How honest are you about your financial situation with

[giramomma]

Extended family has a good idea. I bounce things off of them when I need to. They are trustworthy and a good source, especially given DH isn't interested in our finances.

My kids know our worth, and their worth. But, I think it's important because there's a large disconnect between our big lifestyle/spending choices and our income. Most folks with 4 kids and a SAHP at our kids school (which isn't all that many) are making quite a bit more than we are.

I think one of the reasons I got my merit raise at work is because I quipped about my salary. Prior to my merit raise, even with 17 years experience, my wage was $400 above the lowest threshold for the salary range for my current title. It may have gotten to the point where they HAD to give me a raise no matter what, because salaries need to fall within that tile range.

But, like others, my day job salary is public knowledge. So not exactly a secret.

[hoops902]

Oct 15, 2018 7:47:26 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Oct 15, 2018 7:40:41 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Are you sure?  You gave him all the user names and passwords. 

I know this was addressed to BG but in my case I have a "box" that all papers are kept in and list of usernames and passwords are in the box. The "box" is in my possession and kiddo knows about it but no need to go there till I am incapacitated or dead.   

Bless all of you who do this!  My in-laws told us where the box is that they keep all that stuff and they update us anytime they change financial planners as that person has a list of all their stuff.  My parents aren't nearly that organized (in part because they don't have a financial planner who organizes it for them) and their current attitude is "you're smart, you'll figure it out when the time comes"...great...thanks!  The reality is, I WILL eventually figure it out...but who knows how long it will take.  Every rental house they have is under a different name, they've got tons of different accounts all set up for different kids and grandkids.  I'm pretty sure if they don't die together in some kind of accident I'll have a better shot at getting the remaining one organized...and if it is my mom who is left (which is most likely) then I'll end up knowing everything since she's not all that financially savvy.  

[Blonde Granny]

Yep, all that are financial related.  I don't use FB or any other of these social media places, so there is nothing to hide.

My son and DIL are better off financially than I am, he is an only child, and I have 3 grandkids.

The POA is clear with what his ability to do now ( include sell my house if he wanted)...teehee. He inherits the job of being the Trustee after I die and the trust is split 70% 30% between my son and grand kids.

He trusts me to make good financial decisions, and just wants me to spend my money and enjoy the rest of my life.

[NoNamePerson]

Oct 15, 2018 8:33:04 GMT -5 hoops902 said:

Oct 15, 2018 7:47:26 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I know this was addressed to BG but in my case I have a "box" that all papers are kept in and list of usernames and passwords are in the box. The "box" is in my possession and kiddo knows about it but no need to go there till I am incapacitated or dead.   

Bless all of you who do this!  My in-laws told us where the box is that they keep all that stuff and they update us anytime they change financial planners as that person has a list of all their stuff.  My parents aren't nearly that organized (in part because they don't have a financial planner who organizes it for them) and their current attitude is "you're smart, you'll figure it out when the time comes"...great...thanks!  The reality is, I WILL eventually figure it out...but who knows how long it will take.  Every rental house they have is under a different name, they've got tons of different accounts all set up for different kids and grandkids.  I'm pretty sure if they don't die together in some kind of accident I'll have a better shot at getting the remaining one organized...and if it is my mom who is left (which is most likely) then I'll end up knowing everything since she's not all that financially savvy.  

My son is only child with no kiddo's. He is it as far as I am concerned. But having said that I do have secondary plan in place should he  predecease me. My DIL is secondary beneficiary in that case. 

[cktc]

Oct 14, 2018 18:43:45 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Oct 14, 2018 18:23:45 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Our salaries are public knowledge, so we can avoid the conversation but not actually keep that information from anyone. What people don’t realize is how much the real estate market crash affected our finances nor how much DH pays in alimony. People assume we have more cash flow than we do.

We are all guilty of assumptions.

I assumed that my sister was on a reduced income after she retired.  I tried to make sure she didn't have to pay for anything when she was out here.

Maybe it is reduced for her, but she earns more than DH and I do together.  

