When the poor meet the rich...

[tskeeter]

Jan 28, 2019 18:05:15 GMT -5 haapai said:

I mentally filled in the title of the thread. 

"When the poor meet the rich ..." it ain't so bad.  It's when the poor meet the middle-class, or those who are struggling to be middle-class, that the hate really shows. 

At least that was what I brought away from my experience in the 1980s.  My family wasn't poor, but we looked it, and rich folks were generally okay with that.  It was the non-poor/non-rich folks who were vile to me. 

Times may have changed a bit so that actual rich folks now feel free to pull the same stunts, but back in the 80's if you looked poor, the person most likely to give you crap for it came from a family that didn't have a whole lot but was also desperate to prove that they were better than someone. 

Oh man, they did not succeed in convincing me of that.  The rich kids might not have wanted much to do with me, but they felt no need to torment me. 

This is consistent with my experience.  Rich folks were nice and very down to earth. The upper middle class were often a bit arrogant and snobbish.

I think the behavior may result from the recognition that the upper middle class is only a matter of months from being poor.

[oped]

Ever since such the Happiest Millionaire? I love it’s simple delineation between the really, generationaly wealthy and the ‘nouveau riche’ who were putting on aires so to speak.

My parents were 16 and 18 when I was born in the 70s. From 2-8 I lived in a house in the country with an ecolet and an outhouse while my father sold plasma to be the first in his family to go to college.

[zibazinski]

I went to a high school that had a smattering of rich and poor but mostly working class, probably the paycheck to paycheck that's always mentioned. When integration and the resulting kerfuffles started, my HS seemed not very involved. Everyone just kinda got along. Not saying there wasn't some problems, mostly caused by girls but basically we just flowed with it. The other side of town had the Rich kids HS, then bussed in the poor. OMG. Constant issues and problems. I was never so glad that I wasn't one of the rich! Even then most parents, including my own, moved to the burbs. 

[Deleted]

Jan 28, 2019 19:49:36 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I'm cold right now.
My mother's mink stole has never seen this much action.

Ooh, I never thought of using my grandmother's mink stole as a way to keep warm at home!  She won it in a church raffle.  I never wear it in public because it would just make me look like an old lady stuck in the 1960s.  Grandma would be happy to see it in use again.

And to get closer to the topic- I want to thank Haitian and others for their stark reminders of what being poor is when you have no choice.  Many of us practice frugal habits but have the luxury of knowing that we don't have to.

[haapai]

Jan 28, 2019 19:19:22 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Jan 28, 2019 18:05:15 GMT -5 haapai said:

I mentally filled in the title of the thread. 

"When the poor meet the rich ..." it ain't so bad.  It's when the poor meet the middle-class, or those who are struggling to be middle-class, that the hate really shows. 

At least that was what I brought away from my experience in the 1980s.  My family wasn't poor, but we looked it, and rich folks were generally okay with that.  It was the non-poor/non-rich folks who were vile to me. 

Times may have changed a bit so that actual rich folks now feel free to pull the same stunts, but back in the 80's if you looked poor, the person most likely to give you crap for it came from a family that didn't have a whole lot but was also desperate to prove that they were better than someone. 

Oh man, they did not succeed in convincing me of that.  The rich kids might not have wanted much to do with me, but they felt no need to torment me. 

In what setting were you in a group with rich kids?

Boarding school.  For what it is worth, this particular school had a lot of boarders that only went home for the school breaks and we were quite closely monitored by our teachers, who had to do a weekend of dorm duty a month.  In other words, we had a lot of adults getting paid to make sure that we weren't beasts to each other.  Or maybe that was just a side effect of the technology of the age.  This was prior to the era of motion-activated cameras and swipe cards so most of the monitoring and head counts had to be done in-person. 

ETA: I just remembered something that might be interesting.  While the adolescents confined to the dorm were fairly decent to each other, the parents generally hated any interaction with other parents.  OMG the parents were a competitive bunch. 

[billisonboard]

Jan 29, 2019 9:34:03 GMT -5 haapai said:

Jan 28, 2019 19:19:22 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

In what setting were you in a group with rich kids?

Boarding school.  For what it is worth, this particular school had a lot of boarders that only went home for the school breaks and we were quite closely monitored by our teachers, who had to do a weekend of dorm duty a month.  In other words, we had a lot of adults getting paid to make sure that we weren't beasts to each other.  Or maybe that was just a side effect of the technology of the age.  This was prior to the era of motion-activated cameras and swipe cards so most of the monitoring and head counts had to be done in-person. 

