ilovedolphins
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Post by ilovedolphins on Jan 27, 2019 14:44:15 GMT -5
I am a single parent of 2 kids...who are now adults. The kids were born in the 1980's and I raised them by myself since 1989. We were poor in the sense that for Christmas the kids got IOU's because I didn't have the money for gifts. As soon as I got some extra money I bought them Christmas gifts. They were always ok with that. We would only turn on 1 light at night to save on the electric bill, etc, etc.
When my daughter went to college her roommate called her "cute" because she was saving all the ketchup, salt packets and napkins that you get when you order out. She was putting the ketchup and salt into the bottles that she had bought from the store. I always did that while they were growing up...mainly because we didn't have money...and mainly because I hate to waste food.
So it kind of made me feel bad that her living like we did when they were growing up had caused someone else to make that remark. It was the normal for us but it was "cute" to somebody else.
Then she married someone who owns a fishing tackle manufacturing company that comes from good money. He doesn't understand what living poor means. They just had their first child at a later age in life and he was stressing about meeting the bills if my daughter quit working to be a stay at home mom. My daughter told him she knows how to cut back on spending and live "poor" so she wasn't worried about it. He buys whatever he wants when he wants it since that is the way he was raised.
His parents own part of the company but they are very well off and they are complaining that they may not make it in retirement because they don't have enough money. They have a big house on a large plot of land, boats, campers, new cars, and go to the Virgin Islands several times a year. They both just retired this year.
For Christmas my grandson got 2 toys and a couple sets of clothes from me and from the "rich" grandparents he got about 10 toys. That didn't bother me because I know kids don't "need" all that stuff. But they want to buy him 4 wheelers and whatever else they think he needs that not every kid needs. My daughter said she didn't want him to have all that stuff and be spoiled. She doesn't want to take him to Disneyworld every year because that isn't the normal for most kids. She wants him to grow up a bit "richer" than she was but not spoiled rich. Needless to say he will be 18 months old when he goes to Disneyworld for the first time in September. The other grandparents more or less told my daughter they didn't care what she wanted they were going to spoil him if they wanted to.
Sooo....I kind of feel bad that we were poor and they had to grow up that way but I am also glad because like I told my son in law....everybody should experience being poor to appreciate life more.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jan 27, 2019 14:52:50 GMT -5
When the poor meet the rich... FWIW, the story is more appropriately entitled "When the poor meet the middle class (they think they are meeting the rich)".
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Jan 27, 2019 15:33:31 GMT -5
When the poor meet the rich... FWIW, the story is more appropriately entitled "When the poor meet the middle class (they think they are meeting the rich)". You beat me to it, I would say it is more the upper middle class! Sorry I am from Haiti and I am familiar with the rich there, there kids don’t worry about cutting back to 1 income or zero income ... that is how much family money that is flowing down let alone their parents worrying about it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2019 16:04:02 GMT -5
No shame in teaching your kids how to live modestly. I was raised in a family of 5 kids and my parents were definitely thrifty. While I don't apply principles of thrift to everything in my life, I'm convinced that knowing how to minimize spending in areas that are not high priorities for me (e.g. cars) got me where I am today, which is financially comfortable and able to retire at 61.
My late husband grew up very poor- as in sometimes not enough food in the house. At one point a local banker, one of those people who lived in the nice houses, lost his job and DH's Mom said she felt sorry for them. DH asked her why since they'd enjoyed such a good life up till then. She said, "They don't know how to be poor". Wise woman.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 27, 2019 16:05:46 GMT -5
Or maybe the lower end of rich. Not sure multiple trips to the Virgin Islands is upper middle class.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 27, 2019 16:08:12 GMT -5
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ilovedolphins
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Post by ilovedolphins on Jan 27, 2019 16:14:15 GMT -5
Ya, probably upper middle class is more like it. Sometimes anybody above poverty level looks rich. When I was raising my kids we only had money to feed them a lot of the time. Some people thought I was anorexic because I was so thin. I guess that is why I am obsessed with food now...I can't go anywhere without a bag of snacks....in case I get hungry....I don't like being hungry. I think my last trip I had downsized to just a couple of granola bars so I am doing better.
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ilovedolphins
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Post by ilovedolphins on Jan 27, 2019 16:15:10 GMT -5
Or maybe the lower end of rich. Not sure multiple trips to the Virgin Islands is upper middle class. And I am talking about 3 to 4 weeks in the Virgin Islands each time they go.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2019 16:33:06 GMT -5
I think once you are poor, it never leaves you.
My in-laws had a lot of money, but it didn't come until their later years. My FIL worked himself up the ladder from janitor to owning the company.
