Another Ex WWYD question

[Deleted]

Apr 19, 2015 9:18:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

We took a large life insurance policy out on each of us when the girls were little. When we separated, Baby Daddy signed it over to me so he could stick me with the bill. I still pay for it. It's been really hard at times not to hope to be able to use it one day.

I had my ex sign his over to me.  Originally I was just going to keep paying on it even though it was in his name, but somehow the insurance figured out he moved and changed the address.  I was afraid he'd change the beneficiary to his Mom even though I was paying the premiums, so I just gave him the change of ownership forms one day saying this would make me liable for the premiums and he was all for it.  I knew even if I had it court ordered that he keep the policy it would lapse right away and he'd be really expensive to insure now.

[Angel!]

Apr 19, 2015 7:06:29 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

Wow! It's like I'm reliving some of my Ex's emails in your comment! I remember him playing those exact same cards!

Just a heads up, if he follows the same pattern that my Ex did, the next "button" will be the suicide one. He might not come right out and say he's going to kill himself, but the language will be there to imply that's exactly what he's gong to do.

He has definitely done the suicide thing. Once he pretended to kill himself while I was on the phone and then disappeared for 2 days.

I don't know if he will try it now though because it hasn't worked the last few times. Just one of the ways I've pissed him off by not playing the game right. Instead of being upset and crying I've just texted him the suicide hotline number. Then if I know his location I've called 911. He didn't like those responses.

[andi9899]

Baby Daddy never played the suicide card. I don't know how I would have reacted if he had in the beginning. If he tried it today all he would get from me is "Well, hurry up, I don't have all day".

He did try the "I'm not the father" thing when we did the CS order. I told him to bring it on and let's do paternity tests then because I knew how it would turn out. I was the only faithful one in the relationship. He shut that down fast. Especially when he was told that if he turned out to be the father he would have to pay for the testing.

[KaraBoo]

Apr 19, 2015 10:03:51 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Apr 19, 2015 7:06:29 GMT -5 KaraBoo said:

Wow! It's like I'm reliving some of my Ex's emails in your comment! I remember him playing those exact same cards!

Just a heads up, if he follows the same pattern that my Ex did, the next "button" will be the suicide one. He might not come right out and say he's going to kill himself, but the language will be there to imply that's exactly what he's gong to do.

He has definitely done the suicide thing. Once he pretended to kill himself while I was on the phone and then disappeared for 2 days.

I don't know if he will try it now though because it hasn't worked the last few times. Just one of the ways I've pissed him off by not playing the game right. Instead of being upset and crying I've just texted him the suicide hotline number. Then if I know his location I've called 911. He didn't like those responses.

SEE!!! You're already ahead of the curve! You are so much stronger than you think! I didn't think to do either of those steps, but rather fell into his plan justas he wanted.

You've got this! You just have to convince him now that nothing will work. You're already well on your way by ignoring his texts and emails.

Another thing that I "think" is true, but have no proof - usually Ex would pop up when his current "mark" had fizzled out. Then I would start getting texts and calls because I was a known easy target. Since I finally wised up, this rarely happens any more. I do think the "autism" angle is new though because he had run out of other "stories". I can't prove it, but I'm highly suspicious.

Plus, now I'm back to being mad at myself for giving him that idea. I know better, but he still manipulated me into talking about our son. He doesn't actually care about his boy, he just needed a new angle. >:-(

[zibazinski]

Yup, when my EX is between bimbos, he comes back into my life with some bs about the kids. I used to say talk to the kids, then I realized they didn't talk to him and him pretending he was a great dad to his friends and family didn't work unless he had info on them. So when the last one turned 18, I told him his relationship with the kids was on him. Don't ever call, text, email me ever again. Unfortunately we have been forced together on three occasions. In May there will be a fourth.   

[Deleted]

Apr 18, 2015 23:10:14 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Speak of the devil...He just texted me.  "please stop".  Guess I had the timeline all wrong.  Will continue to ignore.

Maybe you need to get a new phone number, or block his?  Or a new phone and just toss this one in the drawer on mute?

I have a hard time not responding out of emotion when texts initially come through, but if I get an hour (or day or sometimes week) to chill I can ignore.  I am SO LUCKY my ex has been quite sane the past...man...9 months now...but if he falls off he is just like your ex and it's amazing to me how someone who can, in so many ways, seem so stupid, can also be so skilled at pushing my buttons and driving me crazy.  I remember him one time telling me that I was just selfish and waiting for my Mom could die so I could get an inheritance.  This is totally out of left field and totally ridiculous, but he definitely got a reaction out of me.  Then I start questioning myself.  Is it true?  Why would I get so upset if it wasn't?  Maybe I was a selfish money hungry bitch?  Logic, like the fact that I never had these thoughts and my Mom doesn't have much to inherit but a timeshare that's going to cost me money, have a hard time beating the obsessive crazy thoughts he can put in my head.  It's weird.

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 9:14:49 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Apr 18, 2015 23:10:14 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Speak of the devil...He just texted me.  "please stop".  Guess I had the timeline all wrong.  Will continue to ignore.

