Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 8, 2012 12:14:47 GMT -5
I saw the "testicular cancer" thread and this was true then, as well. Four or five people ganging up on her on the anniversary of her mother's death. It was pretty disgusting. Back the hell up...it was not on the anniversary of her mother's death...unless you aren't talking about me. She was going on and on about something and I jokingly said to her (as I have to other people) "I see someone's mom didn't breastfeed her"...she FLIPPED on me because I was supposed to know that her mom died of breast cancer...there was never any mention of it being the anniversary of her death nor had there been any previous mention of how her mom even died. So...I guess I need to ask every poster to send me their family history so I don't accidentally joke about a sensitive topic?
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 8, 2012 12:15:02 GMT -5
It was a leap, and obvious (to everyone but her) that the comment was in jest, but the tone didn't get any better once the news about her mother's death came out.
JMO. Didn't mean to revive an old thread. But it does seem that a few posters have a gift for sensing weakness - and then putting the knife in just a little more. It worries me that one of these days, the "joking" and "honesty" is going to go too far and someone will be hurt. I was getting that vibe from Shasta's thread.
And FWIW, I don't remember who else was posting on that thread, just that it got pretty nasty.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,206
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 8, 2012 12:15:04 GMT -5
TT took an offhanded joke about boobs to heart. It is not the poster's fault that TT was hurt by what was said, since it was intended to be funny, not malicious. I was on that thread, nobody was deliberately Nobody knew that TT's mother had died of breast cancer, many posters even apologized but TT continued on the war path wishing pretty much everyone on the thread cancer and bad juju. That was when she got back what she gave.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 23, 2024 4:47:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2012 12:15:18 GMT -5
Exactly! Thanks swasat. ETA: You too, DQ!
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,931
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Jun 8, 2012 12:15:33 GMT -5
No kidding! Well said, BTW! Same to you! I'm usually a pretty mild person, and most of the time I could laugh at tt's comments, but after the constant "you only own a gun if" you're a thug, a criminal, insane, an angry maniac, whatever, I did point out to her that there was a whole different world out there, where there are trees and animals and people have guns because it's fun to shoot. That probably doesn't make me one of "the five" but maybe in someone's eyes...
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,206
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 8, 2012 12:17:45 GMT -5
I'm probably "one of the five" when I got peeved and pointed out the entire midwest isn't a barren wasteland full of potato farmers with no access to culture or modern medical care.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Apr 23, 2024 4:47:46 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2012 12:18:00 GMT -5
I am serious about being yin & yang. I told her my positive outlook was the yang to her negative one! ;D
|
|
Apple
Junior Associate
Always travel with a sense of humor
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:51:04 GMT -5
Posts: 9,931
Mini-Profile Name Color: dc0e29
|
Post by Apple on Jun 8, 2012 12:18:07 GMT -5
Ahhh, memories!
|
|
hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
|
Post by hoops902 on Jun 8, 2012 12:19:52 GMT -5
I'm probably "one of the five" when I got peeved and pointed out the entire midwest isn't a barren wasteland full of potato farmers with no access to culture or modern medical care. I was probably the other 4 of 5.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,206
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 8, 2012 12:20:31 GMT -5
She could have at least called us corn/soy farmers, get your facts straight people.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 8, 2012 12:20:49 GMT -5
I saw the "testicular cancer" thread and this was true then, as well. Four or five people ganging up on her on the anniversary of her mother's death. It was pretty disgusting. I read that thread too though did not participate in it. As apple and beerwench mentioned, it was tt who started the negativity and name calling. No one knew that it was her mother's death anniversary. She started spitting out cuss words and what not and the thread derailed from there. In the that thread at least I will give full credit to Miss Tequila that she did not take it to heart and made fun of all things tt threw at her. tt was pretty nasty and thats why she got ganged up on. The posters here can't be blamed for joking on a thread if they have NO IDEA about another poster's private life or frame of mind. Aww...thanks! I should have read further before I replied. I know a lot of you do not really know me on this board, but I am NOT a mean and malicious person. I like to joke around and have fun and that was what I was trying to do with TT. I had NO IDEA what her mom died from and it was most certainly not the anniversary of her death. Not once did I ever get mean or malicious in that thread....no matter was TT said to me, I turned it into a joke. FFS, it's the internet, I'm not going to take insults personally! of course, me joking about her insults really pushed her buttons and I will admit, that made me laugh even more. Ididin't participate in the SVT thread but I obviously did in the Shasta threads. I was never mean or malicious. I have a different outlook that a lot of the other posters and truly have a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" personality. What I said to Shasta I woudl say and have said to my own family members and friends.
