Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 9:24:41 GMT -5
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mandyms
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Post by mandyms on Jun 6, 2012 9:42:50 GMT -5
I read that before and try to remember it as often as possible.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jun 6, 2012 9:57:36 GMT -5
God, I see this ALL THE TIME. Now, I don't have a smart phone and rarely use my prepaid cell so I may be biased, but I cannot believe how many parents take their kids to gymnastics/swimming/etc and don't look up from their phone the entire lesson. It especially irks me when a kid on my DC's class is misbehaving and the teacher is struggling to continue with the class and the parent is right there but oblivious because they are watching their phone. And then the lesson ends and the parent is gushing to their child about how great the class was. Personally, my DD's weekly gymnastics class is very spiritual for me. It is my time to sit and watch her and think about her and what is going on in her life. Things I need to tweak to get her past a hurdle. And since she always does just a little bit better every week at learning some technical skill, I get to watch the expression on her face when she realizes she just mastered something. I **LOVE** it! Then when the class is over we can talk about different moves she did that day and her triumphs/failures. I wonder about the dynamics of families like the kid I mentioned. Obviously the kid learned that her mom either a) is lying because she didn't pay attention to her, or b) saw what was happening and approved. Neither option is good. You can pretty much predict the teen years there. Someone once made the comment to me that you only have about 12 years where you are the most important person in your child's life. After that, you will be #2-10 depending on their friends, their spouse, their children. Parenting is hard and often mundane, but I try to find meaning and joy in as many moments as possible as I know it will end too quickly.
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jeffreymo
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Post by jeffreymo on Jun 6, 2012 10:11:35 GMT -5
Thanks for posting this.
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Taxman10
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Post by Taxman10 on Jun 6, 2012 10:20:02 GMT -5
if women weren't always running off to work and actually spent some time with their kids, they wouldn't "need" an iphone to distract them even more...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 10:22:58 GMT -5
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 6, 2012 10:30:57 GMT -5
Not original in the least. Sounds like an MU drone clone, dragging knuckles and all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 10:32:22 GMT -5
Not original in the least. Sounds like an MU drone clone, dragging knuckles and all. I think he's MU's protegé.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 6, 2012 10:47:29 GMT -5
"they wouldn't "need" an iphone to distract them even more... " Good moms don't need iphones to distract them at sporting events...for good moms, the sippy cup full of wine is sufficient to make it bearable
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 10:48:29 GMT -5
<< adds sippy cup and wine to her shopping list >>
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 10:58:57 GMT -5
A couple of years ago I was at my daughter's swimming lesson. The parents all sit behind a large window and are able to watch their kids swim with the instructor. One family came to watch their daughter's lesson. The mom and the dad had another younger daughter with them. During the entire lesson, the mom and dad were on the phones on FB communicating with each other even though the dad was sitting right behind the mom. The younger daughter tried and tried to get their attention and they both ignored her the entire time. She was the sweetest little girl and she never complained, but you could see how sad she was. It made me sick.
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mandyms
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Post by mandyms on Jun 6, 2012 11:11:22 GMT -5
"they wouldn't "need" an iphone to distract them even more... " Good moms don't need iphones to distract them at sporting events...for good moms, the sippy cup full of wine is sufficient to make it bearable I thought is was vodka or gin (which ever one doesn't smell) so the rest of the parents wouldn't know (to either judge you or ask for a sip).
