Shared email accounts

[maryjane]

A couple of my girlfriends share their primary email account with their DH's. It is kind of weird, not because I am saying anything about their DH's, but because sometimes I don't want to share my girly messages with my friends DH's. I am sure it slices both ways. I mean, there are things I put in an email message to a close girlfriend that guys wouldn't want to know about. Probably just about everything.

What do you married folks think? Do you share a primary email account? Would you want to? What is the benefit?

[Deleted]

Yes, several of my friends have e-mails they share with their husbands, and I don't know why since there are so many easy ways to get a free account of their own. I don't send anything I wouldn't want their DHs to see- I just find it strange. I don't think either DH nor I would enjoy sorting through a shared e-mail In Box to find what was directed to us individually.

[Opti]

I know at least two couples that do this as well. Basically I only email them things I feel I'm comfortable with both of them reading and feels appropriate for both to receive. So yes, I email less in that case because with non shared accounts you expect they are only going to share interesting stuff with their partner so you don't feel like you are boring or annoying someone.

[Deleted]

I don't get it either. I guess if the couple doesn't use email for anything but family stuff then I guess I understand that. But it's not that hard/cumbersome to get your own email account.

[yogiii]

My ILs have a shared account. I think they only get emails from family or things like banks, doc offices, etc. They still talk on the phone with friends as their main communication. Also, it's really more for MIL. I don't think FIL would email at all if he didn't know the pwd to her account. He wouldn't bother to set up his own. In their case, I don't think it's weird. For a younger couple, where both email friends etc. yes, I think it's weird.

[Deleted]

I have neighbors who shares their account. I've found when I email something to her, and if he intercepts it while she is at work, the message never gets passed along. It has caused some serious communication problems, now I just walk to her house if I need to talk with her.

[Deleted]

I don't put a lot of personal info into emails because you really don't know either way. So, you certainly wouldn't want to be talking about their spouse or anything like that which might be personal. Just better to email and say "call me" instead.

[milee]

Jun 6, 2012 6:11:40 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Yes, several of my friends have e-mails they share with their husbands, and I don't know why since there are so many easy ways to get a free account of their own. I don't send anything I wouldn't want their DHs to see- I just find it strange. I don't think either DH nor I would enjoy sorting through a shared e-mail In Box to find what was directed to us individually.

Exactly. I've also wondered if it's a control issue on the part of one of the spouses. Although I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where this is the case, there are plenty of people who don't trust each other and snoop in each other's wallets, receipts, phones, etc.

It's always seemed to me that the people who were the least trusting and most suspicious were the ones that were prone to lying themself. A prime example was one of my GFs who had a husband who had repeatedly cheated on her. They went to counseling to try to salvage the marriage and as part of counseling, they decided he would not keep secrets - no seperate cell phone, no passwords on the computers or accounts, etc. He then demanded that they share an email account so he could review all of her emails as well. His reasoning was that if she could go through all his mail, he should be able to do the same thing. She never told me she went through his stuff (she probably did, just didn't talk about it), but it was obvious that he was closely monitoring her messages, rooting through her receipts, etc. Creepy. I just stopped emailing her and called when there was something to share.

[spartan7886]

My inlaws share an email address too. I get the feeling that my MIL might not check it but about once or twice a week otherwise. She's not computer-incompetent, just has better things to do with her time than spend it on the computer. This way my FIL can tell her if somebody sends her something. He will log on to my DH's computer to check it if they're over at our house more than a few hours.

The last time I shared an email account was in the late 90s, and I was a child.

[raeoflyte]

My FIL checks my MIL's email for her...

[swamp]

I have a few friends that share email accounts and FB accounts. I think it's weird. I'm not hiding anything from DH, he has my passwords and I have his. They're actually kept on a list above the desktop computer in the office.

However, I use my email for work, and sometimes clients contact me on FB, so there are client confidentiality issues that require me to have separate accounts.

[973beachbum]

Jun 6, 2012 7:19:04 GMT -5 @moneyjenny82 said:

I don't get it either. I guess if the couple doesn't use email for anything but family stuff then I guess I understand that. But it's not that hard/cumbersome to get your own email account.

When we first got an email account we did just get the one. We still have it and it is used primarily for things like bank account statements, credit card statements and everything to do with the kids schools and sports. It is just easier to have it all in one place for either of us to look at rather than one of us getting it and having to remember to tell the other.

We do both now have another email account. Mine is mostly filled with junk from companies and FB things and his is filled with work stuff and his families stuff.

But sometimes if his or my computer is not working we will still use the others email. So even if it is a separate account I wouldn't count on their SO not seeing your email.

[alabamagal]

DH and I used to share a personal email account for friends/family/social issues. I had an email at work, and I really didn't see the need to have a personal email. However I quickly found out that DH and I are uncompatable email users - he wants to read and delete everything RIGHT AWAY and I leave things in my inbox FOREVER. He would read an email about sons boy scout activities then delete it and when it came time to go we would have forgotton time and place. So I soon got my own personal email.

He was the first to jion facebook, and we shared an account for a little bit. But once I found some old friends there, I soon started my own profile.

[The J]

When my grandmother was alive, my father's parents "shared" an email account. Of course, they didn't have email until they were around 80, and my grandmother never really went on the computer, so it was pointless for her to have one.

I would absolutely want my own email account if I were married. I could see setting up a joint account that is used for things like household banking/utilities/etc... (and if you have kids, for stuff relating to the kids), so both people have access to that stuff, but that would be a limited use account.

