How I miss my DH

[InsertCoolName]

My DH has only been gone for 36 days. However, 4 days after he passed on, I could smell burgers that he always made when I was walking out of my bedroom. When I had to get all the paperwork for the SS interview, I felt like he was next to me, holding my hand.

On the 5th, a month...I took a nap. And I had a dream and finally got to talk to him. He told me that it was all ok. That everything that has happened, was suppose to happen that it has. And I still don't know how or why he died, so I have this huge missing answer, and I have been so scared and heartbroken, that he was sick and scared and alone. And he told me he wasn't any of those. That he didn't know and was confused. But only for a little bit. I realized that it was very hard for him to speak. It was taking alot of effort. So I am trying to not ask for signs from him. Or to see him and talk to him. But it's so hard.

I've already had several people tell me that I'm still young and that I can always find someone else. Which is, very rude. I know that they are just trying to be helpful and give me some kind of hope or something. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a married woman. So for people to say this to me is just rude.

I feel like I am doing ok and then something will be said or I will see something or think of something, and I just break down. And I feel so hopeless and lost right now.

I don't know if it will get easier or better, and right now I don't care if it doesn't. I'm crushed and lost and angry. And I will be this way for a while.

[mollyanna58]

[Peace Of Mind]

Dutt, that was a beautiful story and it's a shame you didn't feel comfortable leaving it. To all of you who have lost your beloved.

I pray often that I die before my DH. But some days... let's just say I change my mind on that.

[grits]

I am sorry you are hurting.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, I can't imagine.

[mmhmm]

I'm not going to say it gets "better". It gets easier to bear. You learn to spend more time relishing the memories you built and the love you shared than in your grief and what you've lost. That takes time, though. Until you get there, it just plain hurts.

[Jaguar]

Peace be yours.

[Deleted]

I know what you mean. The problem isn't that you don't have A man, it's that you don't have THAT man. Sheesh people can be idiots. Nice dreams though

[mrsdutt]

Jan 11, 2013 19:05:15 GMT -5 Peace Of Mind said:

Dutt, that was a beautiful story and it's a shame you didn't feel comfortable leaving it. To all of you who have lost your beloved. I pray often that I die before my DH. But some days... let's just say I change my mind on that.

I have a problem sharing and I told myself I was going to learn. I did it, but I;m just not ready to be out there yet. But thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.


ICN: Sweetie what MMH said is true. And don't be too mad at the people who are trying to comfort you. At least they are acknowledging that you are hurt. It's a tough call for most people.

[mrsdutt]

Jan 11, 2013 19:58:57 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm not going to say it gets "better". It gets easier to bear. You learn to spend more time relishing the memories you built and the love you shared than in your grief and what you've lost. That takes time, though. Until you get there, it just plain hurts.

Sometimes I can see that smile. Big as all outdoors. Yup the memories are always there to comfort.

[bramoney]

Thank you for sharing, it is such a sweet memory. I will lift you up in prays and ask that strength be given to you to get through. Blessing

[b2r]

ICN, I hope you find the peace you seek.

[busymom]

ICN, I totally get what you mean about feeling him hold your hand, or smelling the scent of the burgers he used to make.


When I lost my Dad, for the first month or so, I'd feel his hand on my shoulder. I finally took it to mean his way of telling me he was o.k. on the other side, & wanted me to be o.k. with the changes I was facing too. So sorry if "friends" are already pushing you to look at other guys. You just take your time & do what you gotta do.


I hope dreaming about him brought you some comfort. I'll be sending more prayers your way.

[suesinfl]

[trevorw2539]

I, too, wish you peace of heart, and quietness of mind, in the days and weeks to come. Don't be afraid to talk about him to true friends. They will understand. Don't be afraid to cry, it's human nature. Most of all the memories will remain, but the pain will ease.

My thoughts are with you though I don't know you.

[Deleted]

Jan 11, 2013 19:58:57 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm not going to say it gets "better". It gets easier to bear. You learn to spend more time relishing the memories you built and the love you shared than in your grief and what you've lost. That takes time, though. Until you get there, it just plain hurts.

mmhmm,

I agree with you.

ICN,

It's takes a times.... There will be come a day, when you start to think about all the good things you once had with your DH.

[Deleted]

When my mom became a widow, another widow gave her very good advice. She told her not to do anything or change anything for a year. Do not make any major life changes. You need the time to grieve. Losing the most significant person in your life is gut wrenching and heart wrenching on every level. And around every turn you feel that loss every time you now do something he used to do from picking up a gallon of milk to walking the dog. Give yourself time. And, allow yourself to feel what you feel. Consider going to a support group so you can talk about it with others who truly understand.
As for the "you are young and can find someone else" comments, most people are truly trying to find something comforting to say. And, let's face it, our culture is very skiddish about talking about death and grief. We like to wrap things up in 30 min like on TV and most people really do everything they can to NOT think about it or the realities. Grief can feel very lonely because of that. So, be kind to yourself and patient and truly just take each day one day at a time.

[Tired Tess]

I can't imagine what you're going through. God bless you.

I agree with everything Shooby said. I've heard that time and time again.

Peace be with you.

[mmhmm]

Jan 11, 2013 20:37:35 GMT -5 mrsdutt said:

Jan 11, 2013 19:58:57 GMT -5 mmhmm said:

I'm not going to say it gets "better". It gets easier to bear. You learn to spend more time relishing the memories you built and the love you shared than in your grief and what you've lost. That takes time, though. Until you get there, it just plain hurts.

Sometimes I can see that smile. Big as all outdoors. Yup the memories are always there to comfort.

Like you, I'm not one to share the details of my personal life. I'll share that which I think might help someone else avoid pitfalls that tripped me up, but I don't care to discuss my daily life with others. For one thing, I don't know why anybody would be interested! I'm pretty much terminally boring!

For me, it's my late husband's eyes I see. They were a brilliant turquoise and always sparked with laughter. You're right. It's comforting to remember, but only once you've dealt with the miseries of grieving. Time is a friend, if you let it be.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

It's only been a short time for you, ICN - don't expect to get past the hurt and grieving too quickly. It was probably about a year for me before I felt like living again myself - and it's only been 2 years now since he's been gone - but he's still in my thoughts pretty much daily. The anger and grief stages take a while to get past - but you will get there.

[mrsdutt]

Jan 12, 2013 12:48:28 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

It's only been a short time for you, ICN - don't expect to get past the hurt and grieving too quickly. It was probably about a year for me before I felt like living again myself - and it's only been 2 years now since he's been gone - but he's still in my thoughts pretty much daily. The anger and grief stages take a while to get past - but you will get there.

[/b]

It's most important to allow the anger and grief stages to happen. Embrace them, because once they're gone they pretty much stay away forever. Just to let you know, they make no sense at all.