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 6, 2012 11:12:36 GMT -5
"I thought is was vodka or gin (which ever one doesn't smell) so the rest of the parents wouldn't know (to either judge you or ask for a sip). " I had to give up vodka after the last "martini incident" And I haven't been able to drink gin since the 9th grade "gin incident".....come to think of it, the list of alcohol that I haven't had incidents with is a lot shorter
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 11:13:51 GMT -5
"I thought is was vodka or gin (which ever one doesn't smell) so the rest of the parents wouldn't know (to either judge you or ask for a sip). " I had to give up vodka after the last "martini incident" you mean when you "butt dial" posted on FB? Mandy - use Everclear. Odorless, colorless, and virtually tasteless.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jun 6, 2012 11:16:47 GMT -5
"you mean when you "butt dial" posted on FB? " LOL...ummm, yeah
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cronewitch
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Post by cronewitch on Jun 6, 2012 11:23:03 GMT -5
if women weren't always running off to work and actually spent some time with their kids, they wouldn't "need" an iphone to distract them even more... Same can be said for men, most run off to work and miss most of the children's childhood. I worked for a CPA that was working 7days a week for 4 months every year. His son was asleep when he left for work and in bed before he got home so he didn't see him at all in tax season. All parents should refuse to work until the children are grown. . I have always said I will wait until I am 65 to have children so I can stay home and enjoy them.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Jun 6, 2012 11:30:47 GMT -5
<<Cannot wait to read about Crone in the Guiness Book of World Records>>
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 6, 2012 11:47:21 GMT -5
The part that I hate in all of these types of allegories are when the author invariably pays lip service to a bunch of counterpoints, then says "but my point takes priority". This author does it at the end with "yes your job is important..... but you don't have to let those interfere".
I have been having this argument with DW a bit. Her responsibilities at work have increased, and the culture is that in cases like this, people do check work e-mails around the clock. Its not a big problem, but I can see it getting there, and some days its just a pain in the ass. She looks at the phone in the morning when she gets up, she looks at it at night when we go to bed. So far its only been the case when there is a pressing deadline, and I understand that. I am sincerely hoping it doesn't get to the point where it is constant.
But its very easy to tell someone ELSE "just ignore that e-mail from your boss" or "that deliverable isn't THAT important". Its quite another matter to act on the same advice yourself.
Its also a double-edged sword. We all have to put in extra hours at times. But when people assume that because you put in extra hours for a critical deadline, you'll do the same "just because" then that becomes a problem that needs to be throttled.
It would be one thing if she was making like $150k. But for her current salary, I don't think its worth being digitally tethered. I'm a buffoon but I make about 40% more than she does, and I never put in OT.
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mandyms
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Post by mandyms on Jun 6, 2012 11:49:50 GMT -5
Mandy - use Everclear. Odorless, colorless, and virtually tasteless. Good to know, although I think Everclear is illegal in Ohio...
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jun 6, 2012 12:33:57 GMT -5
For me, it was less the phone as it was realizing I allow a lot of unimportant things to become distractions. Phone, TV, computer, things that don't really matter in the end. There's more than enough time for all of that after DD goes to bed. It was a good reminder to be mindful of those distractions and to seek to minimize them whenever possible.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 12:53:57 GMT -5
The part that I hate in all of these types of allegories are when the author invariably pays lip service to a bunch of counterpoints, then says "but my point takes priority". This author does it at the end with "yes your job is important..... but you don't have to let those interfere". I have been having this argument with DW a bit. Her responsibilities at work have increased, and the culture is that in cases like this, people do check work e-mails around the clock. Its not a big problem, but I can see it getting there, and some days its just a pain in the ass. She looks at the phone in the morning when she gets up, she looks at it at night when we go to bed. So far its only been the case when there is a pressing deadline, and I understand that. I am sincerely hoping it doesn't get to the point where it is constant. But its very easy to tell someone ELSE "just ignore that e-mail from your boss" or "that deliverable isn't THAT important". Its quite another matter to act on the same advice yourself. Its also a double-edged sword. We all have to put in extra hours at times. But when people assume that because you put in extra hours for a critical deadline, you'll do the same "just because" then that becomes a problem that needs to be throttled. It would be one thing if she was making like $150k. But for her current salary, I don't think its worth being digitally tethered. I'm a buffoon but I make about 40% more than she does, and I never put in OT. I think sam814 addresses your point well. There are other times in your day when you could be working on work stuff, like after your kids are in bed. I would consider it rude to talk on the phone constantly if I was in your presence, so how is a child supposed to feel?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jun 6, 2012 13:17:26 GMT -5
I wonder if my parents watched every moment of my games when I was younger? In a game like baseball, your kid might be idle for a good portion of time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 13:19:46 GMT -5
I wonder if my parents watched every moment of my games when I was younger? In a game like baseball, your kid might be idle for a good portion of time. I think the focus of the article is learning to create better boundaries between your work time, personal leisure time, and family time.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jun 6, 2012 13:26:55 GMT -5
I wonder if my parents watched every moment of my games when I was younger? In a game like baseball, your kid might be idle for a good portion of time. I think the focus of the article is learning to create better boundaries between your work time, personal leisure time, and family time. Great article!!! My kids were young before the era of smart phones, so at least we didn't have those distractions. Now that they are teens, we now have a strict rule about no cell phones/texting while eating. This is basically the same rule when I was growing up, we were now allowed to answer the home phone (no answering machine) during dinner. It was rude to call people at dinner time. But nowadays some people kind of go overboard about attending every kids sports practice and games. I always went to every single game, but for things like practices it was either drop them off, or if it was more convenient just stay there and read a book (one of those actual books not e-books).
