TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Apr 2, 2015 12:06:26 GMT -5
@chocatelover Wow, I am in awe of you... You are awesome
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 13:04:04 GMT -5
Chocolate Lover Good for you! Taking that boy in and treating him as your own was a wonderful thing. Adults do a lot of stupid shit. The kids shouldn't have to suffer for it.
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Chocolate Lover
Distinguished Associate
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 2, 2015 13:32:16 GMT -5
Thanks all. You give me way too much credit.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 2, 2015 14:23:03 GMT -5
Are your current kids able to share a room? Will you need to expand your housing if you have another? Luckily, we would not have to expand housing, we would be able to live here comfortably. To get back on track..... that's good. But be very very honest with yourself. CAN you stand more of the same with no haircuts (I get one paid for by oldest DS for my birthday and I may do one on my own during the year but that is about it), no going out, no whatever if the money gets tight? My job did a wage freeze for years so I'm behind on some of the like clockwork raises I'd have otherwise. That hurts. It really tests your discipline when you're tapdancing on the paycheck to paycheck line. Would I give any of my kids up? No, but you sure do fantasize about it at bill time.
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chalupabatman
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Post by chalupabatman on Apr 2, 2015 15:38:20 GMT -5
Luckily, we would not have to expand housing, we would be able to live here comfortably. To get back on track..... that's good. But be very very honest with yourself. CAN you stand more of the same with no haircuts (I get one paid for by oldest DS for my birthday and I may do one on my own during the year but that is about it), no going out, no whatever if the money gets tight? My job did a wage freeze for years so I'm behind on some of the like clockwork raises I'd have otherwise. That hurts. It really tests your discipline when you're tapdancing on the paycheck to paycheck line. Would I give any of my kids up? No, but you sure do fantasize about it at bill time. All great things to think about. What would you suggest a family has in assets in order to comfortably pull the trigger?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Apr 2, 2015 15:43:21 GMT -5
To get back on track..... that's good. But be very very honest with yourself. CAN you stand more of the same with no haircuts (I get one paid for by oldest DS for my birthday and I may do one on my own during the year but that is about it), no going out, no whatever if the money gets tight? My job did a wage freeze for years so I'm behind on some of the like clockwork raises I'd have otherwise. That hurts. It really tests your discipline when you're tapdancing on the paycheck to paycheck line. Would I give any of my kids up? No, but you sure do fantasize about it at bill time. All great things to think about. What would you suggest a family has in assets in order to comfortably pull the trigger? I have no idea honestly, it depends on so many things. Like your daycare costs. Mine were $110 a week on the youngest but yours could be way higher. If you think you're pushing it now though, consider how much harder it'll be to add in expenses for a 3rd as they get older.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 15:46:05 GMT -5
To get back on track..... that's good. But be very very honest with yourself. CAN you stand more of the same with no haircuts (I get one paid for by oldest DS for my birthday and I may do one on my own during the year but that is about it), no going out, no whatever if the money gets tight? My job did a wage freeze for years so I'm behind on some of the like clockwork raises I'd have otherwise. That hurts. It really tests your discipline when you're tapdancing on the paycheck to paycheck line. Would I give any of my kids up? No, but you sure do fantasize about it at bill time. All great things to think about. What would you suggest a family has in assets in order to comfortably pull the trigger? There is no set number. It's what YOU are comfortable with. My ex BIL and his wife have 5 kids, she stays home and he makes maybe 60-65K. I would be having anxiety attacks, but they're happy as can be and seem to be doing ok. I have no clue what their debt/savings situation looks like, but I'm going to go out on a limb from what I do know and guess that their net worth is probably pretty low right now. They cut costs by combining activities (they're all in Karate, but the dojo offers a family membership), each kid only gets to do one summer camp (of the older ones), stuff like that... I work with him and I don't know what he puts in the company 401K, but I know she has zero retirement savings herself. There are no college savings accounts, but they'll probably qualify for all kinds of aid. For 2-3 years there will be 3 in at one time!