So much for assumptions. 

I've made that mistake a few time. Turns out it's not that I have a higher salary, I just spend less on other stuff.

I think big picture is more important than salary though so I try not to worry too much about what others make and I prefer not to share too much either, other than the doing well, lots of expenses sort of conversations. My salary hasn't changed in like 7 years, so there are people who know, but I don't talk about my DH's income, and it has a lot of moving pieces with bonuses and military anyway.

I have to keep checking myself with one of my sisters. She doesn't make a lot and is always complaining about how she can't afford anything. She and her husband do separate finances, to the point she doesn't even really know how much he has. They have frequent financial crisis and I always want to help, but his family has money and usually bails them out. Her son already has a trust. I need to focus on my kids and not worry about her.

[tcu2003]

I don’t lie, but I also don’t tell anyone our numbers. You all probably know more than our family and friends. My mom knows we’re okay as we’ve been able to do things like pay for my dad’s funeral when it would have been a hardship for her, types of vacations we take, our house, etc. Similarly, my sister probably had a pretty good idea, but she doesn’t know how much DH and I make. I more or less know my mom’s salary, plus her investments and savings. Sis just started a new job today, and told me her salary, but I’ve only got a loose guess as to her H’s as he’s mostly commission paid.

DH’s family all make significantly less than we do based on jobs, random conversations, and other things I’ve picked up over the 8+ years we’ve been married. They don’t ask, nor do we, what anyone makes, savings rates, etc.

Similarly, not something my friends and I discuss, though we’re all doing fairly well. We talk in generalities and know who has student loans, vacations, daycare expenses, etc, but we all have very different lifestyles and different phases of life in some cases. If asked, if hedge my bets and say we’re doing okay but could always be paid more. ;-)

[MN-Investor]

I've never been asked what we make nor have I been asked about what we have saved.

While my DH was alive - he passed away in April - we never told anyone, other than our lawyer and a couple of financial folks, our net worth. Last month I told a very trusted, knowledgeable fellow Boglehead my net worth because we were talking about what I might do as far as my house - remodel and stay in it, or sell and buy a newer home. It's easier to discuss if she knows my net worth. It's one answer if I'm barely scraping by, a completely different answer if I can afford to buy a new home.

[Miss Tequila]

The only people that know my income details are BF and my CPA.  My oldest thinks we are poor (lol) because we don't live in a McMansion and drive luxury cars like some of her friends' parents.  My priority is financial freedom and not stuff!

BF doesn't know exactly what my net worth is but he knows my income and how many rentals I have.  Since I plan on spending my life with him he is the one person who should know.  Anyone else rude enough to ask will get a like reply.

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2018 13:57:47 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

The only people that know my income details are BF and my CPA.  My oldest thinks we are poor (lol) because we don't live in a McMansion and drive luxury cars like some of her friends' parents.  My priority is financial freedom and not stuff!

BF doesn't know exactly what my net worth is but he knows my income and how many rentals I have.  Since I plan on spending my life with him he is the one person who should know.  Anyone else rude enough to ask will get a like reply.

Didn't you have to let your daughter know for filling out the FAFSA? 

[swamp]

I tell people I'm homeless 

[Miss Tequila]

Oct 15, 2018 13:59:53 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 15, 2018 13:57:47 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

The only people that know my income details are BF and my CPA.  My oldest thinks we are poor (lol) because we don't live in a McMansion and drive luxury cars like some of her friends' parents.  My priority is financial freedom and not stuff!

BF doesn't know exactly what my net worth is but he knows my income and how many rentals I have.  Since I plan on spending my life with him he is the one person who should know.  Anyone else rude enough to ask will get a like reply.

Didn't you have to let your daughter know for filling out the FAFSA? 

Nope.  The ex claimed her and filled out the FAFSA. 

She does know that I have rentals but she has no idea my income or net worth. 

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2018 14:09:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Oct 15, 2018 13:59:53 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Didn't you have to let your daughter know for filling out the FAFSA? 

Nope.  The ex claimed her and filled out the FAFSA. 

