skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Nov 27, 2012 8:24:50 GMT -5
As for becoming your wife's trainer/dietician, do you really want to put yourself in that kind of "daddy" parental role toward your wife? How is it a daddy/parental role? If she paid a dietician and/or a personal trainer to give her the same information, would they be considered to be in a daddy/parental role with her also? I guess I just don't see how it would be considered being a daddy/parent as you stated. Paying an objective professional is certainly different than having your spouse with whom you are intimately involved with, take on the role of task master/boss/moral monitor. Very much like a parental role. And as you've done this before and it obviously didn't have the desired outcome for your wife, learn from experience and send her to a personal trainer.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 27, 2012 9:20:53 GMT -5
That hasn't been my experience, although I guess job-hunting can be whatever you make it... when I was unemployed after graduation, I spent probably 30-35 hours a week looking for a job.
If you're filling out an application, that's one thing, but I think most of the jobs to which Mrs. C is applying are more the cover letter/resume variety - and both need to be tailored to the specific employer, which takes some time.
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Nov 27, 2012 10:48:27 GMT -5
She recruited me again yesterday asking me to take control of her training/diet and be her trainer. My reaction was "here we go again". She feels I push her too hard, I feel she doesn't push/try hard enough. She said she will do everything I ask, no questions. But that usually last a week before we start butting heads and end up going our separate ways training wise. This is generally a trap when I do this to my husband. I ask him to encourage me to go to the gym and then when he does I get angry with him and want him to leave me alone. I have finally learned to stop asking him and he has learned to stop reminding me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2012 10:56:32 GMT -5
That hasn't been my experience, although I guess job-hunting can be whatever you make it... when I was unemployed after graduation, I spent probably 30-35 hours a week looking for a job. If you're filling out an application, that's one thing, but I think most of the jobs to which Mrs. C is applying are more the cover letter/resume variety - and both need to be tailored to the specific employer, which takes some time. There is no way it would take me 40 hours a week to fill out some job apps, print some resume's and mail them out and make some phone calls.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2012 10:58:19 GMT -5
Well, that is what i do. As for propelling people to "do better" , that is purely a subjective opinion. Who defines "better"? And, WHY does someone have to "be the best"? You simply cannot "be the best" at anything and everything. My kids have been in band, they aren't likely to grow up and become professional musicians. It is a HOBBY. So, i encouraged them to try instruments, would remind them to practice at times, but the onus is on them at a certain point. My dd loves music and now plays clarinet and piano. My sons were in band a few years but their heart wasn't in it. So what? They got the benefit of learning and enjoying something. The problem with pushy external motivation from others, is that it never really allows the person to take ownership of their own lives or whatever it is they are pursuing. Yes...and often has more to do with the pushers own motivations. I have found that "pushy" people seem to believe only their way is the "right" way. Or that there is only one "right" way to be, do, live when their way is no more "right" or better than anyone else's. So, for the pushy ones, you go live your life your way and I mine. If you don't like the way i do things, how i look, eat, talk, act, whatever, oh well. You can control yourself and yourself alone.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 27, 2012 11:06:18 GMT -5
Well... congratulations?
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swasat
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Post by swasat on Nov 27, 2012 11:08:51 GMT -5
That hasn't been my experience, although I guess job-hunting can be whatever you make it... when I was unemployed after graduation, I spent probably 30-35 hours a week looking for a job. If you're filling out an application, that's one thing, but I think most of the jobs to which Mrs. C is applying are more the cover letter/resume variety - and both need to be tailored to the specific employer, which takes some time. I had the same experience. All my waking hours when I was looking fro a job after college were spent scouring the net and the papers for jobs. I was unable to focus on anything else since I was so engrossed in it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2012 11:10:39 GMT -5
I am not asking for anything. I am just making a point. I have looked for jobs myself. Sorry, but i have filled out job apps, sent resumes , gone for interviews and on and on. In my opinion it doesn't take 40 hrs a week.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Nov 27, 2012 11:18:23 GMT -5
In my opinion, it depends on the field and the specific type of job you're seeking.
DH has never spent much time job-hunting - fill out an application, pee in a cup, start on Monday.
It took me much longer because the jobs to which I applied didn't have applications - you had to write a personalized cover letter highlighting your experience and how you'd be an asset to the organization. From what C. has posted about his wife's skill-set, this is probably a more likely path for her than filling out applications online - and yes, it DOES take longer.
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Nov 27, 2012 11:31:56 GMT -5
When I decided I wanted to lose weight, I said to DH "I have a goal that I need your help to achieve." I do need his help because he's the primary cook for the family and often serves. So him giving me just a slightly smaller serving helps. In this case, we talked about my goals- both weight loss and this NOT being a diet but a new normal. If there's a retirement party at work, I want to be able to have a piece of cake (or half piece of cake) without worrying about it. He ended up doing a lot of the research for me because he's not in class this quarter and found a good daily calorie goal for me. But I'm the one in charge of tracking my calories, and if I go over for a day, he only knows if I tell him, he doesn't care. Him helping me made him decide he wanted to lose some weight, too. He's repsonsible for tracking his own calories. The only "nagging" either of us do about this is making sure the other has eaten enough calories in a day, and that's because we are both very noticeably cranky or don't feel well if we don't get enough.
Personally, I could never put myself in a situation where I'd tell my husband "I'll do whatever you tell me, no questions asked", because, like with Carl's wife, that would last a week- well, honestly, with me, it would be lucky to last 7 hours let alone 7 days. I would also never want to be the one in charge of my husband like that.
