Favorite Parental Unit sayings...

[The Captain]

1.  I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.
2.  Just spit on it and rub in some dirt - that'll stop the bleeding.
3.  Is it green, purple, about to fall off?  No - then you're fine - you'll live.
4.  Because I told you so.
5.  I don't care who started it, I'm the one who is ending it.
6.  I don't care what your friends moms let them do, I'm YOUR mom.
7.  Sorry, you've exceeded your question quota for the day.
8.  Why yes I do have some cash, oh you mean you want me to give you some?

What else?

[zibazinski]

1.  Only a fool argues with another one.
2. Discussing anything with you is like spitting in the wind, just comes back into your face.
3. A woman who depends on a man for a paycheck is one man away from welfare-back when welfare was a shameful thing to be on.

[justme]

My dad used to always say "don't make me tie you up in the shed with duct tape and a bag of dog food to eat instead" when we were complaining about going somewhere or doing something. 

Now that I'm older, when I go back and he complains about something I'm doing/saying I tell him "you're so asking to be tied up in the shed with dog food when you run out of retirement money" and usually tell my mom I'll take care of her if she keeps him tied up. 

[Abby Normal]

If everyone jumped off the bridge, would you do it?
Don't stick out your tongue- your face could freeze like that.   (that was actually grandma's phrase)
Don't make me come in there...

[Deleted]

If you didn't break it, you can't fix it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

If you keep it up you're going to wake up unconscious.

Said when my brother and I were trying to kill each other on the 10 hour drive to Colorado. It makes no sense but I found myself yelling it at my kid the other day when she was running from me rather than doing what I said.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

"Quit whining - or I'll really give you something to whine about".

[The Home 6]

Don't know what happened. Anywho- "You will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep".

[busymom]

"Do you want to walk home?" (Seriously, once Dad kicked my older brother out of the car when we were less than a mile home, & let him walk the rest of the way. )

[Peace Of Mind]

Eat your food.  There are kids starving in China.  (My come back - Then send it to them!)

Don't ask why.  Just do as I say.  and
Do as I say - not as I do (when it was pointed out that they do it). 

If you don't knock it off I'm coming in swinging and I don't care who gets hit. 

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.

3 out of the 4 brothers had "R" names.  Step dad would start yelling and going through all the names because he'd get so mad he would say the wrong name until finally just saying:  All you sons of bitches!  

I'm up to my ass in alligators! 

[kittensaver]

"SHUT THE DOOR - I'M NOT PAYING TO HEAT THE WHOLE OUTDOORS!"

[Deleted]

Its easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. 

Yes, dad wasn't exactly traditional. 

Still better than advice he received, which included such treasures as "If you are going to the store and don't need anything, at least steal toilet paper'...

(Again i feel like i've said this same thing before... you guys know all my stories, i think i need new friends...  )

[Peace Of Mind]

Jun 17, 2014 14:04:14 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

"SHUT THE DOOR - I'M NOT PAYING TO HEAT THE WHOLE OUTDOORS!"

Oh, that one reminds me of:  Turn off the lights!  You'd think you owned stock in the electric company!

[justme]

Jun 17, 2014 14:10:10 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Jun 17, 2014 14:04:14 GMT -5 kittensaver said:

"SHUT THE DOOR - I'M NOT PAYING TO HEAT THE WHOLE OUTDOORS!"

Oh, that one reminds me of:  Turn off the lights!  You'd think you owned stock in the electric company!

That one probably got some good remarks from my smart ass younger self since my dad worked at the electric company since I definitely remember them saying that.

[Wisconsin Beth]

"Shut the door.  Were you born in a barn?!"
"Good Lord, you've got rutabagas in there!" (ears checked for not listening/paying attention to Dad.)

 

[justme]

If you don't pick up your room I'm coming in there with a trashbag and you won't like the results.

[Peace Of Mind]

Oh, and the usual response to why I couldn't get my ears pierced, or stay out after 10:00 p.m. or go to parties where there were boys.

Only whores do that. 

[greeniis10]

Jun 17, 2014 13:55:48 GMT -5 busymom said:

"Do you want to walk home?" (Seriously, once Dad kicked my older brother out of the car when we were less than a mile home, & let him walk the rest of the way. )

And he made it home and survived to tell the story, I'm assuming?  See - I DO miss the "good old days" when parents could actually discipline their kids and teach them the hard lessons of life.  (I'm referring to the recent thread where the dad made his son walk home from school as punishment and was then arrested.) 

I think I've been told just about every saying listed so far on this thread.  One of my dad's favorites: "the penguins are coming!" when my sister and I would stand there with the fridge door open forever.  That one I have used on my own kids.  Of course, none of them had an idea what it meant until they were on their own buying their own food and paying their own electric bill.