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chalupabatman
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Post by chalupabatman on Apr 2, 2015 16:01:05 GMT -5
I think I would feel comfortable if we had another 1500-2000 added to our net income each month. That would be enough to max out our Roths and still have a comfortable amount left over each month.
That will unlikely happen in time, but even getting close to that would make me feel more comfortable. My husband will likely get promoted in the next couple years and then we could re-evaluate.
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plugginaway22
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Joined: Jan 2, 2011 10:18:42 GMT -5
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Post by plugginaway22 on Apr 2, 2015 16:55:51 GMT -5
I had 3 kiddos spaced out in 9 years. The most difficult and expensive years are the teens into college years. By the time my 3rd was in HS I was SO OVER the public school system, even though it is ranked one of the highest in the nation. Money was tightest those years.
We had decided on only 2, but when the 2 hit ages 7 and 5, DH and I both wanted one more. Kind of on a whim, too. Absolutely no regrets as we could not imagine life without my DS.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Apr 2, 2015 19:15:19 GMT -5
I could have about written your post. We would like a 3rd kid and just spent $1600 to make that a possibility down the road (3rd party sperm donor and we want to keep the kids full genetic siblings in case we have a child who feels strongly about genetics). So these are just my musings about our similar situation.
For me, I think 3 kids necessitates the need of a sahp. We already work opposite shifts and dh is at 30 hours a week which is tough but doable. But there is no way I'm going to ask or that my parents could watch 3 kids for 4-8 hours a week throughout the school year, plus dh and I are already exhausted. Add in a 3rd kid and I think we'd implode. Dh would have to be the one to stay home and that would put our income right with yours and while 70k is good money and lots of people get by with a whole lot less it sure as heck doesn't seem to stretch very far or at least not far enough. If you save up the dollar amount that you're comfortable with, but your income hasn't gone up enough to keep funding that emergency fund, what happens when you need that money and now you're back to $150 in savings and only able to put in the $100-$200 a month? And if we're at a 1 income family and that 1 income gets laid off.... That's the stuff that scares me.
Is your dh finishing his bachelors? How confident are you that it will increase his earnings potential? I am in a similar boat with no degree, but a pretty good paying job that could be a career path to more money. I want to get a degree, but it wouldn't get me anymore money than I make now and since my company doesn't have tuition reimbursement I 'd have to foot the bill. I can't in good conscience spend money for me to go to college that won't increase my income, if I'm not saving money for my kids college. It just feels too selfish to me.
More student loans means that even if income goes up, your take home pay may not change much.
If we have a 3rd, that would also mean for me that we wouldn't ever foster or adopt later in life. We'll be too poor! I always thought that was how I'd have kids. I know why we didn't go that route, but I haven't fully given up the idea that we could/would in the future...
I don't know. I'm very conflicted.
Good luck in what you decide.