So, anyway, my MIL would freak out about whether she could afford a pedicure. We would laugh at her, but she was really concerned about stuff like that.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 27, 2019 18:01:56 GMT -5
I think once you are poor, it never leaves you. My in-laws had a lot of money, but it didn't come until their later years. My FIL worked himself up the ladder from janitor to owning the company. So, anyway, my MIL would freak out about whether she could afford a pedicure. We would laugh at her, but she was really concerned about stuff like that. This. I raised my kids on the margins of working poor, gradually (thanks to my union) graduating to working middle class. I am confident in my kids’ abilities to withstand financial hardship. They know how to survive on the edge if they have to. Some relatives have kids who were raised with a trust fund. I doubt they’d be able to ever adapt to surviving poverty if they were to lose it
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 27, 2019 18:07:22 GMT -5
I think once you are poor, it never leaves you. My parents grew up in the Depression. Dad remembers being served boiled water for meals. Mom says they never went hungry, but they both grew up in poverty.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 18:15:53 GMT -5
DH spent his entire childhood as "working poor" and at times in poverty. I spent my childhood mostly as middle class with some working poor valleys. All four of our kids spent time living as kids of the working poor, and the oldest three remember it. However, due to decent financial management skills, living in a LCOLA, and continuing to increase our incomes, we currently present as upper middle class to most people but "rich" to those in poverty. Two of our kids have significant others who were raised in poverty. Those two SOs find us and our lifestyle intimidating. They don't realize how hard we've worked to earn our way to it. Then they try to show off by making large purchases. For example, DS#2's fiancee spent $500 on DS#1's baby's first Christmas. We were wall fairly aghast. We don't understand why she thought that was appropriate--especially for someone who makes about $15/hour and lives with her parents.
I have done/do "cute" things like save tea bags respected Tea Party members, rip wipes and paper towels in half, and save samples of shampoo from hotels. We also eat leftovers. In theory, we don't have to do that for financial reasons, but it just seems wasteful to not do it.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 27, 2019 18:32:35 GMT -5
Lol--respected tea party members! Is that an oxy moron, or what?? (Sorry to derail-- really nice topic actually!)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2019 18:35:44 GMT -5
DH spent his entire childhood as "working poor" and at times in poverty. I spent my childhood mostly as middle class with some working poor valleys. All four of our kids spent time living as kids of the working poor, and the oldest three remember it. However, due to decent financial management skills, living in a LCOLA, and continuing to increase our incomes, we currently present as upper middle class to most people but "rich" to those in poverty. Two of our kids have significant others who were raised in poverty. Those two SOs find us and our lifestyle intimidating. They don't realize how hard we've worked to earn our way to it. Then they try to show off by making large purchases. For example, DS#2's fiancee spent $500 on DS#1's baby's first Christmas. We were wall fairly aghast. We don't understand why she thought that was appropriate--especially for someone who makes about $15/hour and lives with her parents.
I have done/do "cute" things like save respected Tea Party members, rip wipes and paper towels in half, and save samples of shampoo from hotels. We also eat leftovers. In theory, we don't have to do that for financial reasons, but it just seems wasteful to not do it. You know they make half-sheet paper towels these days? We actually use kitchen towels for drying hands and another one for drying anything washed. I change the second one every day and the other once a week (there are two hand-drying towels with racks). I am curious, though. What is "save respected Tea Party members"? Does that mean you use tea bags twice or something? I personally think growing up poor is a contributory factor to hoarding. If I change bedspreads, for example, I tend to keep the old one "just in case I want to use it again." I am conscious of what it cost me, etc. I fight this tendency, but it is hard to throw stuff away. Today I tossed four half-used rolls of ugly Christmas wrapping paper. Not even thrift store buyers, I would think, would want old wrapping paper that had who knows how much left on the roll. But I will say it felt wasteful to toss it.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 27, 2019 18:37:39 GMT -5
I didn't grow up poor, and neither do my kids.
I'm living the high life having *three* pairs of pants to wear. Normally, I have my choice of two pairs of pants. The peanut is almost 7, and finally got three dresser drawers for her clothes.
There were 8 of us for Christmas this year. While we didn't have IOUs, presents were opened up in about 10 minutes. Not because we were going fast, but because there wasn't much to open. I think that's what it means to use your resources carefully.
Poor people can be just as wasteful with their stuff as much as rich people can. Rich people can be just as thrifty as poor people.
