gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Dec 30, 2015 12:54:39 GMT -5
I have followed these boards for years now, since the days of MSN. I've never posted, though, and now that I'm ready to, I feel a bit...creepy stalkerish? lol! But...no time like the present, right?
I have learned so much from these boards! I'm in a really weird place right now---getting a divorce after a decades-long marriage, and finding I'm in a shaky spot financially speaking. I am very lucky to have the ability and desire to move forward and will eventually (hopefully!) find myself back on firmer financial ground. Basically I'm like a broke college graduate just starting out, albeit with no real debt thank goodness!
I may continue to hang out about the edges of the groups or I may jump in and talk way too much---that is my general MO.
Thanks for letting me finally work up my courage to make a post!
Grace N. Dignity
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Dec 30, 2015 13:06:13 GMT -5
Welcome! I was a lurker for a while before I joined so don't worry about it.
Super excited that we've gotten several new people lately!
|
|
ken a.k.a OMK
Senior Associate
They killed Kenny, the bastards.
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 14:39:20 GMT -5
Posts: 14,100
Location: Maryland
|
Post by ken a.k.a OMK on Dec 30, 2015 13:06:39 GMT -5
Welcome Grace. As a long time lurker you probably have many of us figured out and we didn't scare you away. Jump in and join the fun. Oh and sometimes we have advice.
|
|
mollyanna58
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 5, 2011 13:20:45 GMT -5
Posts: 6,665
|
Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 30, 2015 13:08:45 GMT -5
Welcome aboard!
|
|
Robert not Bobby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 29, 2013 17:45:55 GMT -5
Posts: 1,392
|
Post by Robert not Bobby on Dec 30, 2015 13:16:20 GMT -5
Welcome Grace N. Dignity. What took you so long? Just jump in, we all have opinions and views...meh, so I got banned a few times. Grace and Dignity, I like that.
|
|
gregintenn
Senior Member
Resident hillbilly
Joined: Dec 28, 2015 17:07:59 GMT -5
Posts: 2,840
|
Post by gregintenn on Dec 30, 2015 13:27:35 GMT -5
Long as you have your health, there's little you can't overcome. Welcome aboard, and good luck with your journey forward.
|
|
moon/Laura
Administrator
Forum Owner
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:05:36 GMT -5
Posts: 10,032
Mini-Profile Text Color: f8fb10
|
Post by moon/Laura on Dec 30, 2015 13:38:17 GMT -5
Welcome, Grace. Glad to see you decided to jump on in.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 18, 2024 5:34:41 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2015 13:55:06 GMT -5
Welcome, nice to have a new poster!
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,306
|
Post by swamp on Dec 30, 2015 13:57:40 GMT -5
Hi Grace.
|
|
Happy prose
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 12:55:24 GMT -5
Posts: 3,227
|
Post by Happy prose on Dec 30, 2015 13:58:56 GMT -5
Good luck to you Grace. Here's to a great 2016!
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Dec 30, 2015 14:00:04 GMT -5
Welcome to YMAM.
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Dec 30, 2015 14:04:34 GMT -5
Hi and welcome!!
|
|
Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:54:19 GMT -5
Posts: 23,200
|
Post by Chocolate Lover on Dec 30, 2015 14:12:16 GMT -5
Welcome! I lurked for a bit too, way back on MSN, before I jumped in. We promise not to bite. Too hard.
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Dec 30, 2015 17:23:56 GMT -5
Thanks for the nice welcome! I look forward to posting now and not just reading and having perfect responses in my mind.
Robert Not Bobby---Grace and Dignity has been my mantra for getting through this divorce. My mouth and temper have been known to get the best of me more than once in my life and this time I want to keep a rein on both. I can't claim to have been graceful and dignified through every step of this difficult phase, but MOST of the time I have, and if you knew me IRL, you'd just be amazed at my self control.
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,931
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Dec 30, 2015 23:42:35 GMT -5
I am very lucky to have the ability and desire to move forward and will eventually (hopefully!) find myself back on firmer financial ground. Basically I'm like a broke college graduate just starting out, albeit with no real debt thank goodness!
Sometimes you just have to step back and tell yourself "it's just money, I can make more". It has helped me recover from hard times, a very crooked contractor, etc, and allowed me to focus on putting things right, in my mind, my life, and financially. Welcome and good luck!
|
|
Peace Of Mind
Senior Associate
[font color="#8f2520"]~ Drinks Well With Others ~[/font]
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:53:02 GMT -5
Posts: 15,554
Location: Paradise
|
Post by Peace Of Mind on Dec 31, 2015 0:07:56 GMT -5
Thanks for the nice welcome! I look forward to posting now and not just reading and having perfect responses in my mind.
