Are you tempted to ask money questions IRL?

[Waffle]

I had a conversation today with someone I just know slightly. She owns a house, her DF owns a house, they are buying a new house together and have not sold either of the other houses.

She was talking about locations of the three different houses (all in different but fairly close towns) and I asked where DF worked - just thinking about the commute. She said he isn't currently making any money. At which point, I was just dying to ask about the finances of 3 mortgages and one wage earner. I didn't, of course, but I think spending time on this board nearly every day is making me even more obsessive about money than I used to be.

Does this ever happen to any of you? As in you want to know more details about someone's financial life, but you know it's inappropriate to ask?

[Sum Dum Gai]

Does this ever happen to any of you? As in you want to know more details about someone's financial life, but you know it's inappropriate to ask?

All the time! People say some of the dumbest sounding money related things, and I'm always tempted to just blurt out "How the hell are you paying for that?" Or, slightly more common, "Why the hell are you paying for that?!?"

[movingforward]

I have to bite my tongue with my BFF all the time. Sometimes, since we are like sisters, I will say something when she spends money on something so utterly stupid but most of the time I keep my mouth shut. Once in a while she will ask for my opinion. I will give it and follow-up by telling her it is ultimately her decision to make. It is not my place to tell her what to spend money on. As for people I don't know very well I often wonder a lot of things and sometimes find it amazing that people who are barely acquaintances will share so much of their financial lives with people.

[Deleted]

Yes... this place has made me nosy.

A FB friend used to post a lot about Dave Ramsey, then she posted a picture of the brand new SUV she was buying (financing). I posted something about how she was my frugal, DR friend and I was going to be the only one left driving a lame car. I didn't think it was out of line, but it disappeared from her page.

I don't know if she deleted the picture or just deleted my comment and blocked me from that page. Either way... oops.

[swasat]

All the time for me as well!!

I'll meet some one who is obviously making less income than us (obvious like one income middle class family or wife/husband working part time) and spending like there is no worry in the world. i am almost tempted to ask how they pay for that. Sometimes its on the tip of my tongues to ask about their retirement accounts

[Deleted]

It would be interesting to see how I am doing compared to my circle of friends.

[Sum Dum Gai]

It would be interesting to see how I am doing compared to my circle of friends.

Totally. I have my hunches about who doesn't save for retirement, who might have piles of credit card debt, who has their act together, but it would be cool to see if I'm right or totally off base.

[maryjane]

It isn't so much that I have to hold back from asking questions, but that I have to hold back from making assessments/judgements.

My co-workers tell me entirely too much about their finances without me asking any questions at all. Basically everything they say makes me want to scream. Just in the last week one woman I work with told me about how she and her DH have a lot of money now because they found out they have 25k in equity in a truck. They are now going to use this equity to throw a lavish party for their kid, take a vacation and build a deck with the loan they are trying to get. She declared BK a few years ago.

I don't want need to get involved in anyone's business or judge their finances, but when you tell me about plans that are this stupid at work, you are asking me to join in your lie. We are co-workers so I can't tell you the truth!

[movingforward]

I have had two co-workers tell me they just assume they will always have a car payment and just think it is part of their budget like a mortgage/rent

[Jaguar]

This place has made me more frugal.

[quotequeen]

There is one co-worker that I frequently want to ask, "so... do you have ANY savings?" I am also sometimes tempted to ask my brother if he's pulled his head out of his ass about money yet.

[steph08]

Jun 8, 2012 13:55:52 GMT -5 @craftysarah said:

A FB friend used to post a lot about Dave Ramsey, then she posted a picture of the brand new SUV she was buying (financing). I posted something about how she was my frugal, DR friend and I was going to be the only one left driving a lame car. I didn't think it was out of line, but it disappeared from her page.

Same thing happened to me but with my BFF. She was going back to school and therefore had to quit her job. She kept b*tching on Facebook about how was she going to survive without any money, she was going to take out so much $$ in loans (going for physical therapy), maybe she was making the wrong decision, I can't do anything because I have to save for school, etc.

But then it turns out they worked it so she was laid off from the position (it was only one year anyway) and she was able to get unemployment. Then after that, she posted on Facebook if she should get an iPhone or a Droid. I responded "Guess you can afford a smartphone now that you got unemployment." That post was quickly deleted.

[8 Bit WWBG]

Hahahha great topic! Yes I want to ask those questions all the time!

