Do you think parents are over scheduling their kids

[twystedsystermi1]

I think parents are feeling guilty about not being around. When I was a kid we walked to baseball practice. Parents are tiring themselves to entertain the kids.What ever happened to "When you get home" these are your chores

[gs11rmb]

Like anything... some do some don't.

My girls do girl scouts because it's held at the school and they get one activity each.  My youngest is doing Saturday morning ballet.  My oldest joined a swim team which meets four straight days, Monday through Thursday.  She goes twice.  That's more than enough because that's twice a week we're running out the door when my husband gets home and we're not eating as a family.  She also has some homework to do and I'm not letting swim take over her or our lives.

I have a friend whose kids swim four nights a week.  Their family is just fine.

[hoops902]

I'm not sure it's so much about feeling guilty for not being around, so much as it is a combination of keeping up with the Joneses, and FOMO.  

I'm also not sure what people call "overscheduling".  I know some people who think it's crazy that their kids are in an activity at all times (1 activity rotated throughout the year, but always "something") and some parents who think it's normal their kid is doing 8 activities at once but only sporadically (dance one night a week, 4-H once a month, etc).

I also think there's a very real concern about things like "walk to baseball practice"...the world seems to be a much more dangerous place...or the dangers are much more known...these days than they used to be.  Some of parents tiring themselves out is simply because they feel less safe about their kids doing things out on their own.

[Deleted]

I don't feel it's unsafe letting my kids do things on their own, but these days kids aren't going outside hanging with the neighborhood kids much anymore, and mine CAN'T because we live 15 miles from town. Left to their own devices literally means they're on their devices! I do feel obligated to make sure they get exercise and social interaction outside of online chatting.

My kids have been in a lot at one time. Last year was too much and we scaled back. Right now they're both in scouts, older is also on the speech team and does marching band and younger takes piano lessons and is on a swim team. It's not stressful and I'm definitely not doing it out of guilt. Most things I'm a drop off parent for and now older son drives himself.

I do it because it's cool helping them discover what it is they enjoy. We had to try a lot of things to get there! Older son turned out to be a really good speaker and my 8 year old is getting awesome on the piano. These are talents they can take with them to adulthood, not just something to keep them busy.

[giramomma]

Well. I think it depends.

I think parents want the best for their kids. The best college. The best this, the best.  I also tend to think that we live on Lake Wobegon a whole lot more these days. My kids are average...#1 and #2 are. #3 has some moxie..and she could go places. #2 wants to be a teacher. She won't be living large being a teacher.

With folks only having 1-2 kids now, there's also more money available to spend on kids' activities.

 When you have 3-4 kids, there's not the money to spend half of your income on kid activities...especially on 70s and 80s salaries.

Some parents, like mine, thought it the key to me staying out of trouble was keeping me so busy that I didn't have time for sleep. Unfortunately, I was one who had to work hard to get grades...especially since I took the hardest classes I could, save for math. So...it was usually a few hours of homework a night starting at 8-11pm, depending on what was going on.  My parents didn't think I was capable of making good decisions..I'm in my 40s, so over scheduling isn't new.

We try to limit the kids activities to two at any one time. It seems to have worked out really well. Sometimes, there's overlap and the kids do 3..but not for long. For us, it's a function of the number of kids we have and our life style choices. Even with two in the thick of activities, we still have to be 3-4 places in the span of 1.5 hours on a few nights during the week.

I think it also depends on kids' personality. #3 couldn't handle activities until she turned 6. #2 gets "bored" easily and can handle a heavier load.

And we encourage our kids to be independent. Teach them how to ride the bus, etc...so if they want to spread their wings, they can. If they don't...fine too. It will come.

I dunno. Different strokes for different folks. There's no right/wrong way. Most of us end up in the same spot anyway...middle class/upper middle class in the end.

[giramomma]

Feb 8, 2019 9:37:36 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I do it because it's cool helping them discover what it is they enjoy. We had to try a lot of things to get there! Older son turned out to be a really good speaker and my 8 year old is getting awesome on the piano. These are talents they can take with them to adulthood, not just something to keep them busy.

I don't want my kids to be like me. My one purpose in life was to get to college. I had no idea what to do with myself when I graduated and was in grad school, and then working.

I'm shocked now, how at my kid's high school, the emphasis is on exploration and seeing what you like and are interested in. It's so different from when I grew up. It's taken some time to get used to, but I think I'm more OK with it than I would be.