|
|
hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
|
Post by hoops902 on Jun 8, 2012 12:21:22 GMT -5
She could have at least called us corn/soy farmers, get your facts straight people. Or referenced how incredibly good looking we all are.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 8, 2012 12:23:25 GMT -5
It was a leap, and obvious (to everyone but her) that the comment was in jest, but the tone didn't get any better once the news about her mother's death came out. JMO. Didn't mean to revive an old thread. But it does seem that a few posters have a gift for sensing weakness - and then putting the knife in just a little more. It worries me that one of these days, the "joking" and "honesty" is going to go too far and someone will be hurt. I was getting that vibe from Shasta's thread. And FWIW, I don't remember who else was posting on that thread, just that it got pretty nasty. Well the only tone she got from me was continued laughter...not once did I get mean or vicious on that thread. And how do I say this nicely, if someone is unstable enough that they are going to take words from anonymous posters to heart, then they really need to step away from teh computer and seek professional help.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 8, 2012 12:24:51 GMT -5
But it does seem that a few posters have a gift for sensing weakness - and then putting the knife in just a little more. It worries me that one of these days, the "joking" and "honesty" is going to go too far and someone will be hurt. I was getting that vibe from Shasta's thread. I don't agree with you there, but we'll just have to agree to disagree. This is an anonymous message board. Not a psychiatrist ward. Just as we don't know the intentions of trolls or people making rude comments we don't know the veracity of the life issues of some posters. If someone posts something sensitive then they WILL get all kids of responses. If the OP doesn't like it then he/she can always ask for the thread to be locked or deleted. Other than mods, no-one can control what anyone else posts. And no-one should because everyone's tolerance level is different. Whats seems mean to you might not seem mean to me. That's why I liked the way lexpenguin handled her thread. She didn't like the way her thread was heading she stopped posting and went away. The thread died down after a few pages. Shasta on the other hand gave fuel to fodder by coming back and once again berating everything and everyone before she left. Again.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 8, 2012 12:25:34 GMT -5
So it's not mean or malicious to deliberately push someone's buttons when they're obviously on the edge? Just because you take things as a joke doesn't mean others do. Most posters are thick-skinned enough to let remarks roll off their backs... but not all are. I'm not saying we have to coddle everyone, but if someone is obviously quite upset, maybe just let it go? (Talking to you too, Hoops...) And I'm not trying to be a bitch. Most of the time, I agree with you. And Hoops. (And Swasat, I think this is the only time we've ever had to agree to disagree ) But sometimes it just goes too far. And we don't know everyone's back story, but when it DOES come out, and people keep piling on, it makes us all look bad.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,306
|
Post by swamp on Jun 8, 2012 12:27:19 GMT -5
I'm probably "one of the five" when I got peeved and pointed out the entire midwest isn't a barren wasteland full of potato farmers with no access to culture or modern medical care. Im one of them too because I continually reminded her that there is a whole 'nother part of NY out there that is not NYC. And that upstate is not Westchester.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 8, 2012 12:28:25 GMT -5
And how do I say this nicely, if someone is unstable enough that they are going to take words from anonymous posters to heart, then they really need to step away from teh computer and seek professional help. Exactly. I was told by Shasta once that since I grew up in a privileged background I can never ever empathize with her. Huh? So I have to get cancer to understand how much a cancer patient suffers?