A neighbor who was unable to sell for what he wanted to has managed to get a tenant and has bought the upgrade house he wanted (4 blocks away). I'll be able to find the selling price of the new house pretty easily thanks to local realtors sending out those "here's whats sold in your neighborhood" things.

But I'm DYING to know... one is a federal employee and the other is a teacher. I know what they paid for their current house (give or take). So I'm curious where the DP for the new place came... HELOC? Gift? Loan? Are they renting the house that didn't sell at a profit, breakeven, loss?

It really is almost irresistable to compare...

[sheilaincali]

My neighbors have a baby in daycare, living in a house that cost as much as ours, drive one Lexus sedan and one Expedition (both cars are less than 2 years old). She is a personal trainer at the Y and he is a deli department manager at our grocery store. I can't how they swing it. She is less popular than my trainer and my trainer is a single lady that works part time at Lowe's on the weekend to make ends meet. So she isn't making bank at the Y and I doubt he is at the deli counter. Who knows.

[nalto]

My personal favorite is the people who always complain about not having money, but I always see on FB: "Had a great time in Maui!" or "Only 3 more weeks until the cruise!"

So you have no money, but you deserve to go on expensive trips? Riiight.

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"So she isn't making bank at the Y and I doubt he is at the deli counter. Who knows.":::...

He's dealing black market bologna under the table (or should I say "counter").

...:::"My personal favorite is the people who always complain about not having money, but I always see on FB: "Had a great time in Maui!" or "Only 3 more weeks until the cruise!"":::...

I have a FB friend who is ALWAYS posting about parties in Cabo or Baja or wherever... even during the week. She has never mentioned a job or anything. I have no idea what she does. I don't recall her family being wealthy but maybe they are.

Meanwhile, I've become a boring old man who gets tired at 9:30 and whose weekends consist of going to the farmers market and watching movies.

[Deleted]

Jun 8, 2012 15:48:15 GMT -5 8 Bit WWBG said:

I have a FB friend who is ALWAYS posting about parties in Cabo or Baja or wherever... even during the week. She has never mentioned a job or anything. I have no idea what she does. I don't recall her family being wealthy but maybe they are.

You never know... one of DF's online gaming friends found out her dad had been an interstate drug distributor, after her dad passed away.

He'd owned a small trucking business, but the tucks never seemed to be very busy, and they always had lots and lots of money.

The step mom had just victoriously claimed all warehouses, bank accounts and other assets a few days before the police came in. (Multiple wills in question, big battle). I mainly thought "that happens to real people? Not just in dramas?"

Lol, 'course, I'm so naive I thought the red eyes of kids in high school was from staying up late studying for tests rather than from smoking marijuana.

[Peace Of Mind]

Jun 8, 2012 15:24:42 GMT -5 nalto said:

My personal favorite is the people who always complain about not having money, but I always see on FB: "Had a great time in Maui!" or "Only 3 more weeks until the cruise!"

So you have no money, but you deserve to go on expensive trips? Riiight.

This and so many others!! Buying a motorcycle, new car, jewelry, eating out every meal with Margaritas at dinner... while whining about money. I'm surprised I still have a tongue!

But we are just soooo lucky! They just get mad when I ask questions so I just shut up or avoid them. And there are way too many "them" in the world. LOL!! Here I still offer advice any way. ;D

[Sum Dum Gai]

Buying a motorcycle, new car, jewelry

Exactly, it's crazy! I honestly have no idea how they...

eating out every meal with Margaritas at dinner

Hey now! Who asked you anyway?? Butt out woman. Grr

[Peace Of Mind]

LOL!!! I know. Me too, but we can afford it! I swear!

Psst. Did you ever sell your motorcycle?

[Sum Dum Gai]

Psst. Did you ever sell your motorcycle?

I did. Finally. Loop was giving me crap about the fact that I still hadn't sold it, while I was making some stupid excuse about why I hadn't, and a guy half listening to the conversation mentioned that his friend had been looking for an affordable bike for a while with no luck. He asked me a few questions about the bike, called his friend, they came and looked at it that night, and I had the cash in my hand the next day. I probably sold it too cheap. $1,000 for 2006 with only 7,200 miles on it. But, it hadn't been started in over two years at that point, didn't run, and the guy was willing to buy it as is.

I sold it right before we went to the convention, so it basically paid for our vacation this year.

[Peace Of Mind]

Wow, that is great news! And you had fun with the money by selling something you never used, that took up valuable room in the garage, that irritated your wife... The sale that keeps on giving.

