WholeLottaNothin
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Post by WholeLottaNothin on Oct 16, 2019 14:23:15 GMT -5
My birthday is Thursday. Dad gives me $$$ so I already bought what I wanted for myself. As soon as check is in bank, will pay it off. I've sent a text to my sister to see if we can get together that day. I hope she is busy right now because I'm going to be sad if she doesn't want to get together. As long as I have lived here, she has stuff for her family on their birthdays. Some times I'm invited and sometimes I'm not. The only time they did anything for my birthday, it turned in to a disaster. My niece had come to the realization that they couldn't keep the cat they got for my great niece because she is so allergic. Niece was in tears and her husband finally came and got her while they made a family decision of what to do. That left sister upset and it never felt like anybody cared that it was my birthday. Happy Birthday! That's my son's birthday too. He is turning 5.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 16, 2019 14:26:22 GMT -5
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 16, 2019 14:38:40 GMT -5
Remember when we were joking about my sudafed and meth making.
A 21 year old woman was arrested in this little town last Saturday for illegally making meth. Had some other opioids on her and attacked the arresting office.
I'm sorry for her but I had to chuckle.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 13:26:15 GMT -5
Came home, ran/emptied dishwasher and did a load of laundry. This weekend- mark 13 essays/Thurs- reference letter P/Thurs
- call gardener/Fri (he's not answering) - mark 15 essays + 37 grammar/Fri - mark 9 essays + 37 Vocab/Sat
- mark 20 (short) MSc papers/Sun (stretch goal, may happen next week)
I have TONS of marking so I started tonight. I may not finish this weekend because I want Sunday off. I DO need to finish by Wed when I get a bunch more. Hope you're having a good birthday TheO!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 14:39:52 GMT -5
Met sister at the coffee shop in the town where dad lives. She showed me the ultrasound of DN1's baby boy. She also managed a few digs because I don't do enough for dad. I am doing what I can do.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 17, 2019 14:56:50 GMT -5
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 17, 2019 14:59:26 GMT -5
Met sister at the coffee shop in the town where dad lives. She showed me the ultrasound of DN1's baby boy. She also managed a few digs because I don't do enough for dad. I am doing what I can do. She is the POC as she has no problem letting you know, so she can bloody well do what she needs to do. Ef her and her entitled behavior.
I am sorry I don't live closer by. I would love to add you as another sister
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 16:10:41 GMT -5
TheO I know it's MUCH easier said than done, but in my ideal world, you would have said, oh thank you, I'm so glad you can take over doing X and Y and Z, since you have so much more time now that you're retired, and I've never done it to your liking anyway.
Again, much easier said than done, I know. But maybe you can try it for just ONE thing (either the thing you most dislike doing or the thing she complains about the most)?!
Congrats on the new grand nephew (still in manufacturing lol)!
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Oct 17, 2019 16:31:53 GMT -5
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 16:53:47 GMT -5
I was taken aback that she would do this on my birthday. My birthday where I invited her to get together (at the suggestion of my therapist). She just can't resist. Anything I would try to do, I could not please her. She even buys the word puzzles better than I do. Really? Either they are in the store or not. And she wonders why I don't care to be around her. She said we should have lunch since she is retired. I honestly don't want to because she will use it as an opportunity to dig at me. I did manage to ask her if she would like to deal with dad's Medicare Part D since we have to call in to dad's former employer to change his plan. No, she doesn't want to do that. I have made it clear to her that I am not a caretaker and that isn't going to change.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 16:59:42 GMT -5
She has taken over changing the batteries in dad's hearing aids. She has gone there and could not figure out why he couldn't hear. He had taken the batteries out. His hearing aids had no batteries.
Another day, the hearing aids were sitting on the kitchen table. He can't hear if they aren't in his ears.
BIL suggested she take the batteries to her house. I think that's a good idea.
I did tell her that the hearing aid situation is why I still think he needs more care.
She is going to talk to the facility as several people have moved in who use motorized scooters. They don't bother to look when they leave their apartment and they act like they are in a road race. Dad can't hear them and he can't move quickly to get out of their way. If one of them hit him and knock him over, guess who will be paying the medical bill.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 17:00:44 GMT -5
I'm sorry TheO. But good for you for standing up for yourself!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 17:04:35 GMT -5
TheO, I think part of the problem is that your sister doesn't actually spend much time with your Dad. I know you take your Dad out shopping on Thursdays. Could you suggest either alternating Thursdays, or having her choose another day of the week? I think part of the reason she's totally oblivious is that in fact she never actually spends much time with him. So I WOULD force the issue by saying that since she's retired now, she can either do every other Thursday, or choose another day (or even a half day) per week. Her choice! I'm sure that if she were to spend time with him more consistently, she'd agree that your Dad needs more care. Per your last post, it sounds like she's starting to come around (but not fast enough).
