roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 9, 2014 16:41:27 GMT -5
Welcome back, roy!! I've thought of you over the last few months and hoped you were doing well and would pop in to give us an update! Good to hear you're still on track & doing well.
SL Hi Lass! Yep, 13 yrs.... All in a row!
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Apr 9, 2014 17:03:30 GMT -5
Thank you for that advice. I drink when I am cleaning the house or to relax in the evening and such. It makes me happy. I have been drinking a bottle of wine most nights lately and find I would like to drink a bit more sometimes. I don't get wasted drunk (only about twice a year do I do that and I am not driving anywhere) but the tolerance is building up and I don't want to go down that road. I look at the others in my family and when they drink they can get very mean and it scares me. So while I am not a mean drunk I also don't want to associate me only being happy when I am drinking either. I want to be able to just be happy without it always including wine. I think I may start including exercise into my daily routine to help get it out of my head. I don't know of that will help but I guess it can't hurt. Still feeling good today. Hoping the same for tomorrow!
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 9, 2014 19:08:30 GMT -5
Thank you for that advice. I drink when I am cleaning the house or to relax in the evening and such. It makes me happy. I have been drinking a bottle of wine most nights lately and find I would like to drink a bit more sometimes. I don't get wasted drunk (only about twice a year do I do that and I am not driving anywhere) but the tolerance is building up and I don't want to go down that road. I look at the others in my family and when they drink they can get very mean and it scares me. So while I am not a mean drunk I also don't want to associate me only being happy when I am drinking either. I want to be able to just be happy without it always including wine. I think I may start including exercise into my daily routine to help get it out of my head. I don't know of that will help but I guess it can't hurt. Still feeling good today. Hoping the same for tomorrow! ^I'm with you. I haven't cut out completely yet, but I am working on cutting back. I recognize that my pattern is being bored at home, at night, before I go to bed. and that makes my tolerance higher when I'm out with friends, and the cycle continues. post-cruise, I put away over 2 bottles of wine one weeknight and got up the next morning for work like I'd barely had a glass. that's kind of scary. I know that I need to break habits and routines, and I'm working on that. I signed on for a 2nd night of volleyball each week for the summer, and I'm looking at other ways to spend my time in the evenings - including shifting my working hours later so that I have less time at home at night. I've also told my girlfriends that I will DD when we go out - meaning that I will have a drink or two when we first get to where we're going, and switch to club soda w/fruit. I'm not sure I'm at the point where I think a permanent change is needed, but that may change in and of itself as time goes on. I keep coming back to Blonde Granny's note about being 70 and just getting her 35-yr chip. I am 35 now.....
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 9, 2014 19:44:10 GMT -5
Thank you for that advice. I drink when I am cleaning the house or to relax in the evening and such. It makes me happy. I have been drinking a bottle of wine most nights lately and find I would like to drink a bit more sometimes. I don't get wasted drunk (only about twice a year do I do that and I am not driving anywhere) but the tolerance is building up and I don't want to go down that road. I look at the others in my family and when they drink they can get very mean and it scares me. So while I am not a mean drunk I also don't want to associate me only being happy when I am drinking either. I want to be able to just be happy without it always including wine. I think I may start including exercise into my daily routine to help get it out of my head. I don't know of that will help but I guess it can't hurt. Still feeling good today. Hoping the same for tomorrow! Correctly you identify patterns.... I may have had alcoholic/addictive tendencies (unimportant) from the beginning, but I didn't start out an addict. It progressed, from a beer to a couple of beers, etc. etc. My tolerance went way up. I didn't start out an angry drunk, I got there. Growing up in Hollywood in the 60's and 70's it was socially acceptable, even some of our parents did. Smartly you identify these problems and effect change, even subtle change. Then correctly you realize you need to fill your life up with something else to use up that "drinking time" Excersise is awesome. Today I read more, I restore old guitars and build them, I work on old cars. I found other things to do with myself. Good job, Marley, Chiver
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 20:12:55 GMT -5
I thought I had a high tolerance in that I didn't "feel" drunk (meaning happy) until I had put a lot away. Apparently the people that drank with me didn't think I had such great tolerance. I found out years later that I was obviously drunk to them long before I thought I was.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 9, 2014 20:20:22 GMT -5