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chalupabatman
Junior Member
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Post by chalupabatman on Apr 2, 2015 20:28:30 GMT -5
I could have about written your post. We would like a 3rd kid and just spent $1600 to make that a possibility down the road (3rd party sperm donor and we want to keep the kids full genetic siblings in case we have a child who feels strongly about genetics). So these are just my musings about our similar situation. For me, I think 3 kids necessitates the need of a sahp. We already work opposite shifts and dh is at 30 hours a week which is tough but doable. But there is no way I'm going to ask or that my parents could watch 3 kids for 4-8 hours a week throughout the school year, plus dh and I are already exhausted. Add in a 3rd kid and I think we'd implode. Dh would have to be the one to stay home and that would put our income right with yours and while 70k is good money and lots of people get by with a whole lot less it sure as heck doesn't seem to stretch very far or at least not far enough. If you save up the dollar amount that you're comfortable with, but your income hasn't gone up enough to keep funding that emergency fund, what happens when you need that money and now you're back to $150 in savings and only able to put in the $100-$200 a month? And if we're at a 1 income family and that 1 income gets laid off.... That's the stuff that scares me. Is your dh finishing his bachelors? How confident are you that it will increase his earnings potential? I am in a similar boat with no degree, but a pretty good paying job that could be a career path to more money. I want to get a degree, but it wouldn't get me anymore money than I make now and since my company doesn't have tuition reimbursement I 'd have to foot the bill. I can't in good conscience spend money for me to go to college that won't increase my income, if I'm not saving money for my kids college. It just feels too selfish to me. More student loans means that even if income goes up, your take home pay may not change much. If we have a 3rd, that would also mean for me that we wouldn't ever foster or adopt later in life. We'll be too poor! I always thought that was how I'd have kids. I know why we didn't go that route, but I haven't fully given up the idea that we could/would in the future... I don't know. I'm very conflicted. Good luck in what you decide. Yes, it is his bachelors. His boss told him in his last review to get it done ASAP as some people will be retiring soon and he would be a very likely candidate for their jobs. His boss told him that if it was up to him alone he would be promoted without the degree completed, but to really advance the corporation would want him to have it. He could probably get promoted 1 more time without one, but his boss said that he was not made out for middle management and he sees him going much further within the company. I just cut my hours to weekends only. We moved and my availability is not great and they do not have many weeknight shifts for me at this point. I can tell you that working until 12am and getting up with the kids was really difficult. I could never fall asleep right away and it was really taking a toll on me. I was not the kind of mom that I wanted to be. What does poor mean to you? I hear people ask these questions about staying home with the kids and they have 100X more money saved and to me its a no brainer, but we will NEVER make the income that they make. Sometimes I wonder what we are doing wrong that we can not make 70k stretch further than it does! I hear you on being conflicted. Good luck to you as well
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 20:40:13 GMT -5
Well, you could post your budget and let us disect it
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chalupabatman
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Post by chalupabatman on Apr 2, 2015 20:54:04 GMT -5
I think it is on page 2
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 20:55:44 GMT -5
I got behind and skipped, lol. I'll go look.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 9:33:11 GMT -5
I lost a baby after DD. I've always felt cheated out of a child. That being said, I raised my kids on my own on a teachers salary and got them through college with no loans. Now I did work two part-time jobs as well as flipped houses and my mom got me to take my half and invest in rentals so all that helped but I still didn't live or spend lavishly. I did not have daycare expenses as a single mom, though. That'd kill me. The sacrifices you might have to make, if you're able to conceive and carry to term a healthy child, not even getting into a premie or a sickly or a special needs child, or you having health issues yourself, can you afford to make them? I was raised in a time where parents didn't spend every last dime on their kids on everything under the sun. Do you live in an area where you can get away with that?
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Apr 3, 2015 9:48:09 GMT -5
To get back on track..... that's good. But be very very honest with yourself. CAN you stand more of the same with no haircuts (I get one paid for by oldest DS for my birthday and I may do one on my own during the year but that is about it), no going out, no whatever if the money gets tight? My job did a wage freeze for years so I'm behind on some of the like clockwork raises I'd have otherwise. That hurts. It really tests your discipline when you're tapdancing on the paycheck to paycheck line. Would I give any of my kids up? No, but you sure do fantasize about it at bill time. All great things to think about. What would you suggest a family has in assets in order to comfortably pull the trigger? I think you could do just fine now if you wanted. You aren't poor, you make more than the median income in this country. You could absolutely have a kid. BUT, the way you talk about your current sacrifices makes me think you may not be happy with what it would take to have a 3rd kid.
Nobody can answer this for you, but you. It is all about priorities & how badly you want a 3rd kid. If you really, really, really want a 3rd kid & put that above everything else, then go for it. On your salary you aren't going to starve with another child in the house. But, it probably means fewer haircuts, no honeymoon for a very long time, cheap vacations, few activities for the kids...are those sacrifices you are willing to make? Only you can answer that.
I would try to think realistically about how you will feel in 10 years without another kid, but more disposable income. Then think how you will feel if you had a 3rd kid, but still aren't taking vacations or getting regular haircuts.