She does know that I have rentals but she has no idea my income or net worth. 

I thought you had custody and he rarely saw the kids?  I'm probably confusing you with Andi....

[shanendoah]

*I* don't know my net worth, so I can't exactly tell anyone else what it is.
That said, I've always talked finances, at least in general, with my mother. I am her POA should anything happen (even though my brother lives with her), so she tries to keep me apprised. She's careful with her retirement and doesn't want us to end up having to take care of her financially - probably more so because we did end up having to take care of my MIL.
My father is also retired, and we talk in generalities. He owns his house outright. His retirement disbursements are currently low enough that he could live until 110 and still have money (I've told him to up the disbursements and enjoy himself more).

I don't have a problem talking finances in general, and people who know our situation know we've had some extra financial pressure in the last few years given lawyer and other legal fees. But I also pay pretty close attention to spending, and we have no non-legal debt that isn't the house, so my paycheck is plenty.

I make a little over 6 figures, but again, unless I need to report it on an official form, I couldn't tell you exactly how much I make without looking it up in the system.
I enjoy talking to people about finances, and do talk to my friends. Sometimes it's a balance to not sound like you are doing the complaint-brag, but I've found if you talk about your choices and don't judge other people on their choices, it's pretty easy to have the conversations.

[Miss Tequila]

Oct 15, 2018 14:17:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 15, 2018 14:09:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Nope.  The ex claimed her and filled out the FAFSA. 

She does know that I have rentals but she has no idea my income or net worth. 

I thought you had custody and he rarely saw the kids?  I'm probably confusing you with Andi....

I think you are partially right. I technically have shared custody but my oldest hasn't stayed with him in years and he takes my youngest probably 25%-30% of the time. The first year, he agreed to give my oldest $3k that would be the difference between his taxes by filing single versus HOH.  He also claimed her in 2017 but dicked her over and paid for a vacation for his girlfriend instead of giving his daughter any money . 

My custody agreement says I get to claim both but if it benefits my children I am all for letting him claim her (it wouldn't have been much of a tax savings for me).  He won't be claiming her this year so I guess at some point she will see my income.   

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2018 15:18:22 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Oct 15, 2018 14:17:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I thought you had custody and he rarely saw the kids?  I'm probably confusing you with Andi....

I think you are partially right. I technically have shared custody but my oldest hasn't stayed with him in years and he takes my youngest probably 25%-30% of the time. The first year, he agreed to give my oldest $3k that would be the difference between his taxes by filing single versus HOH.  He also claimed her in 2017 but dicked her over and paid for a vacation for his girlfriend instead of giving his daughter any money . 

My custody agreement says I get to claim both but if it benefits my children I am all for letting him claim her (it wouldn't have been much of a tax savings for me).  He won't be claiming her this year so I guess at some point she will see my income.   

FAFSA for divorced couples is based on where they live more than 50% of the time though, not who claims them as a dependent on their taxes.   The dependent thing can get thrown back and forth, but FAFSA and EIC are tied to custodial. 

[debthaven]

Rukh O'Rorke a 50% raise still doesn't give any numbers ... so not ideal but not terrible either.

If it's brought up again I'd get SERIOUSLY indignant and tell them (your brother? your mom?) how you've always been a single parent. That you have been CRIMINALLY underpaid for DECADES, but that you chose to live with it because your priority at the time was your kids' education, and finishing your PhD. And that as a result of that choice you now have a BOATLOAD of debt, but your priority was stability for you and your kids until they were older/you finished your PhD. And that you really wish your Dad were here because he would be so incredibly proud of all that you've accomplished, all on your own.

I know you won't tell your mother to pound sand (although she deserves it, but I know she's very elderly.) But I certainly wouldn't have any problems telling my brother that. Ideally in front of our mother.