|
|
Green Eyed Lady
Senior Associate
Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 11:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 19,629
|
Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 8, 2012 12:30:58 GMT -5
I rather think it's the people who come here specifically to dig at people and push their buttons are the ones who should consider hitting that big red "x" and seeking psychiatric help. Not the people who still have the ability to laugh AND cry. Not the ones who realize there are real people behind the screens and not just targets for some stupid junior high game. It's all fun and games to dig at somebody until you dig deep enough that you actually hit something. Then it's not so funny anymore and everybody was just "teasing".
|
|
hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
|
Post by hoops902 on Jun 8, 2012 12:32:22 GMT -5
Talking to me? I don't think I ever make jokes that people take the wrong way. I think people get upset at me for the non-jokes.
That said, if you're obviously quite upset, and you're not in a position to take someone's opinion, then walk away. I'm not concerned one bit about what other posters want or can handle, we're all adults, I figure let each decide for themselves. If you want to be coddled, slap me on ignore. If you don't want to do that, then leave the discussion. I give everyone credit for being an adult and knowing what they can take and what they want to take. You're absolutely right in that I don't worry about deciding for others what they can take or not. It's fairly easy to disengage from a conversation on an internet message board if you can't handle it at the time.
You don't get to spout off at the mouth about your opinions and have no dissenters just because you're emotionally weaker than others.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 8, 2012 12:32:35 GMT -5
And there's a difference between a couple of people sniping back and forth at each other and five or ten posters all ganging up on one person.
I'm just as guilty of the same thing on Doxie threads. Luckily she seems to be able to take it in stride.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 8, 2012 12:34:11 GMT -5
So it's not mean or malicious to deliberately push someone's buttons when they're obviously on the edge? Just because you take things as a joke doesn't mean others do. Most posters are thick-skinned enough to let remarks roll off their backs... but not all are. I'm not saying we have to coddle everyone, but if someone is obviously quite upset, maybe just let it go? (Talking to you too, Hoops...) And I'm not trying to be a bitch. Most of the time, I agree with you. And Hoops. (And Swasat, I think this is the only time we've ever had to agree to disagree ) But sometimes it just goes too far. And we don't know everyone's back story, but when it DOES come out, and people keep piling on, it makes us all look bad. let's see...TT was threating to beat me up, asking me to meet her so she could kick my ass, wishing death on me...but I'm the bad guy because I would give her a smart ass reply? I even said early on that there was no way for me to know about her mom and that I was literally just cracking a joke, but she just kept going and going....so no, I do not think I was even remotely in the wrong....
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,206
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jun 8, 2012 12:35:02 GMT -5
It's all fun and games to dig at somebody until you dig deep enough that you actually hit something.But how are we supposed to know that? Sure the breastfeeding comment Tina made was a dig but who the hell was supposed to know that it would translate into someone taking it as a dig against breast cancer? What are we supposed to do PM everyone to make sure what we post doesn't hit some sore spot? If anyone should have taken offense to Tina's comment it should have been me, since I breastfed.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 8, 2012 12:35:05 GMT -5
And there's a difference between a couple of people sniping back and forth at each other and five or ten posters all ganging up on one person. I'm just as guilty of the same thing on Doxie threads. Luckily she seems to be able to take it in stride. So because you gang up on soemone that isn't mentally unstable, it's ok. I joke with someone who goes off the deep end and I'm the bad guy?
|
|
hoops902
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Posts: 11,978
|
Post by hoops902 on Jun 8, 2012 12:35:30 GMT -5
"Then it's not so funny anymore and everybody was just "teasing"."