I have a client that lives in likely a house that runs 600-750K. She still cleans the 3000-4000 sq foot house by herself. She irons her husband's shirts. I think they eat out like once a year. Otherwise, she cooks every.single. meal. But, on the flip side, they are footing the bill for college for their kids. Three. All out of state for undergrad. One is starting med school, the other is looking at dental school.... Poor people have a choice to use their limited resources the best way they can or not. I've known poor kids who share beds with siblings because then their parents didn't have to buy more mattresses. ALL lights were off after a certain time of day to cut costs. I've also known poor kids, whose parents thought it was more prudent to get drunk than to make sure there was gas in the car so the kid didn't have to walk around in one of the roughest areas of town.
We all have choices.
I also don't have time to figure out who comes from what social class.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2019 18:42:17 GMT -5
Poor people can be just as wasteful with their stuff as much as rich people can. Rich people can be just as thrifty as poor people.
I definitely think this is true. It is a joke in Alabama that you will see the biggest, baddest car parked in front of the worst looking mobile hole on earth. And there used to be a gigantic satellite dish in front as well. My ex bf had relatives who were taking courses at expensive, private "for profit" colleges instead of at the community college. Tuition was 5X as expensive, but that was their choice. And there are rich people, like my MIL, who couldn't stand to spend $9 for a pedicure. It was heading down the road to ruin.
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chapeau
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Post by chapeau on Jan 27, 2019 18:45:34 GMT -5
DH spent his entire childhood as "working poor" and at times in poverty. I spent my childhood mostly as middle class with some working poor valleys. All four of our kids spent time living as kids of the working poor, and the oldest three remember it. However, due to decent financial management skills, living in a LCOLA, and continuing to increase our incomes, we currently present as upper middle class to most people but "rich" to those in poverty. Two of our kids have significant others who were raised in poverty. Those two SOs find us and our lifestyle intimidating. They don't realize how hard we've worked to earn our way to it. Then they try to show off by making large purchases. For example, DS#2's fiancee spent $500 on DS#1's baby's first Christmas. We were wall fairly aghast. We don't understand why she thought that was appropriate--especially for someone who makes about $15/hour and lives with her parents.
I have done/do "cute" things like save respected Tea Party members, rip wipes and paper towels in half, and save samples of shampoo from hotels. We also eat leftovers. In theory, we don't have to do that for financial reasons, but it just seems wasteful to not do it. Does that mean you re-use tea bags, too? Because I do. The second cup is for the evening -- it's decaf without paying extra for the caffeine to be taken out!
Your DS #2's fiance is basically my DH. And every time I think I've broken him of that habit (last year he bought everyone a second Christmas gift at the liquor store. After I had carefully shopped for meaningful gifts for everyone that came in under our budget. I threatened to kill him. He didn't do it this year, but he bought me a lot of sh*t I didn't want for my birthday because he didn't want to look "cheap" in front of my family.), he does it again. But so much of his family's "poverty" was due to the choices they made (and frankly, still do). They don't eat leftovers, they can't eat the same meal two days in a row. DH has never had a plain old cone from dairy queen (and if DQ is next to a generic ice cream shop, he insists on DQ), he always gets fancy stuff. He only eats chicken breast, won't touch legs or thighs (wings, however, are ok -- please explain that to me). I taught his parents how to make stock -- they had never heard of such a thing. They actually used to throw out the turkey the day after Thanksgiving, and they didn't buy just a breast either. I can't fathom that kind of waste.
And it's not that either of his parents grew up rich, they grew up poor. FIL's dad died when FIL was 13 and FIL quit school to get a job and support the family. But I saw that kind of waste all the time when I worked at McDonald's in high school. People would come in the day SSI checks came out and spent $50 or $60 on one meal for the family. It boggled my mind. Even if they skipped the drinks and bought a couple of 2-liter bottles they'd have saved $10 or so.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jan 27, 2019 18:58:45 GMT -5
I think early in my parents marriage and after their divorce there were struggles with money. We were always fed but I question if my dad always ate after the divorce.
We always had what we needed. I never worried if the lights would be turned off or if there would be dinner on the table. Grandma made our Halloween costumes. We stuffed leaves in trash bags we already had and painted them with her paints. She did ceramics and it brought in enough to keep us all fed.
As a teenager, my grandpa didn't eat at school so his younger siblings could eat. They didn't have food for him to take and they couldn't afford for everyone to eat at school. Everyone was always fed. He grew a garden and grandma canned and froze stuff but we ate. I do remember it being a huge deal when grandma won a $500 gift certificate to the grocery store. In the early 1990s that bought a lot of food.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 19:27:56 GMT -5
WTE!!! I typed tea bags
T E A B A GS
VVVVIIIIIIIIRRRRRGGIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 27, 2019 19:30:31 GMT -5
I grew up very poor. From what I have scene, kids that grew up like that go one of two ways...super-worried about money (me) or “I most buy everything I couldn’t when I was a kid.
