debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 10, 2019 8:36:05 GMT -5
TheO obviously my "like" is acknowleding your answer, not liking the content.
|
|
moneysquirrel
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 13:12:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,908
|
Post by moneysquirrel on Nov 10, 2019 12:15:46 GMT -5
TheOtherMe -- I am so sorry to read about your father. You have been a great advocate for him and a faithful daughter. I am hoping that your sister will finally realize that your truth was reality and will begin to appreciate all that you are. Know that all of us are your support team and that your virtual friends will be there for you.
|
|
moneysquirrel
Well-Known Member
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 13:12:39 GMT -5
Posts: 1,908
|
Post by moneysquirrel on Nov 10, 2019 12:36:15 GMT -5
Hope all of you are doing well. I have been going through several items and have placed several into recycle box, trash or through the shredder. I try to do a little each day that I can. I am going through items that have been stored for a while takes time. I am hoping that once the craft shows and the classes (volunteer teaching and taking) are over (mid December) I will get more time to spend on this. It would be nice to eliminate more things. Figured that I have emptied several boxes thus far and currently work on a few others. It is so hard to donate the books but since I haven't read them in over a decade and with no plans to reread them in the immediate future it is better for the library to have them. I can later check them out if the urge comes over me to read one of them again. I do have several books on my kindle that I haven't read yet and plan to get to soon.
Goals for week of 11/10: Several held over from last week or new ones with same topics.
Crafts:
*Project -- Continue on current beading projects and continue to work on crochet project. *Update Etsy listings-- need to renew one or two *Add at least one item to the shop *Pack car for craft show --Wednesday and Saturday *Recharge back up charges and square device-- Tuesday or Wednesday, Friday
Commitments and Errands:
*Tutoring -- Thursday and 1 other I think *Classes -- Wednesday and Thursday *Craft Show --Wednesday night, Saturday
Routine Home Items:
*Maintain the organized areas *Keep up with dishes, laundry and general cleaning *Organize at least two areas *Add several more items to donation box/ trash/library donation (7 books in bag to donate when I get to the library for tutoring). Hope to add more to the others
Sure that I forgot several things. Will check in later.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 10, 2019 13:24:52 GMT -5
TheOtherMe -- I am so sorry to read about your father. You have been a great advocate for him and a faithful daughter. I am hoping that your sister will finally realize that your truth was reality and will begin to appreciate all that you are. Know that all of us are your support team and that your virtual friends will be there for you. You have no idea of how much I needed to read these words right now. My mind is reeling with how could I have forced the issue of assisted living sooner and how do I get him in a nursing home now? Talked to her briefly this morning. He wouldn't go to Dairy Queen, but she was going to try again today. I got as far as the n in nursing home and she said "no nursing home" I want to cry
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 10, 2019 14:54:07 GMT -5
TheO you have done everything humanly possible for your Dad. Remember that even when you brought up assisted living months ago, the doctor felt there was no need. You couldn't have even moved there without the doctor's agreement. Like Moneysquirrel said, we are here for you.
|
|
startsmart
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 12:45:52 GMT -5
Posts: 4,438
|
Post by startsmart on Nov 10, 2019 15:49:20 GMT -5
TheO- take comfort in knowing you’ve done everything possible as an advocate for your dad. He wanted to live independently and you all supported him in that choice for as long as possible. You made sure he had groceries and puzzles and Dairy Queen and companionship. If it truly is his time there’s nothing that can stop it. You can be by his side and show him love, keep him comfortable with hospice and let him go with dignity. It’s so freaking hard because when we love someone so much we wish for anything that could have extended our time together.
Take care of yourself, share memories as a family and know that his decline is not anyone’s fault.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 10, 2019 15:53:16 GMT -5
He went to Dairy Queen. Didn't each much of hamburger or fries but at the hot fudge sundae. Priorities.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 10, 2019 15:59:17 GMT -5
TheO that's wonderful news! Both that he went to DQ, and that he ate something! This week - reschedule haircut + color appt/Tues - Class A: 18 vocab tests/Tues
- 28 listening tests/Wed
- book club/Wed - Class B: 19 vocab tests/Thurs - MSc: 2 reports/Thurs
Hoping to get at least some of the marking done during the week. I have a cut + color scheduled for Wed, a very very busy day. I am hoping I can reschedule for the following week (which is much slower).
|
|
startsmart
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 12:45:52 GMT -5
Posts: 4,438
|
Post by startsmart on Nov 10, 2019 19:17:03 GMT -5
Friday I had a client in person so that took up most of my day, but I did get started on house chores like laundry. Saturday was productive with hard work, cleaning out my car and fixing a sewing project. I threw away a dozen things from the yard and need to do another pass through soon. Cut back the roses, tore up another 20% of the front yard and swept up a ton of leaves. Thankfully the weather had been gorgeous!