[Miss Tequila]

Oct 15, 2018 15:54:06 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Oct 15, 2018 15:18:22 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I think you are partially right. I technically have shared custody but my oldest hasn't stayed with him in years and he takes my youngest probably 25%-30% of the time. The first year, he agreed to give my oldest $3k that would be the difference between his taxes by filing single versus HOH.  He also claimed her in 2017 but dicked her over and paid for a vacation for his girlfriend instead of giving his daughter any money . 

My custody agreement says I get to claim both but if it benefits my children I am all for letting him claim her (it wouldn't have been much of a tax savings for me).  He won't be claiming her this year so I guess at some point she will see my income.   

FAFSA for divorced couples is based on where they live more than 50% of the time though, not who claims them as a dependent on their taxes.   The dependent thing can get thrown back and forth, but FAFSA and EIC are tied to custodial. 

Meh, she didn’t get anything using his income either so it didn’t matter. I had to claim my youngest because of daycare (I had fsa). Like I said, custody agreement says shared custody. I doubt anyone is going to care, especially since she got no money out of it.

Weta: based on the agreement it is 50/50 so no one has either more per the agreement. Reality is much different, of course

[debthaven]

To answer the question, our four kids and my sister pretty much know all the gory details. DH and I earn shite compared to our two older kids. DD (kid n° 3) now earns the same as either (but not both) of us.

Mea culpa, I admit I have always been curious about how much my kids earn. But, I have NEVER asked. They've always volunteered the info, at crucial moments, ie either a new job, or a big promotion. I just want to know that they are earning a decent amount and progressing. I certainly don't want anything from them!

DS1 was a humanitarian aid worker for 10 years until he left to go back to school last August. While he was living and working in the Stans, he'd always ask me to scan and send him his tax declaration. So I always knew how much he earned. I never mentioned it, nor did he. 

DS3 (kid n° 4) is still a college student. He's doing an internship this year (not unusual in the UK). He was just THRILLED to tell us his salary LOL. He and DH talked it over and came up with a financial plan for this year that satisfied both of them.

Per Rukh O'Rorke 's OP, it's probably much easier to be honest if there is no risk of either being cut off or asked for money. For me, that's our kids and my sister.

This said, I also have three VERY long-term friends (of 35/30/20 years) that I am pretty open with about money/financial issues (as are they with me). They have similar incomes and lifestyles, and we are all the same age (give or take a year or two). So yes, we talk pretty openly about RE investments, retirement, slowing down, whether to lease or buy a car, etc.

Personally I'm grateful that I have people IRL I can talk about money with. 

 

[countrygirl2]

Never really knew what son had till the last year or so, he is doing far better then I expected and we are proud.


He knows what we have once or twice a year I give him an update.  He knows who our attorney is and not the CPA because I don't know that yet, LOL! He will once we know for sure.  This is our second year for one locally.


He needs to know, as he is one of 2 and the other can't take care of anything.  Right now we have everything split 50/50 and then a special needs trust will kick in for her.  Have our wills and end of life directives and everything.


He is on the LLC as a 3rd partner, but none voting and none participating but if something happens to one of us he moves up if he wants.

We have everything organized when we are down to one of us, he gets a safety deposit key, he is already a signor on our card.  On some bonds he on the name with us and on his dads 401k's he is the secondary beneficiary after me.  If something happens to son his inheritance will go to grandson.  His mom can use what she needs but the bulk will be left to him.  That is something we have to take care of yet, has not been done yet.  I definitely will do that, otherwise I doubt he will end up with anything. With son alive yes, without him, likely no.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Oct 15, 2018 16:02:16 GMT -5 debthaven said:

Rukh O'Rorke a 50% raise still doesn't give any numbers ... so not ideal but not terrible either.

If it's brought up again I'd get SERIOUSLY indignant and tell them (your brother? your mom?) how you've always been a single parent. That you have been CRIMINALLY underpaid for DECADES, but that you chose to live with it because your priority at the time was your kids' education, and finishing your PhD. And that as a result of that choice you now have a BOATLOAD of debt, but your priority was stability for you and your kids until they were older/you finished your PhD. And that you really wish your Dad were here because he would be so incredibly proud of all that you've accomplished, all on your own.