Robert Not Bobby---Grace and Dignity has been my mantra for getting through this divorce. My mouth and temper have been known to get the best of me more than once in my life and this time I want to keep a rein on both. I can't claim to have been graceful and dignified through every step of this difficult phase, but MOST of the time I have, and if you knew me IRL, you'd just be amazed at my self control.
Welcome! Do you give lessons on how to do this thing you call "keep a rein on your mouth and temper". And what does this mean exactly?
Good luck that things go the way you hope and sorry that you are having to go through this.
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 28,325
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on Dec 31, 2015 0:37:08 GMT -5
Welcome Aboard Grace!
When you have a day you're feeling chatty, c'mon over & visit with us at the Earth's Mellow Muffin Shop. We like talk there, & Nancy (usually) serves us our favorite lunch. (No calories, either!)
|
|
mmhmm
Administrator
It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 18:13:34 GMT -5
Posts: 31,770
Today's Mood: Saddened by Events
Location: Memory Lane
Favorite Drink: Water
|
Post by mmhmm on Dec 31, 2015 8:41:57 GMT -5
Hey, Grace. Welcome to our humble home! So glad to have you join us.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,646
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Dec 31, 2015 8:51:32 GMT -5
Thanks for the nice welcome! I look forward to posting now and not just reading and having perfect responses in my mind.
Robert Not Bobby---Grace and Dignity has been my mantra for getting through this divorce. My mouth and temper have been known to get the best of me more than once in my life and this time I want to keep a rein on both. I can't claim to have been graceful and dignified through every step of this difficult phase, but MOST of the time I have, and if you knew me IRL, you'd just be amazed at my self control.
Welcome! Do you give lessons on how to do this thing you call "keep a rein on your mouth and temper". And what does this mean exactly?
Good luck that things go the way you hope and sorry that you are having to go through this.
I was going to ask the same thing. Maybe this could be a source of secondary income for gracendignity. I would pay for lessons and she wouldn't even have to give a "guaranted refund if it doesn't work" Welcome aboard the boards. We are harmless!!!
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Dec 31, 2015 20:46:44 GMT -5
Hmm...I gotta learn the ins and outs of making posts here. I keep hitting the wrong button and my posts disappear.
I'm always looking for new income sources. Maybe I should start giving seminars on how to keep one's mouth closed and one's temper in check. Despite my mother's best attempts, I never really did learn that art.
I've never really been to the Earth's Mellow Muffin café before today. I strolled over there to see what was for lunch but I couldn't get in. Apparently the locks had been changed and I didn't have a key. I'll come back another time. Looks like some good food is put out daily. They way I've been eating here lately, I'd better be indulging in some of the salads and fruits I saw on display.
I'll be checking out the WIR get out of debt thread more closely and maybe joining in on that. I don't really have any debt to speak of, but until my divorce is finalized I am not sure exactly where I'll be standing financially speaking. I'm pretty sure I won't be living under a bridge eating cat food in my retirement years, but I have to be smart about what money I have, how to invest it the most wisely, and see how quickly I can build upon it. As Apple in Wonderland says, it's just money and I can always get more. Fortunately I live in a LCOL area, I low needs/wants and it doesn't take much to make me happy.
Happy New Year to everyone! 2015 has pretty much sucked for me so here's to a better 2016!
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 18, 2024 5:34:41 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2015 21:27:31 GMT -5
Do you work? Do you have kids? What are you dealing with with this divorce? Oh ya, hi
|
|
Peace77
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 1:42:40 GMT -5
Posts: 3,917
|
Post by Peace77 on Dec 31, 2015 22:45:40 GMT -5
Hi Grace.
Welcome.
There are Divorce support groups in many communities if that interests you.
What part of the country do you live in?
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Dec 31, 2015 23:00:35 GMT -5
Yes, Later, I do work. In my current field it is becoming increasingly difficult to earn a living wage because of changes in technology and massive off-shoring of my job. So in a couple of months I will enroll in a course that will allow me to change directions with employment and switch from medical work to legal. I've had this in my mind for a few years now, just waiting for the right time to make my move. I start in March, it will take me about 6 months to do the course, and then I will have to begin building up my client base--so really at least a year before I'm in place. Making the change now has nothing to do with getting a divorce, though; it's just how the timing has worked out.
I do have children--2 grown daughters who have given me 4 grandchildren. My daughters are very supportive of my decision; however, they also want to maintain a relationship with their dad, too, which is exactly how it should be. I also have other family members who absolutely have my back and very supportive friends. Most of my friends are MY friends, so I didn't lose contact with them.
What am I dealing with in this divorce? Bottom line: First he broke my trust in him. That was bad but I thought we'd work through it. Eventually I realized I had lost my respect for him. That was when the D-word began to creep into my mind. Finally one day I realized I had lost respect for myself for putting up with the whole mess, and that was the end. I moved out and filed for divorce. That was 10 months ago and we are still mid-process. It will get settled eventually.