I thought I had a high tolerance in that I didn't "feel" drunk (meaning happy) until I had put a lot away. Apparently the people that drank with me didn't think I had such great tolerance. I found out years later that I was obviously drunk to them long before I thought I was. i have the opposite problem - I've had nights on the boat where nobody was driving, that I felt absolutely hammered.....and people have told me that they didn't understand my hangover the next day b/c I didn't seem all that drunk the night before. not entirely sure what to do with that...?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 20:25:16 GMT -5
I thought I had a high tolerance in that I didn't "feel" drunk (meaning happy) until I had put a lot away. Apparently the people that drank with me didn't think I had such great tolerance. I found out years later that I was obviously drunk to them long before I thought I was. i have the opposite problem - I've had nights on the boat where nobody was driving, that I felt absolutely hammered.....and people have told me that they didn't understand my hangover the next day b/c I didn't seem all that drunk the night before. not entirely sure what to do with that...? You don't need to do anything with it. Just be aware. And see if you are comfortable with that circumstance.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 9, 2014 20:29:30 GMT -5
that's the thing.....I'm not really sure that I'm okay with that. that's why I'm making an effort to cut down, to change my habits, and to find other shit to do at night when I would ordinarily work thru a bottle+ of wine while surfing and other sedentary things.
I've poured a couple Cosmo shakers tonight while I've been catching up on life, I'll totally admit to that. today's been weird. I will say that I'm looking forward to more restful "real" sleep when I can take a few nights and cut out completely.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Apr 9, 2014 21:16:29 GMT -5
See I too have a really high tolerance for alcohol, but I have memories of drunk parents. So I don't buy much wine cause I know how quickly I can drink a bottle. Normally on a weekend I can go through 2 to 3 bottles easily.
So I just don't buy any. Every now and again I'll get a craving for a glass of wine, so instead I'll eat some grapes.
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 9, 2014 21:38:04 GMT -5
Cool. Everyone is aware of signposts on the road. I pray no one travels where I did.
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Apr 9, 2014 21:41:02 GMT -5
Cool. Everyone is aware of signposts on the road. I pray no one travels where I did.
Don't worry the type of meditation I do does not mix with any alcohol or drugs. Now funny enough I've never been into drugs.
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Apr 9, 2014 21:50:51 GMT -5
From the first quote I posted (above)... you don't "need" the alcohol/wine to clean the house or "relax". A bottle a night (for one person) is a fair bit. Wanting to drink "a bit more sometimes", is a sign of a possible problem.
You can be happy without the booze. (Find something else to focus your attention on - a hobby, a sport, a charity, anything.)
My late DH succumbed to the bottle (his dad was an alcoholic, so he'd started his drinking at an early age) - he was a "social" drinker (his executive job meant a lot of liquid lunches & schmoozing with clients). The stress of his job crept up on him and he started to abuse the bottle.
He went into rehab and stayed sober for 3 years until he started dealing with more job-related stress. A drink or two at night to "relax" turned into a bottle a night to relax.
A second stint in rehab was more short-lived than the first. He fell right back into his dependence on the booze.
The ultimate price he paid was his life - yes, it killed him.
Take care of YOU, marley - you CAN do it!! - there's support and resources to help you through it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 22:01:26 GMT -5
that's the thing.....I'm not really sure that I'm okay with that. that's why I'm making an effort to cut down, to change my habits, and to find other shit to do at night when I would ordinarily work thru a bottle+ of wine while surfing and other sedentary things. I've poured a couple Cosmo shakers tonight while I've been catching up on life, I'll totally admit to that. today's been weird. I will say that I'm looking forward to more restful "real" sleep when I can take a few nights and cut out completely. Don't laugh but one of the reasons I like AA is because it gives me other stuff to do. At first it was almost the only other thing I had to do. Not surprising really. I heard someone describe it once, they said "other people might drink when they do something, I might do something when I drank". I needed time to get into the habit of doing stuff sober. I'm not trying to talk anyone into going, I'm just saying that I couldn't just switch from drinking to have fun to just having fun without it. AA organized fun stuff for me to do, introduced me to people to do it with and kind of held my hand while I learned to do it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2014 22:06:03 GMT -5
And it's free!! That should satisfy the YMer in you
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 10, 2014 9:38:01 GMT -5
And it's free!! That should satisfy the YMer in you Nice!