All of that said, yes, I do push those I know and love a little harder than I might push others. This is because I know how smart/capable/whatever they are. But I try to be more enouraging than I am pushy. Sometimes I do "lay down the law" when it comes to friends/family doing things that are detrimental to their health. The roommie has been working 80+ hour weeks and had a panic attack while at work. At which point, I told him that he wasn't allowed to work at all one weekend, and that his activities were going to be limited to things I approved. Now, he's and adult and has his own car, etc, so he could have ignored me, and I wouldn't have been mad at him (just worried about his health). But sometimes people need to hear other people say things- even if it's just to confirm their own thoughts. He didn't have to tell me about his panic attack, but he did.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Nov 27, 2012 15:42:38 GMT -5
...:::"If you're filling out an application, that's one thing, but I think most of the jobs to which Mrs. C is applying are more the cover letter/resume variety - and both need to be tailored to the specific employer, which takes some time.":::...
Seconded. Mrs C. probably isn't filling out cookie cutter applications, there are probably a lot of open ended questions. If she wants to get a callback, she needs to spend time painstakingly constructing answers, regurgitating and re-using key words and phrases.
...:::"There is no way it would take me 40 hours a week to fill out some job apps, print some resume's and mail them out and make some phone calls.":::...
Sure, if those jobs include skills like saying "would you like fries with that?".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2012 15:54:52 GMT -5
You lost me at "print some resumes." Does anybody still accept paper applications?
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 27, 2012 18:27:43 GMT -5
I still have a box of special resume paper and matching envelopes in my cabinet....it was strongly encouraged when I graduated from college (1999).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2012 18:31:09 GMT -5
In my opinion, it depends on the field and the specific type of job you're seeking. DH has never spent much time job-hunting - fill out an application, pee in a cup, start on Monday. It took me much longer because the jobs to which I applied didn't have applications - you had to write a personalized cover letter highlighting your experience and how you'd be an asset to the organization. From what C. has posted about his wife's skill-set, this is probably a more likely path for her than filling out applications online - and yes, it DOES take longer. The implication is that if someone isn't spending 40 hrs a week looking for a job, then they aren't really trying or aren't looking. And, i think that simply isn't true. It isn't like there are thousands of jobs available in my area. There are places i could apply to and maybe grab a quick job at McD's but even my son who applied there it took a several weeks after he applied before they contacted him and then a couple of days after that before he could start. And, unless you applying for tons of jobs in vastly different fields, the cover letters and resume would only need slight tweaking.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2012 18:32:38 GMT -5
...:::"If you're filling out an application, that's one thing, but I think most of the jobs to which Mrs. C is applying are more the cover letter/resume variety - and both need to be tailored to the specific employer, which takes some time.":::... Seconded. Mrs C. probably isn't filling out cookie cutter applications, there are probably a lot of open ended questions. If she wants to get a callback, she needs to spend time painstakingly constructing answers, regurgitating and re-using key words and phrases. ...:::"There is no way it would take me 40 hours a week to fill out some job apps, print some resume's and mail them out and make some phone calls.":::... Sure, if those jobs include skills like saying "would you like fries with that?". LOL! Well, that is hilarious. So, because i don't spend "40 hours a week" preparing my resume that i am not in a professional field requiring a professional degree? Hilarious
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Nov 27, 2012 18:39:09 GMT -5
I still have a box of special resume paper and matching envelopes in my cabinet....it was strongly encouraged when I graduated from college (1999). I graduated college in 1995 and I still have some as well. I was actually cleaning out my drawers over the Thanksgiving weekend and LOL when I found it. I couldn't help but think WTH is this still doing around. I put it by the printer and figured I might as well use it as regular paper since it has been gathering dust for more than a decade.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 1, 2012 7:59:57 GMT -5
...:::"LOL! Well, that is hilarious. So, because i don't spend "40 hours a week" preparing my resume that i am not in a professional field requiring a professional degree? Hilarious":::...
Just as hilarious as the idea that I'll be successful by merely changing a few words in my letter, and firing it off. Mrs. C is in the type of field where it would highly benefit her to research the prospective employer THOROUGHLY. This means more than just reading the mission statement online and then regurgitating those words.
Most of us are not saying you have to spend 40 hours. We are saying it certainly takes more than 40 seconds, even 40 minutes . . . assuming you want to succeed, of course. If you are in an area and field that an hour a week of searching/applying gets you a professional level income, then good for you. Rest assured that is not the norm.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Dec 1, 2012 8:02:22 GMT -5
So cawiau, did you two reach an agreement regarding the training?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2012 8:16:37 GMT -5
...:::"LOL! Well, that is hilarious. So, because i don't spend "40 hours a week" preparing my resume that i am not in a professional field requiring a professional degree? Hilarious":::... Just as hilarious as the idea that I'll be successful by merely changing a few words in my letter, and firing it off. Mrs. C is in the type of field where it would highly benefit her to research the prospective employer THOROUGHLY. This means more than just reading the mission statement online and then regurgitating those words. Most of us are not saying you have to spend 40 hours. We are saying it certainly takes more than 40 seconds, even 40 minutes . . . assuming you want to succeed, of course. If you are in an area and field that an hour a week of searching/applying gets you a professional level income, then good for you. Rest assured that is not the norm. Um, i know full well how to obtain a job. I have been quite successful at doing so. And, yes, the implication is that if someone ISN"T spending 40 hours job hunting that somehow they are being lazy, a slacker or whatever and that is simply not the case. Now, if you are talking about, "I have to find ANY available job" be it McD's or whatever, then because you would probably be applying for more jobs, it is going to take more time. But, there are only so many jobs to be had around here.
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