Hardest time of your life

[Apple]

First "hardest time" was when DS was born 7 weeks preemie and spent two weeks in the NICU. We were lucky we got to stay in the Ronald McDonald house, saved a ton on a hotel room since the hospital was almost two hours from home. Then-husband got laid off the same day (for a 5 month stretch) so I had to go back to work full-time the day after we got home. I was making 25 cents above minimum wage.

Second was during college. I had to go to school full-time to keep my job (the coursework I was taking was required to get into the training at my job). I was working 30+ hours a week, DS was three-years-old and my husband decided he didn't want a family anymore (he walked out right before I would have kicked him out--I found out he was getting physically abusive toward our son, choking him, etc. I threatened to kill him if it happened again, I probably would have done it too). I had one year left before I was done with the schooling, so I toughed out the intense hours--even pulling a 4.0 that, looking back, I should have given up on and done just enough to pass, would have saved me a lot of time at home, passing was easy, getting the "A"s was near-impossible. Fortunately I was making a decent wage for those hours, it would have been much harder still working that near-min wage job.
Things are much better now!

[daylight]

Working under my sociopath direct boss before realizing he was a sociopath.
Working 50-70 hours for the past 4 years straight on average and at the same time a) attending uni for an MA for the first year, b) getting a postgrad law degree in the next 1,5 years, c) studying for and passing the home equivalent of the US bar exam in the last 1,5 years (it is split up into more segments and takes at least 9 months from 1st exam till final exam not counting any prior studying). I got up every Saturday at 5 am for the MA uni degree for a year, had classes until 2-3 pm or 6 pm even then did the course work on Sunday. Postgrad degree was better, classes were on Friday afternoons, I was able to attend about 40% of the classes, finished at 8pm then went back to work to finish whatever I was working on. But no getting up at 5 am the next day.
Somehow still did some sports, read books, met friends, went to theatre, learnt to cook a couple of meals from scratch etc., but I might have been better off sleeping all the time in my free time, no kidding.
BUT this is nothing compared to losing a child, losing a loved one (I did, but it was expected) losing your health (I was treated for exhaustion but only with minor symptoms), getting divorced etc. It was a tough time, it had an end to it, I survived and I know now that I can survive just about anything. Just as another poster said, you will be as happy as you decide to be.

[Mrs. Dinero]

Deepest sympathies to those that have lost loved ones. When put into perspective, I haven't had a hard time with life YET.

"So damn easy to say that life's so hard
Everybody's got their share of battle scars
As for me, I'd like to thank my lucky stars
That I'm alive and well

It'd be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I'm alive

And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessing, can't you see?" Kenny Chesney

[AgeOfEnlightenmentSCP]

Apr 4, 2011 19:55:57 GMT -5 @toughtimes said:

My pop used to say, "I cried because I had no shoes, until I met the man who had no feet." And he should have known. He spent a good chunk of his early years in an RAF construction battalion based in London during the Blitz.

That's what has kept me off this thread. I don't think I've had a hard day in my life.

I could say that last Feb (10) was tough because my daughter got RSV and had to be rushed to the ER in an ambulance.

But then I'd remember that there was an ambulance, an ER, and competent staff, and medical equipment, and medicines, and we had heat and light, and on and on...

In another era, in another country-- she would have died.

My son was born prematurely- my wife had preeclamsia (SP?) and in another time or place, they BOTH would have died.

We just have no idea how good we have it. I'm grateful for every day of my life, and I always ask myself when I'm facing 'problems', "Is this a blip on the radar, or is this a catastrophe?" It's always the former. People in Haiti, and Japan are having a catastrophe. They have problems.

[shanendoah]

I would have to say, my hardest time was Nov 2009 - the MIL lived with us, DH had been laid off in May and first round of UE was about to end- no one at the time knew that the gov't would keep extending it, then our dog of 9 years went in for a routine surgery, but the surgery site went septic and he died (which meant there was additional financial stress once the initial emotional stress wore off).
However, we kept DH from spiraling in to depression; he didn't start cutting himself (which is how he handled stress in his late teens/early 20s), so it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

Much like people's stories of losing kids, I know DH's story of his mom's horrendous car accident. We were only dating during the time, so he didn't call me when he got called to the hospital. Instead, he walked in alone to find a social worker waiting for him, a nice lady who wanted to prepare him for what he was about to see, she said "Now, you've probably never seen someone whose gone through a car windshield before..." At which point DH, in a bit of shock, said "Actually, that's how my father died." (His father committed suicide via drunk driving.)
I've never had that day, so I figure I'm pretty lucky.

