azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,266
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Post by azucena on Apr 26, 2024 7:44:24 GMT -5
Drama - there's no way you're a problem employee. You know that. Even with some concessions for the life events you've been dealing with, you're not one to take advantage. Your manager is just completely inept and likely overcompensating for her own insecurities. Try to tune her out as much as possible.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,272
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 26, 2024 10:36:25 GMT -5
Maybe. She throws coworkers under the bus saying they told her X and Y. So I grabbed the bull by the horns on that one and asked them directly do they have a problem with my work? Am I causing issues?
Because I want to know and feel it should be talked about to my face not dumped on me out of the blue by my manager.
I already knew the answer. If I was as shifty as she says my coworkers wouldn't circle the wagon every time she does it.
Cause speaking again of the coworker who is a train wreck how people interact with him is quite different compared to me. Nobody is happy with him and his work.
I debate on the value of going to HR. There has been a big culture push to not talk to HR you need to talk to your manager and seems enforced by HR given the last time I tried.
Same with going to my manager's manager.
I'll wait to see if the other company calls me here, see what they say and go from there.
I have really really tried to reflect on my performance all night and can't draw the same conclusions. I'm pretty decent at owning my mistakes so I don't think I'm in denial or mentally ill enough I can't see reality.
I need to see how much we have in the HSA I might reactivate my therapist sessions. This has really sent me into a spiral.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,272
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 26, 2024 21:37:45 GMT -5
Because it is my nature and I had a lot of free time in the basement I obsessed some more.
It seems any time I get this lecture it's right after something good happens.
The first time I was told I was a walking disaster was right after the director and a few other higher ups recommended me for the associate micro position.
Two weeks later I'm the biggest POS ever.
This one follows me completing my first big project. I actually got a shout out during the big departmental meeting that's lead by our head honcho.
Two weeks later...
It's like if I get any shred of recognition she has to remind me I'm an idiot.
Maybe I should talk to her manager. I don't have to make it about her but I would like to hear if I'm actually three steps away from a PIP or termination from someone else.
Because I don't like this. I deserve to have procedure followed even if I suck. I get different messages about me from everyone I work with. She's the only one who claims I'm a crappy employee who can't listen or change.
So which is it?
Then even if she just has a stick up her ass DH and my dad are right this is not something I want to be stuck under long term. She's not going anywhere or changing so unless I can get myself moved out from under her to someone else, which I'd unlikely, then I need to move.
I calmed down some. DH carries our benefits now so that's a huge weight off my shoulders. I could probably very easily go back to waiting tables. Pizza king is desperate for servers right now.
I did apply for the associate scientist at the other company too. Since it involves immunology/histology products I think I'm pretty well suited.
It wouldn't be fun but we will survive it's not like last time. DH has his shit together and is even working towards a promotion himself.
Sorry for the multiple monologs I'm using these as my sounding board. DH is staying with FIL tonight so he's not around to talk his ear off. I need to get my thoughts organized.
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azucena
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 17, 2011 13:23:14 GMT -5
Posts: 5,266
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Post by azucena on Apr 26, 2024 22:17:13 GMT -5
Drama - that's a telling, completely sucky pattern.
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,357
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Post by giramomma on Apr 27, 2024 6:58:13 GMT -5
I would just let it be, Drama. I wouldn't go talking to other managers.
I get the cognitive dissonance that is driving you crazy. I get the obsessing thing. And I do it too when things don't make sense, because I need them to make sense. That's when I need to figure out how to have radical acceptance of the situation. If I'm going to survive, I have to change my response because that's the only thing I have control over.
I don't get into trouble for keeping my head down and engaging with exactly 0 people. Nor do I get into trouble when I keep remembering that my supervisor does not want to be in a relationship with me.
When I fail to be vigilant about these things is when stuff happens. And it doesn't matter if it's literally the only mistake I make a year.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,272
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 27, 2024 8:43:10 GMT -5
I would just let it be, Drama. I wouldn't go talking to other managers. I get the cognitive dissonance that is driving you crazy. I get the obsessing thing. And I do it too when things don't make sense, because I need them to make sense. That's when I need to figure out how to have radical acceptance of the situation. If I'm going to survive, I have to change my response because that's the only thing I have control over. I don't get into trouble for keeping my head down and engaging with exactly 0 people. Nor do I get into trouble when I keep remembering that my supervisor does want to be in a relationship with me. When I fail to be vigilant about these things is when stuff happens. And it doesn't matter if it's literally the only mistake I make a year. That's good advice. Who needs to pay for therapy? 😉
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giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,357
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Post by giramomma on Apr 27, 2024 8:58:55 GMT -5
Actually, I've been thinking about looking into coaching as a field to retrain into.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,272
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 27, 2024 19:28:07 GMT -5
I'm going to take the advice and be a good little micromanaged worker bee.
At least thru review time because she's threatening to give me a really bad one if I don't behave.
Then I'm going to use the energy I planned on putting into "going above and beyond" and trying to get promoted into looking elsewhere.
IF I an still there I may try for the associate positions if they ever open and see what happens.
She wouldn't be my direct manager anymore for either of those unless they restructure.
Either way I'm at least at the moment done caring again. I'll go through the motions and let her eat it up.
And they bitch about people not being motivated to go above and beyond. Why are people leaving? Why are you all unhappy? Why are our survey results the worst in the entire company?
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