How To Be A Good Houseguest 101

[Firebird]

DO clean up after yourself. You might also offer to help the host tidy the kitchen or the living room after a meal. At the very least, clear your own plates.

DO make an effort to be sociable and polite to host's family/friends as well as host. Actively listen to other people's stories; be interested; do not interrupt.

DON'T be inflexible about plans; be willing to go with the flow a little bit.

DO treat your hosts to a meal or at least a drink, particularly if they've been cooking for you or buying you meals throughout the entire trip. Alternatively, if they have been driving you around a great deal, it's nice to offer them gas money.

If you bring children, DO supervise them with the host's pet(s) at all times, especially if said pets are not used to children.

If you need to argue with your spouse/traveling partner/kids, find a private place to do so - DON'T make your hosts uncomfortable by doing it in front of them.

DO be sensitive to the schedule of your host(s), particularly if they need to work while you're there. If they ask you to be ready to leave at a specific time, make a big effort to be ready to leave at that time or even a little bit before.

Have I left anything out?

[moxie]

I agree to everything you said, Firebird.

[Deleted]

But I'm on VACATION!!!

[Firebird]

beer!!!!

I just had to get that off my chest.

[Deleted]

damn, it would never occur to me to be that insensitive.

[Deleted]

People don't invite me to stay over.....I don't get it.

[alabamagal]

Jun 4, 2012 11:23:52 GMT -5 Firebird said:

DO clean up after yourself. You might also offer to help the host tidy the kitchen or the living room after a meal. At the very least, clear your own plates.

DO make an effort to be sociable and polite to host's family/friends as well as host. Actively listen to other people's stories; be interested; do not interrupt.

DON'T be inflexible about plans; be willing to go with the flow a little bit.

DO treat your hosts to a meal or at least a drink, particularly if they've been cooking for you or buying you meals throughout the entire trip. Alternatively, if they have been driving you around a great deal, it's nice to offer them gas money.

If you bring children, DO supervise them with the host's pet(s) at all times, especially if said pets are not used to children.

If you need to argue with your spouse/traveling partner/kids, find a private place to do so - DON'T make your hosts uncomfortable by doing it in front of them.

DO be sensitive to the schedule of your host(s), particularly if they need to work while you're there. If they ask you to be ready to leave at a specific time, make a big effort to be ready to leave at that time or even a little bit before.

Have I left anything out?

Sounds like you have had some great recent houseguests that prompted this!

[shanendoah]

For a second I was thinking- I remember that A&A were supposed to be visiting, but I can't imagine them being that bad, and then you mentioned kids, so I realized it must be family members. And that's where the problems come in.
When we have friends as houseguests, the friends know we are doing them a favor and it is appreciated. Often in families, you are not doing them a favor, you are doing what is expected of you. And often times, families have the misplaced theory of "the guest is always right" (kind of like the customer is always right and we all know that's wrong).
In order to get people away from that theory, you have to set your rules and live with them- including the negative consequences. If you have to be at work, and they want a ride to the train station with you, if they aren't ready on time, you leave. That means you hear them bitch, but it also means that next time, they'll be ready on time, or they'll rent their own car, or maybe even decide to stay at a hotel.

And I have to hope Princess Alien Cat gave the unruly child a reminder of her own on how to behave.

[Deleted]

I don't think it was friends, Shane.

[shanendoah]

MJ: I agree. It was almost certainly family. And having met FB's and her DH's family, I could probably also narrow it down as to who...

[Gardening Grandma]

firebird,
Do you have company?

[Deleted]

We just had houseguests over Memorial Day weekend and it worked out better than I expected. Fortunately, they were pretty low-maintenance. They tended to sleep in late, for one thing. They loved DH's cooking and they picked up the tab for lunch one day. Since they're retired priests and as poor as proverbial church mice, that was fine. I found I had a lot more in common with the wife than I expected- I'd met her only once before.

