More Moms Staying at Home

[Shooby]

www.nationalreview.com/article/375348/more-moms-stay-home-their-children-maggie-gallagher

[Deleted]

I've been saying that we need to judge lower workplace participation qualitatively, not just quantitatively. 

[Shooby]

I did a lot of adjustment with my career But, in order to be home more. For us, it just made for a better home life to have me have a more flexible position. But, like anything that comes with some sacrificing of income.

[yogiii]

Apr 9, 2014 6:35:40 GMT -5 Shooby said:

I did a lot of adjustment with my career But, in order to be home more. For us, it just made for a better home life to have me have a more flexible position. But, like anything that comes with some sacrificing of income.

I'm doing the same now after having my 2nd.

[Shooby]

Yes, I made the move after having our second child as well.

[Deleted]

My wife is staying home for a year when my boy is born. Luckily she has a pretty flexible job.

[yogiii]

I'm just finishing up my year off and about to go back.  I feel very lucky to have been able to do that and at the same time as much as I don't want to admit it, glad to be going back.  I hope your wife has a nice year!

[mizbear]

Shooby- You find some of the best articles!

In some ways I wish my Mom had been able to stay home, but I really didn't want the "class Mom" for a mother. My brother's first year of school, she stayed home and nearly drove me nuts!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I wonder how many women who chose to stay home really analyze the costs/benefits of the decision. I get that there is a huge emotional aspect of it as well so if you really want to stay home you'll figure out how to make it work.

I've had a lot people just assume one of us is going to stop working now that we're having two. The assumption is daycare is too expensive. Well yeah it certainly can be, but we sat down a long time ago and decided the costs of one of us not working outweigh the benefits.

We both work in fields where you can't just come back and pretend you never left. 1-2 years and we're obsolete. I'd have to go back to school for my master's OR try to become an entry level prospect in a completely new field. It's far more lucrative long term for DH to stay with his current employer and grow than it would be to have him quit and start over.

We'd also lose out on retirement and employer matches. I have 30+ years to go before I retire. Daycare is a blip on the radar screen in the grand scheme of things. I could have to support myself in old age till my late 90's if family history is anything to go by. DH is already 41 and has almost no retirement savings b/c he screwed up. He really needs all the compounding he can get.

I find quitting just b/c of daycare costs to be extremely shortsighted so we are in favor of long term benefits over short term ones.

And before I get flamed I get that for some people staying home is important and for some daycare really isn't affordable and it makes logical sense to quit.  If that were the case for us DH and I would be making different decisions. 

I just think that making sure you sit down with your spouse to discuss all the pros/cons both long and short term is very important before deciding to leave the workforce.

[Shooby]

Drama - That is an excellent point. YOu can't just look at income versus daycare. When you leave or cut back, you are contributing less earnings to SS, pension. You may get passed by for promotions and other income. YOu can't just say Daycare costs X and I make X.

[Shooby]

And, the strain on a sole breadwinner. It is a scary thing to wake up everyday and realize the entire fate of your family hangs solely on you in that regard. It is added stress. At least if the other spouse has a part time job, that is a bit of a security factor.

[vonna]

Apr 9, 2014 10:02:55 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I wonder how many women who chose to stay home really analyze the costs/benefits of the decision. I get that there is a huge emotional aspect of it as well so if you really want to stay home you'll figure out how to make it work.

I think people just massage the "facts" to justify a mostly emotional decision. Nothing wrong with that, but everyone needs to feel like their decision was the "right" one.

[Shooby]

Yes. People sometimes think they have to "justify" their decisions to others. They don't. If you and your spouse want one of you to be a SAHM and are happy with that, you don't have to explain or justify it to anyone else.
It is kind of like buying a new car to get better gas mileage. People rarely run the true numbers of the mpg, the number of avg miles they drive, the current cost of gas now versus the potentially higher cost and the difference between the old car and the car they are looking at. It often is just an emotional decision and the numbers don't bear out that reality. But again, people don't have to justify what they do to others.

[gooddecisions]

Apr 9, 2014 10:41:14 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Drama - That is an excellent point. YOu can't just look at income versus daycare. When you leave or cut back, you are contributing less earnings to SS, pension. You may get passed by for promotions and other income. YOu can't just say Daycare costs X and I make X.

Additionally, I find that most people who make this decision look at their net paycheck compared to their gross daycare bill. They don't take into account their benefits, their tax refund, their eligibility for dependent care FSA, etc.