[Peace77]

Not just tempted. When a friend told me that her financial track wreck relatives were coming to visit and she had put in to take time off work.

I asked her how they could afford to travel thousands of miles as the husband was still out of work, they have no health insurance and are depending on income from their young adult children living st home to meet expenses.

[Deleted]

I had a coworker that worked all the overtime she could get for a year straight because she wanted to buy a house. She had a $250k house built, stopped working OT when she moved in, and financed a car that cost over $30k a couple weeks later.

Our base pay was similar and I knew her husband didn't make much money and paid child support for his other kids out of his check. I was pretty sure the OT money went to the downpayment, but I could not figure out how they could pay the mortgage on that house and the note on that car plus take care of their 3 kids on their salaries. I wanted to ask how they could afford all that soooooo bad.

A few years later, we were a bit closer as friends. I'm one of the few people that know the house was foreclosed on and the car was repossessed. I guess that was my answer, they couldn't afford it.

I have another one I want to shake some sense into. Her lifestyle looks nice and fun, but it's propped up with a lot of debt even though she works overtime. 2 Mortgages and a nice apartment, payments on 2 luxury vehicles, and credit cards. We talk about money but I don't dare say anything about her vehicles. I do tell her she needs to pay the cc's off and leave them alone. She says if you work every day, you should have what you want.

[Ava]

I am in the process of refinancing my condo through Harp2. A very good friend of mine bought her house around the same time I bought the condo, and her interest rate was the same; 6.875.
I called her and explained about Harp 2. She called the bank and is also refinancing.
She and her husband will save $ 250 a month in mortgage payment. I asked her what she intended to do with the money, and she said they'll spend it in wants such as theater, dining out, buying stuff, etc.
They make $ 75000 a year combined, have only one child who is 18 now, and they are up to their eyeballs in consumer debt.
When she told me they are going to just spend the $ 250 a month, I bit my tongue.

[doxieluvr]

Jun 8, 2012 14:01:04 GMT -5 Sum Dum Gai said:

It would be interesting to see how I am doing compared to my circle of friends.

Totally. I have my hunches about who doesn't save for retirement, who might have piles of credit card debt, who has their act together, but it would be cool to see if I'm right or totally off base.

I had an interesting conversation with my uncle last night.

We started the conversation, talking about his friend that is buying a $35k bike. This same friend eats out, lives in a huge beautiful house, and has the latest and greatest of everything. I then said if I could take a guess, I would assume the friend has tons of debt and very little savings.

My uncle has always lived frugal, lives in a modest house, drives older cars, owns 4-5 houses. I then told him, that he portrays a picture that he has his financial house put together.

He then laughed and said I had it backwards. His friend has tons of money to back the life he portrays. My uncle said he is broke with three kids in college.

[doxieluvr]

Jun 8, 2012 14:07:11 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I have had two co-workers tell me they just assume they will always have a car payment and just think it is part of their budget like a mortgage/rent

My dh just said that last month.

[resolution]

I have a friend that is concerned about her husband. She says he saves way too much for retirement and doesn't spend enough now. She is worried that when they retire he won't be able to unwind and enjoy the money that he worked so hard to save. I am dying to ask how much they are saving but I have just bitten my tongue so far. I am very impressed with him though.

[zibazinski]

You need to balance. These forums have made me much more careful. I always had a job so I always had a paycheck. My retirement was cut by two thirds so that is going to be the joke that SS has been. Fortunately, I didn't count on either one for retirement. What I did count on was rental income and after soaking several K into a rental and working my butt off as well to get it ready, it didn't rent. To add insult to injury, I had to turn it over to a property manager who told me it was rented so I told others that called on it that it was. Guess what?! It wasn't so I reamed her a new one about it isn't rented until the lease is signed and you have the deposit! I should have to tell a PROFESSIONAL this? Plus, I have two sets of movers coming from two different states with stuff from both houses! Yikes, I'm a bit stressed at the moment. But that's another 6k in moving expenses with a rental that isn't rented. Hello world.

[Gardening Grandma]

Jun 9, 2012 7:21:52 GMT -5 resolution said:

I have a friend that is concerned about her husband. She says he saves way too much for retirement and doesn't spend enough now. She is worried that when they retire he won't be able to unwind and enjoy the money that he worked so hard to save. I am dying to ask how much they are saving but I have just bitten my tongue so far. I am very impressed with him though.

I am impressed with your ability to bite your tongue. I'd sure be tempted to ask....