ETA: I just remembered something that might be interesting.  While the adolescents confined to the dorm were fairly decent to each other, the parents generally hated any interaction with other parents.  OMG the parents were a competitive bunch. 

Thank you for the answer.

[sheilaincali]

My dad worked his way up from being a cement bag man (guy the carries the giant bags of cement from the train to the mixer) to owning a veritable concrete empire. He put himself through college (after serving in the Seabees during Vietnam) They were building a new building on campus while he was a ready mix truck driver. He'd drive to college, unload his truck, park it, go to class, and then head back to the plant for another load of concrete. He eventually bought a ready mix company, a paving company, a block company and all of his competitors in the area. At the height we had over 100 employees at 7 locations in 5 cities. He sold the ready mix side for a LOT of money in 2006, he still owns the other companies and a significant chuck of real estate.

With 4 kids my parents were always pretty frugal and always dual income. We lived in a normal Midwest split level. Our vacations were all camping trips except for one trip to Disney World when I was 13. We all got cars at 16 but they were just normal cars, a few years old, nothing fancy. I just assumed we were middle class. When I went to go to college I asked my dad if we needed to do that "fasfa thingy" he just said "that's not for you". I didn't understand what he meant but took his world for it.

I didn't really realize how different my life was from other people's until I was in basic training. Girls were talking about government cheese and I was fascinated and had no clue that the government made cheese. I was an idiot and they explain reality to me pretty quickly.

As an adult I realize my parents are wealthy. To put it into perspective- they are at their vacation home in Palm Springs this week- they paid cash for it over a decade ago. I'm pretty frugal, according to the income calculator I qualify as "upper class" but I live in a $150,000, 70 year old house in a tiny town of 12,000 people. We do drive newer cars but the payments are affordable. I have no credit card debt and am cash flowing the Boy's college (he did receive over $100,000 in merit aid so I'm only responsible for about $20,000 a year out of pocket).

My sister is similar to me- she makes more money than I do but overall is pretty frugal. My brothers went the other way- My younger brother is an idiot and thinks nothing of spending thousands on football tickets. He gets sad and doesn't open his bills so my parents bail him out. My older brother constantly has his hand out expecting my parents to fill it with cash. Sadly they do. He's the type of guy that will shut off his sump pump off because it annoys him that it runs all the time and then come crying to my parents when he basement floods and insurance won't cover the repairs since he shut off the sump pump.

So I guess while my parents are rich I wasn't raised in that lifestyle. As an only child my son experienced times of being spoiled but we realized the error of our ways and have been working to show him a more subdued lifestyle. He goes to school with a ton of rich kids and has zero respect for them. He has admitted that he appreciates us making him contribute to his college expenses.

[countrygirl2]

My husband and I can appreciate how little people have. We also know people may not manage what they have.  But all our renters work hard and have declared bankruptcy because of medical bills and that is a shame.  They will never be able to own a home.  We make sure our rentals have good or new appliances, energy efficient furnaces and AC's, have good insulation.  We even put in LED light bulbs.  We want people to have value for their money, but also if they can't afford their utilities hard to pay their rent.  We want them to be able to have a life.  Yes, we could make more money and have rotating renters.  But ours are very happy and want to stay.  They make sure their rent is paid on time, we don't have to ask, they don't want to lose the homes they have. I'm sure we will have an exception one day but so far so good.

And hubs does little things renters ask for.  One renter wanted a tall faucet in the kitchen so she could put pots under the faucet, they offered to buy it if he would put it in.  He went down today, bought one and put it in  for her. Or they want a handheld in the bathroom, he puts it in.  Just things like that. Fix something for trash so coons can't get in it.

I guess because we knew what it was like, we try to do more, it makes us feel good. And no we aren't getting rich but we are ok and it helps others that are basically good people have a good life. I wish a lot of people would do that.  We hear of so many nightmare landlords around here that rent slums, sad. 

[weltschmerz]

Jan 29, 2019 9:25:41 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Jan 28, 2019 19:49:36 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I'm cold right now.
My mother's mink stole has never seen this much action.

Ooh, I never thought of using my grandmother's mink stole as a way to keep warm at home!  She won it in a church raffle.  I never wear it in public because it would just make me look like an old lady stuck in the 1960s.  Grandma would be happy to see it in use again.

