zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,861
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 7, 2019 9:00:30 GMT -5
Yeah, you can always tell on here who was raised properly and who was just raised.
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,124
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 7, 2019 9:15:52 GMT -5
My maternal grandmother stopped sending us Christmas gifts when we were relatively young. The reason why was because we stopped sending thank you notes. Our mother told us to stop sending the notes because grandma would return the thank you notes with red ink corrections on our spelling and grammar. We were in the early years of elementary school. Grandma was a retired English teacher.
But then my mother and her mother fought like cats and dogs. Grandma returned the thank you notes to passively trash mom.
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skeeter
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 22:06:35 GMT -5
Posts: 1,286
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Post by skeeter on Apr 7, 2019 10:12:02 GMT -5
My maternal grandmother stopped sending us Christmas gifts when we were relatively young. The reason why was because we stopped sending thank you notes. Our mother told us to stop sending the notes because grandma would return the thank you notes with red ink corrections on our spelling and grammar. We were in the early years of elementary school. Grandma was a retired English teacher. But then my mother and her mother fought like cats and dogs. Grandma returned the thank you notes to passively trash mom. That is just horrible! Sorry you were raised in that type of atmosphere.
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 63,124
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 7, 2019 10:45:24 GMT -5
My maternal grandmother stopped sending us Christmas gifts when we were relatively young. The reason why was because we stopped sending thank you notes. Our mother told us to stop sending the notes because grandma would return the thank you notes with red ink corrections on our spelling and grammar. We were in the early years of elementary school. Grandma was a retired English teacher. But then my mother and her mother fought like cats and dogs. Grandma returned the thank you notes to passively trash mom. That is just horrible! Sorry you were raised in that type of atmosphere. It only got worse. We were never sorry to see her get back on her broomstick and fly back home after an extended visit. A little background: my grandmother was planning on divorcing my grandfather when she found out she was pregnant with my mother (her first child). It would have been hard for my grandmother to take care of a child during the 1920s and Great Depression alone so she remained with my grandfather. Grandmother took out her resentment on my mother. The two of them made 'peace' very late in my grandmother's life. Unfortunately, that mother/daughter treatment repeated its self with my mother and my sister. Mom was really rough on my sister, far less so on us boys. They too made 'peace' with each other in my mom's later years. My sister did not repeat the abuse with her daughter. Cycle ended.
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vetswife
Established Member
Joined: Jun 21, 2016 10:59:25 GMT -5
Posts: 310
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Post by vetswife on Apr 7, 2019 14:13:08 GMT -5
I have a huge number of great-nephews and great-nieces; most of them are grown and have families of their own. I generally send money for birthdays up until they graduate from high school and gifts for new babies. Otherwise, I'd go broke!! I appreciate a thank you but don't worry about it if I don't get one.
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jelloshots4all
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 14, 2013 15:54:13 GMT -5
Posts: 4,642
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Post by jelloshots4all on Apr 7, 2019 16:07:44 GMT -5
Unless you have a very small family, or are particularly close to certain great nephews or nieces, I would just stop giving gifts. Or maybe if there was a financial need. My kids would get so many toys just from parents, grandparents, Santa, and friends at birthday parties, it would be overwhelming. My kids never got gifts from aunts, uncles, cousins or other extended family. My sister and I stopped giving gifts to each others kids years ago. They all have too much stuff!! I give to my parents at Xmas, as they typically visit us for the day. Not big things. Books for my dad like crossword puzzles, or authors I like. I gave my mom candles, pj pants, a drying rack. Frankly none of us "need" anything. So I try to buy small gifts that they know I put thought into.
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 7, 2019 16:21:49 GMT -5
Unless you have a very small family, or are particularly close to certain great nephews or nieces, I would just stop giving gifts. Or maybe if there was a financial need. My kids would get so many toys just from parents, grandparents, Santa, and friends at birthday parties, it would be overwhelming. My kids never got gifts from aunts, uncles, cousins or other extended family. My sister and I stopped giving gifts to each others kids years ago. They all have too much stuff!! I give to my parents at Xmas, as they typically visit us for the day. Not big things. Books for my dad like crossword puzzles, or authors I like. I gave my mom candles, pj pants, a drying rack. Frankly none of us "need" anything. So I try to buy small gifts that they know I put thought into. One Christmas, I bought my folks a new TV with all the bells and whistles. I lived multiple states away from them at the time. They thanked me for the TV. On my next visit with them during the following year's Thanksgiving, I found out from the folks the TV was too complicated for them and they had given it to my older brother. Older brother never thanked me. I drink coffee; my parents didn't. But when I would visit them I wanted coffee. So I bought them a coffee maker. I used it when I would come to visit. Then one Thanksgiving, while I was visiting them, my older brother was there too. My mother said the coffee maker was taking up space so she was going to give it to my brother. I told them it's yours to do what you want to do with it. There was also A Dunkin Donut up the street so I could always get coffee from there. So as my older brother was leaving the folks' home with the coffee maker in hand, he slipped on a bit of ice and fell. Brother was not hurt but the glass carafe broke. I silently chuckled to myself.
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countrygirl2
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 7, 2016 15:45:05 GMT -5
Posts: 16,712
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Post by countrygirl2 on Apr 8, 2019 1:50:27 GMT -5
The inlaws would send the kids something like $25 for their birthdays and $50 for Christmas. That was pretty much it. They would not let them stay overnight or anything from the time they were younger so now none of the grandkids, only 3 have much or anything to do with their grandmother. One lives in the town where she is in assisted living and never visits. Her daughter works there and makes sure she does not come in contact with her gggrandmother. The excuse is she will start in on her about going home. Since there was never much contact, I think its just a continuation of it. Sad when you don't want kids in your life, DD won't go see her unless we make her. What goes around comes around. She threw a fit because son would send her flowers for her birthday, she didn't want any damn flowers. I finally told son to stop it wasn't appreciated, hubs got mad, said he could have just send them no matter what. I said that is stupid for him to waste good money when she is like that. He said I was just trying to be nice. I thought that was just so hateful. Well son is the only one that goes there, my hubs. Perhaps some of the problem was FIL but who knows. Karma is a bitch.
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