A few years ago I read a priceless article in the London Times by a woman who'd bought a house in the south of France. Unfortunately, the poor lady didn't set boundaries and she had a steady stream of "friends" parading in and out who treated the place as a hotel. She'd still be cleaning up after breakfast and they'd walk in, dripping water from their swim in the pool, and ask what was for lunch. She was going broke from the grocery shopping and from constantly replenishing the wine supply. She ended up selling the place.

[Formerly SK]

I'll add one:

DON'T complain about the quality/size of the guest bed. I'm not a freakin' hotel - my double is uncomfortable because you are so used to a king at home? Go stay somewhere else.

[Firebird]

For a second I was thinking- I remember that A&A were supposed to be visiting, but I can't imagine them being that bad, and then you mentioned kids, so I realized it must be family members. And that's where the problems come in.

It wasn't A&A (I am always delighted to have them stay over; they would never in a thousand years behave this way) but it wasn't family either. It was actually people I met on teh interwebz - not this site, obviously

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: When you haven't met people before and you don't know firsthand that they are cool to hang out with, do not invite them to stay with you for an entire weekend right off the bat. This sounds obvious now, and hopefully it's the kind of lesson I'll only need to learn once. Go for a meal or something; that way if it sucks, no one is on the hook for two whole days of ARGH!!!

Poor DH was an absolute saint. I owe him bigtime.

[Firebird]

DON'T complain about the quality/size of the guest bed. I'm not a freakin' hotel - my double is uncomfortable because you are so used to a king at home? Go stay somewhere else.

Bahahaha, that's a good one. I forgot another one, too.

DON'T read a freaking book during a MEAL that you're eating with your host(s). I find this so INCREDIBLY, FREAKING rude. You're supposed to be engaging socially. I read while I'm eating all the time, but only when it's just me eating - and MAYBE DH. Anyone else, you put the goddamn book down and have a conversation.

[Firebird]

And I have to hope Princess Alien Cat gave the unruly child a reminder of her own on how to behave.

The baby was actually my favorite guest! He was an absolute dollface, so squishy and huggable I wanted to keep him for my very own. And incredibly good natured considering the long journey and numerous excitements.

Kitty didn't know quite what to do with him, and he did enjoy chasing her around the living room. She was really stressed out Obviously she needs to learn how to deal with little kids, but I still felt bad for her.

[Deleted]

wow, that's incredibly trusting of you. Never in a million years would DH be okay with me bringing strangers home, let alone allowing them to stay the night. I've only met one YMer/PBer, and it was for a couple of hours at a marketplace.

[Firebird]

wow, that's incredibly trusting of you. Never in a million years would DH be okay with me bringing strangers home, let alone allowing them to stay the night. I've only met one YMer/PBer, and it was for a couple of hours at a marketplace.

I knew them quite a bit better than I know the average YMer - we met on a more closed-circuit blogging site years ago, so it's the kind of thing where I know a whole lot about their lives and it would not be difficult to find them if I had to for some reason.

It was more or less on par with meeting a long term pen pal. But apparently I didn't know them nearly as well as I thought I did

[shanendoah]

And this is why I did not stay at the cabin with you and all your friends for the wedding.
That way, if things went well (they did), I could drive up and hang out with everyone, but if I hadn't hit it off with your (or your friends) in person, I could have made excuses and spent the weekend haning out with my mom.

[InsertCoolName]

Hey Firebird. Me and my 5 kids are going to be in town and we need a place to crash for a few days/nights.

A few months ago I did have a dream/nightmare that I met someone from here, er well it was everyone from here but in just one body. Let me just say, everyone here morphed into 1 human body isn't cool.

[Sum Dum Gai]

You need to add a rule about giving more than two days notice before showing up with a 1 and 3 year old. My nieces are cute as hell, and my SIL is pretty awesome, but who flies from Hawaii to the mainland on only two days notice?

The phone conversation went something like this;

SIL: "Hey, are you guys busy this weekend?"

Me: "Yeah, extremely, why?"

SIL: "Oh, well I'll be in town with the kids. We haven't seen you guys in over a year so we should hang out."

Me: "Uh... this weekend like this weekend... the one that starts in two days?"