[swamp]

Feb 8, 2019 9:37:36 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I don't feel it's unsafe letting my kids do things on their own, but these days kids aren't going outside hanging with the neighborhood kids much anymore, and mine CAN'T because we live 15 miles from town. Left to their own devices literally means they're on their devices! I do feel obligated to make sure they get exercise and social interaction outside of online chatting.

My kids have been in a lot at one time. Last year was too much and we scaled back. Right now they're both in scouts, older is also on the speech team and does marching band and younger takes piano lessons and is on a swim team. It's not stressful and I'm definitely not doing it out of guilt. Most things I'm a drop off parent for and now older son drives himself.

I do it because it's cool helping them discover what it is they enjoy. We had to try a lot of things to get there! Older son turned out to be a really good speaker and my 8 year old is getting awesome on the piano. These are talents they can take with them to adulthood, not just something to keep them busy.

.

DS enjoys playing soccer and basketball.  Frankly, he sucks, but he really enjoys the social aspect and he KNOWS the games.   He can analyze the plays and tell you why who is doing what.  Not bad for a 12 year old.    I want him to keep going, because I think it's important to be a part of something bigger, learn to work with teammates towards a goal, and get some exercise.  I have no illusions of him doing anything outside of HS, except maybe coach youth sports.    

DD is shy and would sit in her room and do nothing.  She also doesn't want to "look stupid" trying something new.  I make her get out and try new things.   She is a bomb ass swimmer.  I'm going to push that one. 

ETA: They both did skating/hockey when they were little so they could get basic skating skills.    Skating parties are a big thing here socially, and I didn't want my kids to be the ones hanging on the boards and not being able to join the fun. 

They both are in dance.  There is something to be said for being able to get up in front of a crowd and do your thing.   

[steph08]

I don't think kids having multiple activities are a reflection of a parents' guilt. I never equated the two with each other.

My kids do activities that we can't do at home - swim lessons. Or t-ball, where I think being on a team is a good thing for them. 

We don't do a lot of activities because I don't think it's necessary. They will probably do Girl Scouts once they get older and I'm sure they will want to do school sports and activities, but at 2 and 4, we aren't there yet. 

[swamp]

There is something to be said for someone else teaching your kids.  

I'm a former competitive swimmer, but my kids didn't listen to me about swimming.  I can also skate pretty well, but they didn't want anything to do with me teaching them.  And of course, moms don't know how to play baseball  ((eyeroll)) 

[Cookies Galore]

Feb 8, 2019 10:11:06 GMT -5 swamp said:

Feb 8, 2019 9:37:36 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I don't feel it's unsafe letting my kids do things on their own, but these days kids aren't going outside hanging with the neighborhood kids much anymore, and mine CAN'T because we live 15 miles from town. Left to their own devices literally means they're on their devices! I do feel obligated to make sure they get exercise and social interaction outside of online chatting.

My kids have been in a lot at one time. Last year was too much and we scaled back. Right now they're both in scouts, older is also on the speech team and does marching band and younger takes piano lessons and is on a swim team. It's not stressful and I'm definitely not doing it out of guilt. Most things I'm a drop off parent for and now older son drives himself.

I do it because it's cool helping them discover what it is they enjoy. We had to try a lot of things to get there! Older son turned out to be a really good speaker and my 8 year old is getting awesome on the piano. These are talents they can take with them to adulthood, not just something to keep them busy.

.

DS enjoys playing soccer and basketball.  Frankly, he sucks, but he really enjoys the social aspect and he KNOWS the games.   He can analyze the plays and tell you why who is doing what.  Not bad for a 12 year old.    I want him to keep going, because I think it's important to be a part of something bigger, learn to work with teammates towards a goal, and get some exercise.  I have no illusions of him doing anything outside of HS, except maybe coach youth sports.    

DD is shy and would sit in her room and do nothing.  She also doesn't want to "look stupid" trying something new.  I make her get out and try new things.   She is a bomb ass swimmer.  I'm going to push that one. 

ETA: They both did skating/hockey when they were little so they could get basic skating skills.    Skating parties are a big thing here socially, and I didn't want my kids to be the ones hanging on the boards and not being able to join the fun. 

They both are in dance.  There is something to be said for being able to get up in front of a crowd and do your thing.   

I think it's cool that he's developing a skill outside of playing a sport really well. Coaching could very well be in his future!
As far as DD, I also suffer from "I don't want to look stupid." Eventually she'll realize everyone looks stupid!