What I would not do is try to put a number or goal in front of having a kid & that is what it seems like you are doing. I think putting up a number may mean you never reach it or you may reach it too late. If you really, really wanted another kid, then I could see that leading to regrets. Then there is the other side - increased income very often means increased lifestyle & you may find you never really feel like you have enough to afford a 3rd kid. If a kid isn't a huge priority, then it probably doesn't matter. But, if you are going to regret not having a 3rd kid 10 years from now, then I wouldn't recommend waiting until you feel totally ready, because that likely will never come just due to human nature.
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chalupabatman
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Post by chalupabatman on Apr 3, 2015 9:54:45 GMT -5
I lost a baby after DD. I've always felt cheated out of a child. That being said, I raised my kids on my own on a teachers salary and got them through college with no loans. Now I did work two part-time jobs as well as flipped houses and my mom got me to take my half and invest in rentals so all that helped but I still didn't live or spend lavishly. I did not have daycare expenses as a single mom, though. That'd kill me. The sacrifices you might have to make, if you're able to conceive and carry to term a healthy child, not even getting into a premie or a sickly or a special needs child, or you having health issues yourself, can you afford to make them? I was raised in a time where parents didn't spend every last dime on their kids on everything under the sun. Do you live in an area where you can get away with that? I am so sorry to hear that If everything turns out perfect we would be able to afford minimal "wants". Kids could do an activity at a time and we would forgo putting as much in to savings until the next raise or promotion. It would be tight, but doable. How tight is the question. Food, diapers, clothing would never be in jeopardy, just our long term savings. On a smaller income that scares me. We just moved to a small town and love it!! We would definitely be able to get away with that around here.
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chalupabatman
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Post by chalupabatman on Apr 3, 2015 10:01:26 GMT -5
All great things to think about. What would you suggest a family has in assets in order to comfortably pull the trigger? I think you could do just fine now if you wanted. You aren't poor, you make more than the median income in this country. You could absolutely have a kid. BUT, the way you talk about your current sacrifices makes me think you may not be happy with what it would take to have a 3rd kid.
Nobody can answer this for you, but you. It is all about priorities & how badly you want a 3rd kid. If you really, really, really want a 3rd kid & put that above everything else, then go for it. On your salary you aren't going to starve with another child in the house. But, it probably means fewer haircuts, no honeymoon for a very long time, cheap vacations, few activities for the kids...are those sacrifices you are willing to make? Only you can answer that.
I would try to think realistically about how you will feel in 10 years without another kid, but more disposable income. Then think how you will feel if you had a 3rd kid, but still aren't taking vacations or getting regular haircuts.
What I would not do is try to put a number or goal in front of having a kid & that is what it seems like you are doing. I think putting up a number may mean you never reach it or you may reach it too late. If you really, really wanted another kid, then I could see that leading to regrets. Then there is the other side - increased income very often means increased lifestyle & you may find you never really feel like you have enough to afford a 3rd kid. If a kid isn't a huge priority, then it probably doesn't matter. But, if you are going to regret not having a 3rd kid 10 years from now, then I wouldn't recommend waiting until you feel totally ready, because that likely will never come just due to human nature.
We are going to have a 3rd. We want another child more than we want vacations or that other crap. We ARE going to wait for at least 1-2 years though. I would be 100% happy with without getting my hair colored, or the other wants, IF that meant we were saving more of our income for retirement.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 3, 2015 10:17:48 GMT -5
Decision made then.
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Ombud
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3rd child
Aug 9, 2015 12:02:07 GMT -5
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Post by Ombud on Aug 9, 2015 12:02:07 GMT -5
It is very unlikely that we will ever make the type of money that most of the people on here make. I make 50k. How much is 250k term insurance on you Don't count mortgage in debt if you can cash flow it You will grow into your income & how many truly traveled in their early 30s? Not me As to retirement, take all raises & diligently put: ♤ 1/3 to retirement ♡ 1/3 to savings ◇ 1/3 to enhancing lifestyle
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