Choosing your baby's gender

[Deleted]

Most parents who have adult children will tell you that girls are for daddies and boys are for moms. I think Dads in general are too hard on their sons because they have that replacement thing. Meanwhile Moms and daughters have their own particular problems because the mother sees her daughter as a projection of herself (even if she doesn't acknowledge it).

I do know that my son was easy and still is at age 33. My daughter, who is 35 and whom I love dearly, and I still have some tension even though I try so hard not to criticize.

Meanwhile both are thinking of a fourth child. My son (and his wife and three sons) REALLY, REALLY want a girl because of their girl cousins. My daughter (and her husband and kids) don't really care because they have a son (oldest) and two daughters.

[midjd]

The article mentioned that. What if the little girl you paid $50,000 for so you can bond over sewing and banking turns out to be a real tomboy who likes sports and wants to be on the football team.

We all joke that DH's younger sister is the son FIL never had DH (middle child, only boy) is not into hunting, fishing, sports, or any of the things his dad loves. His sister is practically a clone of FIL. Luckily MIL also got a girly-girl AND a mama's boy

[Phoenix84]

Well, I guess if girls really are preferable to Americans, then in a generation or two, the country will be an excellent supply for mail order brides to India and China .

I wonder why Americans (or so the article claims) want girls in 70%-80% of the time. I hear it's similar for adoption. I wonder if it's really because everyone wants little girls, or if women are the driving force behind adoption and sex selection and therefore, and selecting based on their preference?

[zibazinski]

Yuck, what a dreadful thought. I wouldn't sentence any girl to a life there.

[Firebird]

First, is it common for women to have such a irrational desire to have girls? To the point you get very despressed and cry for days if you are pregnant with a boy? Are boys really that bad? Is it common to want a girl bad enough that you'll spend tens of thousands of dollars to get one?

Um, no.

(And for the record, I wanted a boy and am very much hoping that our next child is a boy. Doesn't mean I don't love Babybird or that I'm not thrilled that she's a girl.)

[zibazinski]

If DD had been a boy, I'd have tried again ASAP.

[Firebird]

(PS - does the article say it's more common for Caucasian WOMEN to want girls, or Caucasian couples in general? I wouldn't assume that it's just women pushing for girls.)

Not necessarily. Anne and I wanted boys! Sometimes it's the woman. DH wanted a girl, although he agrees it would be cool if we got a boy the next time around. It will more than likely be our last shot since I'm pretty sure I only want two kids.

[Firebird]

If DD had been a boy, I'd have tried again ASAP.

That's what my mom says too. I hate it when she says that... makes me feel like I could have had a sibling if I had only been born a boy!

[Firebird]

So you want a girl because that's the opposite of what your in laws want? I wonder why they care so much.

I kind of get that. My family is girls, girls, girls. My aunt had four daughters, and three of them had daughters. SIL has two girls. My cousin has a girl. We're having a girl. If we DO have a boy next time, the feminine influence in his life will be very strong

It's nice because we can share clothes and toys and whatnot but it would also be fun to mix it up. And personally, I badly want a son - I always have. Can't explain it. I've also always wanted both genders. So if our next baby is a boy, I'll be a happy camper. But if she's a girl, of course that's fine too.

Fun fact: when I was a kid, I thought I wanted identical twin girls. Mostly because I thought it would be fun to have an identical twin. Now I think I would actually be jealous of my kids if they were twins, especially identical twins.

[Firebird]

Sept 14, 2012 15:45:54 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

Second, I don't understand why you would want one gender over the other unless you already had a baby of a particular gender. "I don't want a boy because I'm not into sports of violent games" doesn't seem right to me. Yuu don't have to have everything in common with your kid in order to love and provide for them, but maybe I'm wrong.

When I found out my first was a girl, I was pretty upset. I was terribly worried that I wouldn't be able to relate to a girl. And, I will admit, there is a lot about her that just does not compute. As it turned out I got a very girly, girl. However, we don't really "give into it" because I'm not that girly. So, she is expected to do things - get dirty - play a sport, etc. She picked the girliest of the sports. She is a wonderful daughter and has been perfect since the day she was born.

When I found out my second was a boy, I was upset. My daughter was so perfect, I wanted another. Not a stinky boy.

As it turns out - they are both great. But, of course, I'm just lucky because most other kids suck.

Ahhahahahahha! I bet this will happen to me too. The "girly girl" thing was my exact worry. Now I'm not too fussed about it but in the early days of my pregnancy, it definitely weighed heavily on my mind - "if baby is a girl, she'll be all girly and I won't know how to relate to her."