The new queen quilt is coming along and I got the thread I need plus a better lamp for detail work (I know I had a birthday last month but between my eyes and gray hairs this is sad!).
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 10, 2019 19:39:35 GMT -5
I'm glad you're still managing to work and get on with life startsmart. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how stressful this period is for you. I hope your gorgeous home will sell very soon.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 10, 2019 19:49:02 GMT -5
So, I'm the grinch that cancelled Thanksgiving this year. It is our friends' turn, but it's the weekend of my big birthday bash (which they are attending).
We went out with them last night. I asked A (not the same A) if she minded. She said OF COURSE NOT!!! She said, rain check, it's still our turn next year!
I am SO relieved! My MSc final is Thanksgiving Day, and I need to stay later for a couple of students who have an IEP (I think that's what it's called?) so they have more time. I will have gotten 39 final reports from Job 2 the previous day, and then I'll be coming home ON Thanksgiving with 25 MSc finals.
I would honestly MUCH rather skip Thanksgiving this year and have that evening to get ahead with my marking so I can enjoy my birthday weekend and my kids without all that with less marking preying on my mind.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 10, 2019 19:54:56 GMT -5
Funny story ... Thanksgiving A went to the supermarket in the international suburb where our kids' international HS always used to order our Thanksgiving turkeys. She said, I'd like to order a turkey for Thanksgiving. The butcher said, are you on the school list? She said no, my daughter graduated a few years ago. He said, then I cannot order a turkey for you. She said, you're a butcher, and I want to order a turkey. You're telling me you won't accept my order? Butcher said, nope. You need to go through the school. (When our kids attended that HS we used to get an email where we could sign up to order a turkey for Thanksgiving. Once they graduated from that HS, we no longer got those emails.) I told her she needed to complain to the manager of the store. I'm sure he would be THRILLED to know that she wanted to order a turkey for late Nov three weeks in advance, and that his butcher REFUSED to place her order. She's pretty non-confrontational, so I'm sure that's part of why she was so relieved that I suggested not doing Thanksgiving this year. And yes, this is the same store where I "lost" my turkey and it was found at the other end of the store LOL. Like A said, only in France! I'd like to buy something. NO YOU CAN'T. YES I DO SELL THOSE, BUT I AIN'T SELLING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU AIN'T ON THE RIGHT LIST!!! With this "rain check" *I* don't have to worry about procuring a Thanksgiving turkey for two years LOL. By then I will have written to several people at that school to ask them to please include former parents like us on their Thanksgiving turkey list. So hopefully this won't be a problem going forward. We had the same problem last year (they didn't refuse, they just did have any extras) so we paid a bomb for a turkey at our local farmer's market because that was the only turkey we could find.
But seriously, can you imagine asking to place an order for meat from a huge local supermarket and being refused, because it didn't go through your child's school?! *SMH*
|
|
bean29
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 9,919
|
Post by bean29 on Nov 10, 2019 21:36:40 GMT -5
un to goodwill. DH followed me cause he wanted a car wash. Well, he got rear ended.
Got the Christmas lights started. Walked dogs. Falling asleep Goin to bed, more tomorrow.
My car will fit in garage now. DH wants to reposition his Mustang and cover it first though.
|
|
bean29
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 9,919
|
Post by bean29 on Nov 10, 2019 23:03:49 GMT -5
Well, I looked at the weather prediction (3-6 inches of snow) and said maybe we should put my car in the garage. So we went out and moved the last few items and moved my car inside. There was nearly an inch of snow on my car already.
😁
|
|
nikiz628
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jun 11, 2013 17:25:59 GMT -5
Posts: 1,439
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"","color":"4ee2dd"}
|
Post by nikiz628 on Nov 10, 2019 23:19:26 GMT -5
TheOtherMe- I am just catching up here from the last few days. I am so sorry to read about your dad. I want to echo what others have said about the amazing job you have done advocating and loving your dad. I've said it before, and I will continue to say it- he is SO lucky to have you. Sending you all of the love and light.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 11, 2019 5:14:02 GMT -5
Oh no bean29 ! I'm glad your DH is fine, but that's so aggravating.
|
|
nidena
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 28, 2010 20:32:26 GMT -5
Posts: 3,580
|
Post by nidena on Nov 11, 2019 13:55:20 GMT -5
Every day in Iowa, I get a bit more settled in. The mess that is my room is slowly becoming less so. My youngest cat continued her tendency to not poop in the catbox and I've been contending with those messes on a daily basis. Thankfully, she never peed outside the box, only poo'd; makes for easier cleanup and less persistent smell. Found a cat/pet store in Des Moines yesterday where they suggested a specific kind of litter. It has some scent in it that is supposed to attract cats back to the box for every need. So far, 18 hours, no outside-the-box messes.
