. wonder where he is now. 

I actually signed up for Match when I first bought my house. I wanted to meet guys that might not already know my roommate. that was a disaster, I had to bail on a coffee date the day of with this one guy. he went from chill golden retriever dad to psycho crazypants that accused me of being his ex and stalking him.    hard pass on that, I blocked him faster than you can say boo. fast forward to about a year ago. a gf from NJ was up for a long weekend, she talked me into signing on to Bumble and built my profile for me. also a train wreck, and wasn't at all surprised to see the golden dad pop up in there as well. swipe left! that app got deleted, too. 

now, I'm navigating an early LDR, so I don't foresee myself needing any of the apps for some time.     but, I'll totally come in here and read all of your horror stories as well! 

Good luck with this.  LDR are not easy to navigate. especially if you are half a country away.  I still managed to do it for around 8 years.

[chiver78]

Mar 7, 2019 13:31:15 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Mar 7, 2019 13:16:05 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

oh man....there's not enough time left in this flight to tell all the horror stories.      I did keep in touch for awhile with one guy that was cool, but we just didn't click like partners. friends, sure. he actually crossed my mind the other day for some reason. wonder where he is now. 

I actually signed up for Match when I first bought my house. I wanted to meet guys that might not already know my roommate. that was a disaster, I had to bail on a coffee date the day of with this one guy. he went from chill golden retriever dad to psycho crazypants that accused me of being his ex and stalking him.    hard pass on that, I blocked him faster than you can say boo. fast forward to about a year ago. a gf from NJ was up for a long weekend, she talked me into signing on to Bumble and built my profile for me. also a train wreck, and wasn't at all surprised to see the golden dad pop up in there as well. swipe left! that app got deleted, too. 

now, I'm navigating an early LDR, so I don't foresee myself needing any of the apps for some time.     but, I'll totally come in here and read all of your horror stories as well! 

Good luck with this.  LDR are not easy to navigate. especially if you are half a country away.  I still managed to do it for around 8 years.

thanks. I foresee myself spending a lot of time on airplanes in the not too distant future. we'll see how it goes, I guess.

I have always wondered how you and TD got together.

[justme]

Mar 7, 2019 13:26:03 GMT -5 Pants said:

Mar 7, 2019 10:55:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Not sure how many singles there are on here, but figured I'd start a thread just for this instead of randomly putting it the what are you doing thread or somewhere else. Maybe you guys will enjoy it. Mostly somewhere to share the stupid shit I get that makes me laugh. Figure I'd share the wealth.   And also get stories to commiserate with.


I'll start it off!!!


Idiot: If I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seeds?
Me: I hate watermelon
Idiot: Ok, would you spit or swallow me?
Me: Not a cannibal
Idiot: Fair enough


I was kinda sad he didn't continue it on. It was entertaining my friend and I.

Eww. 

I would probably go with "I have a knife, I'd use that to dig the seeds out." 

See - I need this thread to come up with better come backs to see what they say. My friends usually aren't quite as evil when I ask them. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Mar 7, 2019 13:39:05 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Mar 7, 2019 13:31:15 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Good luck with this.  LDR are not easy to navigate. especially if you are half a country away.  I still managed to do it for around 8 years.

thanks. I foresee myself spending a lot of time on airplanes in the not too distant future. we'll see how it goes, I guess.

I have always wondered how you and TD got together.

A lot of airline time.  We used to plot our calendar when flights went on sale and I'd normally have no less than 2 plane reservations at any one time.  There was one site I used to belong to where you could get a last minute flight for about half the going rate.  Those flights you usually left on a Sat am and returned Monday or Tuesday.  I'd find out about this on Wednesday.  

I also had a very good boss who would let me work from home a week at a time.  I'd come out here with a stack of data I needed to crunch, or a paper that I needed to write and work while he was at work.  He likewise had an excellent boss (and both of us had 5+ weeks of vacation each year).

[jitterbug]

I was widowed young and live in a small town - most men my age were married and not yet divorced. I did meet one single dad at my son's Little League team. He called to ask me out "but we'll have to drive your car because mine has been repossessed."  He was a nice guy and I didn't want to just be mean, so I kind of put him on hold while "I thought about whether I'm ready to date." In the meantime, his son invited my son over to spend the night - and my son called me at midnight to come pick him up. (He was about 10). Guy had taken him to a cookout and gave the boys lit cigarettes to light firecrackers with and then drove drunk with them to pick out some videos. Uh...I now have my answer about dating you!!

But I did eventually join Match and met my husband. He lived just a mile away, but we never would have met without Match. We've been together 17 years now.

[Mardi Gras Audrey]

I don’t have much dating experience but my BFF had a great story. This was when we were in college so probably 19-20?

Guy asks her to the movies. They get there and he has no money (he “knows Steve, the manager, who will let them in free”...). But Steve’s not there and the cashiers won’t let them in for free so she ends up paying.

They get in the theater and go to sit down, he reaches into the aisle in front of them quickly and then has to go to the bathroom. No problem, she thinks... he comes back and sits down. Then an usher and an old man show up... the old man lost his wallet and was sitting in the next aisle for the previous showing... “have they seen a wallet?”.. her date replies quickly... no wallet seen here... yeah, u know what happened there.

After the movie, he magically has $$ to go get some food. He is surprised when she just wants to be taken home and he doesn’t get a good night kiss or any other action...

[Pants]

Mar 7, 2019 13:55:45 GMT -5 justme said:

Mar 7, 2019 13:26:03 GMT -5 Pants said:

Eww. 

I would probably go with "I have a knife, I'd use that to dig the seeds out." 

