Little things you are ashamed of

[Ava]

Are there any little things you would be ashamed of sharing in real life?

For instance, in my case I consider myself a feminist and I love to see women get to positions of power and be successful.

On the other hand, I am ashamed to say I vastly prefer to have a male manager to the point of thinking twice before applying for a job if I know beforehand the manager is a woman. Of course, I feel like an hypocrite and I would never tell anyone in real life.

My experiences with female managers haven't been too good in the past. I've had one female manager who was very level headed, would sit down if you needed to talk, listen to you and try to solve the issue. We had nothing in common and I didn't really like or understood her, but I respected her.
The other female managers I've had ranged from slightly incompetent to all-out crazy and imbalanced. Granted, they were my managers when I was a recent arrival working McJobs. That may have more to do with their managerial qualities than the fact they were female.

I've been better off with male bosses, even on the McJobs. And now at a professional level the two male managers I've had so far have been outstanding.

What about you? Any juicy little dark secret you would like to share with us?
We won't tell anyone

[billisonboard]

Except for a brief period of time, I have lived in a White world. There were no people of color in my elementary school and junior high. None in my first year of high school of 2000 students. One in the class after mine. None in my boot camp company. One briefly at my first duty assignment. None at my second. Two at my third. College was very white except for athletes over on the jock end of campus. Most of my adult life has been in small rural communities with only a couple people of color. I have to be on guard against racist thoughts which come up from my ignorance.

[Tennesseer]

As a small kid in the late 1950s, as my family was driving through the black residents' section of my city, I stated "Lock your doors.  We're driving through the colored section."

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I blew up at the Saudi student I had.  I kicked her out of the lab.

In my defense, despite the fact that I was supposed to be training her, she would not do anything I asked unless she heard it from my boss's mouth.  I was trying to stagger her training and my work, so when I asked her to show up at 8 (I usually got in at 6:30 to start my work), her not showing up until 10 really fouled up my schedule, so I started on her work.  Had I waited for her to start, I would not have gotten out of the lab until 8 pm.  Her last excuse why she couldn't show up at 8 was her face was bleeding.  She had pretty bad acne, but it shouldn't have taken 2 hours to staunch the bleeding!

I had been dealing with crap like this for 3 months before I finally lost it.

[billisonboard]

Aug 5, 2017 12:35:48 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I blew up at the Saudi student I had. ...

Did you blow up at a Saudi student or did you blow up at an inconsiderate student who was a Saudi?

[weltschmerz]

Aug 5, 2017 12:35:48 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I blew up at the Saudi student I had.  I kicked her out of the lab.

In my defense, despite the fact that I was supposed to be training her, she would not do anything I asked unless she heard it from my boss's mouth.  I was trying to stagger her training and my work, so when I asked her to show up at 8 (I usually got in at 6:30 to start my work), her not showing up until 10 really fouled up my schedule, so I started on her work.  Had I waited for her to start, I would not have gotten out of the lab until 8 pm.  Her last excuse why she couldn't show up at 8 was her face was bleeding.  She had pretty bad acne, but it shouldn't have taken 2 hours to staunch the bleeding!

I had been dealing with crap like this for 3 months before I finally lost it.

Maybe her job interferes with her prayer times?
We have Middle Eastern staff who we can never find when we need them....they're off somewhere, praying.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 5, 2017 14:08:40 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Aug 5, 2017 12:35:48 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I blew up at the Saudi student I had.  I kicked her out of the lab.

In my defense, despite the fact that I was supposed to be training her, she would not do anything I asked unless she heard it from my boss's mouth.  I was trying to stagger her training and my work, so when I asked her to show up at 8 (I usually got in at 6:30 to start my work), her not showing up until 10 really fouled up my schedule, so I started on her work.  Had I waited for her to start, I would not have gotten out of the lab until 8 pm.  Her last excuse why she couldn't show up at 8 was her face was bleeding.  She had pretty bad acne, but it shouldn't have taken 2 hours to staunch the bleeding!