On the topic of mammos...won't get 'em. They don't PREVENT cancer and they don't make treatment any easier and, in all honesty, they introduce MORE radiation into the body. Radiation that doesn't disperse and only accumulates over time. Besides, we ALL have cancer in our body; it's just a matter of how measurable it is. Having just endured yet another pink-washing campaign that is October, I won't subject you all to my viewpoint on all things cancer and the bullshit that is pink...and teal...and purple...and orange...and every other freaking color under the rainbow that does nothing to PREVENT cancer but does all it can to prolong treatment and make more money. Sorry...said I wouldn't rant and there I went.
Anyhow, as far as settling in goes, the weeks fly by around here. I hope to have the room I'm in fully straightened in the next week or so. I'm also planning on getting a website started for a venture I'd like to undertake. I've heard mixed reviews about Wix but that may be the route I take since I know nothing about building a website.
Off to a Veteran's Day event at the middle school. Have a great day!
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 11, 2019 15:19:33 GMT -5
Appointment with hospice tomorrow.
I must remember to get dad's Medicare information for my phone call with his former employer on Thursday.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,408
|
Post by finnime on Nov 11, 2019 16:03:22 GMT -5
|
|
bean29
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 22:26:57 GMT -5
Posts: 9,919
|
Post by bean29 on Nov 11, 2019 16:41:56 GMT -5
TheOtherMe - hoping everything goes well.
When my Dad was in Hospice, the staff was just so incredible. They are there to make your loved ones and their families comfortable. They really did a lot to help us feel that the decisions we were making were the best ones for Dad and our family.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 11, 2019 17:13:11 GMT -5
We had hospice when mom passed away over 5 years ago. We know they are angels on earth.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 11, 2019 17:44:30 GMT -5
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow TheO.
|
|
wvugurl26
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 15:25:30 GMT -5
Posts: 21,692
|
Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 11, 2019 18:22:27 GMT -5
I finally got the Goodwill items documented for tax purposes. It's only been on my to do list since July. I have added a few items to the pile over the months. 38 items went out the door.
Two more bags of items in poor condition were dropped off at the clothing/shoes recycle bin.
10 items that are brand new or practically new were listed for sale.
I returned the new pants I bought for work that didn't fit. I had trouble getting the label printed but it scanned fine at the store. There is zero decent shopping for professional clothing for females in my area so it's drive a hour one way or buy online.
I put away my summer skirts and cleaned off both spare beds. Everything has been put away in its spot not dumped on the bed. I unpacked from this weekend's trip.
The hand wash dishes were caught up. It's the last nice day so I cleaned the windows in my car.
I put my niece's new school picture in its frame. The Halloween decorations have been put away and the Thanksgiving ones have been put out.
I returned the air mattress and pump that were not needed this weekend. We have a self inflating queen one but that would have been too big for our hotel room. In the end they honored my request for 2 queen beds and the twin sized one was returned.
I'm amazed at what all I accomplished with a day off work when I wasn't exhausted.
|
|
Iggy aka IG
Senior Associate
Joined: Oct 25, 2012 12:23:23 GMT -5
Posts: 12,426
Location: Good ol' USA
|
Post by Iggy aka IG on Nov 12, 2019 12:46:59 GMT -5
And I second the comment about how much we can accomplish on a non-work day.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 12, 2019 12:52:57 GMT -5
That's an amazing amount of tasks done wvugurl26 ! This week- reschedule haircut + color appt/Tues - Class A: 18 tests/Tues- 28 tests/Wed - book club/Wed - Class B: 19 tests/Thurs - MSc: 2 reports - MSc: 7 PPTs to review
I rescheduled my haircut appt for next week.
ETA: Play update, may delete. I backed out of possibly doing the lead. I was having nightmares/panic attacks at the idea of memorizing all those lines. The director (who I work with) told me, Perfect! Because I gave you a supporting role, not a lead. LOL!
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 12, 2019 15:35:05 GMT -5
We met with Hospice. They quickly realized dad has no understanding of what is going on.
