Returning home after going away to school

[justme]

Sept 13, 2012 11:47:19 GMT -5 imawino said:

Sept 13, 2012 11:22:15 GMT -5 oped said:

I don't think those lists are perfect, just a starting point, and yes not really written from balanced perspective some times, but a good start to help understand the differences....

LOL. Ya think? I actually thought the list was ridiculously biased and marginally offensive.

Especially the list of what the world would be without. I know a lot of musicians that are ridiculously extroverted, etc etc.

As someone who is both introverted and extroverted, I don't particularily like the list but I think it gives at least some hints about introverts. I've seen a better thing out there, but didn't copy it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Do they get to pick their roommates? I couldn't pick my roomates the first year but the following years I could decide who I wanted to room with. My roommate and I stuck together because we liked the routine we had set up and didn't want to have to adjust to another person.

I'd see if that is an option for him. If he has more socialable friends they should get together and try to get a dorm room together.

[swamp]

while they are "you will live your life just like we do, or else you are a loser."

That's not extroverted, that's an asshole.

[Deleted]

I think the truth and myth part was pretty good. With the possible exception of ‘ a world without introverts would be a world with few…’ … which if you changed it to ‘would be a world that missed out on many...’, would be fine.

As far as the definitions, I don’t think how they treat the books/reading is fair. Extroverts can be just as well read as introverts, and just because you are an introvert doesn’t mean you read until you go blind. I think if you found people who said books are best as doorstops/paperweights, they would more likely be extroverts, but that does not mean all extroverts would say that.

Some of those issues are also because not all introverts/extroverts are all the same and conform to a single definition. I’m Myers Briggs INTJ… not every introvert is going to act the same, nor every introvert. However, I think it helps to forward the conversation.

I’d be interested to know where you identify bias or feel offended. I think it’s obvious the definitions were written by an introvert. However, I don’t think she was trying to be unfair. I think identifying the areas an extrovert would find offensive would help to further the conversation even more.

For instance, this one didn’t seem right to me:
Word: Good manners, n.
Extrovert's Definition: Making sure people aren't left all by themselves. Filling in any silences in a conversation.
Introvert's Definition: Not bothering people, unless it's necessary, or they approach you. (Sometimes you can bother people you know well, but make sure they aren't busy first.)

But I actually DO the things listed in the extrovert definition, because I feel sometimes that is what other people want/need… so if I let a conversation lul, then I’m not ‘doing it right’ (I don’t internalize those things well…) .. ie. I am responding to what I think a more extroverted friend desires, when I may be wrong? I would like to know if things like that are true or not? Generally speaking.

Also, those definitions aren’t meant to be full, just demonstrate contrast. Obviously the definition of a friend includes many things beyond that definition… support, similar interests, loyalty… its just that the place where and extrovert and introvert might differ is an extrovert might value more someone who understand when they need a friend with them, while an introvert might value more someone who understood when they needed to be alone.

What I like there especially are definitions of alone, home, friend, bored… It really helped me to understand other people when I got the concept.. wow, so when they are alone, or I am, they read that as lonely! Eureka, as they say, in understanding motivation and response.

As far as telling who is and who is not extro-intro verted. Most people, when I tell them how highly introverted I am, first response is NO Way!... being introverted in no way means you don’t like people, can’t be personable, can’t perform, can’t speak in public, don’t like to have people over, have fun, etc. Its just that, much as I might like it, that is WORK for me. I am not energized by people. Interactions zap my energy. I need to re-group. I need to recharge by myself. My process is internal, I think, reason, develop, etc. internally… not externally.

Sorry to the OP for hijacking this thread

[Tennesseer]

Sept 13, 2012 13:03:39 GMT -5 swamp said:

while they are "you will live your life just like we do, or else you are a loser."

That's not extroverted, that's assholeverted.

fixed.

[tcu2003]

My sister did this. She picked the college I was at, and it ended up not being for her (I was a junior when she was freshman). So she transferred back home to our local community college after her freshman year, graduted from there her next year, and transferred to a different college to complete her 4 year degree. It definitely worked out for her - she ended up much happier, and graduated, which she may or may not have done if she hadn't decided to transfer back home.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 12, 2012 22:35:02 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Sept 12, 2012 22:27:38 GMT -5 @celtophile said:

I thought about this, too. He told me today, however, that he knows two kids from his HS who go to the local school he is interested in and he plans to contact at least one of them to find out if he likes the school. I think that if he could just make one good friend that would help, but so far at his current school that has eluded him.

There is also some pressure on him, too, because the current school is a very pricey school. While the basic tuition for the local school is the same as the Florida school, there would be no need for room and board if he lived at home, thus saving money and perhaps lessening the pressure--not from me, but his dad, who is in charge of the cost.

Please don't get me wrong (not that I think you are). If he's unhappy there then he should come home and attend local schools. Some young adults needs a bit more time to adjust with separation from family and friends.

You son will eventually make peace with it. He sounds a bit like an introvert. Not everyone is an extrovert. There is much to be said for introverts too.

I'm useful! A friend is currently reading this book: www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352145/ref=pd_sim_b_2


I don't think that there is anything wrong with him coming home and going to a local college. He did try for the first year, and aren't parents always saying "how do you know you don't like it unless you try it"?

I live in the Philly area and I was interested in a school in Toronto. I ended up applying to only one school and it was in Philadelphia. Sometimes what you want and need is right in front of you.

[busymom]

As long as there's a plan, (whether you let him come back home now, or after fall semester) I think you should let him come back home to finish school.


His Dad has to get over the idea that his son needs to be a carbon copy of himself. Let the young man blaze his own trail in life!