See - I need this thread to come up with better come backs to see what they say. My friends usually aren't quite as evil when I ask them. 

Oh girl, just text me anytime.

[Pants]

My worst ever date was off match. First date. We met to go to a comedy show. Which was cancelled. I had some random chocolate in my purse and offered him one. 

He said: Thanks! I love you! 
Me: Haha. 
Him: No, really. I love you. 
Me:... 

Then we went out to a painful dinner and then I went home and never returned any of his 103 text messages and calls. 

[MJ2.0]

Mar 7, 2019 15:17:42 GMT -5 Pants said:

My worst ever date was off match. First date. We met to go to a comedy show. Which was cancelled. I had some random chocolate in my purse and offered him one. 

He said: Thanks! I love you! 
Me: Haha. 
Him: No, really. I love you. 
Me:... 

Then we went out to a painful dinner and then I went home and never returned any of his 103 text messages and calls. 

Why did you go to dinner with him?!?!??

[weltschmerz]

Mar 7, 2019 10:55:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Not sure how many singles there are on here, but figured I'd start a thread just for this instead of randomly putting it the what are you doing thread or somewhere else. Maybe you guys will enjoy it. Mostly somewhere to share the stupid shit I get that makes me laugh. Figure I'd share the wealth.   And also get stories to commiserate with.


I'll start it off!!!


Idiot: If I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seeds?
Me: I hate watermelon
Idiot: Ok, would you spit or swallow me?
Me: Not a cannibal
Idiot: Fair enough


I was kinda sad he didn't continue it on. It was entertaining my friend and I.

"I only like seedless watermelon. Buh bye!"

[Pants]

Mar 7, 2019 15:25:54 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Mar 7, 2019 15:17:42 GMT -5 Pants said:

My worst ever date was off match. First date. We met to go to a comedy show. Which was cancelled. I had some random chocolate in my purse and offered him one. 

He said: Thanks! I love you! 
Me: Haha. 
Him: No, really. I love you. 
Me:... 

Then we went out to a painful dinner and then I went home and never returned any of his 103 text messages and calls. 

Why did you go to dinner with him?!?!??

I was young. I literally didn't realize I could just... leave. That the weirdness was enough for me to be like "Yup, ok, byeeeeeeeeeee." 

[Deleted]

I decided to try Match last year about a year removed from an 8 year relationship. I met 5 women, 4 I only went out with a time or two and nothing clicked but the 5th I’ve now been in a relationship with for 5 months. We started off dating a few times and really then just became friends and hung out for three months until all of a sudden the timing was right and poof we were ready for more and in a relationship.

Several women I know have a lot of crazy story’s about creepy guys and horrible dates from internet dating. Based off those bad experiences they have built a wall that’s going to be tough for a good one to break through. It isn’t me saying that, it is what they have told me.

Internet dating was a good experience for me, it really lets you filter on what you are looking for and to find someone with mutual interests. I think I was able to weed the crazy through messages without meeting.

[weltschmerz]

A good friend of mine met a broke-ass guy on Match.com, who was living in a basement apartment. She's 70 and he's 50.
About 3 months later, he had moved into her paid-off condo, goes to her paid-off cottage up north and rides in her paid-off boat.
Something really stinks about this, but she's blinded with love.
We barely speak any more.

[Miss Tequila]

When I got divorced I waited about a year to try dating again.  Well, I dated a few people I met organically and realized I just wasn't ready.  

So I joined an internet dating site.  OMFG!  The weirdos on there.  One guy was actually nice but he lied about his height.  I'm not cool with being 2 inches taller as I'm already self-conscious (that's a me issue, but lying is not cool).  There was a guy who seemed really nice and funny and then we went to dinner and he had an album of cats on his phone!  FIVE FUCKING CATS!  And I had to sit and pretend like I liked looking at pictures of cats (yes, I'm too nice to just leave).  I honestly thought maybe he was just not into me and looking for ways to make sure I was not into him...but nope, he kept texting me to go out again.

Then there were the guys that asked me for pictures.  I met my ex when I was in high school so I was not up on what people do now.  I really didn't  understand the first time and I told the guy I had pictures of me up.  He followed up with a cock pic.  This guy was in his 40s!  Dear god

My favorite was the guy who messaged me and asked if I had herpes.  WTF kind of question was that?  Do I LOOK like I have herpes??lol  

I was literally on that website for a month and don't know how people do it long term.  I don't know if it is easier for guys.  

[happyhoix]

Mar 7, 2019 16:05:45 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

A good friend of mine met a broke-ass guy on Match.com, who was living in a basement apartment. She's 70 and he's 50.
About 3 months later, he had moved into her paid-off condo, goes to her paid-off cottage up north and rides in her paid-off boat.
Something really stinks about this, but she's blinded with love.
We barely speak any more.

My office mate had a lot of those kinds of guys try to contact her on the dating websites. She was an engineer, no kids, so I guess they figured she'd love to be a sugar momma. One guy had no job, was on disability, and several kids, but was surprisingly frank about wanting to hook up with a woman with a good job. 

She ended up hooking up with a former classmate. He was married and divorced three times, with a lot of GF's in between and currently had a GF living in his house. On the first date, he offered to move his GF out if my officemate agreed to have a sexual relationship with him. (If she didn't think sex was on the table, he would continue to let the GF live with him. I guess she the GF was useful for sex but nothing else).

My officemate saw no red flags with this guy, either, and ended up quitting her job and moving to his small town to become wife number 4. I always wondered if she was the final wife.  

If DH gets some sense and leaves me, I wouldn't replace him. I think I'm too old to change my ways enough to cohabitate with a new person. Took me 34 years to get him broken in.  Rather be a crazy old cat lady.