[998fbird]

My life has been a roller coaster ride since my mother died unexpectedly when I was 5 years old. When Dark talked about having a crappy childhood I could relate. I have often told the fates that I don't understand the almost constant challenges since my childhood should have front loaded my karma in terms of having a truly great adulthood. Hasn't happened yet. But, overall I have been and am very blessed in terms of doing ok and surmounting the challenges I have faced. I am in good health, have a job with decent benefits and regular pay and have had or made the opportunities to do many of the things I wanted to do. So on balance I have to say I'm doing good.
Right now things are relatively calm and I am hoping and practicing faith that this new trend continues.
My heart goes out to those who have lost children.

[mtshastawriter]

Waiting for my kids to come home from high school to tell them that DH had passed away while they were at school is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. It was expected, but not that quickly and it came as a bit of a shock to them. I hated those two or so hours waiting for them to get home...

Financially, the last 10 years of our life have sucked. We had to keep income low to get DH Medicaid coverage, so now I am almost 42 with zero retirement savings and kids getting to be college aged. I have no mortgage though, so I am now earning as much cash as I can to save for my own retirement. I still haven't totally figured out the medical insurance options for that, but at this point I would rather go without insurance than deal with living below the poverty line another day....

[Angel!]

Apr 5, 2011 21:32:22 GMT -5 @mtshastawriter said:

Waiting for my kids to come home from high school to tell them that DH had passed away while they were at school is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. It was expected, but not that quickly and it came as a bit of a shock to them. I hated those two or so hours waiting for them to get home...

This made me cry.

I've been through a lot, but still my worst doesn't compare to some of these stories.

[sheilaincali]

I have to agree with Angel D-

I posted early on about DH and I being unemployed for a year. But after reading all the posts about losing spouses, children, and parents. I have to say that my struggles don't even come close to what some of you have had to deal with.

My heart goes out to so many of you.

[trytofindbalance]

Wow, I have had some difficult times in my life, but I have realized how truly blessed I am when I read some of these posts. My heart goes out to all of you who have or are struggling with difficult issues.
I think the most difficult time for me was last year. I ended up with a ectopic pregnancy that had to be terminated. At the time, I was in so much shock that the whole lost baby didn't quite register. I subsequently found out that I would not be able to have my own children. That was a really difficult for both myself and DH to swallow, we got married a bit older and we were really looking forward to starting a family. I think I focused a lot of my emotional pain on more tangible issues, things that I thought I could change. I became very, very stressed over financial issues, maybe because I felt that ultimately I could have more control over those things. I still struggle sometimes, but I've really moved past the disappointment. DH and I took custody of a teenage girl that really, really needed a home. It's been a great experience for all of us and it's helped me heal.

[mtshastawriter]

I know that the thing I kept telling myself while I waited for the kids to get home was that the one moment they were told their dad had died would be the worst moment ever and if I could survive that then from there we could all start to heal and re-build our lives in a non-caregiver way.

Caregiving and having an ill dad was all that my kids have known since they were little as my DH was disabled back in 1999. Both have expressed that loosing their father is hard but the relief from all of the day-to-day stress is a nice side-effect.

I know that I finally feel free and like I can have a life again. It's a weird feeling, you don't want to be happy someone died, but there is an amazing sense of freedom that has come with it. I guess my BFF says it best; "You did what you could for your husband, so now do what you can with your own life."

[debtheaven]

Shasta, many hugs to you and your kids.

Tryingtofindbalance, same to you. I saw your other thread, I didn't post on it but I agree with Thyme, I could never have come up with as beautiful a resolution as you did. Remember that some families are created.

[thyme4change]

You know - when I started this thread, I was thinking "hardest" like "craziest" - as in "I was super busy, and all this stuff kept coming up, and I was just running around" - not really "hardest" like what you guys are talking about. I am constantly amazed at the resillance of people.