Which was dumb, and I see that now. Babybird could easily be a tomboy like I was. And if she's really girly and loves to shop, that's okay too

[susanb]

I talk to my mom most days of the week on the phone. My mother is wonderful and I love talking to her, but she is a smother and if she had an adult son who called her once a week, she would flip out. Once a week would be a pretty devoted son from what I see.

Most of the women I know who have nice moms talk to them a heck of a lot more than the men I know who have nice moms.

[Phoenix84]

"If DD had been a boy, I'd have tried again ASAP."

So I gather you didn't want a son and only wanted a daughter?

[Phoenix84]

"Fun fact: when I was a kid, I thought I wanted identical twin girls. Mostly because I thought it would be fun to have an identical twin. Now I think I would actually be jealous of my kids if they were twins, especially identical twins."

So you're an only child, and it sounds like you wish you had a sibling.

Trust me, sisters aren't that great.

[Firebird]

So you're an only child, and it sounds like you wish you had a sibling.

Correct.

Trust me, sisters aren't that great.

You're just a yucky boy, what do you know?

[vonna]

This is a subject that in real life, I often have to keep my mouth shut.

I can't relate to someone being disappointed in the gender of their child.

I just can't.

I did not have a preference during my pregnancies.

I have a sis-in-law that wanted a girl so much she went into a great depression when her son was born. She resented her own baby because he was not a girl.

If the gender matters that much to someone, perhaps adoption should be their means of becoming a parent.

OK -- I'm going to stop before I launch into a full rant. . .

[midjd]

No, Phoenix is right

(I love my sister but we are 7 years apart and don't have much in common. She was 11 when I moved out and went to college. We're friends as adults but probably aren't ever going to have that super-close Gilmore Girls-type relationship.)

[Phoenix84]

"(I love my sister but we are 7 years apart and don't have much in common. She was 11 when I moved out and went to college. We're friends as adults but probably aren't ever going to have that super-close Gilmore Girls-type relationship.)"

This pretty much sums up my relationship to my sister. We are close in age, but have very different interests. We fought a lot growing up. We're friends as adults, but we certainly don't have that "BFF 4ever" thing going on. I'm sure she would help me out if I needed it and I'd do the same for her.

We've never just hung out or went out and did stuff together. Though it was amusing when I go out to dinner with her, since people think we're on a date .

[Phoenix84]

"OK -- I'm going to stop before I launch into a full rant. . ."

Come on, this is YM, we love rants. The more outraged the better .

you know you want to...

[vonna]

Sept 14, 2012 20:18:07 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Come on, this is YM, we love rants. The more outraged the better .

you know you want to...

Thanks, Phoenix -- but I just poured me a nice glass o' wine, and suddenly the urge has passed . . .

[Pants]

I wanted a boy. DD is 4 months old, and I love her beyond comprehension, and yes, even find girls clothes cute now, but I wanted a boy. I cried for three days when I had the ultrasound to determine sex and there she was. There are a lot of reasons, ranging from the fact that I think navigating society is harder as a girl to the fact that I hate the pink explosion for girls and lots of things in between. DH and I also have a lot of health and physical characteristics that are looked on more positively for men than women, and some that are actively negative or looked down upon for women. DD may be our only child, because of some of those health reasons. Like I said, I love DD beyond comprehension, and now that she's here wouldn't change her for the world, but I wanted a boy. If someone can't understand that, so be it. Perhaps they need to work on some empathy.

[973beachbum]

There are a bunch of genetic diseases that are from the Y chromosome like hemophilia. Is it possible that these people just don't want a boy because of the threat of a disease like that?

It would explain the high numbers wanting girls. How many people would really pay that much if there wasn't a real reason?

[Deleted]

My father's family really wanted a girl. They had been mostly boys for a couple of generations, and my father's sister (who was the only girl out of four kids) died when she was 2. They were absurdly happy when I came along.

[zibazinski]

My moms family was full of girls. Then I was the first grandchild, also a girl. My grandfather offered 2k to the first daughter that had a boy. My aunt collected and used it to put down on a house. My EXs family was nothing but boys, for many generations. I still have the ONLY girl out of four kids trying. I didn't want to have a baby to begin with, DS was an accident due to bc and antibiotics, and I had a terrible pregnancy and a terrible birth experience. To find out, in the many ultrasounds I had to have that he was a boy was just a bummer. Now I live him and I'm glad I had him, but, yes, I'd have rather he been a girl and then I would have one child. Do I mind having two? Not at all. But I am a firm believer in choosing sex of said baby. Children should be wanted and able to be provided for. Having DD almost 6 years after DS was, after the divorce, financially very hard for me. Had it just been the one child, my life would have been much less of a struggle.