SIL: "Duh"

Me: "Uh... yeah... this weekend is probably the absolute worst weekend you could have picked. The girls have softball playoffs all weekend, Loop and I have already agreed to volunteer as score keepers and manning the ticket booths and stuff for the end of season carnival thing, her parents and sister are coming, (and I think we had something already planned for one of the nights too but can't remember what now).

SIL: "But we never see you guys. What if I stayed for a few days and you pulled the kids out of school for a few days?"

Me: "The kids have state testing all week, and Loop has a school board meeting on Monday and Wednesday."

We were able to squeeze in dinner with the kids, and then they went off to visit my SIL's family for a several weeks and we got to spend this weekend with them on their way back out to Hawaii, but that first phone conversation seriously sucked.

[Peace Of Mind]

Wow! I realize how lucky I was when Cheesy and I first met. I had invited her to stay the night the first time we met and she was lovely! We got along great and had lots to talk about. Being a night owl I was concerned about her being bored as she gets up at the time I usually go to bed. LOL! But it worked out just fine, she and DH hit it off, and we've been good friends ever since!

[Firebird]

And this is why I did not stay at the cabin with you and all your friends for the wedding.
That way, if things went well (they did), I could drive up and hang out with everyone, but if I hadn't hit it off with your (or your friends) in person, I could have made excuses and spent the weekend haning out with my mom.

As usual, you have all kinds of life things figured out ahead of me (Though I'm glad you did end up liking everyone and you certainly would have been welcome.)

[Firebird]

But it worked out just fine, she and DH hit it off, and we've been good friends ever since!

I've actually had only good experiences meeting YMers. redwagon, Dark, shanendoah, ABF (from the old WIR board), smartstart, Audrey, and probably a bunch of others have been awesome to hang out with and, in at least two cases, become very close friends of both mine and DH. I've also (usually) had really good luck with meeting people from this other site. I met one of my bridesmaids and dear friends through it, plus an ex boyfriend and a bunch of other friends.

It's funny, though, how you can feel like you know someone so well and then still be taken totally by surprise when you meet them in person. I'm either really naive, or I've met too many people who come across exactly as they do online - because I never expect anything different.

[Peace Of Mind]

Hell, FB - I get surprised by people I've known for years! There is just no way to know until you live with somebody. I've heard that from others that after they dated for years and then move in together and they are ! I didn't know that!! I can't deal with that, etc.!! Since you met so many people already I think just one being that way (so far) means you are a good judge of character.

I'm just surprised it wasn't Dark that made you post this.


I'm kidding! I LOVE Dark (in a platonic way)! ;D

[zibazinski]

Well, I just stayed 9 days with my aunt and uncle. I made sure she never came home to find laundry not done or a meal not ready. I also paid for any meal we ate out and bought them an Outback restaurant card before I left. I love those buy 50 and get 10 bucks extra! I cleaned my bathroom and hers when she wasn't looking. Her dogs shed big time. I think for their 55th aniiv, I'm buying her a Rumba.

[Sum Dum Gai]

I'm just surprised it wasn't Dark that made you post this.

Nope, I'm one of those what you read is what you get folks. If you hate me on here, you'll hate me in person. If you like me on here you'll like me in person. Either way though, no surprises.

[quotequeen]

Jun 4, 2012 11:23:52 GMT -5 Firebird said:

DO clean up after yourself. You might also offer to help the host tidy the kitchen or the living room after a meal. At the very least, clear your own plates.

On the other hand, though, don't just start doing things without asking. Some people are very particular about how their dishes get washed or where things are placed or whatever. If you just take it on yourself to start doing things you may find yourself with a rather unhappy host then as well.

[Deleted]

Dark, I would seriously love to hang out with you. If we do Comic Con San Diego one year, you better be there!

[Firebird]

Nope, I'm one of those what you read is what you get folks. If you hate me on here, you'll hate me in person. If you like me on here you'll like me in person. Either way though, no surprises.

It's true, you were just as I expected (in a good way). Now I'm wondering how I come across in person versus online... or don't I want to know?