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Apr 10, 2014 10:04:51 GMT -5
I remember thinking: I can't be an alcoholic because I only drink beer. I only drink after 4 PM when the newspaper comes and then I read it while relaxing. I never drink in the morning. I'm never late for work, or not get the bills paid. In other words, I never never never did anything that "those" people do."
But drink I did. Since I had a DH and a young child I did the laundry at night. I hid my 12 pack of Budweiser in a small suitcase downstairs and played merry-go-round with the cans....suitcase to freezer then drink. When the first can from the freezer was cold, toss clean laundry into the dryer, put another can in the freezer...and as they say "rinse & repeat".
When people said my life had become unmanageable all I could think of was how much work I had to put in trying to attempt to hide my drinking. I couldn't get dressed in the morning while Dh was in the bedroom....you see, I hid empty cans in my dresser drawers and never knew if I pulled out a bra that an empty can wouldn't come flying out with it.
OMG, the memories this is all brings back.
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Jake 48
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Post by Jake 48 on Apr 10, 2014 10:27:35 GMT -5
Hello everyone, just checking on our progress, stay the course, hugs to all
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Apr 10, 2014 10:33:03 GMT -5
Good morning all! Going on day four So far able to keep a happy attitude. The weekend is coming though and that may be harder. Going to open the windows today and enjoy the warm weather we are having!
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 10, 2014 10:36:00 GMT -5
Ahhh, the things we did to make it seem normal. I had a lot more "flu" and feeling under the weather as the drinking progressed. By the end it took a water glass of vodka through shaking hands, then puking that up to get the second glass down to calm the tremens to get up. Yeah.... I've been there done that.
The classic is denial that every alcoholic has experienced, "I don't do that, or I'm not as bad as him" what happens is we all can get there. I didn't start out that way.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2014 13:27:22 GMT -5
roygrip one of those ah ha moments for me is when I realised that other people did not have to put any effort into not drinking. They just didn't and went on with life. I thought everyone spent as much time thinking about drinking as I did.
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Post by Blonde Granny on Apr 10, 2014 14:53:02 GMT -5
Roy, your thoughts reminded me of another long lost happening. I was about 9 mo. sober and we had a neighbor and her Dad was an alcoholic who said the program never worked for him.....anyway, his daughter told me she had just come from his house. By then he was either divorced or widowed, don't remember which but did live alone.
He was sitting in his recliner with a blanket over his legs and had a TV tray next to him. His bottle of vodka was open and on the table and had a straw in it so he could drink. I guess he was beyond being able to hold the bottle. After every sip of vodka, he leaned over the arm of the recliner and threw up into a bucket that was sitting there.
As she was telling me this story, the terror filled thoughts came in, and I was asking myself how on earth would I ever be the one that could get sober and stay sober. This disease was way bigger than me, and what was the point anyhow....I was just likely to end up like her Dad.
Maybe those were the stories I needed to hear, maybe those were the stories that scared me so much I would have done anything...absolutely anything to stay sober.
WOW, this is stirring up so many memories. I've forgotten so much from the early days, so many stories, so many tears, so much fear, it seems strange to go back and dredge some of these back into my consciousness.
A favorite thought: A coincidence is a small miracle in which God wishes to remain anonymous.
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 10, 2014 17:19:35 GMT -5
Latebloomer and Granny. I relate to Granny's story, the very end of my drinking was like that. I had given up all hope of anything but death, at that point it would be a relief. My life revoled around fear. Fear of getting sober, fear of death. Those thoughts are so compartmentalized now. I know that was me, but my life, my will towards life is so different now. Its amazing what the program can do. Latebloomer I also relate to spending all my waking hrs thinking about the how and why and where my next drink/drug would come from. Yeah memories rattled....
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 10, 2014 17:20:19 GMT -5
Ps, I love that quote, Granny
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Apr 10, 2014 19:10:36 GMT -5
. That sounds almost like DH in his darkest days before rehab #2 - or was it #3 or #4 - he would stay in his "man cave" (a room in the basement for his hobbies - that had a tv in it) - and he'd guzzle, then a while later puke into a plastic grocery bag.