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Dec 31, 2015 23:14:27 GMT -5
Hi, Peace,
I'm in a small town in the south. I'm not sure there are any support groups in this little town, but I could drive 30 minutes up the road and find one, I'm sure. I've gone online and looked at few groups, but really they don't quite do it for me.
I have a wonderful support group in my close friends, some work friends and my family. I have a dear friend who is going through a similar divorce at a similar stage of her life, so we compare notes and have given each other carte blanche to say anything we want to about our husbands and/or our divorces. It is nice to have that outlet.
This was not a sudden overnight decision on my part; it took me 3 years to make the decision. We have been married our entire adult lives (the ink was still wet on our high school diplomas when we married in the 70s) and you just don't walk away from that without a great deal of thought. I lost my trust in him and then my respect for him, but not ever my love for him, so it has been the hardest decision I have ever made in my life, but I am not sorry I made it. Under no circumstances would I ever want to go back to the way things were these last few years. I'm at peace with my choice and I am confident things will work out in the end.
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Dec 31, 2015 23:27:36 GMT -5
And, oh yeah...I have an EXCELLENT lawyer! She really knows her stuff and knows how to get it. I knew most of my rights but those that I didn't know about, she knew and is seeing to it that I get the best financial settlement possible. I really like her. The DH really doesn't. I wonder why?
|
|
ZaireinHD
Senior Associate
Joined: Mar 4, 2011 22:14:27 GMT -5
Posts: 12,407
|
Post by ZaireinHD on Jan 1, 2016 6:45:46 GMT -5
Welcome, Grace. Glad to see you decided to jump on in. Welcome
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,646
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 1, 2016 8:36:48 GMT -5
And, oh yeah...I have an EXCELLENT lawyer! She really knows her stuff and knows how to get it. I knew most of my rights but those that I didn't know about, she knew and is seeing to it that I get the best financial settlement possible. I really like her. The DH really doesn't. I wonder why? So sorry you are going thru this. Having said that I hope you attorney has consulted a CPA about tax consequences of financial settlement. I am sure she has advised you to draw up a new will, change beneficiary on all documents (IRA, 401K, insurance,etc.) that require a beneficiary, close joint credit cards, bank accounts and open your own if possible, change locks on door if you are staying in home, etc. Just a few of the dotting of i's and crossing t's that I think of when someone is getting divorced. BTDT All will be OK in the long run and you will come out stronger than you ever imagined especially since you have a good family and friend support base. Just take deep breaths when things get "heavy"
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Jan 1, 2016 9:17:11 GMT -5
Before I moved out I took the DH off my only credit card, opened a bank account in my own name only, got a PO box and filled out a change of address card, etc. Other things that you mention are in the works with documentation, etc. So far he has not been fighting any of my claims to these things and I don't *think* he would cause me trouble there because he knows how badly he has behaved, but I'm covering my back side at every opportunity. My lawyer is very good at what she does and she is crossing all the T's and dotting all the I's, and has boosted my ego by telling I did a good job of setting up things before filing. I also had a sneaking suspicion about something he may have done and when she checked it out, I was right. She was impressed that I had pointed her in that direction which was nice feeling for that day.
|
|
Blonde Granny
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 15, 2013 8:27:13 GMT -5
Posts: 6,919
Today's Mood: Alone in the world
Location: Wandering Aimlessly
Mini-Profile Name Color: 28e619
Mini-Profile Text Color: 3a9900
|
Post by Blonde Granny on Jan 2, 2016 8:01:38 GMT -5
Welcome, and I hope 2016 is a better year for you. My DH passed away Dec. 1st after 51 years of marriage, and at times I'm wading though deep water. However I'm determined to make 2016 a very good year.
C'mon over to WIR and Smart Spending. There are a lot of tips to saving money, help budgeting, and meal planning.
|
|
gracendignity
Junior Member
Joined: Jul 30, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5
Posts: 161
|
Post by gracendignity on Jan 2, 2016 8:14:45 GMT -5
BlondeGranny, as a long time, frequent reader of these boards, I did read that your DH had passed away recently. I know it has been a hard time for you and you have my condolences.
I have been looking at the WIR savers and get out of debt threads for ages. I'm a pretty frugal person and always have been. In my current situation it is pretty much just that my safety net that has been yanked away. Savings and retirement funds are no longer where they need to be. Also for my entire adult life these things have been handled as a couple and through my DH's employer, etc. Now I begin the challenge of rebuilding them and learning to do it on my own. I know enough to know I don't know enough, so once the financials are settled, I will be setting up an appointment with a highly recommended financial planner. I'm actually kind of excited to start doing this, to be honest. I have a lot of changes coming up this year with a new housing move, expanding my earning capabilities, and the like. I am looking forward to seeing where I am when 2017 rolls in!
|
|