startsmart
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Post by startsmart on Nov 12, 2019 19:56:32 GMT -5
TheO- when my grandpa hit 88 or 89 his idea of showering was splashing his body with rubbing alcohol and it was NOT pleasant. I do agree that having others around can help with routines of eating and bathing and community activities.
Personally I’ve seen that our family had friction on how to take care of the older generation and a lot of assumptions around their wishes. I hope it’s easier for my parents and my generation to express what we want in terms of care and living arrangements and who’s in control.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 13, 2019 11:57:36 GMT -5
This week- reschedule haircut + color appt/Tues - Class A: 18 tests/Tues - 25 tests/Wed- 1 late paper/Wed
- bottle bank/Wed
- book club/Wed
- Class B: 19 tests/Thurs I've marked after work every day this week. If I can do it again tomorrow, I will have very little marking this weekend.
TheO I hope you can enjoy Thanksgiving with your family.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 13, 2019 13:41:17 GMT -5
Home after spending two hours at the mammogram call back. Two different sets of x-rays and then two ultrasounds. The last one was by the radiologist and she said I have extremely dense breasts and it's hard to see what is going on. She gave me the all clear herself and said my doctor's office will call but she will be the doctor who writes the report.
So all is good there.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 13, 2019 13:42:55 GMT -5
Made the mistake of calling my sister. She doesn't think dad will go to assisted living or a nursing home and she isn't going to make him. I told her that the facility where he lives can tell him that he can't live in independent living any more and it may take the director saying it. I may still have to call DHS on my own sister.
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nikiz628
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Post by nikiz628 on Nov 13, 2019 14:08:08 GMT -5
Made the mistake of calling my sister. She doesn't think dad will go to assisted living or a nursing home and she isn't going to make him. I told her that the facility where he lives can tell him that he can't live in independent living any more and it may take the director saying it. I may still have to call DHS on my own sister. Ugh. She’s making everything so much harder than it needs to be. My continued apologies on her behalf, because you’re doing amazing.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 13, 2019 15:59:52 GMT -5
If tomorrow's meeting with the assisted living director doesn't go well, I am done. I don't understand her.
I asked her if she wanted dad to fall and be on the floor for 24 hours. She said he doesn't want to move.
He is at a time in his life where the authorities will look out for his safely. I'm guessing both Hospice and the facility where he lives are mandatory reporters.
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Nov 13, 2019 16:34:05 GMT -5
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 13, 2019 17:09:26 GMT -5
TheO I'm sorry your sister is making a difficult situation even more difficult. This said, at this point, I'm not sure she's going to be the one making those decisions. My guess is that his current place is going to refuse to keep him, and either your sister will have to approve a move, or take your Dad home herself (which she has admitted she couldn't manage). Hang in there friend. ETA: And great news about the mammo!
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Nov 13, 2019 17:47:30 GMT -5
Yes, hang in there TheO and try not to be 'done' because your Dad needs someone who is an advocate for him and your sister is definitely NOT.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 13, 2019 18:25:53 GMT -5
TheO I'm sorry your sister is making a difficult situation even more difficult. This said, at this point, I'm not sure she's going to be the one making those decisions. My guess is that his current place is going to refuse to keep him, and either your sister will have to approve a move, or take your Dad home herself (which she has admitted she couldn't manage). Hang in the friend. ETA: And great news about the mammo!
This is what I think is going to happen after tomorrow's meeting.
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Nov 14, 2019 11:07:47 GMT -5
I had a really good conversation on Monday with a contractor so I am just waiting on a bid. I also managed to get 3 boxes of kitchen and misc things out of the house afterwords.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 14, 2019 12:01:39 GMT -5
This week (updated) - Class B: 14 tests/Thurs
- oral marks/Thurs
- prepare files for conferences/Thurs
- edit E's paper/Thurs
- MSc: review 7 PPTs/Fri
- oral marks X 2/Fri
- Quickbooks/Fri
Exceptionally I have to work Fri afternoon and evening. I have very little marking this weekend.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 14, 2019 13:20:55 GMT -5
Meeting went as well as it could. Director says he can't stay where he is. They are waiting for information from the State about something hospice brought up. The staff will assess dad to see if he qualifies for assisted living. We even picked out his room. It has a great view.