Maybe you need to get a new phone number, or block his?  Or a new phone and just toss this one in the drawer on mute?

I have a hard time not responding out of emotion when texts initially come through, but if I get an hour (or day or sometimes week) to chill I can ignore.  I am SO LUCKY my ex has been quite sane the past...man...9 months now...but if he falls off he is just like your ex and it's amazing to me how someone who can, in so many ways, seem so stupid, can also be so skilled at pushing my buttons and driving me crazy.  I remember him one time telling me that I was just selfish and waiting for my Mom could die so I could get an inheritance.  This is totally out of left field and totally ridiculous, but he definitely got a reaction out of me.  Then I start questioning myself.  Is it true?  Why would I get so upset if it wasn't?  Maybe I was a selfish money hungry bitch?  Logic, like the fact that I never had these thoughts and my Mom doesn't have much to inherit but a timeshare that's going to cost me money, have a hard time beating the obsessive crazy thoughts he can put in my head.  It's weird.

I use to have a really hard time ignoring them.  I use to hate when the phone would ding because my first thought was always "omg, is it him".  It is horrible to have your heart jump every time you get a message.  Then I got smarter & made his ding different, so then my heart wouldn't jump unless it was actually him.  Recently, I got way smarter & made it so there is no alert when he texts.  I kind of feel like an idiot that I didn't consider that sooner.  So he no longer gets to get my attention on his terms, like at 2 am when he's drunk.

At this point I have no problem ignoring texts, but if that becomes an issue, then I will block them.  Is it possible to block them, but still have them received so I can check them at some point? 

The only reason I don't want to cut them out completely is I feel they may help me in court at some point, so they might be nice to have on file.  I'm not sure how they might help, but showing that I asked him to no longer text (only email regarding the kids & call to talk to the kids) & he has since sent 37 messages that are mostly harassing with messages like "burn in hell', 'die first & I will have the last laugh', and messages that seem to indicate he intends to abandon them like 'I will never call again', and 'let someone else adopt them, I will sign the papers' seems like they could be useful somehow.  And just the fact he has managed to send 37 messages, but has not called the children once during that time period says something significant IMO.  Not sure if the courts would find that significant.

[Chocolate Lover]

No such thing as too much documentation, keep it all.

[zibazinski]

I like the idea of changing phone numbers but that can come back to bite you. If he actually pursues anything about Cs or visitation a DH he gets a sympathetic judge who says that you changed your number and he couldn't contact you, well, ugh. Keep a record of any texts and messages though. If has nothing to do with the kids and it's just harassment, you have a record. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

The only reason I don't want to cut them out completely is I feel they may help me in court at some point, so they might be nice to have on file. I'm not sure how they might help, but showing that I asked him to no longer text (only email regarding the kids & call to talk to the kids) & he has since sent 37 messages that are mostly harassing with messages like "burn in hell', 'die first & I will have the last laugh', and messages that seem to indicate he intends to abandon them like 'I will never call again', and 'let someone else adopt them, I will sign the papers' seems like they could be useful somehow. And just the fact he has managed to send 37 messages, but has not called the children once during that time period says something significant IMO. Not sure if the courts would find that significant.

My only suggestion would be to make sure you have all of these texts saved away some place safe.  If you haven't done it already, start making a paper trail.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Apr 20, 2015 10:58:43 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I like the idea of changing phone numbers but that can come back to bite you. If he actually pursues anything about Cs or visitation a DH he gets a sympathetic judge who says that you changed your number and he couldn't contact you, well, ugh. Keep a record of any texts and messages though. If has nothing to do with the kids and it's just harassment, you have a record. 

There's no reason why she cannot get a second number and keep receiving his texts.  In fact, if she has the money to set up a second line, I'd be inclined to get a new number and leave this number to only deal with him.  That way, there is no need to schlep this phone around and she can deal with his texts (or now) when she wants.

[zibazinski]

There is that.

[Deleted]

Yes, definitely keep the messages!  My divorce attorney, his therapist, and the prosecutor for the DV charge all asked about text messages and told me to save them.  Are you taking screen shots and saving them?  I lost a crap ton of them for the summer of 2012 when things were really bad after my phone died.   There were hour after hour of harassing and threatening texts.  Now all I have is a handful of them that I had taken screen shots of and saved in a cloud drive.

[Deleted]

The app I have to block texts from specific numbers gives me the option to be able to see the texts within the app, or not. I can have it set where I don't receive an alert at all when a text has been blocked, or an alert that's different from my normal texts. I can set it where it will automatically send that person some kind of message that they've been blocked or no message at all.

So yes, there are apps that give you the option.

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 11:01:31 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Apr 20, 2015 10:58:43 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

I like the idea of changing phone numbers but that can come back to bite you. If he actually pursues anything about Cs or visitation a DH he gets a sympathetic judge who says that you changed your number and he couldn't contact you, well, ugh. Keep a record of any texts and messages though. If has nothing to do with the kids and it's just harassment, you have a record. 