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 17:12:31 GMT -5
She says she sees him 5 days a week. One of those days is taking him to Dairy Queen. I don't know how much time she spends with him. He isn't very verbal these days. I have heard her say since he doesn't talk much, she doesn't stay long.
It becomes mostly telling him to change his shirt and checking the hearing aids.
I will keep taking him on Thursday. Otherwise, she will expect me to go visit and I don't want to do that.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 17:13:14 GMT -5
Sometimes I think I notice changes more because I only see him once a week.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 17:16:14 GMT -5
TheO, one more thought ...
I know you are so diligent about getting your Dad out of the house to go shopping on Thursdays. But I know it's a hardship for you, and it doesn't seem like he cares much anymore.
*IF* that is the case, maybe it would be easier on both of you to either get his groceries delivered to your place, and take them there, or get them delivered to his place, and be there for the delivery. Maybe you could opt to have the groceries delivered every other week, and take him out every other week.
Dunno, just a thought.
Many hugs to you. I was hoping you'd be having a nicer birthday.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 17:17:03 GMT -5
She says she sees him 5 days a week. Seriously?! I'm calling bullshit on that. Or maybe he's REALLY local to her and she literally stops by for a minute on her way to (wherever). She's obviously not spending much time with him. Think about it TheO. If she were, SHE would be telling YOU the level of care she thinks he needs. Could you ask the nursing home how often she visits?
This said I do concur that maybe you see changes she doesn't. But that's only because she doesn't want to see them.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 17, 2019 17:29:20 GMT -5
She says she sees him 5 days a week. Seriously?! I'm calling bullshit on that. Or maybe he's REALLY local to her and she literally stops by for a minute on her way to (wherever). She's obviously not spending much time with him. Think about it TheO. If she were, SHE would be telling YOU the level of care she thinks he needs. Could you ask the nursing home how often she visits?
This said I do concur that maybe you see changes she doesn't. But that's only because she doesn't want to see them.
Now this is just me personally, but I wouldn't ask. Don't get pulled into this nonsense. She is just trying to show off how much "better" of a daughter she is and you don't want to feed that behavior.
TheOtherMe you are a wonderful daughter giving your dad what you have. And one can't give what one does not have so your personal limits are important and are to be respected. Even if Sis does not do this, at least realize for yourself that this is true. There is a Dutch saying "wie geeft wat hij heeft, is waard dat hij leeft". It roughly translates "whoever gives what s/he has available, is a valuable person". And you are giving all you have to give!
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 17:41:47 GMT -5
TheO after reading that Nasty, Nasty Woman's post, I want to tell you that I agree with her. Don't play her game.
In other news, I spoke to my boss at Job 1 about the fact that I am missing out on 5 weeks of classes at Job 2 for one class at Job 1. Her response was, that's terrrible! Can't you change that class?! Yes indeed I can, I've already looked into it! But I wanted your permission! She said, but of course!
IF it works out, that would give me another 30 hours at Job 2 next semester! I still need confirmation from Job 2 that they need me, since I had originally told them I couldn't do it.
That means I would want to lose a class at Job 1. But people are leaving in droves, so I am waiting because I don't want to cause my wonderful boss any hardship. I'm guessing I will be able to lose a class at Job 1 if I need to, but I probably need to wait till the dust settles for Sem 2. Alternatively, I could just do all those hours and save the money. To be clear, those 30 extra hours at Job 2 would be AFTER my regular semester is over (there would a week or 2 of overlap, which is totally doable).
Unfortunately, DH has retracted HIS offer of extra hours for next year. Now that he has finally figured out how to bill using QB, he says he doesn't need me to rewrite his bills using QB. I am, however, thinking about giving up Job 3. I have earned less than 500 euros in the last 3 years, because Job 3 comes WAY after Job 1 and Job 2 in my priorities. And now I have Job 4 (DH's QB).
Job 3 isn't difficult but it's at the same time as Job 1 and Job 2, and it's mainly Saturdays in spring and early summer, which I just HATE. I DO do the occasional Saturday in spring/early summer, but I'd much rather do them for my main jobs, not this seasonal job that only happens in May/June. I'm thinking it's just not worth it for $300-$400/year. The hourly rate is decent, but I also have to attend a 3h meeting (unpaid) and do 2h of online certification (also unpaid). I've been doing the strict minimum to keep my certification for the past 3 years, and I'm thinking it's just not worth the effort anymore.
Also this may seem silly, but 4 jobs seems like 1 too many for me. I'd rather keep it to 3 jobs, my 2 teaching jobs and DH's QB.
Any thoughts? Am I being silly/lazy/realistic?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 18:18:38 GMT -5
She says she sees him 5 days a week. Seriously?! I'm calling bullshit on that. Or maybe he's REALLY local to her and she literally stops by for a minute on her way to (wherever). She's obviously not spending much time with him. Think about it TheO. If she were, SHE would be telling YOU the level of care she thinks he needs. Could you ask the nursing home how often she visits?