[Deleted]

The most difficult period of my life started in late '05. In October I was desperately seeking help for my 12yr old DS because I'd learned he'd been contemplating suicide. At the same time, I was taking 14 yo DD to countless Dr's appointments and testing centers trying to find out why she was in so much pain sporadically. We finally discovered she had a congenital kidney defect, surgery to correct it was scheduled for 3 days after Christmas. My Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer, surgery scheduled for January 18.

Between trying to keep everybody alive and get them healthy, trying to work, working with the boss from hell and her bully crew, missing a lot of work, missing paychecks, savings depleted as medical bills grew and grew, and cc balances multiplied, I was completely stressed out. I had nobody to lean on, it was all on me. I was still functioning and physically present, but by the time everyone else was healthier, I had pretty much checked out.

Then there was the financial aftermath. That wasn't pretty at all. And DD was getting started on her rebellious teenage years. I couldn't recover from one thing before something else horrible happened. Some days it just didn't even seem worth it to get out of bed. Everything was a mess anyway, so what difference did it make?

That's just the short story. It was the lowest point of my life and it lasted almost 3 years. We survived it, and I've finally found some peace. I believe that sometimes we have to go through things to grow, but I hope to GOD I never have so many major problems at the same time again.

[swamp]

A few years ago. DS was 8 months old when I got pregnant again. I don't tolerate pregancy well (I threw up daily, sciatica, hives, incredibly swollen feet, etc.) and we also began major house renovations. When DD was born, she was colicky and had gastric reflux, so for about 6 months I chased around a toddler, dealth with a cranky kid who didn't sleep and threw up a lot, renovated a house, and ran my law practice. I don't think I did anything really well.

[Firebird]

2006, when I was living with a friend and her little kid in NYC and I was the only one working. That sucked, and ended in more drama than I ever wanted to deal with, but things worked out well in the end. I'm glad it happened now because I learned a lot of lessons from it.

ETA: I echo everyone else's sentiments, and my heart goes out to those of you who have had recent losses.

[runewell]

My hardest month was the month that
1) my daughter was born
2) the furnace was replaced
3) the washing machine went out
4) A storm downed a tree in our house and caused minor damage and replacement of roof and siding.

#4 was covered by insurance. #2 and #3 were no big deal since we had an EF. Just a momentary financial setback.

And #1 wasn't a problem at all!

I'll admit it I have not had hard times by any stretch of the imagination.

[rmtvbrooks]

I'm still dealing with the aftermath of the hardest time of my life. I thought my bout with infertility was the hardest, but it wasn't. In September of 2010, I found out that my minister husband of 18 years had been molesting our adopted daughter. I had wanted to leave him for a long time because he had been verbally abusive to me and our adopted son, but my confidence was so eroded by his verbal assaults that I questioned whether anyone would believe me (everyone at church LOVED him). I reported the allegation to the authorities; he confessed to the molestation, though he did try to backtrack on the confession to save his own hide. I filed for divorce, got a new job in a new town close to my family, and moved in January. In early March, I got word that he hung himself in his parents' basement (his trial was set to start March 21). Add to that the fact that he lied to his parents about the abuse and many other things; now his parents think I am to blame for his death (he killed himself because I filed for divorce, blah, blah, blah...) and that my daughter is a liar. He also left me with a financial mess, though I am working on climbing out of the financial hole he left me with. If we can get probate over with, I can sell his truck and pay off all debt except my house and car.

We are still dealing with the aftermath of all of this; the kids and I are all in counseling. My attorney is working on getting the probate stuff done. Thankfully, I have the support of my family (I now live near my parents and my sister and her family). I don't know why God allowed this to happen to us, but I do know He has been there with me every step of the way. So many things that shouldn't have worked out have come to pass in miraculous ways. I am very thankful to have a family that loves and supports me. Without my faith and my family, I'd probably be curled up in a ball in the corner!

My condolences to those who have lost loved ones, especially those who have lost children. My kids and I have been through a horrible experience, but at least we are all still alive and healthy. Hearing about people who have lost children just makes me SO thankful my kids are healthy in spite of all we've been through.

[sheilaincali]

mrtvbrooks: All I can say is wow. I am so impressed with where you seem to be in life now. Glad that you all are in counseling and moving forward.

It's not much but Karma to you.