And to get closer to the topic- I want to thank Haitian and others for their stark reminders of what being poor is when you have no choice.  Many of us practice frugal habits but have the luxury of knowing that we don't have to.

I only wear it in the house. The last time I wore a fur hat outside, little kids shamed me.
"Lady, is that real fur? You shouldn't wear real fur!"

The stole really keeps me warm, however.

[daisy]

Wow, I just typed up this whole discourse on my childhood and it's too depressing to post - synopsis, grew up wealthy (dad owned lumber company with two seats on the Chicago Stock Exchange), lost the business/parents divorced...ended up solidly middle class etc. Had big house/private school etc - all went away when I was Freshman in HS...so very difficult memories for me. Anyway...... 

The comment above about the rich being nice really hit home with me - my BFF from grade school's dad "manages the family oil wells" for a living and her parents were always amazingly nice - her mom held one of my bridal showers for my first marriage, they paid me an exorbitant amount of money to 'house/horse sit' when they went on their vacations in high school....another guy I went to school with was a son of the man who owns/ed (at that time) Kelly/Springfield Tires....he was one of the sweetest kids around. The kids who looked down on us because of the business loss/divorce were the ones whose parents were heading down that path themselves...and it bothered them to see their future in us....literally the first family in our social group to lose business/divorce, so we became the pariahs..and it was a very unhappy time in my life.  It did not make me feel any better to see all of that eventually play out.  BFF's parents still unbelievably wealthy and generous/nice...guess having zillions of oils wells was the place to be!!!!

DH and I make into 6 figures together, so I guess we are middle class - but live in a farmhouse that's under major, unending construction, don't take huge vacations, have somewhat newer vehicles, along with an older farm truck, give the kids meaningful Christmas presents and help out with college costs, donate to various charities...so I guess we're doing pretty well. DH has a good pension, house is almost paid for and the  bulk of the land we own free and clear already, so pretty comfortable here. I learned frugality from my mom at an impressionable time in my life and I practice it still - thermostat is set lower than 'normal' people, we shop grocery sales exclusively, I LOVE to shop at the local Goodwill stores...we hit the Madison area stores pretty often and there's lots of wealthy suburbs there so the pickings are good! 

[zibazinski]

Jan 29, 2019 20:11:13 GMT -5 deminmaine said:

Jan 29, 2019 19:14:09 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I only wear it in the house. The last time I wore a fur hat outside, little kids shamed me.
"Lady, is that real fur? You shouldn't wear real fur!"

The stole really keeps me warm, however.

Well, the critter is already dead.  Doesn't do it any good now.....

I can’t believe children are that rude.

[weltschmerz]

Jan 29, 2019 21:37:44 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Jan 29, 2019 20:11:13 GMT -5 deminmaine said:

Well, the critter is already dead.  Doesn't do it any good now.....

I can’t believe children are that rude.

I liked them! They were woke.

[alabamagal]

I grew up middle class. My dad worked construction my mom was medical office manager. My parents struggled at times when construction work slowed and dad would be out of work. We were occasionally on food stamps (when they were stamps) but were never hungry. We lived in a 1200 sf house that was the same size as every other house in the suburb area we lived. My parents did get the “ upgrade” version of the house when they bought it in 1964, so for $500 more ($10,000 purchase price) they got one on a lake. They still live there, have added in to house, which is probably worth $500k now due to lake . Never cold growing up, but probably because we were in South Florida.

My big culture shock was in college. I spent my first 2 years at a prestigious private school, not Ivy League but just below. I got almost full tuition paid by Financial aid because school had a lot of money and my family was lower income. A lot of students were those who didn’t get into Ivy League so parent sent them there - it was 2nd rate to them while I was thrilled to be there. Also a lot of snobbery based on where you lived. Students with brand new expensive cars, while I didn’t have one. Students who came from expensive boarding schools - public school for me. It was definitely eye opening experience. After 2 years I transferred to an engineering school, mostly because I wanted to change my major, but also because I fit in better with the state university, even if it was out of state.

[billisonboard]

Jan 30, 2019 7:37:39 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

I grew up middle class. My dad worked construction my mom was medical office manager. My parents struggled at times when construction work slowed and dad would be out of work. We were occasionally on food stamps ...

Sounds solid working class to me.