[Deleted]

I think a lot of parents overschedule themselves as I hear a lot of stories how they run themselves ragged every night after work trying to get their kids to multiple activities.

My parents forced me to be in almost all things sports and music through So year of high school.  My Jr year I rebelled and quit all but one thing.

[Deleted]

As someone else said (or maybe several people), it does depend on the kid and the family.  My former boss has 5 kids and they were in EVERYTHING.  We're talking everything.  Scouts, several sports, band (including jazz and marching), choir at church, school plays, speech...just tons of stuff...times FIVE kids.  But they seemed to thrive off of it.  The kids and the parents.  The parents coach and are on all the booster teams.  It's just insanity to me, but they handle it in stride. 

[raeoflyte]

We've have kids in a lot of activities because we want them to have the confidence to join in a game of soccer at the park, or go to the skating party, and most importantly learn that it's fun to learn new things and okay to put yourself out there.  We do martial arts year round now and both say they want to continue that "forever" so we'll see.  That is 2-3 times a week each.  The school offers some short and cheap after school activities throughout the year that they always participate in that vary -- dance, stem, crossfit, puzzles, coding, knitting, etc.  Both want to learn violin and try horseback riding lessons so those are on my list to get signed up for.  Son also wants to get back to archery and I need to get them both back in swim lessons.  I'm sure others think we're over scheduled, but I think we're okay.  We don't do multiple activites per day.  If the kids have a school activity, we don't go to the dojo that night.  That gets to be too much, and we don't have something every night.  We have a lot of family close by who enjoy spending time with the kids and are happy to hang out with one of them if we need to take 1 somewhere that the other doesn't want/need to go to.  

We're also on a unicorn block with 10 other kids that range from 4-10 years old plus a couple older and a couple younger and the kids go out for unscheduled, and not closely supervised play dates on a regular basis.  They're usually pretty good about letting us know if they're going in someone's backyard or house, but at this point I think we've all had to go door knocking looking for at least one of our children.  

[Tiny]

Feb 7, 2019 23:46:14 GMT -5 twystedsystermi1 said:

I think parents are feeling guilty about not being around. When I was a kid we walked to baseball practice. Parents are tiring themselves to entertain the kids.What ever happened to "When you get home" these are your chores.

Maybe parents don't want their kids to have to 'suffer' thru doing chores, because the parents remember how much they 'suffered' doing the chores? They want their kids to have a "better, more fun" childhood than they did?

(unfortunately, the structure of doing 'chores' and acquiring some of the skills involved are pretty helpful over the course of your life.)

[swamp]

Who says kids who do activities don't have to do chores?  

Mine do plenty of chores.  And if you ask them, they do EVERYTHING around the house!!!! 

[Deleted]

Feb 8, 2019 10:36:31 GMT -5 Tiny said:

Feb 7, 2019 23:46:14 GMT -5 twystedsystermi1 said:

I think parents are feeling guilty about not being around. When I was a kid we walked to baseball practice. Parents are tiring themselves to entertain the kids.What ever happened to "When you get home" these are your chores.

Maybe parents don't want their kids to have to 'suffer' thru doing chores, because the parents remember how much they 'suffered' doing the chores? They want their kids to have a "better, more fun" childhood than they did?

(unfortunately, the structure of doing 'chores' and acquiring some of the skills involved are pretty helpful over the course of your life.)

I don't know.  Most parents I know with kids in activities still have their kids do chores at home as well.  

That family of 7 that I mentioned?  They have a long driveway and I was giving him crap one day about not having a snowblower.  He said "I have 4 teenage boys, what do I need a snowblower for?"

My kids both have things they need to do at home.  Yesterday my teen was out shoveling on his "snow day" from school and he is 100% responsible for the cats, garbage, his bathroom and laundry.  Younger son is just starting to get a few regular things now.  Usually he's more of my helper.  Like if I'm doing laundry he'll sort socks. 

[raeoflyte]

Feb 8, 2019 10:38:44 GMT -5 swamp said:

Who says kids who do activities don't have to do chores?  

Mine do plenty of chores.  And if you ask them, they do EVERYTHING around the house!!!! 

I have no intention of keeping them from learning how to maintain a home.  

