Favoritism.. Is it ALWAYS a bad thing?

[Deleted]

Favoritism

1. The practice of giving preferential treatment to a person or persons.

2. A display of partiality toward a favored person or group.

3. The state of being held in special favor.

With whom have you shown favoritism towards?

a) One of your children?

b) A parent?

c) A colleague?

d) A friend over the other?

e) Who?

I think it is almost impossible to find ourselves never having shown favoritism in some manner or another.. To be brutally honest with myself first.. I have at times witnessed myself doing so with my own children. Imagine that! I gave to both my children on separate occasions without informing the other of my doing so a number of times. Yet, I love them both.

From A thru E. Have you ever found yourself in one of those favoritism predicaments over another? How did you justify your action(s)?

[MittenKitten]

Interesting topic. I'll bite.

a. For me in some ways it is not favortism with my kids as I have DS#1 who is 8 1/2 and can do more then my 3 1/2 YO DD. My DS#2 is 5 1/2 but is nonverbal autistic with lots of issues so while he does get excluded he doesn't know nor care. Oh and DSS who is 15 isn't here all the time, oh and he can have a bad attitude. So yeah the others do get favortism compared to DSS. I will say his attitude is getting better and it makes me more inclined to take him into account on things.

b) A parent? Well my mom needs more as she isn't very self sufficent and she spends lots of time here. Now she also favors me over my sister since my DSIS can be a major witch and doesn't have any patience for my mother.

c) A colleague? Don't have any of those now. I will say those that treated me with respect and were nice to me got more help and nudges to get the things they had to do that I reported on.

d) A friend over the other? Nope, I just don't have a ton of real life friends.

e) Who? My whole life right now is my kids so already covered this one.

[thyme4change]

I can't stand when people say "My boss plays favorites" - well no frickin' duh. This isn't your family, you don't have to love everyone equally. I pick favorites too. If I like working with someone and they get the job done, and they anticipate my needs - yup - favorite. Damn right they are going to get the best projects and rewarded. If you don't like it, DO A BETTER JOB. Or sit around and whine and complain...that will help. I will instantly start liking you better.

[Deleted]

If what you are saying is true and I believe it makes a lot of sense, then why does showing favoritism get such a bad rap?

It really is impossible to not allow others actions determine, be they positive or negative effect our response to needs, wants, recommendations, honorariums, promotion, etc in others lives.. Even our children, I can hear you saying, Mitten.

And Thyme.. Why wouldn't there be "special" honor given to those who gave their best that passed tests to whom it concerned? I fully understand your heart felt strong stance on the matter..

But.. Favoritism has still been given a bad rap.. We tend to say we don't show favoritism, but upon close examination maybe we do?

[Deleted]

Part B.

Are we accused of favoritism because we didn't tell the other(s) what things we did privately for someone? I often wonder.

[Spellbound454]

I got accused of having favourites in a class of kids.

To which I replied.

"I never have favourites... I don't like any of you" ;D

[Deleted]

[Artemis Windsong]

This response covers a - e so just change the person.

I show favoritism toward my GKs. The ones that call and come over are favored. I feel ignored and slighted by the others.

I was in a favored position a couple of times for jobs. I blew both of them because I didn't have the maturity to stand my ground nor the back up support to bounce coping ideas off of.

Part B - if you keep your mouth shut about it, no one can comment or accuse. Yet, you don't get the kudos either.

[Deleted]

Part B - if you keep your mouth shut about it, no one can comment or accuse. Yet, you don't get the kudos either.

Very true.

But ya know, Art.. Kudos, out of gratitude, should really come from the person being favored whether they are aware of their position of being favored or not... There are many occasions when favoritism is shown unbeknown to the recipient(s), not knowing who was behind their favor. But, oh when the recipient(s) finds out who did what for them.. Wild horses can't keep them from telling their world.. I like those kinds of kudos..

Yet, another emotion arises from onlookers who don't rejoice with you.. It's called "jealousy".. Have any jealous-ees in your life? They are mean and nasty.. Somehow, jealousy feels as if they've been robbed. I know. I speak from experience in past instances. For shame, I know. Keeps me from finger-pointing and also keeps my emotions under wraps too.

I appreciate the honesty of everyone.. I thought I was the only one who've shown favoritism and the sometimes guilt that comes with it (at times).

[naggie1972]

I think I have clearly shown favoritism to my mother over my sperm donor, even from an early age.

[Deleted]

Naggie. I am relatively certain your heart leaned into and toward the heart, the parent, that leaned towards you and for your good.. I think most parents meant well at some point with the little knowledge they had concerning raising their children.. Before all went awry..

Sadly, some were just in it for the "ride"..

[Deleted]

Toughtimes.. Sadly, I agree with you when favoritism shows up in the way in which you speak in any arena.

Favoritism can be both good and evil.

[toomuchreality]

good topic!

I agree with pretty much everything said thus far, on this topic. Kudos to you all, for having real opinions and thoughts about this. Not
just saying something that you've heard all your life!
While I agree, we all do it. And there are times when it is more appropriate/justified, there are also times when it can be blatant, and hurtful. As I watched my mother years ago, buying anything, and everything for her first grandchild, I couldn't help but feel hurt/left out/envious/even a little jealous that she wouldn't be doing the same for the child I was carrying, when it was born. I know it was her first GC, and all that (her choice), yet there still was/is a little resentment on my part. Does that make me bad/wrong, if she was right?
This particular child grew up being very spoiled, which in turn, showed in her personality. Thus, I treat her differently than I do the others. I've noticed that other people do, as well. And comments about her being a brat, or a snob have been made also. -Not that I think it is right. Or okay.

In this incidence, I'd say favoritism did not necessarily do this child any favors. On one hand she got more, but on the other hand, she got far less.

It is times such as these, in which I think favoritism is not so good. It had a negative impact, in one way or another, on pretty much everyone. Even my mother, although I doubt she knew or recognized it, for what it was for.

Favoritism can be a motivating factor as well. Such as has been described in earlier posts. In those situations, I suppose it's more of a good thing.

Over all, I think I'd still give it a bad wrap. My guess is that favoritism has hurt more people, and hurt deeper, than the number of people that it has helped.

I vote: Two thumbs down on this one.


Wouldn't you say the same thing about JUDGEMENTS? That we all have/do them, and that they can be both good and bad?
>Every time a choice and/or a decision is made, it is a judgement.... IMO


It's all in how it is used, and presented.... (as well as perceived)

GOOD QUESTION!

[Deleted]

It's all in how it is used, and presented.... (as well as perceived)

Tmr. Perception is everything in some cases and then there's truth.

I think there are those who show favoritism who could care less if it is seen or known by others.. More than not the favored one begins to sense they are favored and depending on the personality, can become the biggest snob ever.. Their props? The one favoring them of course who keeps them pumped and propped! Eventually that snob will hold their nose so high in the air it'll take three braided ropes and ten inch stakes to keep them grounded.. I'm not saying this was the extreme happening in your situation, but I do understand your thumbs down on blatant and undue favoritism..

By the way, I am sorry you had to experience this in your life.