If he doesn't qualify to stay there, he will have to go to a nursing home.
Sister did tell the director that I always jump to the worst conclusion, blah, blah, blah...
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 14, 2019 13:40:23 GMT -5
Fingers crossed that your Dad can go to assisted living. Your sister is a real piece of work.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 14, 2019 14:38:32 GMT -5
TheOtherMe, glad your test results were favorable. Sorry you're sister seems to be stubborn to put it politely, and am glad there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and an ideal place for your dad to stay.
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Iggy aka IG
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Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 14, 2019 14:47:21 GMT -5
Finished the majority of Christmas shopping yesterday, almost by mistake. I went in the mall looking for a certain store grand opening, and while there noticed how uncrowded it was, unlike in December. So, I took the opportunity to visit a few stores and a personalized ornament kiosk. Niece #1 is getting married next month, so I had her fiance and her name put on a cute wedding couple ornament along with '2019'. I bought two others as well. My newest de-cluttering project is to clear out the rec room "bar" aka etagere. We never use it, and the glassware, etc. is collecting dust. I'll wash and incorporate what we'll keep into our upstairs bar cabinet, and put the rest into the current Goodwill donation box. DH was sad at the idea of "another bar closing", LOL.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 14, 2019 18:22:29 GMT -5
Since my nap, I've been getting the house ready for it to be cleaned tomorrow.
I didn't keep it vacuumed very well this month.
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nidena
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Post by nidena on Nov 15, 2019 0:50:18 GMT -5
TheOtherMe, your sis is just an all around C U Next Tuesday, isn't she? Is it pride or denial that makes her dig her heels in so much? I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this crap. If you need a distraction, I'm free most of next week. We could meet up in whatever larger town is near you--for me, it's Marshalltown--and have coffee or something.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 15, 2019 6:12:53 GMT -5
Thanks nidena I think denial and now that she's forced to do things, it's she is always right.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 15, 2019 14:50:35 GMT -5
This weekend- MSc: 2 reports - Shitepile
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moneysquirrel
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Post by moneysquirrel on Nov 15, 2019 15:48:13 GMT -5
TheOtherMe -- Hugs. I think that one of the hardest things your sister has to acknowledge is the fact that you have recognized the need for additional care of your father and that she "the all knowing one" did not. She will never admit that to anyone including herself. She is used to being the one in charge and cannot face the fact that she has missed the boat on this. Hang in there. Updating my list: Goals for week of 11/10: Several held over from last week or new ones with same topics. Crafts:
*Project -- Continue on current beading projects and continue to work on crochet project. *Update Etsy listings-- need to renew one or two Waiting until after Saturday's show.*Add at least one item to the shop Waiting until after Saturday's show.*Pack car for craft show --Wednesday and Saturday*Recharge back up charges and square device-- Tuesday or Wednesday, Friday Commitments and Errands:
*Tutoring -- Thursday and 1 other I think *Classes -- Wednesday and Thursday*Craft Show -- Wednesday night, Saturday Routine Home Items:
*Maintain the organized areas *Keep up with dishes, laundry and general cleaning *Organize at least two areas *Add several more items to donation box/ trash/library donation (7 books in bag to donate when I get to the library for tutoring). Hope to add more to the others Those books are gone. Sure that I forgot several things. Will check in later. Almost finished with laundry. Would have been finished if I had remembered to turn on the dryer after loading it. Managed to get started early this morning and just waiting for that third load to finish up in the dryer. Today was the day I stripped the beds and had that extra load to do. Dishes have been loaded in the dishwasher and I will run it tonight after I eat. Car is packed for tomorrow's show with the exception of the last minute items. Added several small items to the inventory this morning. Trying as much as possible to be creative with the stash of supplies I have on hand. Will need to place an order next week for things that I am either low on or completely out of. These are items that I do have uses for and in many cases I have been working around the shortages as much as possible. I really am making an effort to use what I have. I am in the process of compiling my craft shop sale items records for the last several years to analyze what have been the most popular items sold. I do have a good idea from recent years but want to see if popular items I sold in the early years and not recently should be tested again in future shows. Most of my non-holiday items are one of a kind as I don't make many duplicates if I can. Some basics I only make one at a time. Once it sells I may make another one to test the waters in a future year. Already have started my list of things I know I have to remake once the craft shows for this year are over. Some of these I need materials in that future order in order to do. My current time consuming project is one I am going to keep and have not had much time to concentrate on it recently. Well the dryer just buzzed so I will sign off.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 15, 2019 15:59:37 GMT -5
I think that one of the hardest things your sister has to acknowledge is the fact that you have recognized the need for additional care of your father and that she "the all knowing one" did not. She will never admit that to anyone including herself.I think this is spot on moneysquirrel .