[Deleted]

Sept 14, 2012 15:10:03 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

First, is it common for women to have such a irrational desire to have girls? To the point you get very despressed and cry for days if you are pregnant with a boy? Are boys really that bad? Is it common to want a girl bad enough that you'll spend tens of thousands of dollars to get one?

That person is too crazy to have kids - God help us.

[Deleted]

When I got pregnant with my first I wanted a boy, but wouldn't have been upset if it was a girl. I wanted a boy because I have never been a girly girl. I have very few female friends...I just never related well with other girls.

When I got pregnant with my 2nd I thought ...well I hope it is a girl this time since it will be my last and I will have one of each. When I found out it was a boy I cried for a little while that day because I knew I wasn't going to give birth to another kid. I thought my chances of having a girl was over.

Then we adopted our daughter...and I remembered why I didn't want a girl in the first place! They are moody as hell! We don't like very many of the same things. She is girly girl and I still am not girly. She wants to boss every one around and just rule the world and I have to knock her down off her high horse and remind her who is boss. She is convinced she would rule the world if I wasn't standing in her way.

The boys don't do that. They are laid back for the most part and don't feel the need to control everyone around them. I have noticed that it isn't just my DD though. It seems that most girls in her age group act like that! They are MEAN creatures!

[Firebird]

Sept 14, 2012 20:10:35 GMT -5 midjd said:

No, Phoenix is right

(I love my sister but we are 7 years apart and don't have much in common. She was 11 when I moved out and went to college. We're friends as adults but probably aren't ever going to have that super-close Gilmore Girls-type relationship.)

Kind of funny that you say this since there are hardly any sisters in Gilmore Girls - nearly everyone on that show is an only child (I noticed this the last time I watched the series straight through).

Rory, Lorelai, Emily from what I can tell, Paris, Lane, Jess for the most part (Doula doesn't come along until he's already an adult), Chris... none of them have siblings.

Luke, Logan and Dean have sisters but that's it. AFAICT, no sister-sister combinations unless you count Rory's half sister Gigi.

[Firebird]

Sept 14, 2012 21:02:27 GMT -5 Pants said:

I wanted a boy. DD is 4 months old, and I love her beyond comprehension, and yes, even find girls clothes cute now, but I wanted a boy. I cried for three days when I had the ultrasound to determine sex and there she was. There are a lot of reasons, ranging from the fact that I think navigating society is harder as a girl to the fact that I hate the pink explosion for girls and lots of things in between. DH and I also have a lot of health and physical characteristics that are looked on more positively for men than women, and some that are actively negative or looked down upon for women. DD may be our only child, because of some of those health reasons. Like I said, I love DD beyond comprehension, and now that she's here wouldn't change her for the world, but I wanted a boy. If someone can't understand that, so be it. Perhaps they need to work on some empathy.

Wow, I think we might be the same person

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 14, 2012 15:48:19 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Sept 14, 2012 15:37:37 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Many fertility doctors say that girls are the goal for 80 percent of gender selection patients. A study published in 2009 by the online journal Reproductive Biomedicine Online found Caucasian-Americans preferentially select females through PGD 70 percent of the time. Those of Indian or Chinese descent largely chose boys.

Since most doctors won't do the procedure unless you have 2 of the other gender, this makes me wonder if we're having more boys overall and that is why there is a 'preference' for girls under this procedure. Not that there is an overall preference.

I still can't imagine going to such lengths. If I had to have a specific gender I would adopt.

Dawg and I were at a fair a couple years ago and there was a family of 7 kids, the first 6 were boys.....about a years difference in age, so about 2 to 8-9 years old. A little girl was in the stroller.

I have to wonder how much longer they would have had kids until they got the girl?

[Firebird]

I have to wonder how much longer they would have had kids until they got the girl?

A friend of mine is second or third of about seven boys. His mom kept trying for that girl and never got her

[muttleynfelix]

I was thrilled beyond bits that our first was a boy. There were no boys on DH's side of the family and only 1 out of 5 on my side (now 2 out of 6). I actually cared less if #2 was a girl or a boy. A boy would have been nice because then we would have needed nothing (as it is, we don't need much until she is 6 months old - of course then Red Wagon would have had to figure out how to clothe her own boy ). I'm actually kind of glad we'll have one of each. Then people can just leave us alone about having kids. We were going to be done regardless. But after 7 years of talking about our reproductive decisions, I'm done hearing about.