They're in school for 7 hours a day.  Right now, their "homework" is 10-30 minutes of reading a day, depending on age.  They sleep for 9-11 hours a night, and let's give them 2 hours of screen time a day to veg out--which is too much on a school night but it happens sometimes.  So even on a school day using the max on all of those, there's another 3 1/2 hours in the day.  I'm sure mommy dearest had her kids cleaning for 3 1/2 hours a day, but my standards are quite a bit lower.  They can do a load a laundry and/or dishes, or pick up the living room and vacuum and still have time to shower and go to an hour of jiu jitsu.  We haven't even touched weekends and breaks.  

[swamp]

Feb 8, 2019 10:23:12 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Feb 8, 2019 10:11:06 GMT -5 swamp said:

.

DS enjoys playing soccer and basketball.  Frankly, he sucks, but he really enjoys the social aspect and he KNOWS the games.   He can analyze the plays and tell you why who is doing what.  Not bad for a 12 year old.    I want him to keep going, because I think it's important to be a part of something bigger, learn to work with teammates towards a goal, and get some exercise.  I have no illusions of him doing anything outside of HS, except maybe coach youth sports.    

DD is shy and would sit in her room and do nothing.  She also doesn't want to "look stupid" trying something new.  I make her get out and try new things.   She is a bomb ass swimmer.  I'm going to push that one. 

ETA: They both did skating/hockey when they were little so they could get basic skating skills.    Skating parties are a big thing here socially, and I didn't want my kids to be the ones hanging on the boards and not being able to join the fun. 

They both are in dance.  There is something to be said for being able to get up in front of a crowd and do your thing.   

I think it's cool that he's developing a skill outside of playing a sport really well. Coaching could very well be in his future!
As far as DD, I also suffer from "I don't want to look stupid." Eventually she'll realize everyone looks stupid!

he's also getting potential job skills.   The little league soccer league uses HS kids as referees.  I think they get paid $20 a game.  

[raeoflyte]

Feb 8, 2019 11:03:33 GMT -5 swamp said:

Feb 8, 2019 10:23:12 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I think it's cool that he's developing a skill outside of playing a sport really well. Coaching could very well be in his future!
As far as DD, I also suffer from "I don't want to look stupid." Eventually she'll realize everyone looks stupid!

he's also getting potential job skills.   The little league soccer league uses HS kids as referees.  I think they get paid $20 a game.  

What sold me on the dojo we go to is that there is a decent amount of peer instruction.  That is a skill that ds needs help developing on receiving and giving.  Plus, they have a couple teen instructors that the kids adore so I'm going to tap them for potential babysitters.  

[HoneyBBQ]

My kid does chores and athletics.

Now, her athletic schedule is a little crazy but it's sort of take it or leave it. We have practice Th nights, Fr nights, and a game on Saturday. It's a little much for a 7 year old. I wish we only had one practice. But it is what it is.

I think being part of team and learning body confidence and discipline is a really important life skill.

[cktc]

I'm chomping at the bit to get my kids involved in things. They don't need to be superstars or get into ivy league or anything crazy. I just want to expose them to a lot and give them a nice foundation so they will be well rounded, confident and have options. My goal is to keep it recreational, club level rather than anything expensive and intensive. Our community offers soccer, baseball, swim, tennis, martial arts, music, languages, volunteer, I'm not even sure on all the options, but as long as I can keep them from ice rinks and gymnastics I think we'll be ok for funds and time commitment.

[Deleted]

Feb 8, 2019 11:03:33 GMT -5 swamp said:

Feb 8, 2019 10:23:12 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I think it's cool that he's developing a skill outside of playing a sport really well. Coaching could very well be in his future!
As far as DD, I also suffer from "I don't want to look stupid." Eventually she'll realize everyone looks stupid!

he's also getting potential job skills.   The little league soccer league uses HS kids as referees.  I think they get paid $20 a game.  

Four of my bosses five kids are in college now and they do this all the time for money, plus one is a coach for little league and they judge at HS speech meets.   Great part-time gigs for a college student. 

[swamp]

I used to lifeguard all the time, and I taught swim lessons in law school in exchange for free gym membership.  

Sports culture can be toxic if taken to an extreme, but it also has its benefits.  

[swamp]

The minor hockey league here is always looking for refs.  When my son was playing, he was about 6, and one of the older brothers (probably about 14 or 15 at the time) got pulled out of the spectators to referee because the regular ref didn't show.   Some of these kids make really good money doing several games over the weekend or during a tournament.  