I had been dealing with crap like this for 3 months before I finally lost it.

Maybe her job interferes with her prayer times?
We have Middle Eastern staff who we can never find when we need them....they're off somewhere, praying.

Nope.  She just didn't like getting up early.  She complained that she thought getting in at 8 was too early.   I told her that her full assays took me 6 hours to run, and she needed extra time since she was going to be slower than me.  I warned her that when we started running samples, she needed to arrive early.  

[empress of self-improvement]

Aug 5, 2017 11:26:59 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

As a small kid in the late 1950s, as my family was driving through the black residents' section of my city, I stated "Lock your doors.  We're driving through the colored section."

DH would lock his doors whenever he drove through Lynn. I only do it if I'm in West Lynn. I know my city. He was dumb enough to get lost in it.

[Tennesseer]

Aug 5, 2017 12:35:48 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I asked her to show up at 8 (I usually got in at 6:30 to start my work), her not showing up until 10...

Reminds me a several co-workers many years ago. Employee A's car broke down. His family had only one car. Employee A asked Employee B if Employee B could pick him up for work for the next week or so. Employee B said sure.

Following day, Employee B arrives at Employee A's home and honks the car horn to let him know he is outside. Five minutes pass and no Employee A. Ten minutes pass and Employee A finally comes out and gets in the car.

On the ride to work, Employee A asks Employee B that in the future, could he come fifteen minutes later than he did that morning as Employee A needs those 15 minutes to pray with his family in the morning.

Employee B told Employee A no-"My time or no ride." Employee A and family prayed earlier in the morning.

[Anne_in_VA]

I liked a Puerto Rican boy while in middle school and it was pretty obvious to my friends.  When asked about him, I denied that I liked "that sp**".  I'm still ashamed that I did that.  I grew up in public housing with many nationalities and races around us and never really thought about differences before that.  I'm not sure why I denied it either.

[Tennesseer]

Aug 5, 2017 16:32:25 GMT -5 Anne_in_VA said:

I liked a Puerto Rican boy while in middle school and it was pretty obvious to my friends.  When asked about him, I denied that I liked "that sp**".  I'm still ashamed that I did that.  I grew up in public housing with many nationalities and races around us and never really thought about differences before that.  I'm not sure why I denied it either.

Look at the meme within the article.

Louisiana cop resigns after Facebook post about drowning white daughters who date black kids

[Deleted]

I was a gleeful participant in the sexual revolution on the 1970s.  It was a time when penicillin would cure anything (although I never got an STD) and if you were careful and took the Pill you wouldn't get pregnant (and I didn't, except for DS, who was planned).  I lost count of how many guys I had sex with before I was 30.  I married at 31 and there were a couple of trysts between my first and second husbands  but other than that I've been monogamous. 

I don't regret all the experimentation although I could have done without a few of the less-remarkable one-nighters and I should have said no more often.   I think that the reason I didn't go nuts after my first divorce or, more recently, after DH's death, is that I've been there, done that. 

[whoisjohngalt]

I have no shame.....

I do have some regrets from certain stupid decisions that I made.

But no shame

[suesinfl]

I never tell anyone in real life that I once weighed 286 lbs. I had gastric by pass surgery in 1990 and have weighed 125lbs at one time and looked like I was anorexic. My body has settled at 152 give or take a few pounds.

I also don't tell people much about my childhood, which people don't believe could happen in the early 70s to early 80s.

[Deleted]

I am impressed that you guys can share your secrets.  It took me most of my adult life to even admit that my father committed suicide when I was five, and my mother was a paranoid schizophrenic who was committed to three different state hospitals and considered AWOL FROM ALL THREE.

But I have learned that those aren't secrets about ME.  They are secrets about them.

I will probably take my secrets to my grave, thank you very much.  