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 15, 2019 17:43:35 GMT -5
So do I.
Assisted living just called. They are meeting with dad, sister and niece on Tuesday. I have opted out because it doesn't matter what I say.
Director did say that sister has not accepted reality yet and that my niece said the same thing.
Dad is going to be living in a much safer place. The director doesn't think he needs their highest level of care. She is thinking 3rd highest level of care, plus bathing.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 15, 2019 18:38:23 GMT -5
TheOtherMe I'm not familiar with the terminology. Does this mean that it looks like Assisted Living will accept your Dad? If so, that's wonderful! I know this has been SO hard on you, but what you say absolutely DOES matter. If you can find the strength, I think you need to do this last bit of advocating for your Dad, if only to help support your niece. I know she's a nurse but emotionally it won't be easy for her to counter her Mom who lives in LaLaland. I think it would be good if you could support her while she does, AND for you to be part of that decision-making process.
Your sister is the type to advertise to anyone who will listen how "TheO kept wrongly insisting that Dad need to be moved, then she couldn't even be bothered to attend that meeting." Don't give her that power, she doesn't deserve it.
Once he's moved, it will be much easier for you. You will be SO much less worried! So please, for your Dad, for your niece and for yourself, I really think you need to go to that meeting, even if it's hard.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 15, 2019 18:42:33 GMT -5
Yes, it appears dad will be accepted in assisted living. There are four levels of care and if he needs more care than the highest level, he will have to go to a nursing home.
I think he would be happier in assisted living than in a nursing home.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 15, 2019 20:21:28 GMT -5
I'm glad you're dad will be moving soon, TheOtherMe. I'm sorry your sister continues to be difficult. She's certainly not going to change now, but I can still hope for your sake she relents.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 15, 2019 20:34:13 GMT -5
I've been gone six nights. I got home last night at 9:30pm. We had a fun time visiting Washington DC for four days. DH and I went to a black tie gala for an award he won for our state; each of the 50 states recipients were their with their spouses. The Assistant Secretary of Education Frank Brogan was the keynote speaker, and he was excellent. The food was great, and dressing up was fun.
However, there's a big pile of mail for me to go through now. I had so much people interaction. Yikes! I worked from home today to be able to catch up on the week and not have to talk to anyone at work.
I also need to prepare for Thanksgiving. It's also time to start planning for Christmas.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 15, 2019 20:37:10 GMT -5
I just booked a hotel for DS3's graduation!!! We know the week but not the exact date. We were supposed find out the exact date in Dec, but apparently we'll only find out in March. The rates double or even triple for graduation week ... so per DH's or DS3's idea (can't remember) I booked a hotel on Booking now for 4 nights in July 2020. Free cancellation until 3 days before, breakfast included, and no prepayment required! Once we get the exact dates I'll modify the reservation. We plan to stay for 2 nights (the nights before and after graduation). So excited!!!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Nov 15, 2019 20:38:04 GMT -5
How exciting Chloe!!! Congratulations to your DH! We've missed you.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Nov 15, 2019 21:41:20 GMT -5
So do I. Assisted living just called. They are meeting with dad, sister and niece on Tuesday. I have opted out because it doesn't matter what I say. Director did say that sister has not accepted reality yet and that my niece said the same thing. Dad is going to be living in a much safer place. The director doesn't think he needs their highest level of care. She is thinking 3rd highest level of care, plus bathing. Don't you handle your father's finances? You should go so your sis doesn't try and cheap out on stuff that would make your Dad's life easier/better when you know that he can afford it. With her being in denial she is likely to say he can still do various things when in fact he can't or doesn't do them reliably.
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