Dinner with DH's boss tonight

[Sam_2.0]

Any ideas on things to talk about with his wife? I am hoping DH and his boss can mainly carry the conversation here. I have nothing in common with this woman!

And any suggestions on a good bottle of wine to pick up?

[kittensaver]

Ask her about her kids (and/or grandkids). Ask to see pictures. Pay rapt attention and let her talk.

Because its the holidays, I'd bring a bottle of champagne (or prosecco or Asti Spumanti, but that's just the Italian in me )

[skubikky]

For the most part, people do like talking about themselves. Ask her about her interests, family, work?
Ask someone at the local liquor Barn to help you make a selection.

[thyme4change]

I always find it helpful to have a story and a question. Like, you can say "I've been to this restarant before, we had dinner here once, I think we had the fish, and I remember whatever we had was excellent. They have the best bread. Have you eaten here before? What is your favorite thing on the menu?" (lame - but it fills the empty air time.)

Favorite movies or tv shows - you can ask if they have any movie traditions, like watching White Christmas or something.

Traditions around Christmas - decorating, meals, when they open presents, etc.

Shopping - is her Christmas shopping done, where does she usually shop, etc.

Kids - if they have any - that will fill the space - what activities do their kids do, what did they get for Christmas, what are they like ,etc.

Hobbies - this one is harder to bring up, because you will sound like a dork if you blurt out "Do you have a hobby?" So, you have to be clever. Maybe something you are into, or cooking or whatever. Maybe she will join in.

Work - what does she do for a living? What company? etc.

Travel - did they go on a vacation this year, or where have they gone special, etc.?

Technology - "I just upgraded to Windows 8, and I'll tell you - I'm havign a heck of time." And then explain in detail the difference between your old technology and your new technology. 90% chance it will bore the person you are talking to, but it is better than awkward silence.

Family make-up - does she have sisters, brothers, parents, do they live close, do you get to spend time with them at Christmas. What are they like? Did they get along as kids?

Where did she grow up?

New Years is coming up - do they have any traditions?

Compliment her clothes, jewlery, coat, shoes - anything to make her think you like her, or admire her.

Good Luck - I always have a handful of goofy stories. I find if I blather on for a bit, people relax, knowing that they won't sound like more of an idiot than I just did.

[Deleted]

I always have one or two current stories on hand. Something funny the kids said or did. That usually starts folks telling their kid stories and I'm in the clear for a while. All of thyme's suggestions are good.

[thyme4change]

My list was a "pick two" type of thing. But, if you really have to work to draw info out of someone - you might need to pull up a larger arsenal.

[alabamagal]

To me, the easiest is to try to stay in on the conversation between DH and boss. Don't get suckered into the "sending the women to the kitchen to talk" I absolutely HATE that kind of thing. I generally have more to talk about with other men than other women, so try to avoid the split up.

If you do get split up, questions about kids, grandkids, pets, hobbies, are generally safe.

[Sam_2.0]

They have no kids. They just got married a year ago and she's a trophy wife. Her "job" is to do whatever her husband tells her to. She's not interested in kids so talking about DD won't go too far. And I hate to bring up family/holidays because the boss's brother just committed suicide a couple weeks ago (week of Thanksgiving).

I guess I could ask about their vacations. They seem to go on big ones frequently. Maybe I could get her to give me "advice" about where the best places are to visit.

I really just feel completely out of my element around the people DH works with. There are a few new guys and I can get along with their wives well. But the more established brokers all make a crap ton of money and their wives are the most insane group of women ever. They all have nannies to take care of their kids (even though they all SAH), they get plastic surgery, take expensive vacations, one woman even routinely makes costume changes at parties just because she can (and she has a million expensive dresses to show off). Usually I can work my way around to chatting with the ladies I know after saying my hellos to the group, but this time its just 1:1 and I feel lost.

[thyme4change]

I guess I could ask about their vacations. They seem to go on big ones frequently. Maybe I could get her to give me "advice" about where the best places are to visit.

That is a good one. If she is a trophy wife, she might love to tell you how she spends money - the best restarants, the best shopping, the best vacations, the best cars, etc. It isn't bragging if you ask.

They must do something for fun, I bet you can drag it out of her. She probably also went to college, so you can ask about her backround. You can also ask about HER family, and try to steer away from the subject of his brother.

[muttleynfelix]

Wine - You might see if your Walmart carries St. James Wine or Stone Hill or one of the other Missouri wines. THat way it is a talking point as well as booze. (My favorite is St. James Velvet Red if you like sweet red wine. Our Walmart down here carries it.).

[Deleted]

How do you know you don't have anything in common with her? Maybe she is really a fascinating person and you don't know her yet? Maybe she has some interests in the arts or some fun unique hobbies? Maybe she is a lot of fun? You might have a great time.

[Sam_2.0]

Dec 18, 2012 14:13:45 GMT -5 @shooby said:

How do you know you don't have anything in common with her? Maybe she is really a fascinating person and you don't know her yet? Maybe she has some interests in the arts or some fun unique hobbies? Maybe she is a lot of fun? You might have a great time.