This said I do concur that maybe you see changes she doesn't. But that's only because she doesn't want to see them.
Now this is just me personally, but I wouldn't ask. Don't get pulled into this nonsense. She is just trying to show off how much "better" of a daughter she is and you don't want to feed that behavior.
TheOtherMe you are a wonderful daughter giving your dad what you have. And one can't give what one does not have so your personal limits are important and are to be respected. Even if Sis does not do this, at least realize for yourself that this is true. There is a Dutch saying "wie geeft wat hij heeft, is waard dat hij leeft". It roughly translates "whoever gives what s/he has available, is a valuable person". And you are giving all you have to give!
Dad is in independent living so they don't know how often she visits. I'm not asking anybody. She wants to feel superior. Thanks NastyWoman and debthaven for your support. The Dutch saying applies perfectly here. I am doing what I can do emotionally and I have to take care of me or I won't be doing anything.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 17, 2019 18:20:37 GMT -5
I am, however, thinking about giving up Job 3. I have earned less than 500 euros in the last 3 years, because Job 3 comes WAY after Job 1 and Job 2 in my priorities. And now I have Job 4 (DH's QB).
Job 3 isn't difficult but it's at the same time as Job 1 and Job 2, and it's mainly Saturdays in spring and early summer, which I just HATE. I do do the occasional Saturday in spring/early summer, but I'd much rather do them for my main jobs, not this seasonal job that only happens in May and June. I'm thinking it's just not worth it for $300-$400/year. The hourly rate is decent, but I also have to attend a 3h meeting (unpaid) and do 2h of online certification (also unpaid). I've been doing the strict minimum to keep my certification for the past 3 years, and I'm thinking it's just not worth the effort anymore.
Any thoughts? Also this may seem silly, but 4 jobs seems like 1 too many for me. I'd rather keep it to my 2 main teaching jobs and DH's QB.
It would not be worth $300-$400 year to me to work Job 3, especially since the hours are mostly on Saturdays.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 18:33:06 GMT -5
Thank you TheO. <3
I actually wrote the email saying that I was leaving just after I posted (but didn't send it). I have seriously wanted to do that for a LONG while. I have pissed them off majorly twice in the past 2 years for cancelling a date when I found out my kids were visiting. Happily both times someone else was happy to cover me and do some extra hours.
I'm not sure if I will send it now or do it after they solicit me for next spring/summer (generally in Nov).
Thanks again, I feel SO relieved, even without having actually sent the email LOL. But it's in my Drafts folder, ready to go.
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 17, 2019 18:45:00 GMT -5
I also forgot about the unpaid 40 min round trip to pick up the materials, the unpaid 40 min round trip to drop them off, plus the 1 or 2 unpaid 40 min trips to drop off the marking sheets (depending on whether my colleague or I live closer to the testing center. We always work in pairs). I think I'm going to send that email right now!!!
DONE!!! I SENT IT!!! DONE WITH JOB 3!!! I HATE working Saturdays. If I'm going to work on Saturdays, it should be for something that actually matters to me, ie my 2 teaching jobs. It will be SUCH a huge relief to have one less thing to juggle come spring!
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Oct 17, 2019 19:35:58 GMT -5
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nikiz628
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Post by nikiz628 on Oct 17, 2019 22:17:06 GMT -5
I also forgot about the unpaid 40 min round trip to pick up the materials, the unpaid 40 min round trip to drop them off, plus the 1 or 2 unpaid 40 min trips to drop off the marking sheets (depending on whether my colleague or I live closer to the testing center. We always work in pairs). I think I'm going to send that email right now!!!
DONE!!! I SENT IT!!! DONE WITH JOB 3!!! I HATE working Saturdays. If I'm going to work on Saturdays, it should be for something that actually matters to me, ie my 2 teaching jobs. It will be SUCH a huge relief to have one less thing to juggle come spring! Way to go!!!
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nikiz628
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Post by nikiz628 on Oct 17, 2019 22:18:10 GMT -5
Happy Birthday TheOtherMe! I’m sorry your sister is such a drag. You are an amazing person and your dad is so very lucky to have you in his life! ❤️
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 18, 2019 7:36:31 GMT -5
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debthaven
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Post by debthaven on Oct 18, 2019 8:55:19 GMT -5
This weekend- mark 13 essays/Thurs - reference letter P/Thurs - mark 24 essays/Fri - call gardener/Fri - mark 37 grammar + 37 vocab/Sat - mark 20 (short) MSc papers/Sun (stretch goal)
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ohmomto2boys
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Post by ohmomto2boys on Oct 18, 2019 11:28:24 GMT -5
That is decluttering at its finest! Way to go!!!
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 18, 2019 11:32:48 GMT -5
Cleaning people just left and I have a painter to call. This painter is here in town and doesn't advertise. Gets all clients by word of mouth.
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