I hope we make it... will we? Maybe? Maybe not?

[pig]

"That is why I want her as involve in it as I am... So I can sleep better at night knowing if I were to had a kid and I die she will be able to handle the finances."

That's understandable but if she's not interested then she's not. Luckily, my wife isn't that uninterested in day to day finances, she handles that but she is totally uninterested in retirement finances so I handle that. The best advice I can give you if you're worried about your premature death is to have a good life insurance policy in place. That will allow her time to figure all that out when the time comes. You have to have enough faith in her that she'll figure that out if she has a five year coushin from the policy.

What I would do if she is really that disinterested is to keep a list with your documents that has a list of all the accounts and how to access them in your safe so that she has it readily available should she need it. Trust me, if she's intelligent and I'm guessing she is if you chose to be with her then she will figure it out if you have a list for her. Tell her "Honey, I'm making a list of all our accounts (would do this after you guys are married though) so that if anything happens to me you will have the information." Show her where it is.

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2011 10:16:00 GMT -5 @pig said:

"That is why I want her as involve in it as I am... So I can sleep better at night knowing if I were to had a kid and I die she will be able to handle the finances."

That's understandable but if she's not interested then she's not. Luckily, my wife isn't that uninterested in day to day finances, she handles that but she is totally uninterested in retirement finances so I handle that. The best advice I can give you if you're worried about your premature death is to have a good life insurance policy in place. That will allow her time to figure all that out when the time comes. You have to have enough faith in her that she'll figure that out if she has a five year coushin from the policy.

What I would do if she is really that disinterested is to keep a list with your documents that has a list of all the accounts and how to access them in your safe so that she has it readily available should she need it. Trust me, if she's intelligent and I'm guessing she is if you chose to be with her then she will figure it out if you have a list for her. Tell her "Honey, I'm making a list of all our accounts (would do this after you guys are married though) so that if anything happens to me you will have the information." Show her where it is.

I guess you do have a point.

We are married and we both have life insurance. Currently it is about 250k on each of us, enough to cover all expenses and have enough left over. We do intend to increase it with the arrival of kids, mortgage, etc.

I doi have the file with everything in it and update it every year so she knows where to look if she needs to. I guess you are right, there is only so much I can do or get her to do.

[hcj]

Well I for one have to say that regardless of whether it hits $20K by June 1st, that is quite an accomplishment in just 1 yr. My husband pays zero attention to our retirement accounts and it just isn't something that interests him. However, we hit a milestone and when I told him the figure it really hit home for him. In fact he told me about a conversation he had with his parents recently. Not sure how it came up, but for some reason they were thinking we weren't saving for retirement. What would ever give them that impression is beyond me. Anyway, he told them the figure and I could tell this filled my husband with pride.

Now that the sum is meaningful to him, he's got more motivation. I had been telling him all along that he still could raise his contribution 2% to really max what he can put in his 401K. Last week he did it.

You have no idea how awesome it is that you are getting a jumpstart on building your retirement at such a young age.

[pig]

I'm not saying I'm right I'm just trying to give a perspective that others on YM usually don't. Life isn't all about numbers. The numbers are just a tool. They don't have to live with your gf, you do. You're well ahead of me when I was 25 and more than most 25 year olds. Just remember to temper your monetary ambitions/goals with how your hopefully lifetime SO is. It's not always your way or her way but finding that "our" way. That lesson is harder to learn than any savings or spending lesson. I have no doubt you'll find a way that works for you guys. I'd wish you luck but I don't think you will need any. Cheers to a secure AND happy future!

[azphx1972]

I agree with Dr. Pig. Either accept her the way she is and plan around it, and stop complaining about her, or do something to try to change her attitude (and clearly whatever you've been trying isn't working, so try something else), or leave the relationship. Continuing to complain about her on a random forum may make you feel better in the short term, but it's not going to address the root of the problem.

[zibazinski]

Look, DF is the SAME way. Makes me crazy but he has at least allowed me to handle our finances so I don't care that much. I do the day to day stuff and now he has told me I get to do the retirement/long term planning stuff. Oh, joy. I finally decided the half per cent I pay to Schwab is worth me not hassling with it every day!!!

[Firebird]

cawiau, I get the sense that you expect to change her attitude all by yourself, but at the same time it's obvious that approach is not working because she's not tuning into what you're saying. Money is obviously very important to you because you keep posting about it on here, but it doesn't seem to be a priority for her at all from what you're writing. Why not try to get some help from an unbiased third party either in the form of marriage counseling, or by taking the FPU class?

You can't make her care, or change. I agree that she needs to be in on the basics but the reality is that you're going to be the driver behind your financial success. You knew that when you married her.

She is exceedingly lucky to have you. I hope you can get her on board eventually, and counseling (financial or otherwise) definitely isn't a bad idea, but don't expect her to change. I think the most you can hope for is to get to the point where she's not actively working against you.

I don't ever expect DF to take total care of our finances - I'll do that, because I enjoy it and I'm good at it. He doesn't enjoy it enough to be really good at it. He doesn't get a little thrill out of seeing the balance on his savings account rise like I do. I don't expect that of him - but I do expect him to help me achieve our mutual goals. He's the type that likes to be told what is needed from his end with as little detail as possible, so that's what we're going to do and that's fine.

But it's going to be a long, tough road if she's constantly undermining your goals.

To end on a happier note, I think you guys are doing great, especially for starting so recently. My congratulations.

[azphx1972]

Mar 31, 2011 11:08:19 GMT -5 Firebird said:

You can't make her care, or change.

I don't know if I completely agree with that assertion. I guess it depends how deeply ingrained her views toward money are, but I've heard plenty of "debt free" callers on The Dave Ramsey Show who claim that they were able to get their spouses on board and change their attitude toward spending and saving. That's why I suggested counseling and PFU. You never know until you try.

[Firebird]

True, but from what cawiau just said on his other thread, it sounds like this is a very deep-seated attitude of his wife's.

He can try but I wouldn't depend on it happening. I think it would be great progress if she could just stop fighting him on the savings. She'll be glad they have it one day, probably sooner than later.

[bugeater2919]

Good luck and congratulations on keeping with it for a year. Keep it up and you'll be surprised by how fast your savings will grow.

We were basically in your position a few years ago, when at the end of March 2008 we only had $2830 in a traditional IRA my wife had from an earlier job. Then we decided to get serious about retirement savings:

March 2009: $45,391
March 2010: $117,937
March 2011: $196,757
Goal for March 2012: $272,100

[azphx1972]

bugeater, those are some impressive numbers.

Good thing you didn't start in 2008, because my retirement savings went down by over 100k in the next 12 months. ;D Here are my numbers:

Feb 2008: 298k
Feb 2009: 182k
Feb 2010: 314k
Feb 2011: 416k
Goal for Feb 2012: 500k

[robbase]

It your tax bracket stays the same, you haven't saved a dime. If it's higher, you've lost money.

you've lost money vs. what alternative exactly? If you are comparing it to a taxable investment you have to factor in the fact that the traditional 401K compounds tax free until you start to take withdrawals. At that point it would depend on your assumptions and net present values of each alternative

[Mrs. Dinero]

Good news Cawiau! You could always show your wife the magic of compounding (using a FV calculation).
"See honey our $20,000 now will likely turn into $x in X years without changing our contributions. If we up our contributions to $x we could have..." something like that.

[robbase]

also typically investment choices in 401Ks are not as good as those available outside of the 401K, so once you get through the match thing, it generaly is better to go outside your 401K (whether Roth or traditional IRA)

[Deleted]

Yeah! As of this morning totals in retirement accounts are:
15,115.88

2 months to add 5k to it