There's no reason why she cannot get a second number and keep receiving his texts.  In fact, if she has the money to set up a second line, I'd be inclined to get a new number and leave this number to only deal with him.  That way, there is no need to schlep this phone around and she can deal with his texts (or now) when she wants.

I could, but that just pisses me off.  I've had the same number for 13 years now & hate the idea of having to switch because he is an ass.  I do have a second phone I can set up so he can call the kids.  Seems pointless to do at this time since he isn't actually bothering to call. 

Can you have certain texts automatically forwarded to a different number?  Then I could just redirect his texts & not see them. 

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 11:03:36 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

The app I have to block texts from specific numbers gives me the option to be able to see the texts within the app, or not. I can have it set where I don't receive an alert at all when a text has been blocked, or an alert that's different from my normal texts. I can set it where it will automatically send that person some kind of message that they've been blocked or no message at all.

So yes, there are apps that give you the option.

Oooh, what's the app?  That sounds good. Them I can save them, but they will just get sent to a black box & I don't have to look at them unless I choose to.

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 11:02:28 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Yes, definitely keep the messages!  My divorce attorney, his therapist, and the prosecutor for the DV charge all asked about text messages and told me to save them.  Are you taking screen shots and saving them?  I lost a crap ton of them for the summer of 2012 when things were really bad after my phone died.   There were hour after hour of harassing and threatening texts.  Now all I have is a handful of them that I had taken screen shots of and saved in a cloud drive.

No, I guess I should take screen shots. I did lose a bunch of stuff...lose isn't the word, deleted is the word. I got super angry a while back & realized having all his negative texts sitting in my phone was just bringing me down, so I deleted everything.   That was back in October, so I have 6 months of BS collected since then.

[Deleted]

Apr 20, 2015 11:07:02 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Apr 20, 2015 11:03:36 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

The app I have to block texts from specific numbers gives me the option to be able to see the texts within the app, or not. I can have it set where I don't receive an alert at all when a text has been blocked, or an alert that's different from my normal texts. I can set it where it will automatically send that person some kind of message that they've been blocked or no message at all.

So yes, there are apps that give you the option.

Oooh, what's the app?  That sounds good. Them I can save them, but they will just get sent to a black box & I don't have to look at them unless I choose to.

Mine is SMS Blocker by SKYANT. I have a Blackberry phone, but I'm pretty sure there are other similar apps if that one doesn't have a version for your phone.

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 11:10:38 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Apr 20, 2015 11:07:02 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Oooh, what's the app?  That sounds good. Them I can save them, but they will just get sent to a black box & I don't have to look at them unless I choose to.

Mine is SMS Blocker by SKYANT. I have a Blackberry phone, but I'm pretty sure there are other similar apps if that one doesn't have a version for your phone.

Cool, I found it. Now I need to try it only other than the 'please stop' he hasn't been texting in weeks.

It appears he has switched to email as I requested only he isn't just sticking to stuff regarding the kids. He sent another email with a picture that said "you can never be 'just friends' with someone you've loved"  or something like that. Don't know what he thought that would accomplish. All I think is "yep, that's why I've given up on even being friends".

[Deleted]

Apr 20, 2015 11:15:01 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Apr 20, 2015 11:10:38 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Mine is SMS Blocker by SKYANT. I have a Blackberry phone, but I'm pretty sure there are other similar apps if that one doesn't have a version for your phone.

Cool, I found it. Now I need to try it only other than the 'please stop' he hasn't been texting in weeks.

It appears he has switched to email as I requested only he isn't just sticking to stuff regarding the kids. He sent another email with a picture that said "you can never be 'just friends' with someone you've loved"  or something like that. Don't know what he thought that would accomplish. All I think is "yep, that's why I've given up on even being friends".

I don't have a lot of apps, but that one was like the best thing ever when I needed it.

Send his e-mails to a spam folder or something so they're still there but you don't run across them at random.

[Deleted]

What is the "please stop" about anyhow.  Please stop WHAT?  Ok, now I'm getting sucked into his texts and wanting to reply.  LOL

[zibazinski]

If you are the owner of the phone you can get a written record of all texts. DH did this to his EX. I was stunned but pleased because she texted everyone about everything and he always knew what was up. That stopped of course after the divorce because she was reponsible for Her own bill then.

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 11:23:30 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

What is the "please stop" about anyhow.  Please stop WHAT?  Ok, now I'm getting sucked into his texts and wanting to reply.  LOL

LMAO! I assume it meant - please stop ignoring me. But who knows, he doesn't always make sense, especially via text.

ETA - part of me wondered if he was reading this thread because I had literally just posted something & maybe he wanted me to stop posting. But, I fairly certain that isn't true because I think if he was reading this then he would be raining down hell on me right now. He has flipped out over way less.

[Angel!]

Apr 20, 2015 11:34:06 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

If you are the owner of the phone you can get a written record of all texts. DH did this to his EX. I was stunned but pleased because she texted everyone about everything and he always knew what was up. That stopped of course after the divorce because she was reponsible for Her own bill then.

Seriously? I've never heard of that Do you just contact the phone company?

[zibazinski]

Yup, Verizon 

[Angel!]

I will check that out.