It got to the point that he couldn't even hold down food anymore.. which made him extremely weak - barely able to stand up - and more often than not, he couldn't. Sad but true. I can count on one both hands the number of times EMS had to come and remove him to the hospital when he passed-out/fell out of his chair and injured himself or banged his head on the floor when he was wasted.
The only reason AA and rehab didn't work for him, is because he refused to admit he had a problem - or that it was out of hand - it was always someone else's or something else's fault - never his.
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Blonde Granny
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Post by Blonde Granny on Apr 10, 2014 19:34:00 GMT -5
Straight from the Big Book Lassie. Some people are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.
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roygrip
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Post by roygrip on Apr 11, 2014 7:39:53 GMT -5
. That sounds almost like DH in his darkest days before rehab #2 - or was it #3 or #4 - he would stay in his "man cave" (a room in the basement for his hobbies - that had a tv in it) - and he'd guzzle, then a while later puke into a plastic grocery bag.
It got to the point that he couldn't even hold down food anymore.. which made him extremely weak - barely able to stand up - and more often than not, he couldn't. Sad but true. I can count on one both hands the number of times EMS had to come and remove him to the hospital when he passed-out/fell out of his chair and injured himself or banged his head on the floor when he was wasted.
The only reason AA and rehab didn't work for him, is because he refused to admit he had a problem - or that it was out of hand - it was always someone else's or something else's fault - never his.
Sigh.... And this was me.... The plastic grocery bag..... So out of it I fell down stairs, EMT's here and there. Then, who knows why but the big HP in the sky decided a series of events would befall me and I would make THE RIGHT choice....... Truly I believe it comes down to that... Which road do I follow
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Apr 11, 2014 8:14:51 GMT -5
I read these posts and remember those I've treated who suffered from alcoholism. Some will forever be in my mind and I still shudder to think of what I saw ... and how helpless I was to stop the inevitable. I'm so glad none of you fell victim to what can happen when you DON'T get, and keep your drinking under control. I'm a pretty tough old bird and I've seen some pretty awful medical situations. A few of those that were directly attributable to the misuse of alcohol are horrors forever imprinted on my mind. I surely don't want that for any of you, or for those who love you, and I know you don't, either. I'm pulling for those of you who are struggling now, and right beside those who are in recovery. It's not easy but it's soooo very worth it!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2014 8:16:33 GMT -5
Roy you went farther along than I did. Thank goodness people like you shared your stories so I could see where I was headed before I got there. For me, a friend's mother asked me to talk to him about his drinking. And when I went to do it there was just enough honesty left in me to admit that I was drinking drink for drink with him so if he had a problem (and I had no doubt he had a problem) there was a good chance I did too. After I was open to the idea that my drinking wasn't normal I started learning about how the disease is progressive and that those folks on park benches and puking into garbage bags didn't start out that way. At one time they were like me and it got worse.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Apr 11, 2014 8:53:25 GMT -5
Good morning all Day five is upon me. Going grocery shopping today and will be sad to walk by the wine section but know it's for the best. I feel healthier and although I slept funny and my neck is killing me I feel pretty good. I really wanted a glass last night but stayed strong. In talking to DH he seems to think I should go so many weeks dry so we can go out and do the things we enjoy in moderation. Mind you DH is not much of a drinker. Has anyone been able to do this? I feel like Chiver does, cut it out for a while so you can go back in moderation. And maybe that means not keeping it in the house and only imbibing when we go out to eat (not that often). Please give your opinions This is all new to me.
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Post by Blonde Granny on Apr 11, 2014 9:09:01 GMT -5
I've heard ideas like your for many years Marley and no matter what any of us tell you to the contrary, you're going to do whatever it is you want to do. And what you want to do is to continue to drink.
I know you didn't like what I said, but it's true. You're not the first nor will you be the last to try all means possible to drink and therefore prove to yourself you don't have a problem.
In the part of the world of AA that I come from, in other words, go back out, try whatever, and when you're ready to admit the truth to yourself and to others, c'mon back, we've got the light on for you and will embrace you with open arms. Just don't expect us to fall for your schemes.
I don't play games with a practicing alcoholic because I can't win and you won't win.
ps: this is called tough love!
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