[NoNamePerson]

Aug 5, 2017 21:56:48 GMT -5 suesinfl said:

I never tell anyone in real life that I once weighed 286 lbs. I had gastric by pass surgery in 1990 and have weighed 125lbs at one time and looked like I was anorexic. My body has settled at 152 give or take a few pounds.

I also don't tell people much about my childhood, which people don't believe could happen in the early 70s to early 80s.

That is so me. I have friends of 30 yrs or more that don't know about my childhood.    My EX told me one time during a discussion about visiting his family every weekend - they lived out of town. His remark to me was "you don't know what a normal family is" My reply to him was "if yours is normal then I'm damn glad I missed the experience  

[cronewitch]

Looking at pictures of victims and thinking it is more sad if they were cute. Ugly children are just as important as cute ones.

[Deleted]

A year or so ago, my Dad (who is now 86) told me what really happened to the baby chick my sister got at Easter (it was the 70s and accepted then) that grew into an obnoxious rooster whose crowing woke the neighborhood up every morning.  One day my mother took us out shopping and Dad opened the bird's cage, caught it and decapitated it.  He then called his mother and asked how to prepare a chicken for cooking.  It must have been a huge mess- Dad was a metallurgical engineer by training, had no farm experience and did not cook.  When we came home the cage door was open and everyone concluded that the rooster had somehow escaped. Guess what we had for dinner that night.

Dad has sworn me to secrecy but after he leaves this earth I'm gonna spill the beans.

[TheOtherMe]

Aug 5, 2017 20:17:42 GMT -5 whoisjohngalt said:

I have no shame.....

I do have some regrets from certain stupid decisions that I made.

But no shame

I have some major regrets, but not really shame.

[milee]

Aug 6, 2017 9:51:42 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I'm ashamed at how few family members I speak to. It's for good reasons but not something I share with most people.

I'm embarrassed/ashamed/dysfunctional about how much we earn.

Same issues here.

I've probably only told 2 people IRL in the past 10 years that I don't have contact with my mother, and those were very trusted friends in situations where I couldn't avoid disclosing that without actively lying.  Before that, I sometimes would discuss it with friends when the subject arose, but it became very obvious very quickly that people who didn't grow up in an abusive situation will never understand cutting off contact.  It was just too frustrating/hurtful to deal with the judgment ("but she's your MOTHER, how can you not talk to your MOTHER?") so I stopped discussing it.  

With the earnings issue, I fluctuate between being a little embarrassed and being angry at people who make really awful assumptions about it.  I didn't inherit a dime; since the age of 12 or so paid for my own clothes, car, college, wedding, house, etc; made huge life sacrifices and worked my ass off at a completely legal profession where my work didn't negatively impact or prey on anybody; I pay six figures of taxes a year and keep scrupulous business records (no personal autos or expenses charged to the business); I donate huge amounts to charity; yet somehow I'm grouped in with the evil, greedy "rich" people who "don't pay their share" and are out to hurt poor people?  Sort of like the issue with cutting off family, I've found it's better not to discuss money with people.  

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 5, 2017 9:21:33 GMT -5 Ava said:

Are there any little things you would be ashamed of sharing in real life?

For instance, in my case I consider myself a feminist and I love to see women get to positions of power and be successful.

On the other hand, I am ashamed to say I vastly prefer to have a male manager to the point of thinking twice before applying for a job if I know beforehand the manager is a woman. Of course, I feel like an hypocrite and I would never tell anyone in real life.

My experiences with female managers haven't been too good in the past. I've had one female manager who was very level headed, would sit down if you needed to talk, listen to you and try to solve the issue. We had nothing in common and I didn't really like or understood her, but I respected her.
The other female managers I've had ranged from slightly incompetent to all-out crazy and imbalanced. Granted, they were my managers when I was a recent arrival working McJobs. That may have more to do with their managerial qualities than the fact they were female.

I've been better off with male bosses, even on the McJobs. And now at a professional level the two male managers I've had so far have been outstanding.