My friend is a teacher and she is convinced her $150/week daycare bill is crazy and insists she barely makes anything after paying it. She desperately wants to quit and stay home with her 1 year old.

I'm pretty sure she makes more than $7500/year and if $5,000 were going to an FSA, then it would really be closer to $6250- but wait she doesn't have to pay for summers and breaks, so that probably puts her total bill down to $5000/year. I suspect for a lot of people, the daycare expense is just an excuse to quit working because people can't really be that bad at math.

Disclaimer- my bill is about to increase to about $34K/year, so $150/week sounds amazing to me.

[Shooby]

Yes. And as you said, there are other bennies for working. Maybe life insurance, disability, and so forth. You have to factor in all those things.

[Shooby]

I think people are just tired of living lives full of stress. And are realizing that sometimes less is more.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

my bill is about to increase to about $34K/year



You also need to run the numbers as time goes by b/c rates do drop. Daycare costs for an infant sucked donkey balls but after 2 years that dropped. IN that time frame my wage freeze was lifted and DH has since gotten much better paying job. We're now out pacing daycare costs.

We're also in a position with Gwen being the age she is to put her in public pre-school. Kids & Co which does before/after care is $60 a week. That instantly saves us $304 a month on daycare costs. While we'll still have two kids who need daycare, it isn't going to cost us near as much as it could.

I'm so glad I didn't listen to my SIL and have them "as close together as possible". Two infant rates would have really really hurt. With Gwen being a bit older we have more options available to us.

[Sam_2.0]

I hope to be a SAHM in the future (5 yrs) because it's what would be best for our family life, but it definitely won't be best for our pocketbook. Fortunately DH is in a job where he can make enough to replace my salary, so I don't think the hit is as bad as it would be for someone working a W2 job. But it also comes with risks (commission only). For us the decision is family life balance, not finances.

I see my mom, who is mid-50's, was always a SAHM and now that the kids are gone she feels like she needs a job so that she feels like she's contributing to the household. But the problem is she only has a HS education and no skills since she's been out of the workforce for 30 years. That worries me. Part of me wants to stay in my job at least pt so that I have it to fall back on if needed. We have a good life ins plan on DH, but it wouldn't let me be a SAHM for the rest of my life. I guess it would buy time to get my skills up to par and jump back in if needed.

[Deleted]

I'm so glad I didn't listen to my SIL and have them "as close together as possible". Two infant rates would have really really hurt. With Gwen being a bit older we have more options available to us.

Having them close together means it REALLY hurts for a year and then prices continually drop.



Every avenue has pros and cons so people have to do what works for them.

[swamp]

Apr 9, 2014 12:02:06 GMT -5 @beerwench said:

I'm so glad I didn't listen to my SIL and have them "as close together as possible". Two infant rates would have really really hurt. With Gwen being a bit older we have more options available to us.

Having them close together means it REALLY hurts for a year and then prices continually drop.



Every avenue has pros and cons so people have to do what works for them.

[The Captain]

Apr 9, 2014 10:33:39 GMT -5 @anne81 said:

I just think that making sure you sit down with your spouse to discuss all the pros/cons both long and short term is very important before deciding to leave the workforce.

I was thinking about this when reading an NY Times article the other day about an underemployed man who was the breadwinner for their family. 

www.nytimes.com/2014/04/04/business/economy/out-of-work-out-of-benefits-and-running-out-of-options.html?_r=0

I read it as he was the primary (and wife contributed to the household as well) breadwinner.

I see this is addressed by other posters, but I can't imagine the strain of being the only breadwinner in today's economy.

[Deleted]

My wife and I talk about it and if it comes to that and we get there we will:
- hire cleaning person
- hire PT nanny or FT
- also we have my MIL living with us

Because the cons are way worse than the pros for her to stay home with the kids.

Or at least she would need to keep on working PT or freelance.

[Shooby]

Well, it is great to talk about. But you don't KNOW until you actually have kids. So you can plan but you can't honestly weigh the pros and cons UNTIL you are holding that baby in your arms. I was/am a career gal. I have a professional degree and planned to keep working. And, I did. But, after I had our second child, I WANTED to be home more so we opted for me getting a more flexible arrangement. All the plans go out the window when those little eyes are looking up at you. It has a way of turning your world upside down.

[Deleted]

Apr 9, 2014 13:24:39 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

My wife and I talk about it and if it comes to that and we get there we will:
- hire cleaning person
- hire PT nanny or FT
- also we have my MIL living with us

Because the cons are way worse than the pros for her to stay home with the kids.