Always a possibility, especially if her persona at home is absolutely nothing like it is in public where we have interacted in the past

[NancysSummerSip]

One of my all time favorite wine producers is a small South African Winery called Two Oceans. Every time I bring their wines to an event, it all goes. A good wine shop should carry it. I like the Cabernet Sauvignon personally, but they also make a Chardonnay.

[flamingo]

I'm usually on the other side of this. My DH is the boss and when meeting his employee's spouses--you wouldn't believe what some them say! Just be yourself and when in doubt, ask her questions about her life (travel is always a good one). Most people like talking about themselves and once you get them talking, things seem to go better. Enjoy dinner!

[thyme4change]

Usually trophy wives are pretty decent hostesses. They are somewhat required to host warmly any business associates the hubs brings around - no matter how different they are from the people they would chose to hang out with. So, go in with an open mind. You may not end up being besties, but I bet she will make the night pleasant for you. Doesn't mean she can feign interest as you do on and on describing your toddler's poopy diapers, but she likely won't snear at your cheap sweater and then go in the other room and ignore you either.

Pretend like it is going to be fun. You can always complain here tomorrow.

[thyme4change]

My DH is the boss and when meeting his employee's spouses--you wouldn't believe what some them say!

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[Deleted]

Dec 18, 2012 14:03:00 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

To me, the easiest is to try to stay in on the conversation between DH and boss. Don't get suckered into the "sending the women to the kitchen to talk" I absolutely HATE that kind of thing. I generally have more to talk about with other men than other women, so try to avoid the split up.

If you do get split up, questions about kids, grandkids, pets, hobbies, are generally safe.

It's not really fair to her husband to take the feminist stance with his boss. In this case it's not about sending the women to the kitchen, it's about letting hubby have the boss's ear away from coworkers.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I wouldn't avoid the topic of the boss's brother though. I'd make sure to offer condolences at some point.

[sheilaincali]

Avoid any conversations regarding politics, religion, gun control, the recent school shooting tragedy, etc. Keep to neutral, polite dinner conversations- weather, travel, art, etc.

Are you going to be in there home or at a restaurant? If at their home compliment her and ask questions about the lovely rug or whatever. Many homeowners can talk for hours about their house if it's something they are proud of.

I agree with Laterbloomer- this is a big opportunity for Sam's DH to have one on one time with the boss with his probably a rare thing. I'd suck it up and be as polite as possible.

[flamingo]

Quote:My DH is the boss and when meeting his employee's spouses--you wouldn't believe what some them say!



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I've heard it all, but here's one of my favorites: Employee, we'll call him C, worked for my DH for about 4 years. C's wife, T, is telling me about how C is a recovering alcoholic, how the 12 steps have really helped him, he's such a better person, and my, aren't I a nice wife for staying with him through all this. In the back of my mind, however, I'm replaying the story my DH told me just a week before this, how DH and C went out to happy hour with some other collegues and how my DH was late getting home because C couldn't drive himself home so he drove him home. And, the next morning at work my DH swore C was still drunk! DH had to write him up for it since being drunk on the job is a big no no. But T kept insisting he was clean and sober and life couldn't get any better.

OH! I almost forgot, one lady told me how her husband got arrested for soliciting a prostitue one time! And after she spilled she asked me not to tell my DH. REALLY?!?! How can I not pass on that juicy bit of gossip!!

[thyme4change]

LOL - awesome. I wish my husband's employee's wives would dish like that!

[kittypuppymom]

You could ask her who does her hair. Were is she from originally. Talk about shopping. What does she want Santa to bring her this year.

[thyme4change]

Ask her for tips in bed.


just kidding.

[Sam_2.0]

LOL, thyme.

I know this is a good thing for DH. I am just worried about looking like a bumbling idiot. Thanks for giving me some topics to think about before we get there. The good news is that they live in the neighborhood DH and I have been considering for the past year, albeit on the much nicer side of the golfcourse. We actually looked at their old house one time when going to open houses and didn't realize it was theirs until later. That will be good to talk about as well.

[nogooddeed]

Is she involved in any volunteer activities or on any charity committees? Junior League, art museum, etc. Even if she doesn't actually do any work when she volunteers, it might be a topic for discussion.

[susanb]

Sam, I am the boss' wife and I socialize with some trophy wives.

If you are relaxed and have a good time, people around you will feel relaxed and have a good time also. Keep in mind that she likely wants your approval also.

If she is in good shape, ask her how she does it or about her workout routine.
If she has good skin, ask her about her secrets or favorite products.
The things she takes pride (maybe her house or cooking or travel or whatever) in will be evident. If you talk about those things, you should be golden.

Finally, I used to be nervous around trophy wives too, but I think a lot of them get a bad rap. Most of them I interact with are women with good personalities and social skills. There are lots of pretty girls out there and most of the trophy wives I know have more going on than just looks. Living in Vegas, I have also met some that just have looks going for them, but even here, they are the exception.

[kgb18]

I am just worried about looking like a bumbling idiot.

You won't! You are a smart, interesting woman. You'll be fine. Don't sell yourself short.

[Sam_2.0]

Whew, one of the other "Section 8" couples was also invited, so I had a friend there. Overall it ended up being a pleasant evening Thanks!!

[Deleted]

Glad to hear it went well!

[Waffle]

We want details. What did trophy wife talk about?