No matter how much I earn I will always be the girl eating free cheese in government housing. On one hand, it keeps me very humble. On the other hand, I’m sure it frustrates people when I say things like “I can’t afford to.....”.
My splurge is vacations with my family. I didn’t have that as a child and that is extremely important to me
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Jan 27, 2019 19:31:31 GMT -5
I was hoping for a quiz
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 19:31:49 GMT -5
DH spent his entire childhood as "working poor" and at times in poverty. I spent my childhood mostly as middle class with some working poor valleys. All four of our kids spent time living as kids of the working poor, and the oldest three remember it. However, due to decent financial management skills, living in a LCOLA, and continuing to increase our incomes, we currently present as upper middle class to most people but "rich" to those in poverty. Two of our kids have significant others who were raised in poverty. Those two SOs find us and our lifestyle intimidating. They don't realize how hard we've worked to earn our way to it. Then they try to show off by making large purchases. For example, DS#2's fiancee spent $500 on DS#1's baby's first Christmas. We were wall fairly aghast. We don't understand why she thought that was appropriate--especially for someone who makes about $15/hour and lives with her parents.
I have done/do "cute" things like save respected Tea Party members, rip wipes and paper towels in half, and save samples of shampoo from hotels. We also eat leftovers. In theory, we don't have to do that for financial reasons, but it just seems wasteful to not do it. You know they make half-sheet paper towels these days? We actually use kitchen towels for drying hands and another one for drying anything washed. I change the second one every day and the other once a week (there are two hand-drying towels with racks). I am curious, though. What is "save respected Tea Party members"? Does that mean you use tea bags twice or something? I personally think growing up poor is a contributory factor to hoarding. If I change bedspreads, for example, I tend to keep the old one "just in case I want to use it again." I am conscious of what it cost me, etc. I fight this tendency, but it is hard to throw stuff away. Today I tossed four half-used rolls of ugly Christmas wrapping paper. Not even thrift store buyers, I would think, would want old wrapping paper that had who knows how much left on the roll. But I will say it felt wasteful to toss it. Yes, but I still rip the half sheets in half. We mostly use kitchen towels, and I cringe every time someone uses paper towels.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 19:32:19 GMT -5
Reuse tea bags
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 19:32:54 GMT -5
Hmmm...I wonder if it’s because I’m on my phone right now and when I typed my original post was on my computer.
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jan 27, 2019 20:20:14 GMT -5
WTE!!! I typed tea bags T E A B A GS VVVVIIIIIIIIRRRRRGGIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!! Almost certainly part of his(?) autocorrect to take denigrating names out of the Politics board.
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jelloshots4all
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Post by jelloshots4all on Jan 27, 2019 22:36:08 GMT -5
This is so timely. My mom and I had a phone call today and talked about the govt shutdown. I said it was wrong that workers weren't paid, and many people I know could not live 30 days w/o a paycheck.
She stated that when my sister and I were kids, they always lived pay check to pay check and paid once a month as a teacher and secretary. We never went without, and us girls always babysat, worked jobs. We had 1 car. I felt like we were middle class? I never knew how much that bothered my mom until today. She told me she stayed at her job until she made $10/hr and could retire.
I'm not rich at all, although I do make a good living wage, so maybe middle class. My kids want for little, I save for college and my retirement. I also have worked my ass off to get where I am. But that conversation made me realize I need to have a CTJ talk with my kids. I spoil them when I can as a single mom.
I do make them donate time to charities, but we need to do more of that.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 27, 2019 22:39:15 GMT -5
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 27, 2019 22:50:49 GMT -5
We were very poor. My mother was extremely sick, and single payer hadn't come into play yet. My parents scraped together enough money to see a doctor who told her she needed penicillin. There was no money for antibiotics, so the doc told her she should eat rotten fruit and hope some of it contained penicillin. She scrounged rotten fruit for free from grocery stores and somehow managed to survive.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 27, 2019 23:07:25 GMT -5
It was cholera. She caught it on the boat coming from German labour camps and the conditions were atrocious. Sick people weren't supposed to be allowed into the country but she was stunningly beautiful, and the guard looked the other way.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on Jan 28, 2019 0:12:04 GMT -5
You know they make half-sheet paper towels these days? We actually use kitchen towels for drying hands and another one for drying anything washed. I change the second one every day and the other once a week (there are two hand-drying towels with racks). We do the two kitchen towels as well. We did not in my house growing up - just one towel, but DH subscribes to the two towel method. It drives him batty when my mom visits and uses the wrong towel. I just remind him I do the laundry, so swap it out early and it’s all good.
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