[thyme4change]

I have a different take on things. Around here, most of the activities are for-profit. They aren't run by the schools, or the churches. They are also single activity things. There is a soccer club, a baseball club, a basketball club, a dance studio, a gymnastics gym, etc. They need constant income to stay afloat. In order to attract kids, they need good coaches. And in order to get decent coaches they need to employ them year round. So, they lock down kids as early as they can. At a pretty early age my kids were in programs that advanced from an hour a week to 8 hours per week pretty quickly. And there weren't that many options.

There are a few leagues that are dad coached and seasonal in the area. They were a big gamble, as some dads were awesome, and some had no clue. We tried to keep on the rotational sports thing, and allow for breaks during the year, but we found that our son was falling behind the kids who were year-round dedicated to one sport, playing many days per week. As a decent athlete it was frustrating to my son. So we just let him pick his sport, and found a good club, with a good coach, and he has to go to many practices per week. Right or wrong, it is standard in our peer group, so it is what it is.

[thyme4change]

And my kids still do chores.

[chapeau]

DD takes ballet on Monday and has CCD on Tuesday. I don’t think it’s too much, but I wish it wasn’t back to back nights. Our school district offers swim classes only in the summers, one two-week session. She asked if she’s taking them again this summer (oh, yes. Knowing how to swim is not negotiable), and said she wants to join the swim team. That’s a bit away, because she still doesn’t like putting her face in the water, but it’s progress.
She wants to take piano, but I’m having trouble finding a piano teacher who isn’t expecting all of his students to be Juilliard quality. I expected to have trouble finding a dance class that wasn’t like that, wasn’t expecting it for piano. Our dance school is great, very low key, no crazy.
I would love her to get involved with scouting or 4-H, but she has time. I think.

[sheilaincali]

When the Boy was younger we signed him up for whatever interested him. Kind of threw darts until we found something that fit. Sports are NOT his thing- but he gave them a solid try when he was younger.

By junior high he shifted to all academic pursuits. Most things were before or after school. Only YIG (youth in Government) was in the evenings. Aside from YIG he did Knowledge Bowl, VEX Robotics, Math League and History Club. All concurrently.  Fortunately this was pretty common with his peer group so for KB they had to attend 2 practices a week minimum but there were like 6 times available. Same with Math League.

Sophomore, Junior and Senior Year he went to school a good hour early to work on the Robot, did his classes, worked on his Robot during his last hour as it was independent study, and after school either did Math League, KB, History or more Robotics. The VEX kids were pretty hardcore. The janitor knew to open their lab first because they all started showing up at 7am and locked their door last because they were usually there until after 6pm every night. He'd go to Math League directly after school and then to Robotics after that.

It wasn't a keeping up with anyone thing for us, or guilt trip. It was all things he insisted on doing. Served him well in the long run. 

We tried to get him to pull back some but that's not his personality.  Even now, if he has down time he's not a tv watcher or anything. He'll teach himself new coding languages or help his cousin program his apps.
 

[Deleted]

Feb 8, 2019 11:59:19 GMT -5 chapeau said:

She wants to take piano, but I’m having trouble finding a piano teacher who isn’t expecting all of his students to be Juilliard quality.

How can they expect anything from someone that's never played before? 

[cktc]

Feb 8, 2019 11:44:07 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

I have a different take on things. Around here, most of the activities are for-profit. They aren't run by the schools, or the churches. They are also single activity things. There is a soccer club, a baseball club, a basketball club, a dance studio, a gymnastics gym, etc. They need constant income to stay afloat. In order to attract kids, they need good coaches. And in order to get decent coaches they need to employ them year round. So, they lock down kids as early as they can. At a pretty early age my kids were in programs that advanced from an hour a week to 8 hours per week pretty quickly. And there weren't that many options.

There are a few leagues that are dad coached and seasonal in the area. They were a big gamble, as some dads were awesome, and some had no clue. We tried to keep on the rotational sports thing, and allow for breaks during the year, but we found that our son was falling behind the kids who were year-round dedicated to one sport, playing many days per week. As a decent athlete it was frustrating to my son. So we just let him pick his sport, and found a good club, with a good coach, and he has to go to many practices per week. Right or wrong, it is standard in our peer group, so it is what it is.

Hmm, if I'm remembering correctly we are in the same metro area. I wonder if things are different in the south-east valley or I'm just being naive because my kids haven't actually started in any activities yet. I've just been looking at tot stuff, parks and rec, B.E.S.T., and stuff offered by my HOA. I suppose it will probably get more competitive as they age up.