Politics Jokes ...(for the light hearted)

[RichardInTN]

[RichardInTN]

[RichardInTN]

[RichardInTN]

Last one for today....

[uncle23]

...



"A tattoo artist in Vermont is offering free Bernie Sanders tattoos. Yeah, they're actually the first tattoos that start to look better as you develop wrinkles." –Jimmy Fallon

[uncle23]

....


"According to a new report, the number of babies named 'Hillary' has decreased 90 percent since Bill Clinton was president.



And, this is interesting, there has never been a baby named Bernie." –Seth Meyers

[uncle23]

....



"Donald Trump's plane made an emergency landing in Nashville yesterday after reporting engine problems. When asked what the issue was, the pilot said, 'Nothing, I just couldn't take it anymore.'" –Jimmy Fallon

[wyouser]

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

[Tennesseer]

[wyouser]

Drumroll Please! ....Rules Of Washington.....February 10, 2016.  If at first you don't succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever tried!!!  

[NoNamePerson]

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

Don't vote. You'll only encourage them. 

[b2r]

    s29.postimg.org/revxndt3r/Little_Jebb.jpg

 cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/btq2hXEJdbJO9b5Jbrf2YOrSprY=/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3412148/4423.0.png

[Aman A.K.A. Ahamburger]

[wyouser]

For Feb 12, 2016, A question: What is the difference between a refugee and E.T? The politically incorrect answer: E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.

[RichardInTN]

[NoNamePerson]

Couldn't decided whether or not to put this here. But here goes:

[Tennesseer]

[NoNamePerson]

Feb 14, 2016 23:47:50 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

In my case it can be Things I Trust More Than Any Politician

[uncle23]

....



'Bill Clinton revealed that he now supports same-sex marriage, even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage.'' —Jimmy Fallon

[uncle23]

....




"Congratulations to Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump on winning their parties' New Hampshire primaries last night! In his speech, Bernie said he couldn't have done it without the support of millions of Americans. While Trump was like, 'This was ALL me! You losers did nothing!'" –Jimmy Fallon



"People say Jeb Bush may be finally hitting his stride; in fact one supporter said that Jeb is getting, quote, 'very loose. And when he's loose, he's on fire.' Jeb said he knows people want to see him get loose, because his crowds are always chanting, 'Looser! Looser!'" –Jimmy Fallon

[uncle23]

...


CBS NEWS February 18, 2016, 7:19 PM

Hillary Clinton: "I've always tried" to tell the truth...



i say...all politicians always "try" to tell the truth...(uncle23)

[uncle23]

....


scrabble....


GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE



ELECTION RESULTS :

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT



PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA


When you rearrange the letters:

An Arab Backed Imposter

[jma23]

Twelve minutes long, but politically funniest at the end. 

[wyouser]

And, for today, two items, First="even crime wouldn't pay if government ran it."     And, second, we have the definition of an elephant. "It is a mouse built to government specifications."

[RichardInTN]

Q: What do you call a busload of politicians falling off of a cliff?

A: A good start.

[RichardInTN]

This transcript of an audio recording of the Oval Office just released!

President Clinton: Monica, Can you come in here?
Intern Lewinsky: Yes sir, Mr President, right away.
[door opens]
[door closes]
President Clinton: Thanks, Monica, can you [garbled 5 seconds due to tape failure]
Intern Lewinsky: Yes Mr. [garbled 8 seconds due to tape failure]
President Clinton: Ready?
Intern Lewinsky: Ready, Mr. President
[garbled 1 minute 12 seconds due to tape failure]
President Clinton: Monica! I said Dictation!
Intern Lewinsky: Shall I stop?
President Clinton: Hell no! Don't stop now!

[uncle23]

....

Washington D.C.

One day a florist went to a

barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his

bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money

from you, I'm doing community service this

week.'



The florist was pleased and left the shop.



When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there

was a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him

at his door.



Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his

bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money

from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a

thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him

at his door.



Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to

pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept

money from you. I'm doing community service this

week.'



The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.



The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a

dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free

haircut.



And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference

between the citizens of our country and the politicians who

run it.

[wyouser]

Out of the mists from the past we find the following bit of wisdom, "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it ,whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly and then applying the wrong remedy."  (by the way, did you know the word "mist" in German means crap)                           This second tidbit illustrates how little changes with the passage of time. Did you know: "when they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators don't know whether to answer "present", or "not guilty". That from Theodore Roosevelt in the early years of the 20th century.

[RichardInTN]

A Golfer walks into the new Government National Golf Course pro shop and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers. The golf pro says that they do, and they are $1.00. The golfer gives the golf pro a dollar.



The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in, and hands the player a dime to use as a marker.
This economic model is part of Bernie Sanders 90% tax plan to restore the US economy.
Please make sure all golfers are aware.

[NoNamePerson]