What about you? Any juicy little dark secret you would like to share with us?
We won't tell anyone

I'm laughing because i said something similar recently and it was not well received. but that has been my experience as well and I am not ashamed to say it. But I also don't identify as a feminist so I get a pass, right??lol

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Aug 5, 2017 17:05:52 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Aug 5, 2017 16:32:25 GMT -5 Anne_in_VA said:

I liked a Puerto Rican boy while in middle school and it was pretty obvious to my friends.  When asked about him, I denied that I liked "that sp**".  I'm still ashamed that I did that.  I grew up in public housing with many nationalities and races around us and never really thought about differences before that.  I'm not sure why I denied it either.

Look at the meme within the article.

Louisiana cop resigns after Facebook post about drowning white daughters who date black kids

that was offensive on so many levels, I can't count them.

[Miss Tequila]

Hmm...great question. I'm sure there have been lots of things in my life that I've been ashamed of but just aren't popping into my head right now.

I do remember being a kid/teenager and feeling so ashamed because we loved in government housing and got food stamps. Amplified by the fact that each morning you had to get your lunch tickets and the teacher would call us up in groups...free lunch, reduced lunch or full price. But that experience made me who I am today. From a young age I knew I didn't want to be a leech. I have worked since I was 12 years old and have never relied on anyone to support me. So while I was so ashamed, I wouldn't trade that experience if it change who I was

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 5, 2017 17:05:52 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Aug 5, 2017 16:32:25 GMT -5 Anne_in_VA said:

I liked a Puerto Rican boy while in middle school and it was pretty obvious to my friends.  When asked about him, I denied that I liked "that sp**".  I'm still ashamed that I did that.  I grew up in public housing with many nationalities and races around us and never really thought about differences before that.  I'm not sure why I denied it either.

Look at the meme within the article.

Louisiana cop resigns after Facebook post about drowning white daughters who date black kids

Holy crap!

What I don't understand is why anyone would post something like that, even if they are racist. Especially when you have a government job. Was he dumb enough to think that wouldn't get him fired?

[countrygirl2]

There are some things I am ashamed of and I will never tell. Was really stupid, not
illegal but stupid.

I don't know how to say it, but like I said on here we bought son and DIL a new car.
I asked DIL not to post it on facebook because it sounded like bragging and though
I'm sure others here locally have done the same just don't want to do it. She asked
if she could tell her Russian friends and family, no problem. I just don't feel right
about it here in a small town.

When I bought the post office at auction, somebody yelled out oh you have a million

so you can buy it.  Say what?  There are many rich people here and we try to stay

very low key.  If we had come back poor, people would have made fun, we come back

ok, not rich and people still say stuff.  Sigh. I guess we look rich to many though.  In the

city we were just one among many and rather poor in comparison.

[zibazinski]

You bought a post office?

[zibazinski]

I can't believe there are memes like that.

[giramomma]

I've got my moments where I'm definitely not proud of..

No real secrets, though, either.

It's taken a lot for me to deal with this new kid though. But, that's an internal issue really to me, only. If I were a different person, I'd feel differently.

[bookkeeper]

I was convicted of misdemeanor petty theft when I was 18 years old.  Got drunk with a friend of mine and started pulling up real estate signs from people's yards.  Got caught, went to court and paid my fine.  Very embarrassing but very fortunate that this was 1983 and court records had not yet been computerized in that state.


Later went to work in state government and passed a pretty rigorous background check.  Even later went to work in the private sector handling about 10 million dollars in sales per year.


My early criminal pursuits kept my hand out of the cookie jar when working with lots of money and owners who really didn't pay attention to the financial end of their business.  I like to think I learned my lesson about stealing.

[Spellbound454]

Childhood friend ...we were in each others houses and best buddies in our teenage years
Got run over by a car. She was ok but had been in intensive care for a while

To my shame, I didn't even know until some months later.

To wrapped up in my own selfish dumb life........... to go to a friend who needed me.

When we did meet up (she was on crutches) it was "what the hell has happened"
Everyone knew except me.