[busymom]

Jun 17, 2014 14:22:28 GMT -5 greeniis10 said:

Jun 17, 2014 13:55:48 GMT -5 busymom said:

"Do you want to walk home?" (Seriously, once Dad kicked my older brother out of the car when we were less than a mile home, & let him walk the rest of the way. )

And he made it home and survived to tell the story, I'm assuming?  See - I DO miss the "good old days" when parents could actually discipline their kids and teach them the hard lessons of life.  (I'm referring to the recent thread where the dad made his son walk home from school as punishment and was then arrested.) 

I think I've been told just about every saying listed so far on this thread.  One of my dad's favorites: "the penguins are coming!" when my sister and I would stand there with the fridge door open forever.  That one I have used on my own kids.  Of course, none of them had an idea what it meant until they were on their own buying their own food and paying their own electric bill.

  Oh, yes, DB made it home just fine.  DB was angry enough at that point (Dad DID have a temper) that I think he preferred to walk home, & get a little distance between himself & Dad.

  Some of the punishments we "suffered" as kids, or were threatened with, would probably get parents arrested for nowadays.  But, the kids were a lot less mouthy when I was growing up (at least, the smart ones...).

[wyouser]

As I recall one learned after one instance.......never never never never tell a parent or grandparent..."I'm bored"  There were never any words..but the consequences always involved a barn ...and a pitchfork.  In other words, shoveling s&*t all day tended to cure one's vocabulary in short order.

[steff]

"you need to stop talking while you still have stuff in your room.  If you don't, you'll love sleeping on the floor"

"don't make me send you back to your real family, you won't like them very much"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak bitchy teenager, would you like to calm down & translate it into regular teenager for me?"

"you're still a kid, technically, I still own you outright.  don't make me have to go thru the return policy...it's a bigger bitch than I am." 

"you might wanna hit the reset button on that attitude" 

"drop the attitude before I drop attitude on you"

[zibazinski]

The ears pierced. My line from my mom who got it from her mom was that ONLY GYPSIES and WOMEN of ILL REPUTE have their ears pierced. I didn't know any of them.  Still don't have my ears pierced.

[busymom]

Jun 17, 2014 14:46:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

The ears pierced. My line from my mom who got it from her mom was that ONLY GYPSIES and WOMEN of ILL REPUTE have their ears pierced. I didn't know any of them.  Still don't have my ears pierced.

  LOL Zib!  I used to hear that only servicemen & "ladies of the night" got tattoos.  My, how things have changed... 

[The Captain]

Jun 17, 2014 14:46:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

The ears pierced. My line from my mom who got it from her mom was that ONLY GYPSIES and WOMEN of ILL REPUTE have their ears pierced. I didn't know any of them.  Still don't have my ears pierced.

Well...I have Romany in my family history and I'm hardly a saint ...and my ears are pierced!

  I guess that means I fit the bill.

[greeniis10]

Jun 17, 2014 14:46:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

The ears pierced. My line from my mom who got it from her mom was that ONLY GYPSIES and WOMEN of ILL REPUTE have their ears pierced. I didn't know any of them.  Still don't have my ears pierced.

Isn't it crazy how drastically times have changed in a relatively short period of time?  It was a huge argument to get my ears pierced, too.  Now, we have many kids in high school with tattoos.  I know I sound old and judgemental when I say things like that.  I have nothing against tattoos, but not on school-aged kids.

Of course, DSD managed to have 3 tattoos by the time she graduated high school. 

[zibazinski]

Well, this Grandma of mine, at her 50 year anniversary, got diamond studs from Grandpa, and guess what she did? My Mom and Aunts went with her and got theirs done at the same time. So I'm from a bunch of trollops now!!

[Abby Normal]

Ohhhh- the shut the door reminded me.

Close the refrigerator or the penguins will come.        Which morphed into..

Close the refrigerator or you're cleaning up the penguin poop. 

[mollyanna58]

Jun 17, 2014 14:46:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

The ears pierced. My line from my mom who got it from her mom was that ONLY GYPSIES and WOMEN of ILL REPUTE have their ears pierced. I didn't know any of them.  Still don't have my ears pierced.

My father always said only savages got their ears pierced.

A couple of years ago, I was trying to excavate their dining room table.  I found a jewelry box and didn't recognize any of the contents, which included pierced earrings.  My mother said it wasn't her jewelry, so I asked my father if it might have been his mother's.  "No, because she wasn't a savage." 

[zibazinski]

[toomuchreality]

Jun 17, 2014 15:20:24 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Jun 17, 2014 14:46:21 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

The ears pierced. My line from my mom who got it from her mom was that ONLY GYPSIES and WOMEN of ILL REPUTE have their ears pierced. I didn't know any of them.  Still don't have my ears pierced.

My father always said only savages got their ears pierced.

A couple of years ago, I was trying to excavate their dining room table.  I found a jewelry box and didn't recognize any of the contents, which included pierced earrings.  My mother said it wasn't her jewelry, so I asked my father if it might have been his mother's.  "No, because she wasn't a savage." 

"If God wanted holes in your ears, he'd have put them there!" is what I was always told.