I know you won't tell your mother to pound sand (although she deserves it, but I know she's very elderly.) But I certainly wouldn't have any problems telling my brother that. Ideally in front of our mother.

Thank you debt!!❤️

It went relatively smoothly, no other specific questions were asked, so I felt more at ease. It likely won't be mentioned again.

[debthaven]

I'm so glad to hear that Rukh O'Rorke! You've worked SO hard to get where you are!

[❤ mollymouser ❤]

We're a single income military family ~ we don't really get a lot of questions about our finances.

[countrygirl2]

Nobody asks us but they may think we are better off then we are, who knows.  In our little town I would say of 200 we have the nicest place here, so yeah folks would wonder.  But people are to polite to say anything at least to us.  To each other probably say how did that dumb guy do so well, LOL!  Hubs said he did horrible in school. But he certainly did extremely well in real life, I'm proud of him.  I helped for a lot of years, if I could have kept it up we would have done even better.

[Pants]

I don't talk to anyone IRL about money. When my work BFF got promoted to my level we shared salaries because lack of salary transparency can hold women back. If one or the other of us was being underpaid, we would benefit from the info. 

[thyme4change]

There is a guy on HGTV who is hosting the show where we watch people who win a lottery buy a house. The promo has him in a huge mansion, wearing a pimp jacket and surrounded by oppulance, and he said "I will show you how to live like a millionaire" and I wondered what people in my world think millionaires look like. My house is kinda the worst of my crew, but we travel way more than any of them, so I am not sure what they think.

[msventoux]

No one knows. When my mom was alive she knew I did okay, but also knew I had a mortgage and was paying out of pocket for school, professional exams, etc. I downplayed my salary and played up my expenses as otherwise I would get asked for loans that would rarely be paid back in full.

My family and friends know the listing price of the house I tried to buy recently and they made some comments that I must be loaded. But they know that price doesn’t necessarily correlate to my salary. They know I lead a modest lifestyle and tend to be a saver but haven’t quite been able to work out what that means exactly.

[Deleted]

Oct 15, 2018 22:11:17 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There is a guy on HGTV who is hosting the show where we watch people who win a lottery buy a house. The promo has him in a huge mansion, wearing a pimp jacket and surrounded by oppulance, and he said "I will show you how to live like a millionaire" and I wondered what people in my world think millionaires look like. My house is kinda the worst of my crew, but we travel way more than any of them, so I am not sure what they think.

watch that show sometime.  They always end up buying $300k houses.

[Pants]

Oct 15, 2018 22:21:09 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Oct 15, 2018 22:11:17 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

There is a guy on HGTV who is hosting the show where we watch people who win a lottery buy a house. The promo has him in a huge mansion, wearing a pimp jacket and surrounded by oppulance, and he said "I will show you how to live like a millionaire" and I wondered what people in my world think millionaires look like. My house is kinda the worst of my crew, but we travel way more than any of them, so I am not sure what they think.

watch that show sometime.  They always end up buying $300k houses.

But a $300k house in Iowa or a $300k house in LA? Because those are very different houses.

[buystoys]

DH and I don't talk about our finances to anyone.  It's funny, but one of our neighbors asked how we could afford to buy the house across the street.  He thinks we're financed out the whazoo for it.  We're actually cash flowing the purchase and repairs.

We didn't tell him how we could afford it.  It's better to leave him wondering or making up stories in his head.

[hoops902]

Oct 16, 2018 7:03:17 GMT -5 Pants said:

Oct 15, 2018 22:21:09 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

watch that show sometime.  They always end up buying $300k houses.

But a $300k house in Iowa or a $300k house in LA? Because those are very different houses.

Closer to an Iowa $300k house.  They're nice homes, but not any kind of mansion.  A lot of them are folks who want to go live closer to their adult children and end up in a slightly more expensive area than they are now, someone who wants a house on a lake, someone who always wanted a pool, etc.  

They're also not "lottery winners" who are getting tens of millions.  They're typically smaller lottery winners (winning millions still, but not big jackpot winners).