Or at least she would need to keep on working PT or freelance.

Isn't one of the current cons of her job though that you can't earn as much money, because she can't constantly follow you around AND build her own career? How much is your household losing out on by not taking the Vermont gig?

The year I stopped freelancing, our household income went up 10k... With only husband having income. Everyone needs to make the decisions that are best for their own family. But there is nothing INHERENTLY riskier or worse about one or the other... Like most things, its more what you do with what you have...

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Carl I wouldn't assume she can freelance, she's in academia right? If labs want a "freelance" type set up they can revolve students thru the lab which is a heck of a lot cheaper than hiring a coordinator for any length of time.

Academia does have it's perks as a working parent, which is why I am still here despite the pay.  But if your wife truly intends this to be a lifetime career then she needs to think hard about the risks of dropping to part time.

[Sam_2.0]

Apr 9, 2014 13:32:45 GMT -5 oped said:

Apr 9, 2014 13:24:39 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

My wife and I talk about it and if it comes to that and we get there we will:
- hire cleaning person
- hire PT nanny or FT
- also we have my MIL living with us

Because the cons are way worse than the pros for her to stay home with the kids.

Or at least she would need to keep on working PT or freelance.

Isn't one of the current cons of her job though that you can't earn as much money, because she can't constantly follow you around AND build her own career? How much is your household losing out on by not taking the Vermont gig?

The year I stopped freelancing, our household income went up 10k... With only husband having income. Everyone needs to make the decisions that are best for their own family. But there is nothing INHERENTLY riskier or worse about one or the other... Like most things, its more what you do with what you have...

This will be a big help to DH's career - having me home gives me the flexibility to do stuff he needs done during the day or having the availability to travel when needed and not limited to vacation hours and pre-approvals.

[Deleted]

Apr 9, 2014 13:43:30 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Carl I wouldn't assume she can freelance, she's in academia right? If labs want a "freelance" type set up they can revolve students thru the lab which is a heck of a lot cheaper than hiring a coordinator for any length of time.

Yes but she can transfer to non profit or private. She can travel for conference when convenient etc.

Or telecommute/get down to PT. One of her co-workers is telecommuting from Japan because she followed her husband there for his job and my wife is currently telecommuting 1 Day a week.

And she is in academia now. Non profit or private are more flexible and she doesn't need a lab, just the research result so she can translate it.

Ex now her research is mostly based on surveys so doesn't need a lab at all : integration of people with disabilities into society, success/failure rates etc

[Deleted]

Apr 9, 2014 13:28:15 GMT -5 Shooby said:

Well, it is great to talk about. But you don't KNOW until you actually have kids. So you can plan but you can't honestly weigh the pros and cons UNTIL you are holding that baby in your arms. I was/am a career gal. I have a professional degree and planned to keep working. And, I did. But, after I had our second child, I WANTED to be home more so we opted for me getting a more flexible arrangement. All the plans go out the window when those little eyes are looking up at you. It has a way of turning your world upside down.

Now when you spend over 100k on the degree and still paying it back!

Sorry, mama got to work!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

And she is in academia now. Non profit or private are more flexible and she doesn't need a lab, just the research result so she can translate it.

Ah got it, I've never been exactly sure what your wife does. I suppose the other risk would be if going part time would affect her loan forgiveness.

[Deleted]

Apr 9, 2014 13:32:45 GMT -5 oped said:

Apr 9, 2014 13:24:39 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

My wife and I talk about it and if it comes to that and we get there we will:
- hire cleaning person
- hire PT nanny or FT
- also we have my MIL living with us

Because the cons are way worse than the pros for her to stay home with the kids.

Or at least she would need to keep on working PT or freelance.

Isn't one of the current cons of her job though that you can't earn as much money, because she can't constantly follow you around AND build her own career? How much is your household losing out on by not taking the Vermont gig?

The year I stopped freelancing, our household income went up 10k... With only husband having income. Everyone needs to make the decisions that are best for their own family. But there is nothing INHERENTLY riskier or worse about one or the other... Like most things, its more what you do with what you have...

I threw my name in for VT so there is a chance I will be going. We will figure out the logistics down the road if I do get the job but for now... I am a candidate.

My wife idea... Not mine. She thinks it would be stupid and foolish not to go and we've figured it our before and we will figure it out again.

Anyway it won't take place for another 3-5 weeks or so... I will know in a week when is the interview.