tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 11, 2019 10:20:20 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 11, 2019 10:22:01 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 11, 2019 10:24:27 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 12, 2019 3:27:39 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 13, 2019 7:58:10 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 13, 2019 22:16:35 GMT -5
Too funny! Best of the day. 😁
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 14, 2019 23:53:18 GMT -5
R.I.P. Tim Conway
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on May 19, 2019 10:06:31 GMT -5
The new Doctor
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained,
"I've been a little sick to my stomach."
The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Hmmm," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?
"Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 21, 2019 16:27:30 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 21, 2019 16:29:20 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on May 25, 2019 13:37:42 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 1, 2019 8:21:23 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 3, 2019 18:22:39 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 7, 2019 7:27:04 GMT -5
For Tennesseer - re: the meme you posted. I knew there were a bunch of jokes out there on this subject. I just picked the first one I came across
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishoners who he knew as being an unkempt housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them". He felt a bit apprehensive but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and barked "Here Soap! Here Water!"
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Jun 7, 2019 10:35:12 GMT -5
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 7, 2019 10:52:41 GMT -5
Bubba had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba: Yg Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?' Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??' Didn't see that coming!
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 8, 2019 6:47:56 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 9, 2019 19:00:00 GMT -5
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gambler
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"the education of a man is never completed until he dies" Robert E. Lee
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Post by gambler on Jun 11, 2019 11:05:00 GMT -5
New Quarters Recalled
Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Arkansas quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.
"We are recalling all the new Arkansas quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices".
The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.
"The problem lies in the unique design of the Arkansas quarter, which was created by a University of Arkansas graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jun 15, 2019 23:50:22 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 16, 2019 2:38:04 GMT -5
Is this 'new' math? I don't get it. But then old math wasn't my strong point either! haha
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 16, 2019 6:46:31 GMT -5
Is this 'new' math? I don't get it. But then old math wasn't my strong point either! haha and I hate math and wound up as a bookkeeper - go figure!!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jun 16, 2019 9:08:53 GMT -5
Is this 'new' math? I don't get it. But then old math wasn't my strong point either! haha Rather old: The earliest reports to the origin of this symbol date back to 250 BC when Greek mathematician Archimedes decided to calcuate pi by using regular polygons with more and more sides, he needed a letter to represent what he just found. He noticed that increasing the number of equal length sides of a polygon, the polygon more closely represented a circle. So he used the letter Pi, (perifereia), meaning periphery or perimeter, describing the circumference of a circle. (emphasis added ) link
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jun 16, 2019 11:09:57 GMT -5
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 16, 2019 11:41:14 GMT -5
Is this 'new' math? I don't get it. But then old math wasn't my strong point either! haha Rather old: The earliest reports to the origin of this symbol date back to 250 BC when Greek mathematician Archimedes decided to calcuate pi by using regular polygons with more and more sides, he needed a letter to represent what he just found. He noticed that increasing the number of equal length sides of a polygon, the polygon more closely represented a circle. So he used the letter Pi, (perifereia), meaning periphery or perimeter, describing the circumference of a circle. (emphasis added ) link I just love it when a poster talks dirty.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Jun 16, 2019 20:54:15 GMT -5
Is this 'new' math? I don't get it. But then old math wasn't my strong point either! haha Rather old: The earliest reports to the origin of this symbol date back to 250 BC when Greek mathematician Archimedes decided to calcuate pi by using regular polygons with more and more sides, he needed a letter to represent what he just found. He noticed that increasing the number of equal length sides of a polygon, the polygon more closely represented a circle. So he used the letter Pi, (perifereia), meaning periphery or perimeter, describing the circumference of a circle. (emphasis added ) link OH! pi as in pie = food fight Now I get it! (duh.) I didn't know that's what those symbols they are holding were. Thanks!
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Jun 18, 2019 13:03:49 GMT -5
A man in Bulgaria drove trains for a living.....
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
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NoNamePerson
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Jokes
Jun 18, 2019 14:51:37 GMT -5
Post by NoNamePerson on Jun 18, 2019 14:51:37 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Jun 18, 2019 20:05:52 GMT -5
Post by Tennesseer on Jun 18, 2019 20:05:52 GMT -5
Terrible punchline. Just terrible.
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Jun 21, 2019 11:05:15 GMT -5
Hang Gliding
Here in Alabama, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge------- into the wind he goes!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin bout the good ol days when Maw spots the biggest bird she ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims.
Paw raises up," Git my gun, Maw."
She runs into the house, brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she says.
"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba!"
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