After speaking to the assisted living part of the facility where dad lives, Hospice is of the opinion he can spend some time there before he needs a nursing home. She made it very clear that he should not be living alone. We have a meeting with the assisted living people on Thursday. Hospice can't be a care partner until dad is moved to assisted living. If the assisted living director thinks they can not care for dad, he will need to go to a nursing home.
I felt bad for my sister. She really couldn't see it and now Hospice is forcing the issue of him moving from independent living.
He did eat lunch while we were there.
Hospice also said wherever he goes will force him to use either a walker or wheel chair and he won't be so isolated because it's communal eating. They also check on the people in their care unlike in independent living. Because dad refuses to wear the monitor, they get an alarm if there is no motion for 24 hours. That's a long time to be lying on the floor.
|
|
debthaven
Senior Associate
Joined: Apr 7, 2015 15:26:39 GMT -5
Posts: 10,320
Member is Online
|
Post by debthaven on Nov 12, 2019 15:41:31 GMT -5
TheO it sounds like it went as well as it could. Your sister must be in shock but it has been a very long time coming. It would be wonderful if they could put him in assisted living. The fact that he has been living alone till now seems a good argument for at least trying assisted living. I don't know if you could "insist" on that, but perhaps you could try to get them to agree to a one- or two-month trial there, since hospice agrees to help care for him there? In any case, the fact that it's moving forward despite your sister's constant denials must be a great, great relief to you TheO.
I can't say anything good about your sister's attitude so I won't say anything at all.
You have always been the best advocate for your Dad. Your sister is louder and used to getting her way, but YOU are the one who has always seen things as they are, and who can best advocate for your Dad.
Many hugs.
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,332
|
Post by NastyWoman on Nov 12, 2019 16:02:20 GMT -5
TheO it sounds like it went as well as it could. Your sister must be in shock but it has been a very long time coming. It would be wonderful if they could put him in assisted living. The fact that he has been living alone till now seems a good argument for at least trying assisted living. I don't know if you could "insist" on that, but perhaps you could try to get them to agree to a one- or two-month trial there, since hospice agrees to help care for him there? In any case, the fact that it's moving forward despite your sister's constant denials must be a great, great relief to you TheO.
I can't say anything good about your sister's attitude so I won't say anything at all.
You have always been the best advocate for your Dad. Your sister is louder and used to getting her way, but YOU are the one who has always seen things as they are, and who can best advocate for your Dad.
Many hugs. From her behavior I have read in these and other threads I must admit that Sis is not my favorite person in the world. She is bossy and tends to be very inconsiderate of others' feelings → not my favorite person in the world. However, it is possible that her current behavior is the result of her fear of losing dad. Maybe she subconsciously thinks that she can bully the inevitable into going away. I don't know...
However, I do agree whole heartedly with everyone else here that your dad is lucky to have such a wonderful daughter as you looking out for him TheOtherMe
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 12, 2019 16:57:12 GMT -5
I think she's been in denial and doesn't want to lose dad. However, the man in the body is not dad. There are few signs of him as he used to be.
If nothing else, my finding dad in bed and figuring out he has not been eating, talking to my niece behind my sister's back so she would convince her mom to take him for a hospice referral is having the outcome I wanted for dad.
It's going to get him the care he needs for his remaining days whether it's assisted living or a nursing home. It's way past time for this but it's going to happen now or all of his care will fall on her and she told the hospice nurse she can't do it. I understand that. I've been trying and trying to get her to see what has been happening.
It's taken getting a medical professional to lay it out in plain language and to remind her that mom had dad with him 24/7. He did call for help when mom needed help. Dad doesn't have anyone to do that and that's why it's past time.
Somehow I don't think I can go to her house for Thanksgiving.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 27,146
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 12, 2019 17:03:23 GMT -5
The hospice nurse thinks he will do better where he will be with others when they eat. They also take the people in their care to the social events.
Today, there were several sitting in the lobby talking. Every person I saw on that floor today was either in a wheelchair or using a walker.
My therapist suggested yesterday that dad probably isn't going to do a lot of things we want him to do because a part of him is our dad and how dare we tell him what to do. My therapist said she thinks it's more difficult for opposite sex children to tell their parent what they need to do and have them actually do it.
The nurse asked if we new the last time he bathed. We don't know. She said a lot of older people wash their face, etc. and leave it at that. Same thing about wearing dirty clothes.
She said they have one patient now who the daughter says hasn't showered since the father died 7 years ago. The nurse said the mother is doing some kind of personal care because she doesn't have body odor.
|
|