thyme4change
Community Leader
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 15, 2012 17:28:56 GMT -5
When Chuck Norris breaks the law, it doesn't heal.
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beenherebefore
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2012 17:07:23 GMT -5
Posts: 761
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Post by beenherebefore on Feb 15, 2012 17:44:23 GMT -5
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
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Malarky
Junior Associate
Truth and snark are equal opportunity here.
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 21:00:51 GMT -5
Posts: 5,313
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Post by Malarky on Feb 15, 2012 19:16:48 GMT -5
If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
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Deleted
Joined: Jun 2, 2024 5:00:56 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2012 19:18:25 GMT -5
Okay I give but it is you'all's fault if it gets locked or shifted to EE Land.  Hey, I said topical Chuck Norris jokes. Chuck Norris graduated magna semen laude from the electoral college. He majored in freedom. And roundhouse kicks. |
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Deleted
Joined: Jun 2, 2024 5:00:56 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2012 19:25:02 GMT -5
Under Obama's new budget proposal, Chuck Norris will pay 23.8% capital gains tax. On his fists.
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beenherebefore
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2012 17:07:23 GMT -5
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Post by beenherebefore on Feb 15, 2012 19:35:32 GMT -5
Chuck Norris vs. The Most Interesting Man In The World:
Place yer bets. :-)
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cme1201
Junior Associate
Tennis Elbow, Jock Itch, and Athletes Foot, every man has a sports life!
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 13:55:07 GMT -5
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Post by cme1201 on Feb 15, 2012 21:02:14 GMT -5
Chuck Norris vs. The Most Interesting Man In The World: Place yer bets. :-) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what's the odds? |
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beenherebefore
Familiar Member
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Post by beenherebefore on Feb 15, 2012 21:10:13 GMT -5
I'll give 2:1 on Interesting.
when in Rome, they do as he does. :-)
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,470
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 15, 2012 22:05:32 GMT -5
Climbing Mount Everst is a daily walk for Chuck Norris.
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Deleted
Joined: Jun 2, 2024 5:00:56 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2012 22:14:44 GMT -5
Oddly just today on one of those joke picture sights I saw: A picture of a girl laying in bed with a full body cast on (shoulders to ankles). Under the picture it said: Every bone in her body was broken but she said it was worth it & she would make love to Chuck Norris again as soon as she heals.  |
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weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 15, 2012 22:49:03 GMT -5
Who Is Canada's Sexiest Election Candidate? Political topics can't get more relevant. Follow the link to find out how Canada's political parties rank in terms of overall sexiness! What is Canada's sexiest province? And with 6,286 contest votes, who was voted Canada's sexiest female MP in 2011? All this and more, from Canada's leader in relevant political news, Swingcat Productions: swingcatproductions.com/blog/media/canadas-sexiest-election-candidate-finals/Article brought to you by Impudent Bill™ Productions How can Patrick Brazeau not be on that list? He's gorgeous!  |
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busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
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Post by busymom on Feb 15, 2012 23:32:06 GMT -5
Chuck Norris actually died 20 years ago. But, everyone is afraid to tell him....
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weltschmerz
Community Leader
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 16, 2012 3:36:38 GMT -5
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,470
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 16, 2012 7:43:50 GMT -5
Chuck Norris can fold paper 8 times. Just kidding - he can fold it as many times as he wants.
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cme1201
Junior Associate
Tennis Elbow, Jock Itch, and Athletes Foot, every man has a sports life!
Joined: Apr 6, 2011 13:55:07 GMT -5
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Post by cme1201 on Feb 16, 2012 8:01:19 GMT -5
Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin under his beard, only another fist!
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rockon
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 22, 2010 8:49:55 GMT -5
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Post by rockon on Feb 16, 2012 9:18:39 GMT -5
The fight is on.....If Chuck hits his the Most Interesting Man once more he will have hit him twice as many times as he has been hit. If the Most Interesting Man hits him one more time they will have hit each other the same many times. How many hits have they both made?
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,470
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 16, 2012 13:39:46 GMT -5
If at first you don't succeed, you are NOT Chuck Norris.
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Virgil Showlion
Distinguished Associate
Moderator
[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 16, 2012 14:08:49 GMT -5
Two times and three times, respectively. Which implies that Chuck Norris is not the world's most interesting man.  |
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weltschmerz
Community Leader
Joined: Jul 25, 2011 13:37:39 GMT -5
Posts: 38,962
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 16, 2012 14:21:59 GMT -5
The fight is on.....If Chuck hits his the Most Interesting Man once more he will have hit him twice as many times as he has been hit. If the Most Interesting Man hits him one more time they will have hit each other the same many times. How many hits have they both made? Ahhh, but can Chuck Norris speak French? In Russian? |
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beenherebefore
Familiar Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2012 17:07:23 GMT -5
Posts: 761
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Post by beenherebefore on Feb 16, 2012 15:25:35 GMT -5
Rocon, i recon the answer is 1  ?? Stay thirsty, my friend.  |
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beenherebefore
Familiar Member
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Post by beenherebefore on Feb 16, 2012 15:37:28 GMT -5
His words carry weight that would break a less interesting mans jaw.
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vandalshandle
Senior Member
Never give a sucker an even break, or smarten up a chump...
Joined: Oct 12, 2011 20:34:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,005
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Post by vandalshandle on Feb 16, 2012 16:29:34 GMT -5
I always enjoyed Chuck's Bow-flex commercials. He would start exercising on it wearing a beard. Then the beard would disappear, then reappear again. it must be some sort of hormone that is released while using the machine.
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 16, 2012 16:30:50 GMT -5
Bow-flex or Total Gym?
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Virgil Showlion
Distinguished Associate
Moderator
[b]leones potest resistere[/b]
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:19:33 GMT -5
Posts: 27,448
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Post by Virgil Showlion on Feb 16, 2012 17:14:04 GMT -5
Pierre was the quietest, meekest, most restrained man in existence. He would barely ever speak. When he did, he only ever uttered a few words. His opinions were a mystery; he would not speak even one more word than was necessary.
Then Pierre ran into Chuck Norris. Their conversation was brief.
"You're a quiet guy," said Chuck. "I don't like quiet guys. You get me?"
Ten seconds later Pierre changed his name to PalmBeachPaul. He's never been the same since.
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vandalshandle
Senior Member
Never give a sucker an even break, or smarten up a chump...
Joined: Oct 12, 2011 20:34:13 GMT -5
Posts: 3,005
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Post by vandalshandle on Feb 16, 2012 20:27:33 GMT -5
Chuck Norris does not intimidate me. I can beat him up with both hands tied behind his back....
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beenherebefore
Familiar Member
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Posts: 761
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Post by beenherebefore on Feb 16, 2012 20:33:20 GMT -5
ROTF!
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Deleted
Joined: Jun 2, 2024 5:00:56 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2012 21:25:35 GMT -5
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom... there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
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workpublic
Junior Associate
Catch and release please
Joined: Dec 30, 2010 14:01:48 GMT -5
Posts: 5,551
Favorite Drink: Heineken
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Post by workpublic on Feb 17, 2012 9:07:20 GMT -5
i heard that if the most interesting man in the world punched you in the face, you'd thank him. re canadian sexy politicos. that cora looks like she wants it. |
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,470
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 17, 2012 11:10:14 GMT -5
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
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thyme4change
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 26, 2010 13:54:08 GMT -5
Posts: 40,470
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 17, 2012 11:10:35 GMT -5
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
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