[kimber45]

DH and I share email as well as a FB account. Neither of us has any friends that aren't mutual. It has never been an issue. We also use our email for our business, so we get quite a few even with our spam filter.

[midjd]

Count me in the "it's kinda weird for people <80" camp. I have a few married friends who share a FB account, and I think (but am not sure) in each case it's because of cheating/control issues.

As far as shared email, I don't understand the convenience - it takes literally 2 seconds to forward something to DH if he needs to see it, it would take longer to scan through all the emails in a shared account to see which ones were mine.

[Deleted]

My DH shares one of my personal e-mail accounts. I hate it but he's too lazy to get one of his own. He doesn't use it much and only goes in to read e-mails that are sent to him. I don't have anything private that he can't see sent to me.

It's just annoying. It's just another thing that I have to sort through and ask if he needs it saved or deleted. He has a work e-mail but can't have personal items sent there.

He doesn't have a Facebook account so only I see items posted there.

[movingforward]

I think it is weird. My parents had a shared email account for years though. Mom passed away 2 yrs ago and my dad now has a "companion." He does not share an email address with her. They also keep their finances separate - thank God!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We share one because DH was so lax in checking his that Cox shut it down due to inactivity. If he wants a new one he has to be the one to call and reactive his account. He doesn't use email for much of anything so he doesn't bother with it.

Only time he uses my email is if he applies for supervisor positions. He finally figured out how to access his work email (after three years!) so he'll probably start using htat instead so he can check it at work.

It doesn't bother me that much. He never browses my emails. Mostly what I get is spam and then chain emails from my MIL.

The chain emails from MIL are the only downside of him not having an active account. When he did I gave her that email and let him deal with cleaning out his folder.

[lynnerself]

DH and I share our major e mail account. Its used for all financial, travel, family information. I also have a private account for chatting with family and friends and also for MBs like this.

[Abby Normal]

We used to have one shared account but spilt it off a couple years ago. We are involved in seperate activities that have a lot of group emails. We got tired of sorting through the ones that didn't apply to the individual specifically.

But we still have open email. I check his and he checks mine. Because one of us will be the main point of contact on a specific activity for the kids. If I don't check his mail, I never know what is going on with the baseball schedule for example. I've asked the coach about a thousand times to be added to the list, but it still hasn't happened. And heaven forbid DH should hit forward.

As for the "girly" stuff- someone mentioned- I would never email that. My friends do that face to face. Our emails generally consist of meet you here at 8:30.

[maryjane]

Jun 6, 2012 10:56:21 GMT -5 Abby Normal said:

.

As for the "girly" stuff- someone mentioned- I would never email that. My friends do that face to face. Our emails generally consist of meet you here at 8:30.

Interesting perspectives. Face to face would be great, but I don't live in the same time zone as either of these friends. We try and make a point to catch up once a week on the phone, but between kids and careers and completely different schedules, it isn't always possible.

[amishgal]

Add me to the "it's weird" camp. DH and I have never shared accounts, I don't want to read all his fishing crap and he sure as hell doesn't want to go through all of my "deals" emails either. If a mutual friend wants to email us both, it's very easy to cc a person. All financial stuff comes to my email and if it's relavant to him, I forward it.

Sorry Kimber, but shared FB accounts annoy the crap out of me! You never know who's posting! DH has a high school friend who shares with his wife and they'll wish each other Happy Birthday and stuff like that. Again, I don't need to see the news feed from all his high school and college friends or his fishing/hunting buddies and I know he feels the same way about mine.

[chen35]

I set up a shared Facebook account with DH and added him as a friend just to see what he would do (I know he hates them). He was so mad, it was hilarious! He made me delete it right away.

[muttleynfelix]

My DH uses my email account. He does have one for when he was doing consulting work, but he doesn't want to check multiple accounts. So, he just uses mine. Yes he is being lazy. But it works. He was terrible for the longest time about checking email before he got a smart phone. Plus he reads the emails my mom sends me to keep up on my elderly family members (nice so I don't have to repeat everything in the email or print it off, I just ask him if he read it). My parents also essentially share an email account. My dad has one at work, so if something needs to go directly to him, you send it there, but other than that you send it to the account at the house and mom gets it and takes care of it.

[Deleted]

My wife and I have our shared e-mail account but we also kept our e-mail accounts from before we we were together. My friends still send stuff to my e-mail and her friends send stuff to her e-mail. Our stuff together is sent to our shared account. Pretty simple.

[Deleted]

Weird. Very weird. (The Facebook profile too - sorry, kimber)

I'll make exceptions for a shared spam account and a shared online shopping account. I have free accounts for those purposes and would be willing to share them with someone I was sharing finances with.

Beyond that, I don't get the shared identity thing.

[kimber45]

Sorry Kimber, but shared FB accounts annoy the crap out of me! You never know who's posting!

LOL, no problem. When we post something individually, we usually sign our name after it so people know who posted it.

[milee]

Jun 6, 2012 9:09:17 GMT -5 kimber45 said:

DH and I share email as well as a FB account. Neither of us has any friends that aren't mutual. It has never been an issue. We also use our email for our business, so we get quite a few even with our spam filter.

Kimber, it's not an issue for you, but it may be uncomfortable for your friends. They may or may not even tell you that, they might just stop sending stuff because they think it's weird.

That's the problem with doing something that makes people uncomfortable, they're often too polite (or uncomfortable) to tell you that. Just a thought.

[kimber45]

Kimber, it's not an issue for you, but it may be uncomfortable for your friends. They may or may not even tell you that, they might just stop sending stuff because they think it's weird.


I never even thought of it that way, but I guess if they have a problem with it, oh well, don't be our friend