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milee
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Post by milee on Jun 6, 2012 13:53:05 GMT -5
I wonder if my parents watched every moment of my games when I was younger? In a game like baseball, your kid might be idle for a good portion of time. No idea, but when my youngest asked if he could play baseball, I just flat out said no. I get bored easily, neither my husband nor myself watch or care about sports, it's Florida so most of the year the practices are in 90+ degree heat w/no shade, and it looks like it takes years for the kids to be reasonably proficient and even then they spend most of the time doing nothing. No way - recipe for disaster. And yes, I know I'm not going to get Mother of the Year, but I'm a realist and I know what I can do and what my kids can do and know better than to set everybody up for this type of disaster. Don't worry too much about the little guy, though, he does Tae Kwon Do, sails and swims several times a week. He's active in sports that either I can participate in too (sailing and swimming) or don't die of heat and boredom watching (Tae Kwon Do).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2012 14:04:01 GMT -5
I read my iphone when DS is swimming. I also talk to him and watch him part of the time. Am I the only one who remembers parents bringing books to games or events or even dropping off their kids and coming back?
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jun 6, 2012 14:04:57 GMT -5
I read my iphone when DS is swimming. I also talk to him and watch him part of the time. Am I the only one who remembers parents bringing books to games or events or even dropping off their kids and coming back? My parents never watched practice and rarely watched games.
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Jun 6, 2012 14:13:43 GMT -5
I read my iphone when DS is swimming. I also talk to him and watch him part of the time. Am I the only one who remembers parents bringing books to games or events or even dropping off their kids and coming back? My parents never watched practice and rarely watched games. Oh! That's explaines why you are the way you are... And seriously! It is horrific article but thanks for sharing! Never thought about it...though I am not using much phone...I spend all that time online with you. Does it count as same?
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michelyn8
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Post by michelyn8 on Jun 6, 2012 15:08:14 GMT -5
I read my iphone when DS is swimming. I also talk to him and watch him part of the time. Am I the only one who remembers parents bringing books to games or events or even dropping off their kids and coming back? My parents never watched practice and rarely watched games. I vaguely remember my mother attending my softball games when I was 9 but it was my sister who got me to practices. Once I was in high school and participating in extra-curriculars, I got myself to the meetings, practices, etc. (usually walked since we lived less than a mile from school or bummed rides) I remember my mother attending one play I was in my junior year but that's it. I never considered her unsupportive just busy. She babysat my nieces until about 4 and cooked Daddy's dinner everyday so he could eat a "real" meal before going to work (second shift). My kids activities were at night and I either dropped them off or stayed depending. Parents weren't allowed in the room during dance classes so I either ran an errand or sat in my car and read. I was helping them between numbers at recitals so not in the audience but definately being supportive. When DD1 and DS were doing baseball, DD2 wasn't much more than 4 or 5. I was at the practices and games but my attention definately had to be divided because I wan't about to just let DD2 run loose around all those strangers.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Jun 6, 2012 17:52:59 GMT -5
I think balance is important. I don't want ds to think I'm always plugged in, but I don't want to be a helicopter parent monitoring his every move either.
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