For as mean as people want to say I am, I agree with you on this. I've never offended anyone and then said "oh I was teasing, etc" (mostly due to the fact my jokes are stupid and impossible to take seriously). Though I've definitely seen some quite obvious jokes from other posters cause flip-outs for no apparent reason. We're not responsible for knowing what everyone's buttons are. Again, if you don't like it, don't engage. But you don't get to poke at people, and then cry foul when you get poked back because they happened upon a genuinely sore spot.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,306
|
Post by swamp on Jun 8, 2012 12:35:43 GMT -5
TT gave as good as she got.
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 8, 2012 12:36:05 GMT -5
Talking to me? I don't think I ever make jokes that people take the wrong way. I think people get upset at me for the non-jokes. That said, if you're obviously quite upset, and you're not in a position to take someone's opinion, then walk away. I'm not concerned one bit about what other posters want or can handle, we're all adults, I figure let each decide for themselves. If you want to be coddled, slap me on ignore. If you don't want to do that, then leave the discussion. I give everyone credit for being an adult and knowing what they can take and what they want to take. You're absolutely right in that I don't worry about deciding for others what they can take or not. It's fairly easy to disengage from a conversation on an internet message board if you can't handle it at the time. You don't get to spout off at the mouth about your opinions and have no dissenters just because you're emotionally weaker than others. JFC...now I have to give hoops Karma!! Do you know how much it pains me to give hoops karma???
|
|
Green Eyed Lady
Senior Associate
Look inna eye! Always look inna eye!
Joined: Jan 23, 2012 11:23:55 GMT -5
Posts: 19,629
|
Post by Green Eyed Lady on Jun 8, 2012 12:36:30 GMT -5
It's all fun and games to dig at somebody until you dig deep enough that you actually hit something.But how are we supposed to know that? Sure the breastfeeding comment Tina made was a dig but who the hell was supposed to know that it would translate into someone taking it as a dig against breast cancer? What are we supposed to do PM everyone to make sure what we post doesn't hit some sore spot? If anyone should have taken offense to Tina's comment it should have been me, since I breastfed. Do you mean to tell me that you were unable to recognize that TT was getting upset? I'm quite certain the remark was in jest. I do that all the time because I like to laugh so I try to make others laugh. But if I find somebody isn't laughing, I back off.
|
|
swamp
Community Leader
Don't be a fool. Call me!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,306
|
Post by swamp on Jun 8, 2012 12:37:01 GMT -5
"Then it's not so funny anymore and everybody was just "teasing"." For as mean as people want to say I am, I agree with you on this. I've never offended anyone and then said "oh I was teasing, etc" (mostly due to the fact my jokes are stupid and impossible to take seriously). Though I've definitely seen some quite obvious jokes from other posters cause flip-outs for no apparent reason. We're not responsible for knowing what everyone's buttons are. Again, if you don't like it, don't engage. But you don't get to poke at people, and then cry foul when you get poked back because they happened upon a genuinely sore spot. dammit, I'm agreeing with Hoops again.
|
|
swasat
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 13, 2011 9:34:28 GMT -5
Posts: 3,735
|
Post by swasat on Jun 8, 2012 12:37:30 GMT -5
And there's a difference between a couple of people sniping back and forth at each other and five or ten posters all ganging up on one person. And how many times have you seen that one here.....? Doxie threads, yes. But i consider doxie to be in a different class altogether. We already discussed tt. Who else? Shasta? She always had a HUGE peeve against the system and would get riled up with anything remotely associated with the welfare system. I understand she was in a difficult state. But many times she was the one who started debating welfare, govt policies, lack of jobs and lack of healthcare.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Jun 8, 2012 12:38:48 GMT -5
Did I say it was OK when I did it? I don't think it is.
As I've said several times, of course there are things people are going to take to heart for some completely random reason. We can't know what will set someone off. And it's not our responsibility to monitor everyone else's reaction to innocuous comments. I agree with Hoops there.
But when the person has obviously been set off, and starts alluding to suicide, or saying completely crazy things, and people continue to egg them on (or talk shit after they've deleted their accounts)... well, that's a problem. But I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on that point.
|
|